According to a study published in the scientific journal, Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, women initially experience more emotional pain after a break up than men.
That can change depending on the couple and the reasons why they broke up, but science says that women hurt more.
One of the reasons why is due to a woman’s natural instinct to secure a man and stick with him for life, so any offspring are taken care of.
That instinct applies even if the couple never had children, or didn’t want to have children.
It’s an ancient instinct that the body is wired to make her care about and is triggered by a sexual relationship.
It’s not something that goes away, even if a woman says that she hates children.
It is a deeply wired and is always working and pushing her to want to stick with a man for life, or for a long period of time.
By the way…
The same study study published Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, also found that women tend to recover more fully than men do because it’s usually very easy for a woman to find a replacement man.
Even if a woman isn’t very attractive, there are always loads of men who will happily have sex with her and even get into a relationship with her if she shows interest.
So, all she needs to do if focus on enjoying a new relationship, or enjoying dating and sleeping with new men and she will naturally begin to recover from the pain of the break up.
On the other hand, most men find it difficult to attract pretty women for sex or a relationship.
Many men can fairly easily attract average or unattractive women, but that doesn’t stop the pain of being dumped.
Only when a man attracts a woman that he sees as being more physically and emotionally attractive than his ex, will he naturally begin to get over his ex and move on.
If he can only ever attract women who are less attractive than his ex, then she will always seem like ‘the one’ to him.
So, other than attracting a new pretty woman, what can you do to increase her pain and make her want you back asap?
1. Interact with her again on a phone call or in person to let her experience a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you
Rather than continuing to wonder about things like, “Who hurts more after a break up? Is it her or me? Is she missing me, or is she already moving on? Will she ever miss me?” a better approach is to make her miss you.
Quickly improve your ability to make a woman feel attracted during a conversation and then, get your ex on a phone call with you so she can experience it for herself.
Then, end the call without trying to get her back.
She then feels attracted to you again, begins missing you and realizes that her feelings for you aren’t dead.
She may contact you right away, or within a few days.
If she doesn’t, contact her after a few days, or leave it for a week at the most.
Then, get on another call with her, make her feel attracted and then suggest catching up as friends to say hi.
She will almost certainly say yes and you can then meet up with her, attract her in person, get to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
Another thing you can do to increase the pain she is feeling, so she wants you back is…
2. Make her want you back and then let her see you moving on and enjoying your life
Interact with her on a call, in person and make her feel attracted by:
- Using humor during interactions to bring down her defenses and make her feel relaxed, happy and excited to be talking to you again.
- Maintaining your confidence with her regardless of how cold, distant or ‘bitchy’ she seems at first.
- Being a good man, but also being assertive and standing your ground when talking to her, so she is impressed to see that she can no longer dominate you with her moody behavior or confident, or challenging personality.
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension, so she naturally wants to kiss you and have sex with you again, rather than being too neutral or friendly with her.
The more attractive you seem during an interaction (or interactions), the more she will want you back.
At the same time, or shortly afterwards, let her see (via social media) that you’re moving on and are happy, confident and enjoying a fun life without her.
Note: Moving on doesn’t mean that you have to sleep with other women if you don’t want to.
Instead, it’s simply about going out and having fun with friends as well as other women (e.g. going on weekend trips to new and interesting places, taking up a new hobby, going to clubs, bars and music festivals, going to weekend markets, going to the beach).
Since you have made her feel attracted to you again, she will look at your posts in a much more positive light.
She will also begin to feel rejected and left behind, thinking things like, “Damn…I could have gone done that with him. Instead, he’s doing all these things without me now. It hurts to see him so happy without me. I don’t know what to do. I want him back, but does he want me back?”
Then, if you want her back, all you have to do is meet up with her and you’ll almost certainly get back together naturally and easily.
Another thing you can do to increase the pain she is feeling, so she wants you back is…
3. (Optional) Let her see you with a new, attractive woman
Some guys want to hook up with new women after being dumped, but others don’t.
So, just know that you don’t have to date another woman (to help you get your ex back), if you don’t want to.
However, if you decide to do it, just know that when a woman is suddenly faced with the idea of losing you to another quality, it instantly begins to increase her desire and yearning for you.
As long as the woman is attractive though, of course.
If your ex perceives the new woman to be less attractive than her, then it makes her want you even less.
So, if you are going to date new women, make sure that they are attractive.
Then, let your ex find out about it (e.g. by posting photos of you and your new girl on social media, taking her to places where your ex might be, taking your girl along when meeting up with mutual friends, so they then tell your ex about her).
If your new girl is attractive, your ex will likely text you or call you, to see if she still has any power over you (i.e. can she simply contact you and you’ll want her back?).
So, if she contacts you, be sure to remain calm, show some interest in her, but also let her sense that you’re happy with your new girl.
Then, to get you back, your ex has to turn on her charms and try harder.
During that time, she will be feeling the pain of rejection and being left behind and you can then either give her another chance, or let her know that you think it’s best if you and her just remain friends because you’re happy with your new girlfriend.
4. Use a friendship to re-attract her and make her want you back, but be a bit of a challenge so she has to earn the right to be your girlfriend again
If your ex is open to it, suggest that you and her remain friends.
Remaining friends give you an opening to interact with her via text, email, social media, phone calls and possibly even in person, without her feeling like you’re pressuring her to get back together.
In most cases, a woman will agree to be friends with an ex so the relationship ends on a good note, or so her ex feels the need to be nice to her so she doesn’t change her mind.
Of course, being nice isn’t the answer.
You have to be attractive.
That is what works.
So, use any interactions you have with her to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted.
Don’t make the mistake of placing yourself in the friend zone by being nice, neutral and friendly.
If you use a nice guy approach, she will almost certainly just experience nice, friendly feelings for you and will then hook up with a guy who makes her feel sexual and romantic feelings.
So, be her friend, but be attractive.
At the same time, be a bit of a playful challenge, so she feels as though she needs to impress you, or be attractive to you, otherwise you may lose interest.
For example: If your ex starts hinting about you and her getting back together, rather than saying, “Yes” right away, use it as an opportunity to attract her and make her see you as a challenge she wants to win.
In a joking way, say something something like, “I don’t know… what’s in it for me?”
As long as you say it in a joking way, she will sense that and then laugh.
You can then add in something like, “I mean it sounds good, but it would sound even better if you invited me over to your place and cooked up a tasty dinner. I’ll bring the wine.”
She might try to act like she isn’t interested to be a challenge back, but just maintain your confidence and continue to be a playful challenge.
Show some interest in her and let her see that you do like her, but be a playful challenge, so she feels the need to impress you.
She begins to worry that if she doesn’t make you feel enough attraction for her, you might actually reject her.
So, she then begins to feel emotions such as fear, anxiety, pressure, uncertainty, self-doubt and insecurity.
At the same time, she also feels excited, attracted, interested, curious and eager to get you to fully want her back.
So, not only are you making her feel painful emotions, but also pleasurable ones.
Most women won’t admit it, but pretty much every woman wants to be able to feel a mix of painful and pleasurable emotions when in a relationship with a man.
If it’s always just nice, supportive and comfortable, it gets boring.
So, when your ex knows that you can potentially offer her a more enjoyable mix of emotions, she will begin to worry more about losing you.
As a result, her defenses come down and she becomes more open to kissing, having sex and being in a relationship with you again.
5. Re-attract her on a call or in person and then start talking about the good times you had, which you know she will miss
This only works if you re-attract her first.
If she isn’t attracted, she really isn’t going to care.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that before bring up good memories to an ex.
So, what ends up happening is that she feels as though he’s holding onto something that isn’t there anymore.
The feelings are mutual.
It’s a one-sided romance, or love now.
As a result, the memories are just memories to her now.
They aren’t important based on how she feels today.
How she feels about him today isn’t how she felt back then.
Unless he has the wisdom and ability to re-attract her first, then it’s going to seem like a lost, desperate attempt for him to get her back.
So, before you go down memory lane with your ex, make sure that you awaken her sexual feelings for you first.
Start by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you over the phone and interacting with you in person.
Add in some flirting to create sexual tension and make her want to release her built up desire for you via kissing and sex.
Then, when she’s feeling attracted again, go ahead and remind her of some of the good times you had together in the past.
When you do it in that order, she then feels some emotional pain because you and her are no longer making happy memories like that together.
As a result, she will naturally want to open up to you again.
6. Let her see that, even though you find her attractive, you are at peace with the break up
Essentially, let your see that even though you still find her attractive and want her back, you don’t actually need her back.
Don’t tell her that though.
Let her see it (e.g. via social media), or sense it based on how you come across when interacting with her.
Let her sense that you are emotionally independent, happy, confident and excited about your life with or without her in it.
Yes, it would be great to get back together again, but you’re at peace if that never happens.
When she senses that you are totally okay with letting her go and already seemed to have done so, it creates a hole in her emotional state that she then has to deal with.
Suddenly, you seem more attractive to her.
As a result, she begins to think something like, “How is this happening? I miss him and want him back now. I think he does want us to get back together again, but he seems happy without me. This is not how I was expecting him to behave. I thought he’d chase me and plead for another chance. I now feel like the one who has been rejected and left behind. Maybe I made a mistake by breaking up with him after all. What should I do?”
She then feels compelled to interact with you again, to see if the spark continues to be there.
If it is, she won’t be able to deny that her feelings for you are alive and well.
If she doesn’t get back with you, she is going to regret it and end up feeling as though you left her behind.
So, she then wants you back for her own reasons (i.e. to avoid feeling like the rejected one, to explore her new feelings for you).
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