Courting a woman today is a quick and fairly simple process.
In the past, a man would need to court a virgin woman for months or even years and then ask her father for permission to marry his daughter.
Once he got that blessing, they could get married and then begin having sex and living together.
Today’s world is clearly different…
According a study in the USA, 55% of couples admitted to having had sex on their first date and a European study found that 70% of women have had a one night stand before.
In other words, sex usually happens very quickly during the courtship process.
The Steps of a Successful Courtship
To court a woman into a committed relationship, you need to:
1. Make her feel sexually attracted to you.
In the past, a man would need to mostly focus on showing a woman (and her family) that he was capable of providing for her.
In today’s world, most women select men based on how much sexual attraction he makes her feel first. They will take a guy for a “test drive” by having sex with him and trying out a relationship and if it makes her happy, she will stick around.
Many of the women you will meet will not be looking to immediately settle down with a guy and commit to marriage on the first date. Initially, all that most women are interested in is whether or not they feel sexually drawn to you.
After sex has happened and she’s got a feel for what a relationship with you seems like, she will then make her decision on how serious she wants to get with you (e.g. just date for a while, be boyfriend and girlfriend for a few years and then break up, get engaged and see how it feels or begin talking about and planning your future together as a married couple).
Do you know how to make a woman feel sexually attracted to you when you interact with her?
Watch this video to understand how a woman’s attraction for a man works and how you can use it to ensure the courtship flow smoothly from one step to the next…
2. Take things to a sexual level.
When guiding a modern woman through the courtship process, you usually can’t waste too much time “dating” without actually having sex.
If you wait too long, a woman may end up going out with her girlfriends and having sex on the first with a guy that she meets in a bar or nightclub. Once they’ve had sex, the relationship will begin and you will probably be left behind.
Just because you are courting her into a relationship, it doesn’t mean that kissing, sex and sexual attraction are not part of the equation.
Watch this video to understand what happens when a guy acts like a friend and doesn’t include the sexual side of the courtship…
If you want the courtship to feel amazing for her, you must include sexual attraction and when it is appropriate, you should move in for a kiss and get to sex.
Women today are open to having sex very quickly. It’s not 1900 anymore where a man and a woman had to wait until the wedding night to have sex.
These days, almost all couples have plenty of sex during the courtship process to test each other out and see how they feel.
3. Treat her like a potential wife.
If you are serious about courting a woman into a committed relationship or marriage, you shouldn’t treat her like yet another girl that you’re dating.
Once you and her have talked about wanting to be serious with each other, you need to get rid of any other that you’re dating and treat your chosen woman as the one.
4. Take the relationship to the next level.
After being together for a while, you will either gradually progress through the 5 stages of a relationship and into a marriage, or you won’t.
Sometimes, a man and a woman will be against marriage and will instead take things to the next level by moving in together, having children and getting a mortgage together for example.
Whatever it is for you is fine, but if you’re serious about courting her into a lifelong relationship, always make sure that you are moving towards higher stages of your relationship and commitment together, rather than getting stuck at a certain point and then eventually getting bored of that type of relationship.
Personally speaking, I eventually decided to accept my girlfriend’s marriage proposal because it just seemed like the right thing to do. We got married back in April and I now look at it as one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in life.
The type of love, respect, attraction and commitment you will have for each other when you get married feels nothing like the experience of being in a dating relationship or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
I used to look at marriage as being out of date and a dying tradition, but now I know that it’s one of the best things you will ever do in life. The feeling of peace, security and deep love that you feel like is like nothing else in life.
Of course, marriage isn’t for everyone, as this live poll shows…
Before we go any further, let’s have a look at the dictionary definitions of courting vs. dating to make things clear:
Courtship (noun): The act, period or art of seeking the love of someone with the intent to marry or stay together for life. The wooing of one person by another.
Dating (noun): The act of spending time with another person for fun, sex or a casual relationship.
As you can see by the dictionary definitions, courting means that you’re in this for real and dating means that you’re just having some fun, learning and experiencing what a relationship is like.
Courting a woman is about committing to her and the relationship with a view to making it a solid, loving and lasting one.
Back when I was living the playboy lifestyle of dating and having sex with multiple women at once, I rarely got into “courting” mode because I didn’t want to give a woman the impression that I was serious about her and ready to settle down.
Instead, the impression that I gave her was that it was just a bit of fun for now. To make that clear, I would often have to say, “I am not looking for a serious relationship right now, but let’s just see where this goes” or “I don’t have time for a full time girlfriend right now, but I’m happy to see where this goes” and the woman would then get the point.
However, other times, I wouldn’t even have to say anything like that because both the woman and I would know that it was just about having sex and some good times together and if things got more serious between us, we’d think about that then.
Yet, when I came across my girlfriend (who recently became my wife), I switched from dating mode to courting mode. Her and I could both sense that we were open to a full commitment.
We instantly began going on lots of interesting dates, spending quality time with each other and didn’t want to be apart. I had escalated to sex as quickly as I usually did with other women, but we both sensed that this wasn’t just going to be about having casual sex or a bit of fun.
After about a week, she asked me if I wanted to be exclusive with her and only her and I said yes. I then contacted the four other women in my life (who I had stopped seeing since meeting my girl) to let them know that I wasn’t going to be available anymore.
Then, two and half years into our relationship we got engaged and then married. Now, we’re in the process of starting a family.
Here’s thing though…
The relationship between her and I would have never worked if we met many years ago when I still hadn’t worked out how to attract women or how to deepen a woman’s feelings of respect, love and attraction in a relationship.
Prior to discovering what I now teach here at The Modern Man, I was basically going through life hoping to get lucky with women and when in a relationship, I would just hope that the woman stuck around because I was a good guy.
Yet, that isn’t how it works.
If you want to get yourself a beautiful girlfriend (or wife), you’ve got to be able to attract the women you meet so you can have your choice of women, rather than just accepting whatever you can get and then trying to make it work with an incompatible woman.
You also need to be able to deepen a woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction for you over time, rather than expecting that she will stick around for life because things felt good at the start.
In today’s world, where it’s unfortunately no longer very shameful to get divorced, most women will leave a man if he isn’t able to make her feel the way that she wants to feel in a relationship.
So, if you’re interested in courting a woman into a relationship and you want that relationship to last for life, make sure that you don’t make the mistake of trying to get lucky and magically find a perfectly compatible woman who will stick around because things were good at the start.
Some guys do get lucky in that way, but with a divorce rate of around 50% in most of the developed world, their luck eventually runs out.
Does She Only Want to Have Some Fun With You For a While?
These days, a lot of men and women confuse courting with dating and end up feeling wronged in the process.
For example: A woman may date a guy for a while and have sex with him just because she feels like having a man in her life for a while.
She never intended it to be anything more than that, but for a guy who doesn’t understand how differently a woman will behave in a courting vs. dating relationship, he may assume that they had been courting and were going down the path of marriage or a lifetime relationship.
He will then feel wronged or betrayed by her when see eventually says something like, “I need space to find myself. I think we should take a break for a while” or “I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I want to be single like my girlfriends. I’m too young for this.”
The guy might then feel confused and frustrated with women for a long time after that, wondering whether or not he’ll ever be able to secure a woman into a lifelong relationship.
When you’re out there dating women and experiencing relationships, just know that not every relationship will result in a lifelong commitment.
The more mature and modern way to approach things is to simply be real about your intentions. These days, most people have a number of dating relationships or even serious relationships until they eventually find the right person to settle down with.
You might get lucky and meet your perfect girl right away, but statistically speaking (according to several related studies), you are probably going to kiss, have sex with and enjoy relationships with several women before settling down.
Speeding Up the Courtship Process
Courting may be termed as “getting serious” or “going steady” in today’s times, but essentially, it means that both you and your woman (not just you) are choosing to commit to one another exclusively and are looking to a possible future together.
However, if you want to enjoy easy success when you’re courting women into a relationship, you should turn the tables on her and make her try hard to impress you and secure YOU into a relationship.
This is called, “being a challenge” and it will apply if the woman you want is beautiful and can easily attract other guys. Watch this video for more info…
As you will discover from the video above, some guys make the mistake of trying really hard to get a chance with a beautiful woman, even though he isn’t doing anything to make her feel sexually attracted to him.
There’s nothing with courting a woman in a way that suggests you are hoping to secure her into a relationship, but I’ve found that beautiful women prefer to be the ones trying to secure you into a relationship.
If it is only the guy who wants a serious relationship and the woman isn’t sure yet, she will often make him jump through all sorts of unnecessary hoops to impress her (e.g. expensive dinners, gifts, being patient about sex, etc).
He might try to court her for months and she may then decide that she isn’t interested and will hook up with another guy (who is getting to the point and making her feel sexually attracted) instead.
In her heart of hearts, a woman wants to be with a man that she feels lucky to be with (i.e. he can have other women, but he is choosing her), rather than feeling like she is settling for a guy who wants her way more than she wants him.
If you want things to flow easily from one step to the next, I recommend that you go into courting mode, but try to genuinely create the dynamic where she is trying to get you to commit more than you are trying to get her to commit.
In other words, only commit to a serious relationship if she treats you well, impresses you with her character (i.e. she is honest, loyal, caring, etc) and you feel like she deserves it. Don’t commit to a woman who isn’t treating you well, is of bad character (i.e. she is dishonest, untrustworthy, selfish, etc) or who isn’t really your perfect girl.
You don’t need to settle for second best and in today’s day and age, you really shouldn’t be. To keep a relationship together for life, you really have to be a perfect match, so don’t risk getting seriously involved with a woman (i.e. moving in, having children, getting married, etc) if you don’t truly believe that it will last for life.
How My Wife and I Courted Each Other
When my wife and I first met (photo above), we both stopped dating other people and immediately went into courting mode.
She began to cook big dinners for me, she dressed herself up in sexy ways, massaged me after I’d been working all day and generally looked out for my happiness and well-being.
She also talked about things we could do in the future together. We didn’t have to say, “Hey, you and I are going to commit for life” because we both knew that we were interested in a serious commitment.
It took us about 8 months before we both sincerely began to talk about a lifetime commitment and pretty much agreed that this was it – we’d found the right person and were ready to settle down.
I made sure that we were going out to lots of interesting places and experiencing fun times during the first year. We were building a history of fun, positive, relaxing and enjoyable experiences together, instead of just casually dating and seeing where things would go.
Back when I was dating multiple women at once, I would go to fun places with certain women, but not as frequently as I did with her.
When I was living the playboy lifestyle, I would just be answering my phone (I didn’t have to call women) or replying to texts (they’d always text me first) and saying “Yes” or “No” to women’s requests to come over to my place and see me.
When a woman would come over, we’d have sex, hang out and watch a movie and usually go out to grab a bite to eat. It was all about having fun and enjoying the sexual tension between us.
However, there was no discussions from me about having a future with any of the women. They would often ask me to commit to them, start a family with them and many even asked me to marry them, but I would always say no.
How to Court a Woman Properly: Establish the Correct Relationship Dynamic
Going into courting mode means that you both have the intention of staying together, whether that means marriage, a lifetime relationship or a serious, long-term relationship with the option of getting married later.
However, intending to stay together for life doesn’t guarantee that you will. What does? The correct relationship dynamic.
If you are doing it correctly, your relationship dynamic will be one where your woman is trying to impress you and maintain your interest, MORE than you are trying to impress her and maintain her interest. Anything other than that is usually a recipe for disaster in today’s world.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys get that wrong and tend to gradually lose the woman’s respect and attraction during the first few months or years. Eventually, the woman gets to the point where she’s had enough and she decides to cheat on him or leave.
Over the years, many guys have asked me things like, “Dan, if I was doing things wrong, why couldn’t my girlfriend have told me? I would have changed whatever she wanted me to. She didn’t have to break up with me in such a cold way. Why don’t women just speak up and tell us directly?!”
Yet, what these guys don’t realize is that a woman doesn’t want to be your teacher about how to be a man. A woman doesn’t want to have to take on the role of your mother or a big sister and “baby” you through the process of being a strong man for her. A woman wants you to work out how to be a man on your own and then just BE that man for her.
Guys who don’t understand this will contact me and say that their girlfriend or wife has suddenly dumped them “out of the blue.” Yet, what many of these guys unfortunately haven’t realized is that her decision to leave him was something that was in development for a long time.
In a serious relationship, women don’t just decide “overnight” to dump a guy; they give him plenty of hints and signals and hope that he recognizes them, changes and becomes a better man in response.
If he does improve, her reasons for wanting to break up with him will go away and the relationship will usually continue on.
Switching From Dating to Courting the Woman in Your Life
Okay, so let’s say that you’re currently dating a woman and you want her to switch from that to courting.
You know that you’re ready to commit to her and you want her to feel the same way. So, how do you do it?
You need to focus on becoming and then BEING the type of man that she would LOVE to commit to. Watch this video for more info…
As you will discover from the video above, you can be the man that a woman desperately wants to secure into a committed relationship. It is completely within your reach and you do not have to end up as another divorce statistic or another guy searching for help online about how to get an ex back.
You can be one of the success stories and have the type of relationship that becomes more enjoyable, fulfilling and rewarding over time.