The standard dating procedure involved with dating a woman should go like this:
- You make her feel attracted to you when you interact with her in person, on the phone or online.
- You exchange contact details and you (the man) then call her 1-3 days later to arrange a time to catch up.
- On the date, you build up her feelings of sexual attraction for you, connect with her and end the date with a kiss and/or sex.
- Once you’ve begun having sex, the relationship automatically starts and you will continue to be in a dating relationship until you both decide that you want an exclusive, committed relationship with each other.
The most important thing of all is that you start out by making her feel sexually attracted to you. Don’t try to become her friend or pretend that you’re not interested in anything sexual with her.
It’s not 1900 anymore.
In today’s world, sex happens very quickly and after that, the couple then decides if they want to get serious each other. According to a study by Singles in America, 55% of couples had sex on their first date and 70% of women admitted to having had a one night stand when asked the question in a European study.
So, don’t think that you need to court her for weeks or months before anything sexual happens. She’s usually going to be hoping that it happens right away or quickly, so she can then decide how she really feels about you.
Drop the Games and Be Real
When you watch movies (which are designed to entertain you, not educate you), you’ll see that the standard dating procedure pretty much always consists of an elaborate game played between a man and a woman.
The dating game usually involves the guy convincing the woman that he is interested in her, proving himself to her, going out on a date (which she reluctantly agrees to), and when he finally delivers her to her door, she turns him away without a kiss because she is not “that kind of girl”.
Then, after a few dates and many scenes where the guy is trying to impress her, she finally decides that she’s ready to get passionate and it is the best sex ever; the bed is covered in flowers, the linen is white and the orgasms are loud and sweaty. The music is dramatic, the lighting is perfect and the characters look happier than ever.
Then, a little while later, after a small misunderstanding (or because one of them isn’t ready or still has feelings for their ex), they break up; only to be reunited shortly before the screen credits roll to live happily ever after, or until the sequel.
In real life however, that is not the standard dating procedure for guys who know how to go through what I call The Flow of a natural sexual courtship.
The speed in which a couple goes from hello to having sex and beginning a relationship varies because every situation is different and every woman is different. So, while there is a flow of a sexual courtship and that is what I (and 1,000s of my happy readers) see as the standard dating procedure, you must understand that it doesn’t always go like this:
Meet > Sexual chemistry > Kiss > Sex > Love > Relationship.
Sometimes, it goes like this:
Meet > Sexual chemistry > Phone number (or Facebook details) > The first date > Kiss > A few more dates > Sex > Love > Relationship.
So, if you’re looking for a standard dating procedure that goes at exactly the same pace, you will be disappointed. Although the basic dating process is the same, the speed at which you go through it will vary.
Dating Through the Ages
Back in the 1800’s and all the way through to the mid 1900’s, dating was not an issue because people simply got married out of necessity (easier to survive together) and tradition (that’s what people did). Apart from the naughty people who had sex before marriage, almost all most women would still be a virgin by the time they got married.
For the man, the standard dating procedure was pretty simple: Find a woman, marry her, impregnate her and raise the family together. The procedure went something like this:
1. The formal introduction: A man and a woman were formally introduced by a senior family member, or by a well respected member of the community.
2. The courtship: The couple would “date” by meeting at the lady’s home or in a more public setting and but in most cases, they would accompanied by a chaperone to keep an eye on them and ensure that they didn’t kiss or have sex.
3. The engagement: The man would formally ask the woman’s father for her hand in marriage. If accepted, the couple would be engaged and then plan their wedding.
4. The wedding: The couple would exchange vows and after the wedding was over and they had time to themselves, they would have sex for the first time and consummate the marriage.
Although some modern men wish that dating still worked that way today, the fact is that it no longer does. Times have truly changed and approaching a sexual courtship with a woman with the standard dating procedure of 200 years ago is not going to make her swoon.
Sure, you can be a gentleman and here at The Modern Man, we certainly recommend that you be a good guy and respect women.
If you want to be successful with women and dating in today’s world, you must understand and accept that the standard dating procedure today has changed. In most cases, a woman will want to have sex with you first before she decides whether or not she wants to be your girlfriend.
Now, that is not to say that all modern women are loose and easy, but it’s just that with such a high divorce rate, modern women aren’t willing to fully commit to a guy right away. Additionally, they have been told since they were young, “Do whatever you want. Sleeping with many men is okay. You don’t have to get married at all if you don’t want to” by TV, movies, authority figures, teachers, friends and even family.
If you approach the dating procedure as though you’re living in 1800, don’t expect women to happily go along with it. They likely won’t say, “Hey, you’re using the standard dating procedure from 1800,” but they will say, “Sorry, I just don’t think this will work out. I’d rather just be friends.”
I’m not saying that you need to have sex with every women you date right away, but many modern women secretly want to so they can get a feel for who you really are.
If you’re not comfortable with that and would rather wait until marriage before having sex, then you’d better go to groups and places where those women hang out. Don’t expect other women who don’t believe what you do to be happy to wait until marriage.
Heck, if they are like 95% of modern women, they will already have had sex before they are 20 years old with a few guys, at least. I know, I know – some guys find that appalling and off-putting, but those same guys love to masturbate to porn with women who’ve had sex with 1,000s of guys.
Deal with it, times have changed. However, as mentioned, if you want a women who will only have sex after she is married, then go and meet those women.
Obviously, standard dating procedure will be different in this case because you will have to use the approach that men used 100s of years ago. If that’s what you want to do, then that is perfectly fine and you should do it.
In life, you’ve got to stand up for what you believe in and carve out the type of life you want to live. If you believe in no sex before marriage, then live that life.
If you believe in sex before relationship (how most modern people do it), then make sure that you start out by making a woman feel attracted to you first and then escalate to kissing and sex very quickly.
Factors That Will Speed Up the Flow From Hello to Sex
Attraction: If a guy knows exactly how to approach a woman and make her feel attraction for him, then the courtship will flow to the next level naturally and easily. However, if the guy doesn’t understand how to make a woman feel sexual attraction for him, most women are going to reject him no matter how much of a good guy he is.
Confidence: A guy with the confidence to take action will get a lot further than the one who waits for the woman to give him permission to make the first move. Additionally, a guy with confidence is one who will find it easy to attract women.
When a woman notices that a guy is nervous or anxious while talking to her, it instantly turns her off and she cannot feel proper attraction and respect for him.
Body language and flirtation: These are powerful tools to have in your arsenal when approaching, meeting and dating women. With these abilities, a guy is able to direct the flow of the interaction simply by flirting and using body language to make the woman feel certain desirable emotions.
If he’s doing everything right, she will be ready to go from having a conversation, to kissing to having sex all in the space of a very short time; and more often than not, even that same day or night.
Being Respectful Towards Women
Although it’s important to be respectful towards the woman you are with, the environment, the circumstances and her specific personality will always play a key role in determining the standard dating procedure that you should follow. However, one thing that you need to accept is that most modern women are open to having sex right away or within a couple of dates.
Dragging it on for too long with certain women (who like to have sex right away so they can determine whether they really like you or not) will cause her to say something like, “I don’t think this is going to work.”
So, don’t do that to yourself. Don’t miss out on having a loving, committed relationship because you think it’s the “right thing to do” to use the standard dating procedure from the 1800s.