Ending a relationship with your girlfriend is often a difficult decision, especially if you have shared true love and enjoyed many great times together.
Break ups can be painful, but that shouldn’t make you avoid doing it. Sometimes a break up needs to happen and will be of benefit to you both in the long run.
Imagine if you accidentally get her pregnant and you then have to pay her child support for life, or have to live with her and raise the child, even though you’re not in love with her.
Breaking Up a Casual Dating Relationship
If you’ve only dated a girl a few times, haven’t met her family or friends or otherwise are involved in what would be considered casual dating relationship, the break up with be pretty simple.
Just tell her, “I think you’re great, but I just don’t think this is going to work out. I want us to stop seeing each other because I don’t want to lead you on or for us to get more involved in a relationship that is most-likely going to end soon anyway. I wish you well and I’m sure you’re going to find a great guy who’s right for you.”
Keep it short and sweet. If she really likes you, she’s most-likely going to offer to give you some space for a while or to remain your friend. Just tell her that you think it’s best that you stop seeing each other and if your feelings change in future, you will call her. If not, she should move on.
Breaking Up a Long-Term Relationship
Breaking up a long term relationship is where things get tricky, especially if you want her friends and family to still like you.
You need to be direct about what you want (i.e. for you and her to break up completely), but tell her that you still love her and respect her. Let her know that you have realized that you and her are not a perfect match and you want to break the relationship up now, rather than living a lie.
Tell her that you’re willing to be seen as an asshole by her for breaking up the relationship, but you’re doing it because you feel it’s the right thing to do.
“We Can Stay Friends” Approach
Some guys try to use the, “We can remain friends” approach thinking that it will soften the blow. Yet, it rarely works.
Offering to be her friend simply leaves the door open for a clingy woman to think that there is a chance of reconciliation if she just plays her cards right. She may hope that you just “need a break” and will want her back if she gives you space and takes on the role of a great friend.
If you want the relationship to be over, you need to make a clean break and be firm that you want out of the relationship for good.
You have to be clear and tell her, “I don’t want this to become a messy break up for us both. I care about your feelings and mine and don’t want to give you the impression that I will change my mind.”
She will likely call you a selfish prick for breaking up with her like that and ask how you could be so cold, but really – you’re doing both you and her a favor. If you’re not a compatible match, it’s better to make a clean break than to drag things on for months or years.
The last thing you want is to accidently get her pregnant and then be stuck with her for life, or to fall back in love with her and then have her break up with you as a way of gaining emotional control over you. If your gut instinct is telling you to break up with her, just do it.
Believe me, you will KNOW when you are truly in love with a woman. When you are in a relationship with a woman that you truly want to be with, you will not be thinking about breaking up with her. Breaking up will seem like the silliest, most irrelevant, unnecessary thing to ever do in the relationship.
So, if you have a persistent feeling that this girl isn’t for you, then she isn’t.
Don’t pretend to want to be her friend and don’t take on the role of her friend. Doing so may lead you back into the relationship if you ever start to feel lonely because you’ve been unable to approach and pick up new women.
Don’t Make Her Hate You
When a guy can’t work up the courage to break up with a woman on his own, he will sometimes begin to behave like an asshole to her. He will treat her badly, make her feel like crap and hope that she breaks up with him.
After helping 100s guys to get their ex back, I have come across many cases where a guy really wanted to break up with a girl, but then drove her away by being an asshole or rejecting her desire for him to commit to marriage or to move in together.
Then, when the woman had enough and broke up with him, he struggled to pick up new women and then began to miss her. She then had all the power and he started begging, pleading and offering the world to come back to him.
To avoid that type of messy outcome, just be a man about it. Tell her that you love her, respect her and think she is beautiful, but you just don’t want to be in a relationship with her. Tell her that you know deep down that you and her shouldn’t be together, even though you’ve had great times in the past.
Tell her that she will probably hate you for a while for breaking up with her, but she will most-likely end up thanking you for breaking up a relationship that needed to end. She may not be able to see that now because it hurts to get broken up with, but she will eventually see it.
Pick the Place
If you think she is going to behave badly (scream, cry, throw things, etc), you should likely pick a place that’s at least semi-public (restaurant, park, or anyplace where there are others around) so she’s less likely to go ballistic and make a scene.
On the other hand, if she is normally composed, then choose a more private space to end it, but preferably not in your apartment because if she doesn’t want the break up it will probably take hours to get her out. If she has her own apartment, go there and do it so you can make a fairly easy exit after all is said and done.
Let Her Vent
You’re breaking up with her and chances are she’s gong to have a few nasty things to say to you. As long as she isn’t getting violent or overly crazed, let her get what she wants to say off her chest and hear her out. You owe her that much.
She’ll probably tell you that you’re selfish, that she now hates you, that you’ll never find another woman like her, that you’re ugly and all those kind of things. That’s okay; she needs to vent and she’ll likely try to make you feel as insecure as she can so you stick with her.
Just don’t take what she is saying seriously because she will be in a highly-emotional state and will probably say many horrible things to you in the heat of the moment.
When she’s had a chance to vent, you can say, “I’m sorry for making you feel upset. I understand if you want to see me as an asshole right now, but I really do love you and care about you. I’m going to go now, so if you want to scream at me some more over the phone, I will answer your call and let you vent. If not, I will just hope that you’re happy without me.”
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