Surviving a breakup, whether it was your idea or hers, can be a difficult thing to go through for most modern men.
When a relationship ends, it often feels like you’re grieving a death; and in a way you are – it’s the death of the dream life you had with your ex.
If you start having relationships with women in your teens, you will probably go through a few break ups before you finally find the right woman for you when you’re in your 20s or 30s.
When you go through a break up, it’s vitally important that you grow from the experience and become an even better, wiser and more emotionally attractive man than you were before.
How can you do that?
1. Learn from your mistakes
Most guys make the same classic mistakes with women. What separates the guys who eventually succeed with women compared to those who continue to fail is whether or not they learn from their mistakes.
Do you make any of these mistakes with women?
2. Accept The Positive and Negative Feelings You Have About the Break Up
One of the best ways to get over a bad feeling is to consciously tell yourself that you accept it.
For instance if she broke up with you when you didn’t want to break up with her, simply say to yourself, “I accept that I feel down right now. I don’t like the fact that I’m alone without my ex, but I accept it. I also accept that I have a lot of good things to look forward to with other women, as long as I can get my confidence and self-esteem back to where it was when I was with her.”
The worst thing you can do to yourself is to keep playing the relationship out in your head and focussing on all the good times. Doing so will extend your grieving phase unnecessarily because you will begin to believe that other women couldn’t make you feel as good as she did.
If simply accepting it in your head doesn’t ease your despair, you might benefit from writing it down. Try to write down the reasons why you accept what has happened between you and your ex. Then, write a letter to your ex (without ever mailing it to her) accepting what has happened.
Try to accept why it happened, rather than going around in circles about how bad you feel. A circle will always remain a circle – to cure your pain you need to break out of the circle by accepting what happened.
A bonus of writing it down is that it usually becomes easier to understand what you’re feeling and easier to analyze where things went right and wrong in your relationship. You can then use this knowledge as an opportunity to further mature as a man and grow from the experience.
3. Accept the Reality of Modern Relationships
In the past, a woman had to stay with a man for life because it was shameful to get divorced.
Today’s women are free to have sex with as many men as they want before settling down into a relationship. Then, when in a relationship, they can break up with or divorce a guy if the relationship isn’t what they really want.
To be successful with a relationship in today’s world you have to:
1. Choose the right woman for you, rather than accepting whatever you can get and trying to make it work.
2. Deepen the love, respect and attraction in a relationship, rather than taking her for granted and letting the love fade away.
4. Do New, Fun and Interesting Things With Other People
After a breakup, many men go into seclusion by watching lots of TV and movies, or by playing video games. This doesn’t help and usually ends up making a guy miss his ex even more.
Instead of hiding away on your own, look upon this phase of your life as an opportunity to do things that you didn’t have time to do when you were with your ex.
Take a class to learn something cool (you’ll likely make new friends at the same time), catch up with old friends and do something new and interesting together, visit your parents, volunteer for something for one day (they always welcome new people), go on a weekend trip with a friend (or friends), read some self-help books by the beach or in a park, start learning a martial art or work on a hobby that involves interacting with people.
Basically, you need to focus on doing anything positive and social that will keep you busy so you can take your mind off missing your ex.
Sitting around and avoiding social activities will only make the depressing feelings that exist during the grieving phase of a break up last longer. There’s no need to put yourself through unnecessary emotional pain – you can be feeling happy, positive and confident much quicker if you get out there do some positive activities with other people.
Exercise is a great remedy for sadness, stress or general melancholy because it releases endorphins in your brain that make you feel happier, more positive and more optimistic.
While exercise is not a cure for surviving a break-up, it certainly helps to pep you up and avoid you feeling miserable, melancholy and hopeless about life.
6. Don’t Masturbate Too Much
These days, many guys masturbate way too much.
There’s nothing wrong with masturbating to get rid of some built up sexual desire at times, but if you’re trying to get back into the dating scene or have the confidence and desire to approach new women, you have to tone down the jerking.
Too much wanking will deplete your built up sexual desire and mess with your perception of women. For example: When you watch porn, you will feel attracted immediately and the woman will be ready to have sex immediately. It will seem so easy.
Yet, in real life, most women don’t behave that way when you meet them; they only behave that way behind closed doors. So, when you meet new women and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of sexual attraction and desire from her part, you may think that you’re not doing enough to turn her on.
7. Start Playing the Field
Meeting lots of new women is the best way to get over a break up and help remind yourself of what a desirable guy you really are.
You don’t have to go out and get a new girlfriend, but at least start having sex with new women. Having sex with new women is the fastest way to get over an ex, especially when the new women are hotter than your ex-girlfriend.
If she broke up with you, your ego has probably taken a bit of a bruising and you need to get yourself in front of other women who will appreciate what a great guy you are. If you are too afraid to get out there and start having sex with new women, time will tick away and you will most-likely lose more power, confidence and self-esteem as a man.
However, if you can accept what has happened, learn from it and move on – you will emerge a better man.
8. Improve Your Skills With Women
If you have recently been broken up with and are still recovering from the pain of being dumped, why not turn that horrible experience into an opportunity to make your life great?
If you improve your skills with women and become the type of guy that women desperately want to be with, you will see that most of the women you meet feel attracted to you. When most of the women you meet are keen and show loads of interest, you cannot help but feel happy, inspired and excited to be alive.
Yet, if you hide away from women or believe that you’re doomed for life when it comes to relationships, you can really only look forward to a lot of isolation, feeling left out and reliving the bad memories about your ex over and over again.
Make a change.
Become the type of man that women desperately want to be with and you will emerge from this break up as an even better man that you are right now…