Sometimes it is fine to date your friend’s ex, but it really depends on the type of relationship they had and the kind of friendship that you have with him. Here are some examples:
1. A woman that your friend was having casual sex with: These guys, many guys date and have sex with multiple women at once. So, if you’re hanging around with friends who do that regularly, you will usually end up sleeping with a few of the same girls at times.
Personally speaking, one of my close friends slept with a woman we had nicknamed “tits” (because her breasts were so amazing.
Her tits were so unreal, they were like something out of an anime cartoon). We were fine about him sleeping with her when I got bored of it, because we both noticed her at the same time, but I had sex with her first because I am better with women that he is. See: What is Your Skill Level With Women?
2. Your friend’s girlfriend from high school: Relationships that you had in high school may have felt like they would lead to marriage and “happily ever after,” but they usually don’t. If you want to date your friend’s ex from high school who he no longer cares about or barely remembers, he should be totally fine about it.
However, if she is his “high school sweetheart” and has recently dumped him, then he’s probably not going to continue thinking of you as a true friend. A true friend cares about his friend and puts “bros before hos.”
If you want to hook up with his ex-girlfriend because you are too afraid to approach and meet new women, your friend will realize that and see you as an untrustworthy person who can’t be relied on. Trust is the backbone of a great friendship or relationship and if you break it, the relationship comes crashing down.
3. Your friend’s girlfriend who dumped him and broke his heart: As the old saying goes, “Time heals all wounds” and that is fairly true when it comes to being dumped by a woman you love and having your heart broken, but it really depends on the person.
For example: In my case, I got cheated on and then dumped by the love of my life because I became clingy in the relationship and wasn’t enough of a man for her. It ruined me for years, but I eventually picked myself off the floor and transformed myself into the man I am today.
If one of my friends wanted to date, have sex or even marry my ex-girlfriend, I would now be able to say, “Go ahead!” and would be genuinely happy for him, because I’ve enjoyed my choice with women for many years and am now in a relationship with my perfect woman.
However, if a friend wanted her shortly after she dumped me, I would no longer consider him a true friend. His actions would suggest that he didn’t care about me at all and simply went after her because he was afraid to get out there and approach and meet new women.
4. Your friend’s girlfriend who he happily dumped: If she’s a girl who he has happily dumped, then he will be fine about it in most cases.
5. Your friend’s wife who left him: This one is a big one. I mean, marriage – come on – it’s a big deal. If your friend married a woman, then he most-likely really loved her. So, if you really love your friend, you will try hard to steer clear of his wife and hook up with other women.
However, if your friend got lucky when he scored his ex-wife and they were never really a compatible match, then it is okay for you to begin seeing her (if you and her are a perfect match). If you’re only sleeping with his ex-wife because you’re too afraid to approach and meet new women, then you already know what you’re doing is “wrong.”
Either way, when it comes to telling your friend that you’re sleeping with his ex-wife, the news will rarely be happily received. If you feel as though your friend needs help meeting new women, feel free to suggest that he visit my site and learn from me.
6. Your friend’s wife that he happily left: If he happily left his wife and is glad to be hooking up with new women now, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. The best way to tell him is to just be straight about it.
Say something like, “Peter…just letting you know – I’ve been sleeping with your ex-wife Rebecca lately” and then explain what your intentions are with her. Just be matter of fact about it. Don’t try to sugar coat it or hint at it. Just be real, honest and relaxed about it.
Why Do You Want Her Instead of the Billions of Other Women on Planet Earth?
What you really need to do in this situation is be completely honest with yourself about why you want to be with her. Is it because you and her are a perfect match, or is it because you fear putting yourself out there to meet a new woman like most guys do?
Sure, it’s comfortable and easy to date a woman you are familiar with because you know what to expect and won’t have to risk getting reject by new women you approach. Yet, how much of man will that make you feel like in the end?
Won’t you feel like a snake for taking your friend’s ex-girl instead of being man enough to confidently approach and pick up new women?
The truth is, with very little effort you could be dating and having sex with many new women, without ruining the relationship with your friend. Doesn’t that sound like a much better plan? When you meet new women (who haven’t already been sexed by your friends) there isn’t any awkwardness in any of your relationships.
Your friends are also much more impressed that you’ve managed to pick up new women outside of the safety of your “social circle.”
Value Contrast: A Potential Problem
Picture this scenario…
You decide to go ahead and date your friend’s ex-girlfriend, regardless of the problems it might cause in your friendship. Then one night, you go out to dinner or drinks with your friend and his ex-girlfriend (who is now your girl).
How are you going to feel when they bring up conversations that start with, “Remember the time when we…”? This is where something that I call “Value Contrast” kicks in.
If the relationship that you are having with her is not as good as the one they had, or if he behaves in a more attractive way than you (i.e. more confident, funny, masculine), then she will naturally compare you to him and may reconsider her feelings for you.
You will suddenly seem less valuable and attractive to her. However, if your relationship with her is better and you’re a more confident guy than he is, then she will see you as more valuable and it will help deepen her attraction for you.
Finally, what will you do if you break up? Not only might you have to deal with the pain of losing her, but you may have also lost one of your good friends. Now that you understand some of the potential problems of dating a friend’s ex-girl, what do you think when you ask yourself, “Should I date my friend’s ex-girlfriend?”
If you don’t want to risk ruining your friendship, then do what millions of brave men from around the world are now doing: Learning how to have their choice of women, instead of hoping to get lucky or take a friend’s ex. Don’t settle for scraps, don’t sit around waiting to get lucky and don’t hide from being the powerful man you dream of being.
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This is quite revealing to me and I have learnt a lot of lesson from this topic. Thanks Keep it up
This is quite revealing to me and I have learnt a lot of lesson from this topic, thanks. I personally would not sleep with a friend’s ex because it will create enemy between me and my friends.
I’d recommend against dating a friend’s ex. It can be harder for the woman than you’d think.
If it was a bad breakup, she’d be forced into seeing someone who is toxic to her if you and her ex see each other often.
Ultimately, the relationship will only work if all three people involved act like adults.
Admission: I do it all the time! Well, not all the time but I do it. I like to follow the girl code but if my friend dated my ex, which she did, I’d totally date her ex, which I did.
Was reading here to see how “normal” it was to have these thoughts but my issue is and was different and its been four years yet i still have no idea what to think. I should probably tell you that it was me and two “good” friends involved…anyways I was with “her” for three years at least i always suspected her of cheating … she was with my friend so we broke up still spoke some i cared still , why ill never know but shortly after she got with my other friend who she is still with . i pretended to accept it then i actually did ,but now i cant get her off ny mind as of recently despite knowing shes not meant for me . I dont want to think of it but i cant help but care . it drives me crazy allowing someone who had done this to me to take my mind over fir long periods . i just want to stop and want to know why or what if anything i can do
The answer is pretty simple: Sleep with a woman who is hotter than her and makes you feel more than she did. Until you do, you’ll be comparing other women to her and they won’t be good enough. You need to step up your game and get women who you currently see as out of your league. Or, you can try to recover a relationship with a woman of bad character.
I think this is a no-no area to touch. It’s just too weird. Even if your friend says its okay they really don’t feel that way.
i dont think its a good way to get a gf
it sucks when you dating with your friend’s ex!!!!
you playing with the friendship between you and your best friend i think we have to choose anotheer one!!
this is my opinion!
This is a really iffy situation that requires an upfront talk with a friend ahead of time before jumping wholeheartedly into a relationship with the guy’s ex girlfriend. Same rules apply for women and their ex-boyfriends. It is courtesy to talk and find out what their thoughts are. A true, caring and loyal friend will back off if hooking up with the ex is going to upset a long time friend.
I agree with you lydnda .. it is a friend’s duty to confirm first about his/her friend’s feelings before jumping into a relationship
For one I think there is nothing wrong with it think about a few other things rather than cons I mean I’m dating my friends ex currently and I am VERY happy in my relationship she really liked me but I couldn’t tell and my best friend REALLY broke her heart but I waited a few months to ask her out its not as akward as u think we would just walk together and get to know each other for those months and I’d hhug her all the time and I think its not that I’m scared to date other girls believe me I’ve dated tons of girls amd I just feel diff about her than my other gfs and you should think, Do you really love her?
Thanks for your comments.
You’ve added an important element to the discussion, so I appreciate that. However, I must point out that your case is much rarer than the norm. In most cases, the guy has “tunnel vision” and thinks that the woman is “the one” because he really doesn’t have any other options and is also too afraid to go and approach and meet new women.
In almost every case (that I know of through follow up) where I have helped a guy overcome his fears of approaching new women, he has later looked back and realized that the ex-girlfriend he was so depressed about losing was special, but she wasn’t perfect for him in terms of total, lifetime compatibility. He then reaches a point of having the courage to admit to himself that since she was his only option at the time, he had falsely built her up in his mind to be more perfect and more beautiful of a person that she actually was. When he starts meeting new women who (I might add) are hotter and more beautiful of a person than his ex…and experiencing loving, sexual relationships with those women…he no longer feels the pain of “losing” the ex. To him, she is just part of his past and he is glad that it has turned out that way.
I hope your new relationship with this woman is amazing and everything that both of you ever hoped for. Enjoy the great times ahead!
Ok, so here is my situation. For the sake of argument I will use the names Kim (as my friends ex) and Tim (as my friend)
Si I met this girl Kim almost 10 years ago when we were fairly young, we became great friends and we had a lot in common. I always felt this attraction to her but was young and dump so never acted on it and about a year later a really good friend of mine Tim started dating her (talk about a missed opportunity). Anyways they dated about a year and broke up when they graduated high school and at that time I was dating someone else and I had kind of drifted apart from Kim.
Now jump about 7 years forward and today I as well as my friend Tim have been with a bunch of other women. Tim is currently dating a girl whom he has been with for a few years and are talking about getting married, while I have been single for a little less then a year.
Anyways about a month ago I bump into Kim randomly at a party, we started talking a bit and then started hanging out every now and then. My friend Tim doesn’t like it, nor does his current girlfriend, as well many of Tim’s and I’s mutual friends. Currently Kim and I aren’t even dating, just hanging out and she even has a boyfriend, so this worries me that I’m already getting this reaction from my friends.
Now that you have the background, this is were it really gets sticky. Kim and I have started getting a lot closer with one another, however I respect the bond a man and a women share so I have told her nothing will happen between us while she is still dating someone else. She agrees but is willing to break it off with him now as we seem to have this crazy attraction for one another.
So I’m not sure what to do here, on one hand I am crazy about this girl and have feelings for her that I’ve never experienced with any other women. But on the other hand I’m not sure how my friend is going to take it, even though this was something that happened well over 5 years ago. I don’t want to loose either, but I have a feeling I’m at a cross roads here and even though I already have a feeling I know what I’m going to do, I would still like to hear other peoples take on the scenario.
Well, looks like I read this article too late. I dated my friend’s ex, without tell him about it (no mean feat!) but the kinda broke it up with her as I went abroad. Well didn’t break it up exactly, just agreed that what will happen will happen and left it in kind of a limbo now.
Problem is, he found out just now. And all hell’s broken loose. Best part of this parody is that he dumped her and I was vociferous in my disagreement with his reasons and he knew fully that I liked her. I behaved like a cnut, yes. But he’s behaving like an even bigger cnut (well, that’s arguable I know, but that’s how I feel).
Oh well, please do NOT date your friend’s ex people. Or if you do, make sure you tell your friend about it first.
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