Asking why women like bad boys is pretty much the same as asking you why you like strippers and porn actresses (i.e. bad girls).
So, why do you look at porn actresses so often and masturbate to that, but then go around saying that you’re looking for a nice girl?
Strippers and porn actresses make you feel attracted, which is the same thing that bad boys offer to women.
So, is the answer to become and be a bad boy?
The answer is to make women feel a lot of attraction for you based on how you interact with them, how you present your personality, what vibe you have, your attitude and how you take action around her and in life.
You can still be a good guy and attract women, but you can’t expect women to like you and lust after you simply because you’re nice. Here’s why…
As you will learn from the video above, being nice to women isn’t the problem. You can be nice to women, but you also must display at least some (the more the better) of the personality traits and behaviors that naturally attract women.
For example: Masculine confidence, charisma, the ability to make her laugh, flirtatious conversation, charm, etc. At The Modern Man, I teach guys how to attract women in more than 100 different ways.
You don’t have to use all of the 100 ways on a woman to make her feel as much attraction as she would for a bad boy. Instead, it usually only takes about 5-10 attraction triggers to get a woman falling madly in love with you and desperately wanting to have sex with you.
Here’s how it works…
As you will learn from the video above, it’s up to you how much attraction you will allow a woman to feel for you. A bad boy does make a woman feel a lot of attraction because of his masculine confidence and “I don’t care about you” attitude, but that isn’t what women ultimately want.
What a woman really wants is to be able to find a real man. In other words, a good guy who can also trigger feelings of intense attraction inside of her.
Why Women Hook Up With Bad Boys
Think about it this…
If you could, you would probably like to have sex with some bad girls (e.g. strippers, club hotties, porn actresses, etc). However, if you’re not that good at attracting women, then it’s usually going to be next to impossible for you to get a chance with a girl like that.
Yet, if you could have sex with her, you probably would right?
The difference for women who hook up with bad boys is that it’s a lot easier for a woman to get laid because all she has to do is consent to it and the majority of men will have sex with her, at least once anyway.
So, if she meets a bad boy and he turns her on, it’s easy for her to say yes to having sex with him and go along with it. However, if a nice guy who lacks confidence around hot women (i.e. that’s probably you if you’re reading this article) meets a hot, bad girl, then he’s rarely going to be able to make her feel enough attraction to get to her to feel interested in having sex.
However, that does not mean that you cannot attract or pick up all sorts of women (i.e. hot good girls, hot bad girls, girl next door types, etc). You can, but you’ve got to understand that unless you can give a woman the attraction experience she is looking for, she’s rarely going to be interested in anything other than a brief conversation or relationship.
Most Women Would Prefer to Find Themselves a Real Man
Just like you’d probably prefer a beautiful woman who is a good person, loyal, trustworthy, caring and emotionally stable, most women also want to find themselves a good guy.
The truth is, women don’t like bad boys more than every other type of guy; they just go for bad boys when there aren’t any “real men” around.
Most women would rather be with a good guy who is confident, or a confident guy who is a little bit “bad” than a nervous, shy and insecure nice guy. Why? Women are attracted to confidence in men, not nervousness and anxiety. If you’re a nice guy who is nervous and shy around her, it’s not as attractive as being a nice guy who is confident around her.
I get so many e-mails from guys asking, “Why do women like bad boys?” and they usually come from guys who describe themselves as nice guys who lack confidence in themselves and are nervous or shy around women they like.
Now, don’t get me wrong: There is nothing wrong with being nice and in fact, I recommend that you be a good guy, but only being a nice guy is not the answer to success with women.
In the movies and in TV sitcoms, you will see the nervous nice guy “save the day” or “rescue the girl” and then he’ll get the girl and everyone will love him and want to be his friend, before the end of the movie.
In the real world, if a guy is really nice, but lacks confidence and is nervous around women he likes, then women won’t find him attractive. A woman might see him as a friend, but she won’t feel much or any sexual attraction for him.
When a guy contacts me and asks why women like bad boys so much, he will usually refer to the fact that he sees “jerks” and guys who treat women badly with girls falling all over them.
What guys like this don’t know is that sexual attraction is a key factor for a woman choosing a guy and that confidence is key to sexually attracting women. Really nice guys are often quite nervous, reserved, shy, tense and even anxious when interacting with women…and that does not make a woman feel sexual attraction!
In fact, the weakness of men is a sexual turn off for women, whereas the strength is what turns women on.
The truth of the matter is that women don’t want a bad boy, they just want a man who is mentally and emotionally stronger than them. The ideal guy is a good guy who is also strong, but such guys are hard to find because they are usually already married, with a girlfriend or have many women on the go at once.
The Truth About Attraction
If you believe what pop culture is telling you, then you believe that women feel the most attraction to male models who have six pack abs, a sports car and are 6ft tall.
Yet, if you believe what your eyes tell you when you perceive the everyday world around you, then you will believe that women fall in love with all sorts of guys. Short, fat, bald, of any racial background, no job, good job, no car, nice car and so on. So, how do these guys get a girlfriend? Why are women attracted to them?
The guy is displaying personality traits (especially confidence and masculinity) that is attracting the woman. So, why do women like bad boys? Confidence.
A woman would rather be with a confident guy (good or bad) than be with a nervous, shy, self-doubting guy. Why? Having sex with a confident guy is 100x more enjoyable for a woman than having sex with a nervous guy who lacks confidence in himself.
The reason why women choose bad boys over nice guys is not that they want to be treated badly, it is that they want to feel strong sexual attraction.
Women dream of meeting a guy who has the confidence of a “bad boy,” but who is also a good, honest, loyal, caring, genuine guy who will treat her nicely. That is what women refer to as a real man.
Due to his confidence and understanding of women, a real man can confidently approach any woman when he decides to, which allows him to have his choice of women.
He knows how to engage a woman in interesting conversation, he knows how to flirt and build sexual tension and he knows how to escalate a conversation into a kiss, a date or sex.
When a woman meets a guy who is nervous about approaching her, nervous about talking to her and nervous about escalating the conversation further, she is turned off because she feels mentally and emotionally stronger than him, which makes it difficult, if not impossible (for many women) for her to feel strong sexual attraction.
Approaching Women the Right Way
Let’s have a look at a couple of scenarios of guys approaching women to see how a different approach and attitude generates a different reaction in the woman/women.
Scenario #1: The Self-Doubting Guy
A self-doubting sees a girl he likes in a bar and wants to go over and talk to her.
She and the girls she’s with have looked his way a couple of times, but he’s hesitant about approaching her because she’s beautiful and he’s not sure she’d be interested in a guy like him.
He eventually works up the courage to approach her and he puts on a confident “front” by coming out with a line he read on a website forum somewhere, “Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?”
The woman could have rejected him then and there for using such a cheesy line on her, but being nice (as many women are) she gives him the benefit of the doubt and answers with a smile.
He then tries to think of something interesting to say, but his anxiety leads to more hesitation and he eventually blurts out, “I don’t suppose I could buy you a drink?” at which point she makes an excuse to go and join her girlfriends on the dance floor and he’s left on his own at the bar.
Why? The woman doesn’t want to be bought. She wants to meet a guy who will make her feel sexual attraction with his personality and be able to connect with her on interesting levels.
The self-doubting guy feels rejected and thinks to himself, “Man, this is difficult. Why are women so mean? I’m being nice – why doesn’t she give me a chance?” He then sees a guy who is acting like a jerk or looks like a “bad boy” and he has women all over him, laughing together with him and enjoying themselves.
The self-doubting guy thinks to himself, “Why do women like bad boys? Why was she mean to be for being so nice to her and just trying to get a conversation going?”
Scenario #2: The Confident, Easy-Going, Good Guy
A confident, easy-going, good guy is at a bar and notices a girl he finds really attractive.
He approaches her and the group of girls she’s with and introduces himself. He chats about something interesting that happened locally that day, which pretty much everyone in the group knows about and can talk about. This gets a group conversation going and he makes sure he talks to all of the girls in the group, not just the girl he likes.
The girls like his confidence and his ability to make conversation, so they begin to flirt with him to get his attention. The fun begins!
The more he joins in with the flirting, the more that the sexual tension builds. The girl he liked initially notices that her other girlfriends like him too, so she tries harder to get him to like her…and in doing so, it becomes 100 times easier for him to pick her up.
Do you see the difference? It’s not about being “bad” versus being “nice.”
Most women aren’t desperately looking for a bad boy, they are desperately looking for a guy who isn’t afraid of them. If a woman is faced with a choice between a confident “jerk” and a shy “nice guy” she’s going to go for the jerk 9 times out of 10.
What she really wants is a confident nice guy, a good man with strong alpha male characteristics, but they’re very hard to find (they are usually taken or enjoying relationships with many women at once), so she settles for the next best thing – a confident bad boy with strong alpha male characteristics.
Women are turned off by nervousness, anxiety, and hesitation and turned on by confidence and masculinity. If you’re asking, “Why do women like bad boys?” then you’re probably a guy who lacks self-confidence and feels nervous around women you like and it’s your anxiety that’s making it hard to attract women, not the fact that you’re “nice.”
Like v Lust!
A lot of the time when guys come to this site and ask me, “Dan, why do women like bad boys?” they’re also asking, “Do I need to be “bad” to get a girlfriend?” The answer is, no!
Let me say it again: It’s not about being “bad,” it’s about being attractive to women. The mistake most “nice guys” make is trying too hard to be liked by a woman for being a “nice guy,” when what is most important is making her feel sexual attraction to your confidence, masculinity, presence, social intelligence and ability to create a sexual vibe with her.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice, it’s just that you also need to show sexually attractive sides to your personality too. When a woman feels she’s in the presence of a “real man,” she feels virtually powerless to resist him because he is exactly the type of man she wants.
Real men have a strength of character and masculinity that goes way beyond any loud, chest-beating, or jerky displays of manliness and women can sense it at a deep level. A “likeable nice guy” may be someone she enjoys hanging out with as a friend, but a guy she likes as a friend is usually not the guy she is thinking about having sex with.
Women are instinctively turned on by strong, confident and masculine men, but it’s inner strength that attracts, not bulging biceps or jerk/bad boy behavior.
You don’t need to hit the gym to become a more attractive man and you don’t need to be a bad man, you just need to lose the shyness and anxiety that is holding you back from being the confident guy you can and should be.
When you work on developing self-confidence along with mental and emotional strength, you not only become a more attractive man in a woman’s eyes, you develop a confident and masculine presence that women find irresistible.
If a nervous, self-doubting guy gets lucky and scores a girlfriend, she will usually lose interest because those traits are sexual turn offs for women.
So, don’t let the mistaken idea that “women prefer bad boys” lead you into wasting energy on trying to become something you’re not.
Instead, put your energy into becoming better than a bad boy and learn how to develop your good guy characteristics to become a man that women find irresistible.