The traditional 1-on-1 date (i.e. meet up for a coffee, drinks or something to eat) is usually the best approach for most first dates.
However, sometimes that type of dating can completely your chances with a woman and you should instead organize what I call a Half Date, which is where you invite her to a party or to meet up with you and some friends.
To find out why the Half Date is necessary with certain women, have a read of Will’s question below and then check out my reply.
“Hi Dan I have watched Dating Power several times in full now and I’m currently revising certain bits that I need to work on, and applying them in real life situations. The question I have for you is about the place where I go for coffee, there is a new chick who started there.
And there is a fair bit of flirting, teasing going on and I can tell I have sparked attraction by her signals of interest (Thanks Stu). I always tease her about forgetting how I like my coffee and even when she gets it right I say “Hmmm are you sure?” Her name is Shelly and me and my friend who works with her have given her the name of The Shelminator.
Anyway what I want to know is in The Flow you talk about woman trying to impress you. Now if you have achieved that sort of dynamic will she say she is trying to impress you? To put that in a situation, I went in there today and she got my coffee right. I said “Spot on, wow…well you’re doing well…your starting to grow on me” to which she replied “Are you impressed?” Will, AUS
Reply From Dan
The Shelminator – I love it! Giving a woman a nickname is one of the best flirting tips for guys. It almost NEVER fails at getting a laugh and building more of a private connection between you and a woman.
I also love the way you’ve been teasing her about not getting your coffee order correct. Just make sure you don’t wear the joke too thin (as long as she’s still laughing at it and enjoys the joke, then it probably hasn’t worn thin).
Onto your question…
You’re wondering if a woman will ever SAY if she’s trying to impress you. The short answer is: Almost never. Although women LOVE being in a position where they have to impress a guy to date him (or stay in a relationship with him), they will usually never SAY it.
Some women will say those kinds of things as a relationship progresses. However, you shouldn’t be waiting for women to tell you that they like you initially because they rarely will. Read: How to Tell if a Woman Likes You.
Your comment of “…you’re starting to grow on me” is a PERFECT EXAMPLE of the Dating Power mindset. You’re flipping the situation around, so it is her who is chasing you and hoping that you like her.
Yet, there’s just one problem with your approach. By the sound of it, you really do like this woman and she has already grown on you, but you are too afraid to take it to the next level and actually get her phone number.
While you are approaching the interaction correctly by not eagerly trying to pick her up, if you actually like this woman and want to date her, then you need to MOVE IT FORWARD.
If you don’t move it forward, 99% of the time the woman won’t either because she KNOWS that it is the man’s role to do so…and she also PREFERS it that way. It sounds to me like you’re waiting for her to make it REALLY obvious that she likes you.
In fact, as per your message, you’re actually hoping that she SAYS it. After watching Dating Power, you now know how to read a woman’s signals of interest. One of the signals in your case is that she is playing along with your little teasing game.
If she didn’t like you, she’d just ignore it or give you an unimpressed look whenever you attempted the joke. It sounds like this woman does like you. So, stop messing around and get her number or add her to Facebook.
If you’re worried about stuffing things up because your friend works there and you enjoy going to that coffee shop for coffee, then organize what I call a HALF DATE. I’ve used it many times and it became my secret weapon for nailing first dates with women who would play hard to get or for when it felt awkward to go on a first date alone.
A HALF DATE is where you invite a woman out to a bar or party where you and some friends already planned to be at. This gets rid of any pressure that comes along with a traditional first date; where you and her are alone and essentially meeting to decide whether or not to continue dating and then begin a relationship.
The Half Date is particularly effective if you think a woman may say “No” when you ask her out, if haven’t spent that much time around each other before the date or if you’re currently in the friend zone with her.
The Half Date is perfect for your situation Will, because it sounds like you don’t have much of an “exclusive vibe” going on between you and this woman.
If you ask her out on a traditional date there isn’t much of a sexual vibe between you, then you may be rejected. I say this about your situation because you said, “…Her name is Shelly and me and my friend who works with her have given her the name of The Shelminator.”
To me, that could actually mean that your friend came up with the nickname and you’re simply joining in on the fun.
Whatever the case, the most important thing for you to do is move the interaction forward to getting her phone number, adding her to Facebook or setting up a Half Date. Whatever you do, don’t wait too long or she will find a guy who isn’t afraid to get her number and begin escalating to kissing and sex.