The way you “pillow talk” with a woman can result in her feeling completely turned off the idea of having sex with you, or it can make her excited and full of feelings of lust and blooming love. So, it’s definitely a skill you should focus on improving.
With that said, what is pillow talk with a woman?
Pillow talk is essentially about having an intimate conversation with a woman in bed, before or after you’ve had sex.
It is a way to get to know each other better on a more intimate level, determine who has the power, establish limits, discuss sexual likes and dislikes and even lay a foundation for a potential relationship.
Pillow Talk: Before Sex
Women will use it almost like an “entrance exam” and test your confidence and state of mind.
A man’s confidence and ability to remain composed is extremely attractive to women. Likewise, a man’s insecurity and emotional weakness is sexually unattractive and may result in a woman completely losing interest in having sex with him.
She may say things like, “We’re not going to have sex you know?” or “Just because I have my bra off, it doesn’t mean we’re going all the way.”
She will then watch the guy’s facial expressions and general body language, to assess whether or not he is losing confidence and becoming nervous. If he remains composed, relaxed and confident, she will become turned on even more.
To some men, this may seem like an unnecessary “game” that women play, but it is simply a case of women trying to get themselves more turned on by your confidence.
Women do the same thing when they first meet a guy, on a date and 20 years into a relationship. So, learn to accept it so you can then enjoy the tests and appreciate the fact that a woman is attempting to turn herself on while interacting with you.
Some guys feel annoyed by the way that women think and behave in relationships or before sex, but there are perfectly good reasons for it, as I explain this video…
Pillow Talk: After Sex
Women will often use pillow talk as an “exit interview” to see how much you like them, whether or not you still find her sexy and how confident you are feeling about yourself after your performance. So, she might say something like, “Anyway, I probably should get going. I’ve got to get home so I can feed my cats” or “Look at you! Haha, you look all satisfied with yourself!” and see how you react.
How to Be Good at Pillow Talk
To be good at pillow talk, you basically need to:
- Be a confident guy who doesn’t allow himself to be dominated by women.
- Relax in the moment and not take things too seriously.
- Embrace your attraction for the woman in the moment. Just swim around in it and let your attraction for her turn you on and make you feel truly happy to be there.
- Not be concerned if she wants to delay sex.
- Not get sucked into her games and tests. Instead, know that she just wants to feel more turned on by your confidence.
Pillow Talk Helps Establish a Relationship
If you are looking to have a serious relationship with a woman, pillow talk with a woman is just as important as the sex. It allows you to connect on many levels and begin to intertwine together as a couple. You can both pillow talk about all sorts of subjects, such as:
- What you think about the world today.
- Your thoughts about life in general.
- The things you’re passionate about in life.
- Interesting things that have happened to you in the past.
Those types of conversation are “heavy” pillow talk, whereas “light” pillow talk is more about flirting with the girl, joking around about stuff, talking about partying or going out with friends, discussing your favorite foods and other things you like, without getting too deep about it.
I’ve personally had sex with more than 250 women and have had so many one night stands that I can barely remember most of the women’s names.
I’m now in a committed relationship with my perfect girl (Photo above: that’s me picking her up from a nightclub).
However, whenever I began a sexual relationship with a new woman (or when I’d pull a one night stand) in the past, I would keep the pillow talk “light” and wouldn’t get into deep and meaningful conversations about my past, my present and my future.
I would just play around with the girl, laugh, talk about fun stuff and then have sex again.
Why? Talking about all the deep and meaningful stuff together helps to establish a serious relationship and back then, I was happily dating multiple women at once.
However, when I met my girlfriend, I did both light and heavy pillow talk and we relaxed into the fun, loving and committed relationship that we’re in now.
Pillow Talk Mistakes
As with everything to do with success with women, there are also numerous mistakes that a guy can make during pillow talk that will either kill the mood or cancel out the chance of a second date. Mistakes that guys can make include:
1. Being too romantic for too long
Romance is the domain of women and pillow talk is the perfect time for being romantic.
Whispering sweet nothings in her ear can be cool; however this is not the time for poetry, saying cutesy things or being sappy.
It is good to be romantic, but if a guy is romantic for too long, it can be a big turn off for her. Personally, I will only say one or two “romantic” or “sweet” things in a row, but most of my conversation will be a mix of everything else.
I don’t use that as a “conversation trick” on women; it is simply who I am. I use an approach women that is based on being completely real at all times, so being too sweet and romantic for too long doesn’t feel right.
As I have always said, “Any extreme personality type is based on insecurity” so if you’re an extreme romantic or super nice guy, then you are doing that as a result of certain insecurities. Since women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness, your insecurity will turn them off.
2. Revealing too much too soon
Although talking with a woman in bed after sex is the perfect time to open up and explore each other’s sexual likes, dislikes and preferences, you don’t have to talk about everything right away.
3. Bringing up his personal issues
Just because a woman is in bed with a guy and has just had sex with him, it doesn’t mean that he has won and her tests of his confidence are now finished.
It also doesn’t mean that she has decided to establish a relationship with him and wants to have even more sex with him. So, if a guy begins bringing up his personal issues and insecurities as a way to pillow talk with her, he is going to be ruining the chance of a relationship with every extra word he says.
Examples of issues and insecurities include: “I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 21” or “I used to be very shy with women” or “Was I good?” or “Does size matter to you?” or “I used to have pimples and braces and all the kids laughed at me in school” or “My father was a drunk and used to treat me badly.”
At the end of the day, a woman doesn’t care or need to know about the issues you’ve overcome in the past.
All she needs to know is that the man she is with now is a strong, emotionally secure man who is worth investing time, love and energy into. So, telling her about all your problems (past and present) isn’t going to make her see you as that man.
4. Telling the girl how much he loves her
If a guy has been attracted to a woman for a long time and finally has sex with her, it is easy for him to lose his composure and suddenly blurt out how much he loves her; even though she might still be evaluating him as a sexual, or potential relationship partner and is not ready for confessions of love.
This can make him look needy and will be a major turn off for her.
My girlfriend (and many women before her) told me that most guys would say, “I love you” on the first night and would ruin the opportunity for the woman to wonder, “How much does he like me?”
Women want to feel as though they are lucky to be snatching a man like you away from other women who would love to be with you. A woman doesn’t want to feel as though she is way more valuable than you and that she’s basically doing you a favor by being with you.
Watch this video to understand why…
5. Telling her too much about his previous women
With all the relaxing “pleasure hormones” that are released during and after sex, it is understandable that some guys will start talking freely and will end up telling a woman a bit too much about himself and his previous women.
When pillow talking with a woman, you should avoid sharing tales about your previous sexual conquests, your stock portfolio, your real estate deal or “funny password” for your safety deposit box downtown…