Great sex is the key to a successful, lasting relationship between a man and a woman.
Without it, the relationship feels more like a friendship and in the modern world, where it is no longer taboo to break up a relationship, many women will leave you to find a new man who can make her feel sexually satisfied.
Making a woman orgasm is mostly about getting her in the mood prior to sex by triggering her feelings of attraction for you.
You can trigger her feelings of attraction by way of your actions, touch and behavior.
Her ability to orgasm (or “come”) has more to do with her perception of you as a man, how she feels about being penetrated by you and the emotional state you get her into before and during sex.
When you create the right type of relationship dynamic between you and your woman, it will be easy for her to reach orgasm without you having to spend a lot of time on foreplay or romance.
However, if you create the wrong type of relationship dynamic (i.e. where she can’t fully look up to you and respect you as her man), most women will be unable reach orgasm and the relationship will begin to fall apart.
10. When Licking Her Pussy, Focus Mostly on Her Clitoris
Oral sex is the easiest ways to make a woman orgasm. The secret to making a woman orgasm with oral sex is to simply focus on licking her clit.
Gently lick up and down the front of her pussy for a bit in a soft and slow way and then just focus on the clit.
Putting your fingers in (i.e. fingering her), sticking your tongue in and out, or aggressively licking all around her pussy usually doesn’t make women reach orgasm, so I don’t waste my time with that. I only do it if I feel like it because I’m in the mood and want to devour her.
The thing that makes most women orgasm is to simply focus on licking her clit in consistent, repetitive patterns. Get into a rhythm and stick with it, so she can relax and begin to guide herself (mentally) towards an orgasm.
When you notice that her body starts to tense up, don’t switch to another licking pattern – just keep going until she orgasms.
If she is tensing up and appears to be close to having an orgasm, but still doesn’t have one after about 30 seconds, rapidly switch to another licking pattern and keep that going at a fast pace. In those cases, she will usually orgasm within 10 seconds after that.
When she is experiencing the orgasm, don’t switch to another licking pattern – just keep going until she pushes you away.
When she pushes you away, it means she peaked, enjoyed the orgasm and is now finished. When the orgasm finishes, her clitoris will become very sensitive and any licking or touching will usually be slightly or even very painful for her.
BTW: How do I know so much about sex? I’ve had sex with more than 250 and am now in a committed relationship, in which I make my girlfriend orgasm almost every time (about 95% of the time) because sometimes she doesn’t want to orgasm.
Great sex is one part of what keeps us madly in love, but there is a lot more to making a relationship last that I teach here at The Modern Man.
9. Don’t Rush Through the Kissing…Sometimes
For women, kissing is huge. Sometimes, a woman would rather than make out with you and experience the intimate closeness than comes with that, rather than just having sex. To paraphrase a scene out of the movie “Bull Durham” with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon: Women like long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that go on for three days.
I’ve been with my girlfriend since October 2012 and even though we’ve past the initial phase of the relationship that typically includes a lot of kissing, I have made sure that I don’t deprive her of it now. I won’t do it every time we have sex, but I will do it sometimes and to be honest, BOTH of us get really turned on by it.
So, whether your relationship is new or you are 20 years into it, make sure that you don’t forget how powerful a kiss can be.
If you and your woman feel like you’ve passed the “kissing days,” then I recommend loosening up with a few drinks on a Friday or Saturday night at home.
If you’ve been with each other a long time and no longer jump all over each other and make out, just have a shower and brush your teeth before getting into bed so you both feel fresh.
Then, when you do have sex later than night, the alcohol will make you both loosen up and the fresh breath will make you feel more open to kissing and behaving like you did in the old days.
8. Set the Stage For Sensuality…Sometimes
Some women really like sensual mood lighting and romance.
However, from my experience, many modern women laugh when they see that you’ve set up mood lighting with candles, are burning some incense and playing some soft music in the background.
It just feels corny, staged and even a little outdated to most women. However, if you remain confident, calm and in control and simply smile at her as you walk over and begin kissing her and rubbing her body, she will open herself up to the experience and really appreciate the effort you put in.
The mood lighting, the massage oil, incense and music will help her relax and get into the mood for an orgasm. This is especially useful when having sex with women who seem confident, but are actually quite insecure. In other words, most beautiful women.
To set the stage for sensuality, you might have a steamy, candle-lit bubble bath together or soap each other up in the shower with a new soap that you both selected. Get some massage oil or lubricant and use it to play with each other’s genitals while kissing for a while before sex.
Play some relaxing music while burning incense. Anything like that to add a bit more romance and sensuality to the experience. However, make sure you only do this sometimes, because it will get boring and lose its effect if you do it too much.
7. Make Her Feel Lucky to Be Having Sex With You
Fact: Women want to feel lucky to be with you in a relationship; they don’t want to feel as though they are doing you a favor by being with you or having sex with you.
When I realized that women wanted to feel lucky to be with the guy they’d chosen, it suddenly made sense to me why women always seemed to reject wimpy nice guys and go for confident guys who believed in themselves.
If you think it’s a little chauvinistic or arrogant to feel as though she is lucky to be with you, then you’ve probably been brainwashed by modern TV culture and advertisements that continually portray men as stupid, incompetent, clumsy, nervous, lacking confidence and having to continually try to impress the almighty woman.
A lot of modern men make the mistake of trying to get in a woman’s “good books” by being really nice to hopefully then get some action in the bedroom. However, that type of weak, submissive male behavior actually turns women off at a deep level.
The right dynamic between a man and a woman is to make her feel lucky to be having sex. It’s not about telling her that she should feel lucky, but being the sort of man that she knows other women would love to be with in a relationship as well as in the bedroom.
6. Talk About What You’ve Enjoyed So Far
When you’re outside of the bedroom in a quiet, safe zone (e.g. a quite night in front of the TV), tell her how much you enjoy when she does certain things to you. For example, you can say with a cheeky smile, “Babe…I really enjoy the way you suck it…you’re good at it. I’ve taught you well :)”
If you have a great relationship where both you and her are comfortable to be your true self around each other, she will laugh along with you and enjoy the moment. More importantly, she will feel more confident the next time she decides to give you oral sex.
She will feel more sexy in your eyes and as a result, will be more-likely to achieve orgasm when you give her oral sex or while you’re having intercourse.
If you’re still dating and haven’t had sex yet, you can tell her how sexy her kissing is. You’ll boost her sexual self-esteem arond you and that will allow her to feel more emotionally open during sex, which will increase the chances of an emotionally-driven orgasm.
She’ll think, “Well, if you liked my kissing, wait until you see what I can do to you in bed!” and will be keen to let relax, show off her skills and enjoy the sex with you.
After letting her know what you like, make sure that you also ask her if there’s something she particularly enjoys. Don’t cross-examine her in an overly-serious way, just casually ask her. Smile gently and look her in the eyes and ask, “So, what have I done so far that really turned you on?”
5. Turn Her on With Your Behavior
A woman’s physical appearance is what turns us men on in an instant.
However, for a woman, she gets turned on more from how your behavior, actions and vibe makes her feel. So, instead of worrying so much about how you look physically, you need to focus more on how you are making her feel.
Does she feel protected around you, or does she feel as though she needs to protect you from the world? Does she see you as a real man, or as a wimp who she will put up with until she finds a better man?
An example of turning her on with your behavior is what I call the Clit Call. When the relationship has reached the point where you are having regular sex and are comfortable being yourselves around each other, pick your moment to call her on her phone a day before a date that you have scheduled together.
Get her on the phone and say, “Hey…listen there’s something I want you to think about. Imagine this…my tongue, your clit. See you tomorrow.”
Then hang up.
After that, she will naturally begin to imagine and daydream how the sex will play out after your date. In fact, it’s very possible she’s going to want to skip the date and head straight to bed.
4. Experiment to Find Out Which Position Makes Her Come
Due to the position of her clitoris, it’s extremely difficult for most women to achieve an orgasm from the standard missionary (man on top) position.
If you’re on top and pumping inside of her, try lightly stimulating her clitoris with a moistened finger at the same time (find out if she prefers to have you play with her clit directly, or from the outside of the hood of her clitoris.
Some women are too sensitive down there and it hurts, while others love it) or get her to play with her clit while you focus on penetrating her with varying degrees of force with your penis (e.g. long light strokes, fast aggressive strokes, etc).
One of the easiest ways to make a woman orgasm is to get her on top, because it allows her to effortlessly stimulate her clitoris against your body and control the speed, penetration and length of the strokes to her satisfaction.
Her on top is the easiest position for a woman to orgasm, but you need to work out the right rhythm and technique for each woman – not all women are the same. Some women prefer sex lying side-by-side facing each other (push her head down sometimes to allow her to see you pumping her), doggy style or back to front.
Have fun experimenting and she what she responds to, but don’t change positions too often and too quickly. When you keep switching positions, she will often lose her heightened emotional state (e.g. feeling intense feelings of love for you, feeling naughty, feeling dominated and loving it, etc) which is a big part of how a woman reaches an orgasm.
Let her get caught up in the emotion and delve into the feelings, thoughts and sensations that will drive her to orgasm. Help her along by groaning (in a masculine way) with pleasure at times, breathing heavily and using your masculine facial expressions to show her how into it you are.
3. Don’t Make it Your Fault or Her Fault
Never, under any circumstances, apologize about her being unable to reach an orgasm. Also, don’t make it out as though she has some sort of problem. Orgasms will have more often if you can just be easy-going about it and allow both of you to relax.
If you turn it into a huge problem, both of you will be so tense and thinking way too much during sex that it will be difficult to enjoy it. Instead, have the sort of attitude that, “No orgasm is no big deal. Maybe next time” and just be easy-going about it.
When she does orgasm, just smile and allow her to enjoy it without you interrupting with questions or comments. You can then ask her, “Nice baby?” or “How was that darling?” while smiling in a relaxed and sexual way.
It’s good to acknowledge her having the orgasm because you want her to know that you know. She’ll likely respond with, “Yes, that was an amazing orgasm” or “Wow, that was good” or something along those lines.
The more often she orgasms with you, the more she will be able to orgasm in future because simply by believing that she can orgasm dramatically improves her chances of achieving orgasm the next time. In time, she’ll get good at going to “that place” in her body and mind that delivers her to the point of orgasm.
2. Mix it Up
Oral and hand stimulation can often provide her with an even greater chance of success of reaching orgasm. Since the clitoris is the most sensitive spot on a woman’s body, it’s much better to go with a light touch that isn’t too prolonged and then go back to it sporadically.
When touching her clitoris, always – I repeat, always – ensure that your finger is lubricated by her juices or your saliva. A dry finger on her clit hurts like hell and is a big turn off. Combine light flicks of your finger or tongue on her clit and long strokes in and out with your fingers. Then, alternate by putting your penis back in and then going back to finger and oral stimulation. You’ll both have an explosive sexual experience.
It really depends on the woman. As mentioned, I’ve had sex with more than 250 women and after a while, I became confident enough to just talk about what I liked and what she liked or wanted. Sometimes, women were too shy to say a lot, so I waited for a night when we were out partying and having a few drinks to ask her.
Either way, I got my answers and found out what she liked. Some girls liked being fingered, some hated it. Some girls wanted to be slapped on the face, while others wanted really soft and sensual sex. Some girls loved copping it doggy style, while others loved being on top.
If you are unsure what might work for her, just ask her in an easy-going way. Don’t stress out about it, just ask in a relaxed manner and then get on with what you’re doing.
1. Be a Man
The most important element in making your woman able to reach orgasms with you is to be a man. From the very first moment a woman meets you and right through the entire relationship, she will constantly be assessing your level of masculinity.
Sometimes your masculinity is expressed in very subtle ways, while other times it is extremely obvious. A subtle example of masculinity is how you respond to another man when he is being pushy, or trying to undermine you.
A woman will look to see if you can remain confident or be assertive, without losing control of your emotions or getting pushed around. An obvious example of masculinity is the way you hug her (e.g. when on the couch). Do you cuddle up to her, or do you get her to cuddle up to you?
Getting a woman to reach an orgasm is both simple and complex. If you can take on your role as a man consistently, your woman will find it easy to orgasm with you (even after only a few minutes of sex). Most of my women orgasm within the first 1-2 minutes of sex, or within the first minute of oral sex.
This isn’t because I have a big penis (I’m just average) or because I am using amazing physical techniques, it is because women see that I am a man all day, all night, no matter what situation I’m in. That’s the big difference.