Why can't I find a nice girl?

Most women are "nice girls" if you can get them to show that side of themselves to you. They will only show that side of you, if you can make them feel what they want to feel when they first meet a guy.

Over the years, many guys have posted up comments asking me things like, “Dan, why can't I find a nice girl?” or “Why are all of the nice girls that I speak to, usually taken or not looking for a boyfriend?”

Yet, is that actually true? Has the guy been unable to find a nice girl because "nice girls" don't exist, they're already taken or are not looking for a boyfriend right now? After helping guys improve their success with women for more than 8 years now, I can tell you that most guys just don't approach enough women to give themselves a chance to meet a nice girl who is compatible with them and also happens to be single. In most cases, the guy will approach approximately 10 new women per year that he likes and wants to have as a girlfriend. Yet, since most guys don't know how to make women feel attraction and proper respect for them during a simple conversation, the "nice girls" end up behaving rudely, cold towards him or just say that they're not looking for a boyfriend.

If a guy is the exception to the rule and actually does approach enough girls, then he will simply be doing it the wrong way. His lack of results is not due to there being no nice girls around, it is because he is coming across in a away that turns women off. For example:

  • Approaches and interacts with the girl in a nervous way: An instant turn off for women, which makes it very difficult for them to feel enough attraction for you to want to take things further. Women are attracted to the strength in men, not the weakness.
  • Asks too many questions without giving enough of himself during the conversation: He is afraid of being judged for talking about what he wants to talk about, or for showing a sexual interest in her. So, he keeps the conversation polite and "friendly" instead of interesting and sexual.
  • Behaves in a way that makes her feel like she'd be doing him a favor by going out with him, giving him her phone number and so on: This is not what a woman wants to feel! Women are naturally attracted to guys who are confident, alpha and who believe in themselves and their value to women. They don't want to feel like they'd be doing you a huge favor by being your woman. Watch the video below about alpha males for more information.

Watch Alpha Male Power


Are You Giving Yourself Enough Chances to Find a Nice Girl?

Often, a guy will be sitting with some friends in bar or club, at the gym or at the mall or any other place where women hang out and he will turn to his friends with puppy dog eyes and ask, “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” while all the while beautiful women are walking past him. Guys like this either haven't accepted that it's their job to approach and talk to women, or they have tried it and failed miserably and are now too afraid to try it again.

If you're in a public place with women walking past you around 35% of them will be single and hoping to meet a guy. In a bar, the amount of single women in the venue is usually around 50%. However, that doesn't mean you can't approach and say hello because a certain percentage of women aren't on the lookout for a man. There is no harm in going over to say hello, as long as you follow the approach that the “naturals” use, which is the approach that we teach here at The Modern Man. That is: Focus on being social and having a quick chat, rather than trying to pick her up. Not every approach will be a pick up, so you should not look at every approach you make as a pick up. You're merely just going over to say hello and see how it goes. If you want to learn how to use that confident, easy-going attitude to approach women and have them wanting to pick you up when you talk to them, I recommend that you watch Dating Power.

While, it's true that a lot of women already have a boyfriend, fiance or husband, that doesn't mean you can't walk over to check for yourself. Also, many people are not compatible with each other, so don't view it as a “rejection” if you talk to a woman and it doesn't work out. Read: There's No Such Thing as Rejection Asking yourself, “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” is simply an excuse and you know it. There are women everywhere you look; at the mall, at the gym, in the library, at the supermarket, in nightclubs, yoga classes, cooking classes, the list goes on and on. The truth is that there are 100s of millions of nice girls in this world and you just have to be man enough to walk over, say hello and give yourself a chance to meet them.

What's Stopping You From Finding a Nice Girl?

Finding yourself a nice girl has a lot to do with you giving yourself the opportunity to meet her and get to know her. You can't find a nice girl by looking at women all day like they are pictures on the internet, or extras in a TV show. You have to walk over and talk to girls that you find attractive. Who knows, the girl that walked past you the other day could have been the perfect woman for you. Yet, you lacked the confidence (or know how) to approach to her, so the opportunity slipped through your fingers.

Guys who wonder to themselves, “Why can't I find a nice girl?” are often making one of more of the following mistakes in their quest to find her:

  • They don’t go out enough: Some guys spend most of their spare time sitting at home and watching TV, playing computer games or browsing Facebook and hope that the “nice girl” of their dreams is going to come knocking on their door or posting, “I like you” on his Facebook. If it hasn't happened yet, it’s likely never going to happen. How much more of his life does he want to waste away feeling lonely and left out, before he decide to actually become the type of guy that girls truly want to be with?
  • They are too shy and self conscious: Although a little shyness can be somewhat endearing to women, a guy who is afraid to look a woman in the eyes is not. Guys who are very self-conscious of their every move around a woman, appear insecure, clumsy and hopeless to a woman. She doesn't want to be responsible for making him feel that nervous and self-conscious and, if she's like 99% of women, she's not attracted to the weakness in men – she's attracted to the strength. Appearing emotionally weak like that is a surefire way of ensuring that girls (nice or not) simply won't be interested in you.
  • They haven’t got a clue on how to approach a woman and get her attracted: Approaching women sounds simple, right? Walk over, start a conversation and that's it, right? Wrong. It requires you to have a particular skill set. If you don't have that skill set, you need to learn it, or else you will come across as awkward, nervous and as a result – unattractive. Many guys (I used to be one of them) have hardly any skills when it comes to approaching a woman in a way that will make her show interest and feel attraction for him. They plunge in and just hope for the best; usually with disastrous results.
  • They don’t know how to hold an interesting conversation: The ability to engage a woman and make her feel attraction for you during conversation is absolutely essential if you want to find yourself a nice girl. It doesn't matter if she naughty, nice or neutral, if you can't make her feel desirable emotions during conversation, she isn't going to be very interested in you. For some guys, their idea of conversation is asking a series of questions that only serve in making the woman feel tense and uncomfortable, or they try to impress the girl by telling her about their car, career, cologne or anything else they think will win her over.
  • They don’t know how to flirt: If sex is the main course, then flirting is the hors d’oeuvres (appetizer) of dating. You’d be surprised at how many guys don’t use flirting when they are trying to attract a woman. When I observe a guy walking over to a woman for the first time, I can tell within seconds if he understands how to talk to women by assessing whether he is using flirting body language and behavior. Of course, flirting during conversation is just as important and if you don't know how to do it, you should definitely listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation.

Listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation


  • They don’t take the lead: A sexual courtship with a woman is like a dance and when it comes to men and women dancing, it is the men who have to lead. Guys who sit around waiting for the woman to lead are making the classic mistake of making her feel like “the man” in the situation. A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s the one “wearing the pants,” she wants a guy who can lead and make her feel like a real woman.
  • They lack confidence in their abilities: A guy who lacks confidence in his approach to women will also lack confidence in the other areas of his life too; and having to “mother” or “baby” a guy all the time to make him feel confident, is highly unappealing to a woman.
  • They’re submissive: A mentally and emotionally weak man is as appealing to woman as a wrinkled, old woman is to a man. Women simply don’t want to feel like they’re the dominant ones in the relationship. Being submissive around women will not only make bad boy alpha males want to pick on you (or pick up your woman right in front of you), but it will make women dump you, cheat on you or reject you the first time you speak to them. When you watch music videos, you will see women being dominant and the male actors being submissive in response, but it's just a music video. Same goes for TV commercials that portray women as being dominant over men and men having to be “good little boys” if they want to get some sex from their wife. It just doesn't work that way in the real world.

Watch Better Than a Bad Boy


Most Women Are Nice Girls

Movies and television are designed to amuse and entertain so everything we see is exaggerated and misrepresented. Women are often made to appear as spiteful, selfish, flaky, cold and patronizing bitches and men are portrayed as weak, sniveling wimps. Why? The entire industry is designed to have its viewers coming back for more, week after week, so relationships between men and women are portrayed as anything but normal and healthy. Characters are often strange or extreme and interactions between people are usually full of drama.

In the real world, you will find that most women are “nice girls.” Before I developed myself into a confident, charismatic guy, I too thought that women were mean and cold like they are portrayed in the movies. Yet, then I realized that most women I met simply weren't showing me their “nice side” because I was coming across as nervous and insecure, while also trying to pick them up! So, they were trying to ensure that I didn't get the wrong idea and think that I had a chance with them. Read: Why Are Beautiful Women So Mean?

The Good News

Fortunately, you're no longer alone in your quest to find yourself a nice girl. We are here to get rid of all the insecurities and fears that TV commercials, TV sitcoms and movies give you about women. We're here to make you confident and to teach you the secret to having your choice of women. Asking yourself, “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” will quickly become a thing of the past. Your new life with women is just a few clicks away, if you are willing to get started. Let us help you become the type of guy that girls basically “line up” to be with. Check out some of the success stories (read the comments) on this page to see what I mean.