Over the years, many guys have posted up comments asking me things like, “Dan, why can’t I find a nice girl?” or “Why are all of the nice women that I like or want to have sex with, already taken or not looking for a boyfriend?”
Yet, is that actually true? Has the guy been unable to find a nice girl because “nice girls” don’t exist, because they’re already taken or are not looking for a boyfriend right now? After helping guys improve their success with women for more than nine years now, I can tell you that most guys just don’t approach enough women to give themselves a chance to meet a nice girl who is compatible with them and also happens to be single.
In most cases, a single guy will approach approximately 10 new women per year that he likes and wants to have as a girlfriend. Yet, since most guys don’t know how to attract women during a conversation, the “nice girls” end up behaving rudely, cold or just say that they’re not looking for a boyfriend right now. If a single guy does approach a lot of women, but still can’t get results then he is simply doing it the wrong way. His lack of results is not due to a shortage of nice girls in the world, it is because he is turning women off during the interactions he has with them.
- Interacting with women in a nervous way: Nervousness is an instant turn off for women because they are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. If a guy shows obvious signs of nervousness, it makes it difficult for a woman to feel enough attraction for him to want to take things further.
- Asking too many questions without giving enough of himself during the conversation: Many guys find that they run out of things to say or can’t keep a conversation going and keep it interesting when talking to a woman they like. This happens when a guy closes up and doesn’t say what he really wants to say. Instead of being real and saying whatever he feels like, he will ask the woman a lot of boring questions (e.g. “What do you do for a living? How long have you worked there? Where do you live?”) or just talk in a very plain and straightforward manner.
- Not showing sexual interest in the woman: Many guys feel that showing sexual interest in a woman is “sleazy” or “wrong.” Yet, it’s actually an essential part of making a woman feel comfortable to open herself up to being seduced into a sexual relationship. If a guy focuses on keeping the conversation very polite and “friendly” instead of interesting and sexual, then she will simply see him as a friendly nice guy and have little or no sexual interest in him. Showing sexual interest in a woman does not have to be sleazy. Yes, some guys are sleazy, but what we teach here at The Modern Man is how to be successful with women while also maintaining your reputation as a good, respected guy. When you show sexual interest in a woman the right way, she sees you as charming, not sleazy.
- Places himself below women in terms of dating power and value: Many single guys who can’t get themselves a nice girl are turning women off by behaving as though the woman would almost be doing him a FAVOR by going out with him. This is not what a woman wants to feel! Women are naturally attracted to guys who are confident, alpha and who believe in themselves and their value to women. They don’t want to feel like they’d be doing you a huge favor by being your woman. A woman wants to snag herself a guy who could have other women if he wanted to, but is choosing to be with her. That is what makes her feel special and as though she has a guy who is a “catch.”
Are You Giving Yourself Enough Chances to Find a Nice Girl?
How many new women do you actually speak to every week? Is most of your free time on Friday or Saturday night spent hanging out with one or two friends, or even alone? If you do go out to meet women on those nights, do you make the most of that time, or do you usually just stand around looking at women?
Often, a single guy will be hanging out with some friends in bar or club, at the gym or at the mall or any other place where women hang out and ask in a “pity me” sort of way, “Why can’t I find a nice girl? Why is it so hard to meet women?” Yet, many single women are walking past him or are within 10-20 meters of where he is. All he has to do is walk over and say hello and check whether or not he and the woman are compatible and whether there is a spark of interest from her.
A single guy like this has either not accepted that it is his role as a man to approach and talk to women (i.e. it’s not a woman’s role to go around approaching men to find herself a boyfriend. She waits to be approached by a confident man who knows how to guide her through a sexual courtship. That way, she can take on the role of the woman and relax into the masculine direction of the man), or he has tried approaching women, failed miserably and is now too afraid to try it again.
When you are in a public place (e.g. a mall, city street, food court), around 35% of the women will be single and hoping to meet a guy. In a bar, the amount of single women in the venue is usually around 50%. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t approach and say hello to any women just because a certain percentage of them aren’t on the lookout for a man. There is no harm in going over to say hello, as long as you follow the approach that we teach here at The Modern Man. That is: Focus on being social and having a quick chat with her, rather than trying to pick her up. Women always respond well to that approach because it isn’t about picking them up, but just having an easy-going chat and seeing if there is a spark between you both.
Not every approach that you or any man makes will be a pick up, so you should never expect to pick up every woman you meet. That is impossible for any man on this planet because no man is compatible with every woman he meets and if he has standards, he’s not going to want every woman he meets either. When you approach a woman, you are simply saying hello and seeing how it goes.
Having that attitude is so much more fun and stress free for you and the women you meet.Most women know that they aren’t compatible with every man they meet, yet most men go around thinking that if they show interest in a woman and she doesn’t want sex or a relationship, then they’ve been REJECTED. It’s not a horrible rejection, it’s just a case of meeting someone that you’re not fully compatible with right now.
Yes, some women that you meet will already have a boyfriend, fiance or husband, that doesn’t mean you can’t walk over to check for yourself. It’s not your fault if she is already taken and she won’t be angry that you approached if you do so in a confident, relaxed and easy going way. If she is like most women, she will be flattered by the attention and will say, “Thanks, but I have a boyfriend.” There’s nothing wrong with that; it doesn’t mean you’ve been rejected. It’s completely normal and natural.
As for the single women who aren’t interested in you, that’s no big deal either. Why? No man is compatible with every woman he meets. The confident guys who are successful with women know that already and simply talk to enough attractive women until they find the ones who are compatible with them. Feeling pitiful and asking yourself, “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” is simply an excuse and you know it. There are women everywhere you look; at the mall, at the gym, in the library, at the supermarket, in nightclubs, yoga classes, cooking classes, the list goes on and on.
You have to approach and meet them. You can’t sit around hoping that your perfect woman will approach you or magically appear in your life. How long have you been waiting so far? Have you accepted women who weren’t perfect for you before, just so you didn’t have to face up to your fears and approach women that you’re actually attracted to and really want?
The truth is that there are 100s of millions of nice girls in this world and you just have to be man enough to walk over, say hello and give yourself a chance to meet them. If you go through life expecting that every woman you meet will be compatible with you, then you’re in for a sad, frustrating time.
What’s Stopping You From Finding a Nice Girl?
Finding yourself a nice girl has a lot to do with you giving yourself the opportunity to meet her and get to know her. You can’t find a nice girl by looking at women all day like they are pictures on the internet, or extras in a TV show. You have to walk over and talk to girls that you find attractive. Who knows, the girl that walked past you the other day could have been the perfect woman for you. Yet, you lacked the confidence (or know how) to approach to her, so the opportunity slipped through your fingers.
Single guys who wonder to themselves, “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” are often making one of more of the following mistakes in their quest to find that one special girl:
- They don’t go out enough: Some guys spend most of their spare time sitting at home and watching TV, playing computer games or browsing Facebook and hope that the “nice girl” of their dreams will magically appear in their life or post, “I like you” on his Facebook. If it hasn’t happened yet, it’s likely never going to happen. How much more of his life does he want to waste away feeling lonely and left out, before he decide to actually become the type of guy that girls truly want to be with?
- They dull their sexual energy with masturbation: Each man goes through a natural cycle of building up sexual energy and then releasing it through sex or masturbation. The problem for a lot of modern men is that they have such easy access to amazing porn that they get sucked into it every week. Instead of using the built up sexual energy to approach and flirt with real women, they simply jerk it out into a tissue a few times a week. Then, they sit around wondering why it’s so hard to find a girl. Instead of jerking off, a guy like that needs to get horny and then use that desire to be courageous enough to approach and talk to women he finds attractive. If he approaches correctly, he will get himself a girlfriend and some real sex. If he approaches incorrectly, he will get rejected and fall back to the safety blanket of porn.
- They are too shy and self conscious: Although a little shyness can be somewhat endearing to women, a guy who is afraid to look a woman in the eyes is not attractive to almost every woman on this planet. Guys who are self-conscious around a woman appear insecure, clumsy and hopeless. The woman gets the sense that she would be more like a mother or big sister to him, which is not a turn on. If she is like most women, she also doesn’t want to feel responsible for making him feel that nervous and self-conscious around her, so she will try to end the interaction as quickly as possible. If she is like 99% of women, she is attracted to the strength of a man and turned off by his weakness. Appearing emotionally weak by being shy or self-conscious is a surefire way of ensuring that girls (nice or not) simply won’t be interested in you.
- They don’t know how to approach and attract women: Approaching women sounds simple, right? Walk over, start a conversation and that’s it, right? Wrong. It requires you to have a particular skill set. If you don’t have that skill set, you need to learn it and then put it to use. If you approach women in the typical way, you will come across as awkward, nervous, tense and as a result – unattractive to 99% of the women you meet. Many guys (I used to be one of them) have only a basic understanding of how to approach and attract a woman. Instead of being effective and getting results with most women they meet, they simply dive in and hope for the best; usually with disastrous results.
- They usually can’t keep the conversation going and keep it interesting: The ability to engage a woman and make her feel attraction for you during conversation is absolutely essential if you want to find yourself a nice girl. It doesn’t matter if she naughty, nice or neutral; if you can’t make her feel desirable emotions during conversation, she isn’t going to be very interested in you.
- They don’t know how to flirt: If sex is the main course, then flirting is the hors d’oeuvres (appetizer) of dating. You’d be surprised at how many guys don’t use flirting when they are trying to attract a woman. When I observe a guy walking over to a woman for the first time, I can tell within seconds if he understands how to talk to women by assessing whether he is using flirting body language and behavior. You can’t skip flirting because you want to be nice or you think it’s unimportant. Flirting is essential for success with women when you meet them and when you’re 20 years into a relationship. It is always relevant and necessary when interacting with women whom you want to have sex with or maintain a happy relationship with.
- They don’t take the lead: A sexual courtship with a woman is like a dance and just like with dancing, it is the man who leads the woman. Guys who sit around waiting for a woman to lead them through a sexual courtship are making the classic mistake of making her feel like “the man” in the situation. A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s the one “wearing the pants,” she wants a guy who can lead and make her feel like a real woman. She wants to relax into the masculine direction of a man and be allowed to feel feminine and girly the entire way. She doesn’t want to have to lead a guy or mother him through any process in life.
- They lack confidence around women: Confidence is the number one thing that women find attractive about men. Without strong confidence, a guy might as well just stay at home and jerk off to porn. BTW: If you need to build confidence, keep learning from us here at The Modern Man. All of our programs and articles are designed to improve your confidence and skills with women.
- They place attractive women above themselves, in terms of dominance: A weak man is about as appealing to woman as a wrinkled, old woman is to a man. Women simply don’t want to feel like they’re the dominant ones in the interaction or relationship. Women definitely behave as though they want to be the dominant ones, but that is just a test to see how manly you are. If you bow down to women who test your masculinity, they will not feel sexually attracted to you. Being submissive around women not only makes bad boy want to pick on you (or pick up your woman right in front of you), but it makes women dump you, cheat on you or reject you the first time you speak to them. When you watch music videos, you will see women being dominant and the male actors being submissive in response, but it’s just a music video. The same goes for TV commercials that portray women as being dominant over men and men having to be “good little boys” if they want to get some sex from their wife. It just doesn’t work that way in the real world.
Fact: Most Women Are Nice Girls
Movies and television are designed to amuse and entertain so everything we see is exaggerated and misrepresented. Women are often made to appear as spiteful, selfish, flaky, cold and patronizing bitches and men are portrayed as weak, sniveling wimps. Why? The entire industry is designed to have its viewers coming back for more, week after week, so relationships between men and women are portrayed as anything but normal and healthy. Characters are often strange or extreme and interactions between people are usually full of drama.
In the real world, you will find that most women are “nice girls.” Before I developed myself into a confident, charismatic guy, I too thought that women were mean and cold like they are portrayed in the movies. Yet, then I realized that most women I met simply weren’t showing me their “nice side” because I was coming across as nervous and insecure, while also trying to pick them up! So, they were trying to ensure that I didn’t get the wrong idea and think that I had a chance with them.
The Good News
Fortunately, you are no longer alone in your quest to find yourself a nice girl. We are here to get rid of all the insecurities and fears that TV commercials, TV sitcoms and movies give you about women. We’re here to make you confident and to teach you the secret to having your choice of women. Asking yourself, “Why can’t I find a nice girl?” will quickly become a thing of the past.
Your new life with women is just a few clicks away, if you are willing to get started. Let us help you become the type of guy that girls basically “line up” to be with. Check out some of the success stories (read the comments) on this page to see what I mean.