Why Do Women Like Jerks and Bad Boys?
The truth about what women really want from men is simple. Almost all women want a good man, who is also confident, strong (mentally and emotionally) and masculine. They do NOT want a bad man who will cause them harm, treat them badly, cheat on them, etc. On the same note, women also do not want a nice guy who lacks confidence, is mentally and emotionally weak (i.e. nervous, anxious, desperate, etc).
If there are no good men available, a woman will usually go for the next best thing: A jerk or bad boy. Why are jerks and bad boys usually better than nice guys? In most cases, the type of guy who is considered a “nice guy” will be less confident and masculine than a bad boy or jerk. A “nice guy” is usually a nervous, anxious type who assumes that by being really nice, a woman will think, “Wow, he's so nice. I think he would be a good boyfriend!” and then choose him. He'll be as nice and friendly and possible and wait for the woman to show that she is interested in him. Then, he'll tell her his feelings and she will reject him. Why?
A woman needs to feel attraction for a guy, not just like him as a nice friend. Women are attracted to a man's confidence and masculinity. If you are nervous, anxious or hesitant around a woman, she will sense your fear and it will turn her off. So, if you're wondering, "Why do women like jerks?" or "Why do women only like bad boys?" you can let that naive thought go. It's not about being a jerk or being bad, it's about being the type of guy who makes a woman feel sexual attraction.
So, Should I Be Bad to Women? Will That Make Them Like Me?
Not at all.
What women want is a GOOD guy, who is ALSO confident, masculine and strong. If there are none of those guys available, women will go for BAD guys who are also confident, masculine and strong.
Why? Confidence, masculinity and mental and emotional strength is what women find the most sexually attractive about men. Really nice, sensitive guys usually aren't "the next best thing" because they typically lack confidence in themselves, are socially nervous or anxious and suppress their natural masculinity. In the same way that a woman's sexy body and appearance is attractive to you, your masculine strength is attractive to her. When I say "strength" I am NOT referring to your muscles, I'm talking about your mental and emotional strength (i.e. confidence, self-assurance, emotional stability, etc). Read: Do You Need Big Muscles to Attract Women These Days?
How Strong Do I Have to be to be Attractive to Women?
The general rule is that a woman wants you to be stronger she is, unless she is the type of woman who likes weak men that she can control in a relationship and dump when she feels like it. Women like this are afraid falling for a man they will truly love and then getting their heart broken, so they go for weaker men, knowing full well that she will never fully open her heart to him and will never love him as deeply as should love a man who is stronger than her (mentally and emotionally).
For most women, if you're much stronger (mentally and emotionally) than her, then you will be much more attractive to her than other men who are only slightly stronger than she is. How can you increase your mental and emotional strength and be what women refer to as a real man? Watch Better Than a Bad Boy.
To help you understand this topic further, let's have a look at an extreme example of mental and emotional weakness in a man and how it absolutely kills a woman's attraction. Recently, a guy (name withheld for privacy) sent me the following e-mail:
You say girls want manly men. Not necessarily muscle bound freaks, but men. Now I was getting along with a girl from work, I thought everything was going on great guns, then at the last minute she says her ex wants her back. I was devastated to the point of sobbing in her arms. I have been having some depression problems that I thought I had sorted (obviously not). Now because of my display she wont even look at me, and is now flirting with other guys in the office, which is making me really jealous.. I don’t know where I went wrong to get the "my ex wants me back" comment from her. Then my show of tears for her proved beyond all doubt that I am a wimp. And now she is fluffing herself for the tossers in the office. What should I do??”
How on Earth is a woman going to be attracted to that type of behavior? The guy who sent me the e-mail obviously realizes that his crying made him look like a wimp, but if he sobbed like a baby in her arms like that, you can only imagine how weak he was behaving in other interactions he and the woman were having.
The fact is, if you're not a strong man (mentally and emotionally), women simply aren't going to feel the deep sexual attraction for you that is required for them to want to pursue you. If a woman feels stronger than you, mentally and emotionally, the most you will get from her is:
- A friendship.
- Her using your compliments and interest to boost her self-esteem.
- Pretend flirting until she meets a guy that she actually feels attraction for.
Do Women Like When Men Cry?
The short answer is NO.
While there are some times when it is “okay” for a man to cry briefly (e.g. at a funeral), in almost every other instance, women want men to control their emotions rather than lose control of their emotions like a girl. Once again, the only women who like to see this sort of behavior are those who are looking for a weak man that they will never truly love and will be able to control (with the threat of a break up) during a relationship.
If you are man who experiences the full emotions of life and is unafraid to experience them, you might sometimes find your eyes get a bit “watery” as though as you are going to cry (e.g. when watching a moving/sad movie), but you DON'T actually cry. Instead, your eyes just get a bit watery and then you compose yourself. While that is normal and healthy, it is not something a woman wants to see coming from you. As long as it is a very rare occurrence, you remain composed and don't actually cry, then there's no problem doing it. However, some guys (the really sensitive ones who are more in touch with their feminine side than masculine), will let tears FALL down their cheeks while watching a sad movie. This is an example of a man being mentally and emotionally weak and lacking in masculinity. Women are the ones who lose control of their emotions and cry and they expect a man to be able to maintain control of his emotions.
If you've ever cried in front of a woman, you will know how devastating it is to her respect and attraction for you. Whether she has the courage to tell you right then and there, everything she once felt for you pretty much vanishes in an instant. To give you some perspective on this, imagine that you meet a pretty girl who has a perfect “swimsuit body” and a beautiful personality to boot. She becomes your girlfriend and you enjoying having sex with her so much because she's super sexy, looks great and is a beautiful person as well. Then, 3 months into the relationship, she arrives at your door as an extremely obese woman, with yellow pimples on her face and a smelly odour coming from her body. Do you still feel the same amount of attraction for her? Wait, there's more! She then vomits all over you and the floor and, with vomit all over her lips and chin, she says, "Kiss me!" Feeling turned off by her yet? Well, what you're feeling now is about the same as what a woman feels when a man cries to her, pleads to her with tears rolling down his face, etc.
To quote some of my female friends who I've talked to about men who've cried to them during a break up, “It was disgusting,” “I lost all respect for him,” “It was very disappointing” and “I can no longer feel the same way about him.”
Don't Confuse REALLY Confident Guys with Jerks, Bad Boys or “Tossers”
In the e-mail above, the guy refers to the other guys in the office as “tossers.” Why? When a really, really nice and sensitive guy doesn't understand that women are attracted to a man's confidence rather than mental weakness, he will often look at really confident guys and label them as jerks, tossers or bad boys.
From all my experience coaching guys in this area and from my years of experience working in the corporate world, I can bet that most of the guys are NOT tossers, jerks or bad boys. These other guys (labelled as "tossers") simply aren't behaving like a sweet, sensitive little boy like he is and thinking that a woman wants to be treated like a fragile princess.
Note: Before the really, really nice guys who are reading article this assume that I am suggesting you should not treat women nicely: THINK AGAIN. The Modern Man approach to success with women is about being a GOOD GUY, while also being confident, strong and masculine. Sure, some of the guys in his office might not be good guys, but in a big group of men in an office, rarely are there more than a few bad boys or jerks. Most guys are good guys and want to be good guys, just like most people are good people and want to be good. However, a confused nice guy who tries to court a woman like a gentleman from the early 1900s would have done, see guys who behave differently to him as being mean, bad, selfish, immoral and so forth.
What most nice guys don't realize (I used to be one of the confused nice guys, which is why I know so much about this topic!) is that THINGS CHANGE. Just like a mini-skirt used to be taboo and shocking, but it is now normal and welcomed by society, or how people used to go and watch theatre plays and musical orchestras and now most of them go to movies, clubs and sports games – THINGS CHANGE. Trying to behave like a gentleman from the early 1900s just doesn't fit with how the modern world works because things have changed! Being a 1900s gentleman who politely waited months before a woman kissed him was a cultural fad that has come and gone, just like how the amazing cultural phase of the Japanese Samurais came and went. The samurais were an awesome, amazing and interesting piece of Japanese culture, but it no longer applies to today's world. Likewise, you can now kiss women within seconds/minutes of meeting them because things have changed.
Get with the times or be left behind. It's pretty simple.
Let me be absolutely clear about this point though: I am NOT saying that you shouldn't be nice to women, be a gentleman or use any type of chivalry when you are courting a woman into a relationship, but I am saying that the approach that men used 100 years ago does not apply to today's dating scene. You don't have to be bad, you don't have to be a jerk, but you do need to understand that women want a man to be stronger than them (mentally and emotionally), to be “cool” to the point that he understands modern culture and is also able to guide her from a conversation to sex and into a relationship.
A modern woman isn't looking for a man who will court her for months or years and then ask her father for permission to marry her. Sure, there are SOME of those women left in the world, but they are less than 1%. Most modern women want modern romance, not the type of “slow play” romance that you see in black and white movies.
She Doesn't Want You to Behave Like a Character in a “Chick Flick”
In modern romantic movies and “chick flicks,” you will often see the man being super nice, sweet and romantic and the woman getting “swept off her feet” by his niceness and generosity. Women cry when they watch those movies and say, “Oh, he's so sweet...I wish a man would treat me that way,” yet what most guys don't realize is that women do NOT find such behavior appealing UNLESS they are attracted to the guy first.
The truth about life as a human being is that you only know what you know and if you don't know what it takes to be successful with modern women, then well – you don't know. Most guys do not understand that there is a difference between a woman LIKING them and feeling ATTRACTION for them. They will tell a woman about "their feelings" (like a girl) before the woman even feels any sexual attraction for them, so the woman will then naturally reject them. Why? If you don't know the answer to that or you don't know how to make a woman feel sexual attraction for you and make her tell YOU about her feeling first, then you need to stop what you are doing and learn. You only know what you know. You are either going to get educated and be successful with women, or try to guess your way through the complex maze that is success with women.
Click here to get your copy of Better Than a Bad Boy and become the type of guy that women choose over bad boys or jerks any day of the week. If you want to be better than the jerks or bad boys, make sure you watch this program. It will change your life in so many positive ways.Next Page >>
By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+ (Personal photos with women)