Over the years, many guys have asked me things like, “Dan, why are women attracted to jerks?” and “Why do women like bad boys?”
In most cases, a guy’s reason for asking this question is due to the fact that he considers himself to be nice guy and has noticed that women overlook him in favor of guys that he perceives to be a “jerk.”
Watch this video to understand why nice guys usually get rejected by women and what you can do to be successful with women, while still being a nice guy…
As you will discover from the video above, being a jerk is not the secret to success with women.
Women are usually more attracted to jerks because they at least display some (not all) of the qualities that make women feel attracted (e.g. confidence, assertiveness, masculine vibe, etc), whereas nice guys usually display traits that turn women off (e.g. nervousness, insecurity, social anxiety, etc).
Some women do prefer bad boys and jerks, but those women are the minority.
The truth is, most guys are nice guys (or fairly nice guys) and they are able to get laid, get a girlfriend and get married because they also display traits that make women feel naturally attracted to them.
The kind of nice guys that get rejected by women are the ones who are nervous, shy or who expect to be liked enough (or “given a chance”) by a woman because they have good intentions.
Nice guys who get rejected simply don’t know what makes women feel attracted, which is 1 of the 3 things that attractive women hate about most single men…
As you will discover from the video above, it’s very easy for a woman to make a guy feel attracted because he will usually select her based on her physical appearance.
Yet, most women (not all) are interested in things other than a guy’s appearance.
Here’s a simplified way of looking at the jerk vs. nice guy problem, with one attractive trait (confidence) added in to set the guys apart…
|Liked by women||Disliked by women|
|Confident nice guy.||Nervous nice guy.|
|Confident bad boy.||Nervous bad boy.|
|Confident jerk.||Nervous jerk.|
|Confident good guy.||Nervous good guy.|
Get the drift?
In the example above, it’s the guy’s confidence that women are attracted to.
There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Nice
Here at The Modern Man, Ben, Stu and I (The Modern Man coaches) are all nice guys.
Looking at the photo of us above, some guys might think that we seem like jerks, assholes, bad boys or whatever, while other guys will think that we seem like regular good guys.
You are going to perceive us in whatever way you want, which will be based on your current understanding of the world (e.g. anyone who doesn’t look as nice and innocent as you is probably a bit of bad boy, jerk, etc).
However, in case you can’t work out what type of guys we are, I will tell you…
Ben, Stu and I are regular good guys. We like being nice to people and to women.
However, being good guys doesn’t mean that we will be nervous, shy and socially anxious like other nice guys who put on a fake smile and act vulnerable to hopefully get pity from others.
Ben, Stu and I are good guys who are also very confident, masculine and charismatic. As a result of having those traits, we are attractive to women and the fact that we are good guys is seen as a bonus for women. Yet, our niceness is not seen as mandatory by women.
As you have seen – a woman will forgo the niceness and hook up with a jerk or bad boy, just so she can feel attraction to his confidence and masculinity. If she instead hooked up with a nervous nice guy, she’d have herself a nice guy, but she wouldn’t feel much or any attraction for him due to his emotional weakness.
Are women crazy for feeling attracted to guys in the way they do?
It’s more more “crazy” than you feeling attracted to bad girls (e.g. pornstars, strippers, etc) and then going around telling everyone that you’re trying to meet a nice girl.
You can’t help what triggers your feelings of attraction.
You probably want a nice girl who is a sexy and beautiful as a pornstar or stripper, but if you if you met a pornstar or stripper who was a bad girl, you’d probably still want to have sex with her, right?
Yes, There Are Some Weird Women Who Like Bad, Abusive Men
A small minority of women actually want a very bad man (likely less than 5%), some women like a guy who is a little bit of a bad boy (20%), but the majority of women (75%) want a good guy who is confident.
The same applies to men.
The majority of men want a beautiful woman who is caring, loving, loyal, intelligent, down to Earth and trustworthy. Yet, there are some men who want a badass bitch, a manipulative woman, a controlling women or a dominatrix type of woman.
What you need to understand is that there are some weird women out there, but if you want to be successful with women in general, you need to focus on the majority of women who just want a confident, good guy.
So, if you’re one of the many good guys who gets frustrated and asks, “Why are women attracted to jerks?” just accept that some women like bad guys, but the majority of women like good guys who are confident.
If you are a nervous nice guy around women, it’s only natural that they are not going to feel sexually attracted to you.
Why? Women are sexually attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the weakness (e.g. nervousness, self-doubt, social anxiety, low self-esteem, etc).
Two Important Traits That Will Attract More Women to You
You can attract women in more than 100 different ways with your personality (e.g. charisma, humor, charm, etc) and we teach all of those ways in our programs here at The Modern Man.
2 out of the 100s of ways to attract women are…
1. Relaxed Confidence
Relaxed confidence comes through in how you think, behave, act and move wherever you are (e.g. in bed with a woman, at a party, walking through a shopping mall, etc).
A guy who has relaxed confidence doesn’t need to behave in a loud, overly confident way (like a jerk) to attract a woman’s attention. He knows that he is more than good enough for women and as a result, he is relaxed and doesn’t need to be anything other than his natural self.
There’s no acting coming from him. He’s real, authentic and his relaxed confidence gives him an effortless air of power and dominance.
On the other hand, a jerk will usually try to get a woman’s attention by acting up, being loud and causing some trouble, but that insecure social strategy is not the answer to success with women.
Success with women is much easier and requires much less effort than most guys realize. However, to get to a point where you have genuine, relaxed confidence, you first need to get rid of your insecurities about women and develop a belief in your ability to attract women.
Watch this video to understand how any guy can become more attractive to women and stop feeling insecure and unworthy around women…
As you will discover from the video above, most women (not all women) are much more flexible about what they find attractive in a man than most guys realize.
From the outside, it may seem like women all want jerks, assholes and bad boys, but those guys are simply getting results because they are attracting women in some ways (not all) and then have the balls to move things forward to kissing, dates, sex and into a relationship.
You don’t have to be like them to be successful with women. All you need to do is be the good guy that you already are, but simply display personality traits and behaviors that naturally attract women.
When you do that, most women will feel as though they’ve hit the dating jackpot by meeting you, because will have finally found a good guy who also turns them on. When that happens, you will realize how little competition there is for hot women. Most guys are absolutely clueless about how to attract women and what women really want from a man.
2. Mental and Emotional Masculinity
A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that to be seen as masculine, they need to be tall, have a square jawline, build loads of muscle in the gym or act like a tough guy.
Yet, the type of masculinity that women are most attracted to is your inner masculinity.
For example: A guy who lacks inner masculinity will feel nervous in social situations, doubt himself when interacting with attractive women and lack confidence around confident men.
You approach a woman and make some polite small talk in an effort to get a conversation going, (e.g. “What’s your name?” or “What do you do for a living?”).
You ask her many questions about herself and then hang on her every word as she replies. You take every opportunity to compliment her and you try to agree with everything she says because you really want her to like you.
She then makes an excuse to get away from you (e.g. “I have to go to the bathroom. Bye!”) and you are left wondering if she’s ever going to come back and talk to you again.
Later on, you see that’s she trying hard to get the attention of a guy who seems to be dividing his attention between her and a few other girls. From your perspective, he is behaving like a jerk and is being a selfish prick who is taking all the women.
Yet, from her perspective, he is probably offering her the type of challenge that she has been craving to experience when she meets a guy…
As you will discover from the video above, most women feel bored by the instant, “YES!” that they get from most guys they meet.
If a woman is attractive, most guys are willing to have sex with her (and many are willing to start a relationship with her), even though she hasn’t done anything to impress him other than look good.
For most guys, they don’t care what a woman thinks, what she does for a living or what kind of cat or dog she has. They are willing to have sex with her simply based on what she looks like.
This is why many women get bored of the approach that most guys use and then end up being attracted to guys who are more of a challenge.
From the outside, it may look like the guy is a jerk, but he’s probably just another good guy (or fairly good guy) who understands the reality that women live in and is simply giving women what they want.
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Im probably going to get some hate for this but is there any scenairo you can use physical force with women? I want to clarify im not a wifebeater in the making I havent been to prison lol and I know the golden rule you can never hit a woman however about a month ago I had an encounter with the girlfriend of my best friend theres no other way of putting this but shes a nasty piece of work classic bunny boiler style stuff shes caused people a lot of pain one example out of the hat he has fallen out with his parents because of this girl and the things she has done anyway got to boiling point with me and I grapped this girl by the neck threatened her if she didnt stop what she was doing I would do worse (I wouldnt have) and then spat in her face, I know sounds harsh man but shes literally pure evil, ive tried the dipolmatic route as many others have with her doesnt work she laughs in your face, the fallout from this has been my friend is no longer my friend however she has stopped her manipulating ways. Just want your thoughts on this rare incident.
Thanks for your question.
You’re wondering if grabbing a woman by the neck and spitting in her face is okay? Of course not man. If you react with physical aggression when a woman tests you, then you are likely to react badly to the challenges of life and may end up doing something that lands you in prison or costs you your own life.
I appreciate your courage to admit to such an act and and ask that question. I definitely recommend that you stop going down the path of physical aggression with women – it is a dead end that will only lead you to trouble. Believe me, if you take the path of a good guy alpha male, women will love and respect you and you won’t feel the need to respond with any sort of physical aggression.
Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/why-women-lose-respect-for-men.html and http://www.themodernman.com/how_to_become_an_alpha_male.html
Want to point out what led me to go that extreme, I was out at a bar with some people saw her there, in the venue saw her making out with a dude and grabbing his crotch want to point out to she is married to my best friend and its well known she has
cheated on him numerous times, the tipping point was later on in the night she was outside having a cigarette with a girlfriend I went out there to have a smoke also and I saw her purposely burning some nervous looking guy with her cigarette and laughing about it with her friend and led me to do what I explained up top.
It definitely sounds like she is a woman who pushes the boundaries. However, you should let your best friend (her husband) make a decision on how to react. You getting aggressive with her won’t stop the behavior for long and will only cause problems for you.
There is one MASSIVE flaw in your confidence theory:
Yes, women swear up and down that they want a confident men. Yet, they do EVERYTHING under the sun to completely ruin a guy’s confidence just for the fun of it.
After doing that enough times, these same women then start whining that they can’t find a decent, confident guy.
What’s up with that???
“Yes, women swear up and down that they want a confident men. Yet, they do EVERYTHING under the sun to completely ruin a guy’s confidence just for the fun of it.” They are testing your confidence. My theory isn’t flawed – your understanding of women is flawed! 😀
You wrote: “A small minority of women actually want a very bad man (likely less than 5%), some women like a guy who is a little bit of a bad boy (20%), but the majority of women want a good guy who is brimming confidence and true masculinity.”
My question is; why do those 5% prefer a very bad man, and why do those 20% prefer a guy who is a little bit of a bad boy – instead of preferring a “good guy alpha-male”?
I guess the 5% that prefers a very bad man, consists of women with very low self-esteem and who doesn’t feel worthy of being treated in a good way by a man.
But why do those 20% prefer a guy who is a little bit bad boy? Because, if they really preferred bad boy-characteristics, then they would prefer a guy who is a lot of bad boy, instead of just a little bit bad boy.
So it doesn’t make sense to me that they prefer a guy who is just a little bit bad boy. Do you have any explanation for this?
It’s like how some guys want a woman who is a bit slutty and a little bit bad, but still a good person. Example: A stripper, a girl who takes drugs on weekends at raves and then goes back to her good job during the week, etc.
Okay, so it’s like this?:
We men think a beautiful girl is sexually attractive in ordinary clothes, but we think she’s even more sexually attractive in slutty clothes/stripper clothes/sexual costumes, because those kinds of clothes HIGHLIGHTS her sexually attractive beauty more than what ordinary clothes does.
And the correlation to the 20% of women I was referring to; is that they are sexually attracted to a normal, good, masculine & confident guy, but they think a guy who’s also a bit of a bad boy is even more sexually attractive, because his bad-boy-traits HIGHLIGHTS his masculinity & confidence (his self-validation/social independence) more than what a normal, good guy’s masculinity & confidence does.
Do you understand what I mean?
Is this correlation correct, or does it work in some other way for the 20% of women who wants a guy who’s also a bit of a bad boy?
Thanks for your clarification of this
Yes, you’ve described it quite well there.
The bad boy traits are like a woman acting slutty. Men SAY that they want a nice, intelligent, loyal, trustworthy woman, but get a boner while looking at pornstar women who are whores, sluts and probably not trustworthy in a relationship.
Women SAY that they want a nice guy, but since a bad boy will show a LOT of masculinity and confidence, they can’t help feeling attracted to that. However, the answer is NOT to be a bad boy. The answer is to be a real man: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/the-best-man-bad-boy-jerk-or-nice-guy.html
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