If a man has been finding it difficult to get laid or get a girlfriend, he may eventually start to figure out where he has been going wrong and he may then make some changes and start getting results with women.
Unfortunately though, some guys end up making beginner-level mistakes with women their entire single life and as a result, they don’t ever get to access the pretty women that they want, or they end up getting rejected by girls who were actually interested in them, but the interaction just became awkward and the girl lost interest.
For some guys, if that happens to them long enough, they may eventually start to believe that it’s their fate (i.e. they are doomed with women).
Thankfully though, for most men, all that is standing in between them and being able to hook up or get into relationships with women that they find attractive, is just to understand where they’ve been going wrong and to simply adjust their approach so they can have interactions that flow smoothly, where the woman wants to hook up with them sexually or be his girlfriend.
So, here are 3 beginner mistakes that so many guys make, which end up causing them to get rejected or friend-zoned by women who they could have actually hooked up with.
1. Trying to get a woman to like him as a person, rather than making her feel sparks of sexual attraction for him
When a guy is a beginner at getting laid or getting a girlfriend, or if he’s been doing it for a while and just hasn’t figured this particular thing out, he will interact with a woman that he finds attractive and his focus will be on making her feel comfortable around him, having a good conversation with her, getting to know her and hoping that she sees that he’s a good guy.
He hopes that she will like him because of that and want to be with him sexually and romantically.
Yet, when he uses that approach, in almost all cases, women that he meets will just feel friendly type of vibes with him.
The woman won’t be feeling excited and turned on.
She won’t be feeling like she wants to jump on him and start kissing him and having sex with him.
Instead she will feel more like just a friend.
Additionally, when a guy uses the approach where he just wants to make a woman feel comfortable and get to know her, what will often happen to him is that if he’s talking to a woman or a couple of women and is having a comfortable conversation with them, getting along with them and then another guy comes along and starts using flirting and humor, they will instantly lose interest in talking to the guy who just wants to have a friendly conversation and will focus on the guy who’s flirting with them to create a sexual vibe.
The other guy is using flirt and humor to energize the conversation, so they become focused on him.
Meanwhile, the guy who’s using the approach of just trying to make the girls feel comfortable and get along with them is sitting there thinking, “What’s going on here? The girls are focused on this guy now, they like him, they want to talk to him” and the girls start flirting with that guy.
Before he knows it, he feels like a third wheel, or if he’s with a group, he starts to feel like the awkward one in the group because everyone else is connecting on a different level and he feels left out of it.
To avoid that happening to you, what you need to understand is that you can make a woman feel attracted to you right away (without having to get to know her first).
You can energize the conversation right away by using flirting, humor or adding in other attractive traits (e.g. your masculine vibe).
You can create a sexual vibe between you and her right away.
Of course, you don’t need to be constantly flirting with a woman to create a sexual vibe or constantly using humor, but you need to be able to add that stuff in, so the woman is feeling attracted to you.
She’s seeing that you don’t want to just have a friendly conversation with her.
There’s a spark between you and her.
She feels that energy between you and her where it could become sexual and romantic.
So, if you’re talking to a couple of women and the conversation goes to what they do for a living, you can use their answers to that question to energize the conversation, to flirt with them and use some humor to get them experiencing sexual feelings for you.
When you do that, the women are feeling attracted to you, they’re feeling drawn to you, they want to interact with you and they can sense that you’re not just looking at them as a couple of friends.
You’re looking at them as women that you find attractive and therefore you’re motivated enough to flirt with them.
They’re not just girls that you want to have a friendly conversation with.
You actually find them attractive.
Flirting is a language that women understand and that they prefer to use, to discreetly show their interest in you.
The dictionary definition of flirting is:
Flirt (verb): To behave as though you’re attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement, rather than with serious intentions.
In other words, flirting is when you playfully show interest and make a woman feel attracted to you.
For example: By being confident, playfully challenging, assertive, using some humor, etc, but just for the fun of it.
When you make a woman feel attracted to you based on your behavior and you also flirt to show some interest, she will then flirt back with you and due to the mutual attraction and mutual displays of interest between you and her, both you and her can skip over trying to get to know each other and just start interacting as though you and her are already a couple or are becoming a couple.
This is why you’ll see some guys create sparks of attraction inside of a woman within 10 to 15 seconds of talking to her, whereas other guys who make the mistake of trying to get a woman to like him enough as a person to give him a chance, will often talk to a woman for hours and hours and if he then asks for her number, he will get the old, “Sorry, but I’m not looking for a boyfriend” or, “You’re nice, but I think we’d be better off as friends.”
As a beginner to attracting women, he doesn’t understand the discreet language of flirting that cuts through all the ‘getting to know you’ phase and gets right into mutual, playful displays of sexual attraction and interest.
Back to the example…
For example: You’re talking to two girls and you ask them what they do for a living.
One girl says that she works as a nurse and the other as a teacher.
To the teacher, you could say something like this, “A teacher? You look like you’d be a mean teacher. You have that angry face about you…that stern look. Before I came over and talked to you girls, I was standing across the bar and I noticed you and you just had like an angry face on you.”
Pause for a moment, smile and say, “I’m just kidding, you look like a sweetie. What’s it like being a teacher?”
To the nurse, you can say something like this, “And you – a nurse. Well, that suits you because you have very caring eyes…but I can see there’s a bit of a wild side in there as well.”
Now the thing is, many women want to be able to seem like they’re approachable when they’re out at a bar or a party.
They don’t want to seem like a mean type of woman, a bitchy type of woman who’s got that resting bitch face and so on.
Instead they want to seem approachable.
So, when you say something, like she had a mean look on her face, a scowl on her face, a sort of angry-looking face, a woman is going to be shocked.
She’s going to be curious and is going to want to find out why you thought that about her.
Since you’re only joking and then you say, “Just kidding, you look like a sweetie,” women who do want to be approached so they can meet a guy and hopefully find themselves a boyfriend, will laugh at that and feel relieved that they don’t seem bitchy and unapproachable and instead are giving off a softer, warmer and more open vibe.
That makes her feel attracted to you because you have the confidence to say something like that to her and the ability to make her laugh, the ability to make her feel girly and put on the spot, the social intelligence to create a moment like that and so on.
With the other example of the woman being a nurse: Saying that she has very caring eyes, but you can see a wild side in there as well is also attractive.
Women love that because once again, they do want to come across as having that femininity to them, that softness, that warmth, but they want a guy to know that they also have a bit of a wild side, a bit of a naughty side.
When you say something like that, it creates a private connection between you and the woman where she knows that you ‘get it,’ (i.e. she knows that you understand that there’s a bit of a naughty side in the background as well, a bit of a wild side).
Therefore, the conversation that you and her have doesn’t have to be all politeness and formalities.
It can be a little bit edgy (i.e. sexual undertones, naughtiness, cheekiness), which is then going to be a lot more fun for you and her.
Now compare that to just trying to make the women feel comfortable.
“Oh, so what do you do? Oh, you’re a teacher and you’re a nurse, oh, cool. How long have you been working there? Cool. Interesting. What hospital do you work at? Oh, wow. How long have you been working there and do you enjoy what you do? I mean it must be very hard working as a nurse.”
A totally different experience for the man and the woman.
It’s just a neutral conversation.
There’s no flirting going back and forth.
It’s a conversation that can easily be disrupted by one of her friends, or by someone else coming into the conversation.
She isn’t feeling enough attraction for the guy (who is just being friendly) to want to focus on him (because she wants to find a boyfriend or lover, not a male friend).
On the other hand, if you have a conversation with her where you’re flirting with her and she’s feeling energized and someone comes in to interrupt the conversation, she’s going to want to bring her focus back on you because you are a guy who is making her feel attracted.
There’s a connection between you and her.
There are sparks between you and her.
She’s feeling drawn to you.
There’s that energy between you and her where it’s not just about having a friendly, neutral conversation.
She’s feeling something for you.
She’s feeling attracted to you.
She’s feeling drawn to you.
As I said though, you don’t have to do that all the time.
It’s not a 100% of the time thing.
Instead, flirting is simply 20% of the time.
80% of the time you can have a normal everyday conversation, but you at least need to be able to add in some flirting, a little bit of humor, a little bit of challenging humor and so forth 20% of the time.
So, always remember to add in flirt 20% of the time, if you want to have an energized, attracted conversation where the woman is drawn to you and she wants something to happen between you and her.
The thing is though, some guys might feel like that’s just too difficult for them.
A guy might think, “I don’t want to have fun when I’m talking to a woman like that, I don’t want put in any effort to challenge her in a playful way. I just want to talk to her and be the good guy that I am and I want her to like me for that.”
Yet it’s important to understand that a woman’s attraction for a man is largely based on how his personality and behavior makes her feel.
If a guy is interacting with a woman and he’s just being neutral and friendly, then she’s not going to be very attracted to him, but if that same guy starts being a little bit playfully challenging while he’s talking to her, flirting with her a bit, then she is going to feel sparks of attraction him.
It’s the difference between getting laid and getting a girlfriend, or going home and doing what most guys do when they go home alone.
The second beginner mistake is…
2. Assuming that he is being rejected if the woman isn’t showing lots of interest
So many guys miss out on being with women that are attracted to them due to making this mistake.
A guy will be interacting with a woman who is feeling attracted and interested, but like a typical woman, she isn’t showing loads of interest in him right away for various reasons.
For example: Some of the reasons why a woman will do that are:
- To see if a guy will remain confident even though she’s not showing him loads of interest.
- To see if a guy will remain interested in her, even though she’s not showing him loads of interest.
- To avoid looking like an easy girl. She wants to show him that she’s the sort of girl who can control herself. She isn’t a slutty type of woman. She doesn’t easily just hook up with guys. She is the sort of woman who controls herself.
A guy needs to understand that about women.
Most women don’t want to look slutty, they don’t want to look like an easy girl, so they’ll usually remain quite reserved.
At times, it may even seem that she isn’t interested and that can sometimes be due to her insecurities.
For example: Sometimes she could be talking to a guy, feeling attracted to him and feeling like she’s coming on too strong too soon or worry that she looks too keen.
She will worry that he’s going to think that she’s desperate, so she then starts playing with her phone or acting like she’s not that interested to ‘play it cool’ and so on.
So, if a guy doesn’t understand that all these sorts of things can go on when he’s talking to a woman, he may lose confidence.
He may think that he’s being rejected by a woman who is actually interested in him.
Now the thing is, some guys will say, “Oh, women are stupid, why do they play games like that? Why don’t they just say that they like me so we can get on with kissing, having sex and having a relationship?”
Yet, guys do the same thing to women.
A guy will like a woman and he will be ‘playing it cool.’
He won’t have the confidence to tell her that he likes her.
Instead, he’ll just keep talking to her and that’s what a lot of women do; they just keep talking to you.
Continuing to talk to you is often a signal that a woman is interested in you.
If she stays there talking to you, you’ve got to see that as a sign that she’s interested in you because if she wasn’t, she would most likely leave.
So, if you’re talking to a woman, she isn’t running away from you and is continuing to talk to you, then just get on with making her feel attracted, connecting with her and taking things to the next level.
Get to a kiss or get her phone number and get things moving along, rather than making the beginner mistake of thinking that if a woman doesn’t show you loads of interest, then she’s not interested.
As I just explained a few moments ago, there can be all sorts of reasons why she isn’t showing loads of obvious interest, just like a guy will do when he’s interacting with a woman and he is feeling unsure of himself.
For example: He starts talking to her as a friend, even though he really likes her and is hoping to become her boyfriend.
On the outside, he seems like he just wants to be her friend and has no interest in a relationship.
Yet, inside he’s thinking, “Wow, I really like this girl! She’s so amazing,” but he just talks to her like a friend.
He asks things like, “So, what have you been up to lately? Oh, yeah. Cool, that’s interesting” and doesn’t use her answers to flirt with her or challenge her.
He’s just talking to her like a friend and is afraid to start flirting with her.
He’s afraid to show some obvious interest.
He’s afraid to make a move.
So, it’s important to understand that both men and women often find themselves feeling that fear, or feeling insecure around something they like.
As a result, their behavior can change and with a woman for example, it can seem like she isn’t interested, when she actually is.
So, when you’re talking to a woman, don’t expect her to be showing loads of obvious signs of interest to let that she likes you.
Many times, you’ll be talking to an attractive woman and she will like you, but she won’t make it super obvious.
You don’t need to tell her that you want to be her boyfriend, or ask her for a relationship.
Instead, you just need to get on with making her feel some more attraction, connecting with her and moving things forward (i.e. getting to a hug, kiss and then sex).
If you do that, then a relationship will naturally start.
Yet, if you give up because you’re expecting her to make it 100% obvious that she wants you, then you and her will probably end up going your separate ways and she will end up feeling disappointed that she didn’t get to be with you.
You may also end up feeling disappointed that it didn’t work out.
You thought she was interested initially, but she didn’t seem to be very interested.
Little did you know, she was.
Yet, she was nervous, unsure of herself, didn’t want to look too easy, or was waiting to see if you would remain confident or interested in her if she wasn’t making it obvious that she wanted you.
So, stick in there, keep going and move things forward to a hug, kiss, sex and then into a relationship.
The third beginner mistake that a lot of guys make is…
3. Not allowing her to experience the fun of trying to win him over
For example: A guy will meet a woman and feel instantly attracted to her because she’s pretty.
He will then become overwhelmed by his attraction to the point where he shows her that he’s totally won over by her.
He will give her the sense that she doesn’t have to do anything to impress him because he’s totally into her and he wants to be her boyfriend.
Yet, if the woman is attractive, then she will have experienced that reaction from 99.9% of the guys that she’s met throughout her life since she became a woman.
What women like that want to experience is the fun, the thrill and the excitement of trying to win a guy over, of trying to use their charm and trying to use their beauty to win him over.
So, when a pretty woman is talking to a guy who is making her feel sparks of attraction for him based on how he’s approaching the conversation and she then notices that he’s not totally sold on her (i.e. he’s not showing signs that he wants to be her boyfriend, he is just interacting with her, making her feel attracted and there’s that sense there that she still needs to impress him to win him over), she becomes excited by that.
In the process of trying to win him over and trying to use her charm to make him like her more, it makes her like him more.
She starts thinking things like, “I really like this guy. I want to be with this guy. I want to win him over. This guy is making me feel so attracted, so excited, I want to be with him.”
When you use that approach, the pickup becomes so much easier because it becomes about you allowing her to be with you.
Whereas what most guys do with this beginner mistake, is instantly feel totally won over by a woman based on his attraction for her.
He is impressed by her.
He wants to be with her and might then start asking if she’s looking for a boyfriend, or what she looks for in a boyfriend and so on.
She will sense that he is already won over and there’s nothing for her to do.
She doesn’t have to impress him in any way because he’s already totally won over by her and is hoping to become her boyfriend.
So, what you need to do is just calm down a little bit.
Focus on making her feel attracted.
Give her that sense that she needs to impress you, to win you over and allow her to start using her charm to try to do that and in the process of doing that, she’s going to like you so much more.
She’s going to want to be with you.
Then, when you allow her to be with you, she feels special, she feels excited to be with you because she won you over.
It wasn’t the typical thing that she has experienced since she became a woman.
It wasn’t you trying hard to hopefully get with her.
She felt that excitement of trying to win you over and you can continue that throughout an entire relationship.
You can keep that type of dynamic alive while still making her feel loved, still committing to her and so on.
You can always make her feel that sense that she needs to keep impressing you and winning more of your love.
Once again, it’s a totally different experience for a man to be in that position, rather than trying hard to hopefully get a chance for the girl.
So, if you have been making some beginner mistakes with women and mistakes that you’re most likely not aware of and you want to learn the easy way to go from hello to sex with a woman that you find attractive, then I recommend that you read my eBook, The Flow, or listen to the audio book version, The Flow on Audio.
Simply follow the steps of The Flow and you and a woman that you find attractive, will flow from one step to the next.
It’s the easiest way to get laid or get a girlfriend.
Have You Missed Your Chance to Be Successful With Women?
One final point that I want to make for you in this video, is that it’s never too late to get started and enjoy success with women.
Instantly attracting women is something that you can easily learn to do.
You simply need to adjust your approach when you’re interacting with women that you find attractive and you will see a completely different response and reaction from them.
They will feel attracted to you.
They will feel energized.
They’ll light up, they’ll be interested in you and they’ll be drawn to you.
It’s such an amazing thing to experience as a man and I hope that you don’t miss out on experiencing it for yourself because you think that you can’t do it, when you can.