It’s an interesting question, but of course, there’s no definitive answer to the question of, “Do long-distance relationships last?” because some do and some don’t, just like some non-long-distance relationships last and some don’t.
A woman will stay in a relationship with a man for life if she:
- Respects him and looks up to him as her man.
- Feels deeply attracted to his personality and who he is as a man.
- Is proud to be called his girlfriend, fiancé or wife.
- Can see that their life together is just going to get better and better.
On the other hand, a woman will want to get out of a relationship if she:
- Can no longer respect her man (e.g. he is insecure, clingy, too jealous, etc).
- Is turned off by his personality and who he has become since being with her.
- Often feels embarrassed to be known as his girlfriend, fiancé or wife.
- Can see that their life seems to be going nowhere fast and she might enjoy life more if she started afresh with a man who could guide both himself and her to a better life.
Of course, it’s not always the guy’s fault.
Sometimes, a woman just isn’t ready for a truly committed, adult relationship and is simply with her boyfriend for a while (e.g. for fun, to help pay the rent, for sex, etc).
If your woman isn’t truly committed to the idea of you and her building a life together, then it’s either going to be because she’s not ready for that, or because you haven’t flicked that switch in her mind that makes her ready for it.
The Distance Between You
Being separated by a lot of physical distance does bring a different set of challenges into a relationship, but the couples who make it work are those who have the right foundation in place from the beginning.
What is the right foundation for a successful relationship?
- You attracted her on purpose and not by luck.
- You chose a compatible woman for you, rather than taking whatever you could get.
- She feels lucky to be with you because you’re such an awesome guy.
- You’ve been deepening her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you over time.
- You are clearly the man (i.e. you are masculine in how you think, behave, feel and take action in life and with her) and she is clearly the woman (i.e. she is feminine, free to be girly around you, free to be emotional, she feels safe and protected in her relationship with you, etc).
As long as that dynamic is there prior to you and her going long distance, then she’s not going to want to leave you.
Just think about some of the soldiers who are deployed overseas for 12-18 months and come back to an excited, ecstatic, loving woman who cannot wait to be in his arms once again.
As long as the right dynamic is in place, your woman will be patient and your relationship will last, despite going long distance for a while.
Young Relationships Vs. Mature Relationships
A long distance relationship can happen when a couple is in college, or when they are 25 years into a marriage in their 50s and have to be apart for long periods of time because of work or business commitments.
So, it can happen to anyone.
Statistics gathered from an American survey revealed that approximately:
- 14 million women and men considered themselves to be in a long-distance relationship.
- 3% of all marriages are long-distance relationships.
- 10% of relationships that start out as long-distance relationships go on to become marriages.
- 75% of engaged couples have been separated by distance at some point in their relationship.
According the same survey, approximately 32% of college student relationships are long-distance.
This comes as no surprise when you consider that the relationship probably began in high school and then they went to different colleges after graduating.
When you consider these statistics along with the estimation that around 40% of all long-distance relationships eventually break up, the odds of a college student long-distance relationship surviving don’t seem that promising.
Yet, statistics from a survey don’t always tell you the whole story.
For example: It’s now fairly easy to get an ex back after a long-distance relationship has broken up. I’ve personally helped 100s of guys and men of all ages to get a woman back after their long distance relationship breaks up.
The reason why so many guys are getting women back after break ups now, is that guys can now learn how to trigger a woman’s feelings of respect and attraction for them.
You can literally control how much or how little respect, attraction and love she feels for you.
It’s within your control.
However, if you’re approach to her regularly makes her lose respect, feel turned off or disconnect from her feelings of romantic and sexual love for you, then the relationship will fall apart.
It won’t matter if your relationship is long distance or if you’re living in the same house as your woman, she’s going to want to break up.
If you want a relationship with a woman to last in today’s world, you’ve got to be able to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
In the past, a woman had to stay with one man for life because pre-marital sex was forbidden and divorce was seen as shameful.
Yet, in today’s world, women can get in and out of relationships for as long as they please. A woman will only commit herself to one guy when he is able to flick the commitment switch in her mind and make her want to be with him and only him.
Two Examples to Consider
Here are a couple of hypothetical examples of long distance relationships.
Have a read through and you will see why one of the relationships lasted and the other didn’t.
Example 1: Todd and Jeanette
After being in a relationship for just over a year with Jeanette, Todd was given the opportunity of being promoted at work.
The promotion meant that Todd would receive a significant rise in salary, and since he and Jeanette were saving up to buy a house, the extra income was a big incentive.
However, by taking the promotion, it meant Todd would be relocating to a different city for the first 12 months and would then be able to return and work from the office in the city that he and Jeanette were from.
After discussing the pros and cons of the opportunity, both Todd and Jeanette decided it was the right thing to do and they prepared themselves for the challenges of physical separation that lay ahead.
In this case, the strong emotional connection shared by Todd and Jeanette helped them to cope with the lack of physical connection during their time apart, and the shared incentive of being able to save up the money they needed for a house deposit helped to keep them focused on the good times that lay ahead when the year of separation was over.
Todd was a confident, masculine man who was rising through the levels of life and reaching for his true potential as a man, which made Jeanette feel proud to be his girlfriend.
Jeanette was a loving, supportive woman who believed in marriage and was hoping that her and Todd would some day tie the knot.
So, when Jeanette’s single girlfriends asked her to go out to nightclubs when Todd was away, Jeanette suggested that they catch up for coffee, dinner or lunch instead because she didn’t want to put herself in a position where she’d be hit on by other guys.
Jeanette was committed to Todd because she respected him, felt attracted to him, loved him and was excited about where their life was heading together. She also had the maturity and good personal values to be able to say no to the requests she was getting to go out and party and get drunk with her single girlfriends.
Example 2: Matt and Tyra
For Matt, the circumstances were different.
His hot girlfriend was offered the chance to work in her company’s overseas office for three months because she’d been doing an amazing job at her office.
She was really excited about the opportunity and proud of her achievement, but Matt felt resentful because he was the one being left behind.
Matt didn’t care about his career and spent most of his life watching TV, playing video games, catching up with friends to drink and hang out and basically being devoted to his girlfriend.
In other words, he didn’t have much purpose in life outside of relationship with Tyra. She was the most important, significant thing in his life and everything else was just a bit of fun or the responsibilities of life (e.g. earning money to pay for food, rent, etc).
Tyra tried to make him feel better about the situation by pointing out that it was only for 12 weeks and assured him that they could stay in regular contact every day.
Matt was unhappy about it and eventually said, “Well, I guess you’re going to go anyway. I just want you to assure me that you’re not going to cheat on me while you’re away. You are my everything and I’d be nothing without you.”
Tyra secretly felt turned off by his lack of purpose in life and resented him for making her feel so responsible for his sense of identity and emotional security, but she said, “Yes babe…don’t worry, I’m all yours.”
While she was away, they did stay in contact every day via phone calls, video calls, text, or email, but Matt’s insecurities very quickly began to turn the relationship sour.
For example: Tyra would tell him about her day at work, but every time she mentioned another man’s name, he would become very jealous and demand to know all the details of who he was and how she felt about him.
He started sending her a lot of text messages during working hours and then accused her of flirting with other guys and wanting cheating on him if she failed to reply immediately.
His unfounded jealousy and the neediness of his behavior led to his girlfriend losing all respect for him and she quickly began to fall out of love with him.
A couple of weeks into her time away, she went out with coworkers for after work drinks, got drunk and ended up kissing one of her male colleagues. She kept it a secret from Matt and simply began a new relationship with the guy on the side.
By the time his girlfriend returned, she no longer saw Matt as the confident, secure man she fell in love with and she said, “I want us to take a break for a while. I’m moving out into an apartment on my own.”
The guy from the other office was far away in another state, so that relationship ended too, but she kept flirting with him over text and video chat.
So, why didn’t Matt and Tyra’s long distance relationship last?
Essentially, Matt did way too much to turn her off and destroy her respect for him, which then caused her to begin to fall out of love with him and open herself up to other guys.
If Matt was a perfect boyfriend to her, it is still possible that Tyra would have cheated and left him anyway, but it would have been less likely.
There’s never any guarantee of keeping a woman for life, but you can avoid running into problems by choosing a truly compatible woman in the first place and then deepening her love, respect and attraction for you over time.
Making it Last
There’s no guaranteed formula in terms of letters, e-mails, video chats or phone calls that will make a long-distance relationship work.
So, if you look around online and people are telling you to call her 3 times a week, don’t be so naïve that you then follow that advice like it’s a guaranteed plan.
The only thing that really makes a long distance relationship last is the same thing that makes a normal relationship last.
She has to respect you, feel attracted to you, be excited to be in love with you and be happy about where your life is heading together.
If you’re lacking in any of those areas, that’s what you need to work on.
Calling her up every couple of days to have a video chat is only going to make things worse if you’re turning her off in subtle ways.
So, if you’re going to work on anything, I recommend brushing up on your skill of attracting a woman when you interact with her.
Watch this video to understand how that works…
As you will discover from the video above, you have a lot of control over how much attraction your woman feels for you.
Her attraction for you will rise and fall based on how well you display the personality traits and behaviors that naturally attract women…
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