Does the idea of being the center of attention in a social situation make you breakout in a cold sweat?
Are you the kind of guy who:
- Thinks to himself, “I’ve always felt like an outsider who doesn’t “fit in” in social situations.”
- In social situations, hangs back in a corner watching everyone else talk, have fun and chat up all the hot girls?
- Focuses on his feelings of nervousness and insecurity around groups and around women, which only makes him feel more introverted and left out.
- Watches in frustration as the girl he wants flirts and laughs and hooks up with some other guy.
- Appears lonely and uncomfortable.
- Wishes he knew how to overcome his feelings of “feeling like an outsider” so that he could hang out, have fun and chat to women like all the other guys around him, instead of missing out and going home alone night after night.
Well believe it or not, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many guys feel like this. However, feeling like an outsider is not something you have to live with. If it is something that is making you unhappy, it’s within your control to change it.
Why? You can control how you feel. Your happiness, confidence and self-esteem is something that you not only can control, but something that you must control. You have to take charge of your mind, rather than letting it work against you.
The Power of Your Mind
Your mind is a very powerful thing and you can use that power against you, by telling yourself, “I’ve always felt like an outsider and I just don’t fit in with others” every time you go out. Or, you can use that power constructively by looking at social situations as an opportunity to develop your confidence.
Once you fully understand that how you feel in social situations is entirely up to you, the way you interact with others will also change. Ultimately, you need to understand that you don’t have to be included into everything that everyone else is doing, but when you are in social situations, how welcome you feel is usually based on your perception.
If you behave as though you don’t fit in or are not welcome, most people won’t come to your rescue and beg you to fit in with them; you’ve got to assume responsibility for your acceptance into the group and just assume that you fit in.
Even the most popular people in the world are not included in on everything.
For example: Take a famous actor, although he might feel really comfortable on a movie set, at the Oscars or at a party with other actors and movie people, he might feel like an outsider at a sports game, at a dinner with business people or academics, etc.
However, rather than say, “I feel like an outsider,” if he just assumed acceptance and didn’t see himself as an outsider, he could fit in if he wanted to. You can do that too.
You don’t have to force yourself to fit into everything. Be who you want to be, but keep an open mind to potentially include yourself in things that you currently feel like an outsider with.
5 Things That Will Help You “Fit In” With Others
Changing how you feel in social situations is simply a matter of making small changes inside yourself. Here are 5 things that you can develop or do, that will help you feel more comfortable in social situations.
1. Be attractive to women
Nothing fixes a guy’s social insecurities more than being able to attract women. When a guy has the skill of being able to trigger a woman’s feelings of sexual attraction for him, it automatically makes:
- Other guys respect him and want to be his friend.
- Women behave nicely towards him.
- Him feel more confident in his value to others.
Do you have the skill of being able to attract women with your personality when you interact with them? Watch this video to find out…
2. Display confidence.
If you work on nothing else, work on developing your self confidence. Being confident is the most important thing you’ll ever do for yourself. Self confidence will help you fit in, it will help you achieve goals in your life, it will help you progress in your career, and it will help you attract the best women. Confidence is a pretty simple thing to have too.
Consider this: Most people feel a small amount of confidence with many things in life and a large amount of confidence with some things. For example: If you’re a really great video game player, when you play with other guys you will feel confident about your abilities and you will “fit in”, right?
If you’re really good at a sport, when you’re competing you feel really confident, right? So if you can feel a little bit confident in some situations, then you can build on that confidence and make yourself feel a lot of confidence in all situations.
Confidence is essentially about you having belief in yourself, which is something that you can choose to have or not. Some guys decide to believe in themselves, while other guys decide to doubt themselves.
3. Be a great conversationalist.
Probably one of the easiest ways to fit in is to be a great conversationalist. Being able to participate in a conversation in an enthusiastic and interesting way is the surest way to be accepted and also to make you feel more relaxed and comfortable.
If you can be interesting and funny, people will naturally be drawn to you. Also being the kind of man who can have his say is attractive to women, which adds to his credibility amongst other men.
The biggest mistake guys who feel like an outsider make, is to shut off and shrink into the shadows during a conversation. Remember: People are involved in their own lives. They’re not going to make the effort to include you if you don’t make the effort yourself.
4. Be more assertive.
If you’ve had a bad experience in the past, like you got ignored when you tried to join in, in a conversation, it’s easy to begin believing that it’s going to happen every time. Eventually you can start anticipating rejection and rather than it happening, you end up shutting yourself off.
However, that’s not going to help you fit in. In fact, if you repeatedly stay shut off from others, they will begin to see you as the kind of guy who doesn’t want to join in and they will naturally ignore you (because they think that’s what you want).
The best way to stop feeling left out is by making the effort to participate. If someone is rude, unfriendly or tries to shut you out of the conversation, just be assertive (in a loving, non-aggressive way).
Let that person know that you have something of value to add to the conversation and have your say. You’d be surprised at how much respect this type of behavior will get you and how suddenly people will want to include you in their group.
5. Don’t try so hard.
Guys who say, “I’ve always felt like an outsider. What am I doing wrong?” often don’t realize that by trying too hard to be liked and to fit in, they end up being seen a burden for people to carry.
Most people are emotionally bogged down with their own life and their own problems, so the idea of having to pick someone else up and make him feel better about himself is hard work. People don’t have the time or the inclination to build you up emotionally so that you can become their friend.
To be accepted as a friend you have to bring value to others. If you can do that, you will naturally be accepted. However, if you don’t feel like you’re valuable to others (i.e. you feel like you don’t fit in), it’s natural to want them to carry the slack and accept you regardless of you not being able to “bring anything to the table” so to speak.
To change all this and to become more attractive to others, you have to emotionally strong and secure in who you are, which is something that we can teach you how to do here at The Modern Man.
Open the Door and Step Inside
You can carry on going through life saying, “I’ve always felt like an outsider” and feeling lonely and left out, or you can decide right now that you want to change all that and become the kind of guy people want to hang out with because you know how to make them feel good about themselves and because you bring value to their lives.
Right now maybe you can’t see how you can do that, but with our help, not only can you make a bunch of new friends, you can also meet the perfect woman for you. Before you know it you’ll wake up one morning and realize that life is great and that you’re no longer looking in from the outside.