Yes, women do initially judge a man based on his looks, but for the majority of women, a man’s looks are not the most important thing about him.
About 10% of women only want a male model looking guy, but the remaining 90% all women aren’t as picky about looks and will happily hook up with a confident good guy who is average or below average looking.
Women do judge men based on a whole set of criteria, but here’s what most guys don’t realize…
If a guy can attract women in other ways (e.g. by being confident, charismatic, funny, having a masculine vibe that makes her feel girly in his presence, etc), a woman will begin to look at his appearance in a more positive light.
He might not have the typical male model features (e.g. looks, height, square jawline, etc), but because she is feeling attracted to him, she will focus in on things that she does like about his looks.
For example: He might have a big nose, be bald or be a big overweight and she will actually see that as acceptable because it is a part of him and he is the guy who is making her feel attracted.
Watch this video to understand how it works…
As you will discover from the video above, most women (not all) are much more flexible about what they find attractive in a guy than most men realize.
Most men waste their life feeling as though they aren’t good enough for women because they don’t look like a male model, while also ignoring the fact that they see average and below average looking guys with hot women.
As you can see from the photos above, many women (not all) are open to being with guys who do not look like a male model and do not have a perfect body.
The truth is that you can attract women in ways OTHER than looks (e.g. being confident, charismatic, funny, etc) and when you do that, most women (not all) will look at your physical appearance in a positive light and see it as appealing because it is a part of you.
Some women do judge a man on superficial things such as his looks, height or financial status, but the vast majority of women judge a man on how his confidence, personality and character makes her feel.
If you refuse to accept that simple reality of human attraction and only want to focus on the good looking guys that you see with beautiful women, you will continue to think that women judge guys on looks.
You will tell yourself that to have a beautiful girlfriend, you must be a good looking guy. When you see a beautiful woman with an ugly, short, fat, bald or skinny guy, you will probably assume that she is with him because he has a big penis, is rich or for some other reason that you simply cannot compete with.
Yet, here’s the thing that you have to realize…
YOU ARE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH FOR MOST WOMEN.
Yes, some women are very picky and will only accept a mega rich, male model with a huge penis, but the majority of women are much more flexible and open about what they find attractive in a guy.
Adding Fuel to the Fire
When a guy believes that all women judge men on looks, he will then look for evidence to justify his belief.
If he gets rejected by a woman for another guy, he will usually tell himself that she likes him because he is better looking.
When he looks at advertising on TV and magazines, he will see male models with beautiful women and conclude that beautiful women want to be with good looking guys.
If he really wants to believe that women judge men on looks, he will keep adding more and more fuel to the fire of his insecurity, until it becomes so powerful than nothing he does in his life (e.g. getting a better job, nice clothes, building muscle, etc) will get rid of his lack of confidence around women.
Whenever he interacts with an attractive woman, his insecurity will be burning away in the background and telling him, “Don’t kid yourself. She wants a good looking guy. You’re not good enough. Women like her only go for guys who have male model looks.”
The woman will then notice that he is doubting himself around her and she will reject him because of that. Yet, he will then conclude that he got rejected for not being good looking and the unnecessary cycle of insecurity will continue.
When he notices an ugly, short, fat, skinny or bald man with a beautiful woman, he’ll tell himself that she must be with him because he has a lot of money, a huge penis or drives a luxury car.
He will refuse to accept the fact that it is possible to attract women in ways OTHER than looks, money and dick size. In his mind, women are shallow and they only want good looking, rich or well hung guys.
Yet, unless he happens to stumble across this page and watch the video below, he probably won’t ever realize the real reason why guys like him fail with women…
As you will discover from the video above, you are already more than good enough for most women. You have to stop making excuses for your lack of success with women and switch your focus to making women feel attracted to you when you interact with them.
For example: Attract women with your confidence, charisma, charm, conversation style, humor, vibe, attitude, etc.
How I Overcame My Insecurity About Looks
Personally speaking, I used to think that beautiful women didn’t like me because of my average to below-average looks (I have a bent nose from a childhood accident, I have small eyes, a high hairline, etc).
Yet, as it turned out, women were rejecting me because I wasn’t saying or doing anything to trigger their feelings of sexual attraction. I was just being nice, friendly and hoping that they would like me because of that.
Sure, some women were open to talking to me because I was a friendly guy, but friendliness and niceness isn’t what makes a woman wet. So, rather than picking up women, all I got was a brief conversation before they lost interest and either told me to go away, or suddenly stop paying attention to my attempts to converse with them.
It was very confusing.
Back then, my confidence with women was on a steady decline and the more that I got rejected, the more I believed that I just wasn’t good looking enough for women.
Whenever I turned on the TV or paid attention to advertising, it was telling me that I needed to be tall, handsome, have six-pack abs, drive a sports car, wear the latest designer clothes, shoes and sunglasses and be so rich and popular that I was holding regular cocktail parties with friends. Only THEN would I be good enough for women.
…and I bought right into it.
I started working out a gym 3 times a week, getting nice haircuts and buying expensive clothes and shoes.
Yet, women still didn’t like me.
Sure, some overweight and unattractive women liked me, but I didn’t want them, I wanted a beautiful woman who was in shape.
Yet, whenever I spoke to a beautiful woman, my fear about not being good looking enough would make me nervous and I’d often go red in the face, become dry mouthed and run out of things to say because I simply doubted that I would have a chance with her.
If there were any silences in the conversation, I would feel awkward and the women would notice and then lose even more interest in me.
It was a horrible, lonely experience to go through, but when I finally discovered how to display a more attractive personality to women, I started to get laid and before I knew it, I was dating multiple women at once.
It was a very easy and seamless transition from rejection to success because I simply became attractive to women. Rather than hoping to be liked for being the nice guy that I am, I instead began to make women feel attracted and turned on by displaying personality traits and behaviors that trigger those feelings inside of a woman.
That’s when I realize this fact of human attraction…
If You’re Not a Male Model, You Have to Make Women Feel Attraction For You in Ways OTHER Than Looks
Before a woman has a chance to interact with a man, she has to judge him about something.
If he hasn’t yet made her feel attracted to his personality (e.g. by being confident, charismatic, charming, funny, etc), she will have to base her attraction on superficial things like his looks, fashion sense, popularity, body language, etc.
If a guy isn’t good looking and isn’t making her feel attracted in other ways, a woman will usually overlook him and focus on the good looking guys instead. She might see a good looking guy and say, “Ooh, he’s good looking,” but that doesn’t mean she will approach him and pick him up.
Some good looking guys do get approached, but usually not by the types of women they really want. In most cases, the only women who approach good looking guys are unattractive, drunk, desperate or slutty.
Almost all women see it as a man’s role to approach. Instinctively, women want to find a confident man who has the balls to approach her because it suggests to her that he has the type of social confidence that will potentially allow him to survive, thrive and prosper much better than a guy who is afraid to talk to women.
So, rather than walk around approaching guys and potentially ending up with a good looking guy who will be more of a burden than a benefit to her survival, most women just wait to be approached.
…and that is a huge opportunity for guys like you and me.
If you’re not a male model and are not getting approached by random women, then you need to build up the confidence that will allow you to approach women that you find attractive.
When you do approach, you simply need to trigger a woman’s feelings of attraction for you by displaying the types of personality traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women.
The more ways that you can attract women, the higher quality of woman that you will have access to. If your personality is only midly attractive, you can expect to pick up 6/10 and 7/10 women, but if you’re personality is sexy to women, you can expect to get the 8/10, 9/10 and if you’re really good, 10/10 women.
My Good Looking Male Friends
I have some male friends who are considered good looking (two of which have done some modeling from time to time).
Back when I was still picking up women (I recently settled down with my sexy, 22 year old girlfriend. I’m 37) and would go out on the town with my good looking male friends, I would notice women bumping into them on purpose or starting a conversation with them while ordering drinks next to each other at a bar.
On some occasions, women would even approach them and say, “Wow, you’re hot.”
This bugged for a while and I thought, “Women are never going to like me as much as they like good looking guys, so why even bother?”
However, as I developed my confidence and created the attraction techniques that I now teach here at The Modern Man, I began picking up hotter women than my good looking friends were scoring.
When we talked to a group of women, the women would usually (not always) be trying to pick me up, even though my friends are considered to be 8-9/10 on the looks scale, while I am considered to be a 6-7/10.
How was I able to pick up beautiful women in their presence?
Attraction is not all about looks for most women. Some women felt more physical attraction to my friends when we first walked over to talk to them, but they almost always ended up lusting after me and competing with the other women in the group to get my attention.
My good looking friends would often just get the leftover women that I didn’t want and we’d laugh about it later.
When I taught them my techniques, they instantly began picking up women as well as I did. Yet, I was better at it because I was using techniques 100% correctly, while they were only “half” using them most of the time because they were still getting used to it.
By the way…
I got the same results when I went out approaching women with my UGLY friends too.
Most of the time I went out approaching with a friend (or friends), they were the type of guys who would be considered ugly or nerdy in appearance. I have friends of various races/nationalities and it didn’t matter if I was with them either – women still liked me.
Why? Your attractiveness to most women (not all women) is about who you are as a man. It’s about how you make the woman feel when you interact with her.
Many of my “ugly” male friends have the hottest girlfriends out of anyone I know. Obviously, they didn’t attract their girlfriends because of their below-average or ugly looks…and no, they didn’t attract those women by having loads of money either.
Most guys in this world are just earning an ordinary wage or salary and many are just getting by and living pay check to pay check, but they are still able to attract hot women for sex, relationships and even marriage.
Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
Have you ever heard the saying that, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”?
I often explain this to guys by saying that if a group of men looked at a photo of a group of female models, the men would have different opinions about which woman is the most attractive.
Check out the example below and vote for which woman you think is the most attractive.
As you will see after voting, your vote is going to be different to other guys. Why? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and while you might find some things about a woman to be unattractive, other guys will see it as attractive.
Was your answer the same as every other guy?
Of course not, because beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
That is why you will hear a woman saying, “My husband is so handsome”and when you look at him you think, “Huh? I actually think he’s kind of ugly.”
Why does she see him as being handsome?
He is attractive to her in other ways (e.g. he’s a confident, masculine man, he makes her laugh, he makes her happy, they are in love, etc) and as a result, she looks at his physical appearance in a positive light. She sees his unique appearance as handsome or appealing because it is part of the man that she loves and respects.
It’s weird, but that’s just how attraction works.
Big Boobs or Small Boobs?
Have you ever noticed how men can feel attracted to different types of women, with completely different physical traits?
For example: Some men LOVE women with big boobs, while other men HATE big boobs. Some men are attracted to tall women, short women, women with big noses or small feet.
Personally, I love black women and tanned exotic women (like my girlfriend) more than I like white women (of the more than 250 women I’ve had sex with, about 180 were white), whereas some guys don’t feel any attraction for black or tanned women.
When it comes to feeling attraction for women, we are all a little bit different in our tastes.
Some guys are even attracted to anorexic or massively obese women. Yes, those are extreme cases, but the fact remains – every pot has its lid.
In the same way, women are also attracted to different types of men: Short men, tall men, bald men, men with long hair, thin guys, men with muscles and chubby men. The bottom line is: Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
Not all women will accept a guy who doesn’t look like a perfect male model, but the vast majority will.
Traits That Turn Women Off
Many guys behave in ways that turn women off and then assume that women are rejecting their physical appearance.
The fact is, no matter how good looking a guy happens to be, if he behaves in the following ways, most women will lose interest…
1. A lack confidence
A guy who lacks confidence will usually come across in a nervous, insecure way when he interacts with attractive women.
If he is rich or is the type who will buy a woman lots of gifts, she may decide to use him for a while, but she will never feel attracted to him in the same way that she would with a confident guy.
Women are sexually turned on by the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, drive, assertiveness, courage, etc) and turned off by the weakness (e.g insecure, nervousness, anxiety, etc).
2. Low self-esteem
A guy with low self-esteem will see most women as being too good for him.
To him, a beautiful woman would almost be making a mistake by deciding to be with him rather than a rich, male model.
No matter how hard he tries to his low self-esteem, it will always come through in his behavior, conversation and body language. As you you will have experienced in your life, you are able to sense when people lack confidence and self-esteem. No matter how hard they try to hide it, you can still see it.
When a woman detects that a guy lacks self-esteem, she will almost always rapidly lose interest in him even if he looks like a male model.
3. Fake social persona
This type of guy will put on an act of being a certain type of guy (e.g. acting like the “cool guy” or the aloof guy who doesn’t care about anything), in the hope that it impresses women (and people) enough that he is liked and accepted.
Women find it difficult to relax around guys like that because they don’t know who they are really interacting with. A woman’s gut instinct tells her that something doesn’t seem quite right with the guy, so she keeps her guard up around him.
The more he tries to impress her by putting on an act of being something he’s not, the more suspicious and weird she feels around him. Something just doesn’t add up, so rather than potentially opening herself to a nightmare of a guy who is hiding all sorts of insecurities, she remains closed off to him.
4. Unable to handle a woman’s tests of his confidence
Women always test men.
They have to find the real men amongst the wimps.
Women know that it’s very easy for a man to put on an act of being confident, but true confidence is not something that can be faked forever.
To make sure that she is interacting with a truly confident guy and not a wimp, a woman will put him through various tests to see how he reacts.
For example: She will stop contributing to the conversation to see if he panics and assumes that she is no longer interested, or she will talk about other guys who like her to see how he reacts. Does he feel threatened, does he feel like he’s being rejected or does he not see other guys as competition?
Is he truly confident in himself, or is he just putting on an act and trying to trick her into thinking that he believes he is good enough? How mentally tough is he? Is it just a show, or is he for real?
When a guy crumbles under the pressure of a woman’s test, she realizes that he’s not strong enough to handle a girl like her. He also possibly lacks the emotional strength to handle other challenging people in life and therefore, will probably get picked on by people or overlooked for promotions at work.
Good Looking Guys With Ugly Women
Hedy Lamarr (1914-2000) was an Austrian and American actress.
Have a look at her quote above.
She is essentially saying that a lot of hot women don’t even get hit on by handsome guys, because the handsome guys don’t think they are good enough.
It was true back in her time and it is still true to this day, which is a HUGE opportunity for you. All you’ve got to do is walk up and attract women with your personality and many of them (not all) will happily hook up with you, get into a relationship with you and even marry you.
You don’t have to be a male model to get a hot girlfriend. You’ve just got to be able to attract women to who you are as a man, rather than what you look like.
Think about this…
How often have you seen a good-looking guy with an unattractive woman?
Fairly often, right?
Why does it happen?
Many good looking guys are insecure about their attractiveness to women, so they end up accepting lower quality women instead. If women judged men solely on their looks, you wouldn’t see so many good-looking guys with unattractive women.
Yet, you do.
For example: I was at a market with my girlfriend last weekend and I saw a guy, who had clearly been working out and building up his muscles for years, but he was walking along with an obese girlfriend.
This guy was more than 6ft tall, had a good-looking face and an athletic body. Yet, his girlfriend was a mess. Her face was unattractive, her body was fat, her hair was dry and her fashion sense was horrible.
My sexy, 22 year old girlfriend (I’m 37 years old) turned to me and said, “OMG. What the?” and I shook my head in agreement.
I genuinely felt sorry for the guy and I still do right now as I type this. He had so much going for him, yet, in his head, he clearly didn’t see himself as being good enough for a physically attractive woman who was in shape.
My girlfriend asked, “Why is he with her?” and I replied, “Well, that’s what he thinks he deserves.”
How about you? Do you feel as though you deserve an attractive woman? Or, are you another brainwashed guy who thinks he needs to be perfectly good looking to have an attractive woman like you?
More Than Just a Pretty Face
So, do women judge men on looks?
Yes, they do, but most women place much less importance on a guy’s look than most people realize.
If that wasn’t true, you wouldn’t see so many ugly, poor, bald, short, skinny or fat guys with hot girlfriends. It just wouldn’t be possible.
Yet, it is.
So, what should you do?
Let go of any insecurities you have about your looks and accept that most women want more than just a pretty face or six pack abs from a guy.
I’m definitely not saying that an ugly guy can pick up every beautiful woman. Instead, I’m saying that most women (including many beautiful women) place less importance on a guy’s looks and are more interested in how a guy’s personality makes them feel.
If you can attract women with who you are, rather than what you look like, you will be able to pick up most (not all) single women that you meet.
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Wow, that was quite an article. Thanks, Dan.
As soon as I can afford them, I will buy some of your products. I’m sure their quality is top-notch.
Thanks for the positive feedback. I’m glad you enjoyed the article.
Okay great, I’ll look out for a product purchase from you soon. I hope see a success story posted up by you sometime soon: http://www.themodernman.com/success/modern-man-success-stories.html
Enjoy the programs and the great times ahead with women!
Edit: I just noticed that you got The Flow and the Confessions of a Natural series. Cool! Great choice. I look forward to hearing about your success.
I like this article, A LOT. Speaks volumes of the truth.
Just the other day I was at a party before heading out and one girl arrives with her friend and asks the other “so which one do you like?” Needless to say she chose the “best looking” and they actually ended up sleeping with each other just because he had the confidence to move it forward, his looks were just a good starter for him.
If I’m honest, this “looks” thing still bothers me a fair bit. Like you, I see my “good looking” friends being hit on and think the same things as you did. I’d say I’m slightly above average with looks (hell, some people say I could model!) and had comments from friends and family over time. However, some people (girls and guys) have said some pretty nasty things such that I’m ugly etc.. so kind of confuses me! I’ve come to the conclusion that in bars/nightclubs, girls will only go for “good looking” blokes. I’m saying this because this is where girls have called me ugly or given me the “not interested” hand gesture. It’s so loud in these places I don’t see how it’s possible to show your personality to attract girls. I’m curious as to how loud bars and clubs are in Australia lol, just because in the UK the only way to talk to people is to lean into their ear and shout!
However, this has made me notice and enjoy talking to women outside of bars. I’ve been able to spark attraction with women just by talking to them, just a case of moving it forward now!
I’d really appreciate your input mate!
P.S – I’m interested in looking at the phone coaching you offer once I have a bit more money!
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Essentially, your problem is that you are letting others dictate how you feel, instead of being an alpha male and feeling what you want to feel based on how you perceive the world. Example: Look at all the ugly, weird-looking and even DUMB alpha males that you see with hot women. They THINK that they are attractive to women and that CONFIDENCE in themselves is what gets them through to home bases. Whereas you are thinking like a lower ranking male and waiting for people to tell you that you’re good-looking before you feel okay about yourself.
Anon – that guy you are referring to is probably not even that good looking lol
I use to think guys who got with girls at college where ‘good looking’ they wern’t only reason I thought that was because I assumed women felt attraction for the same things we do mostly physical so I assumed if that guy is scoring with those hot chicks it must be because he’s consider good looking because thats what women are into right? WRONG!
Like you man I’d consider myself to be above average looking only pieced together recently that it was about more than that, at college use to be confused about why no chicks were never into me even though I could see that I was just as if not better looking than these other dudes I always put it down to well those chicks think he’s more physically attractive than me again wrong lol, if you’re good looking you’ll get women checking you out left, right and centre it doesn’t mean much of anything, it doesn’t make you more compatible, have better chemistry, a more enjoyable relationship, or have better sex with women which is what women are looking for you could be a Johnny Depp lookalike but if a chick interacts with another guy and they’ve got better chemistry and feels more excited by him its game over for you! Stop worrying dude lol
Well said Jeremy.
What you’ve now realized is a powerful piece of knowledge that most guys simply never tap into. It changes everything.
I like alternative girls, that look just does it for me, I also like those girls because they tend to have the personality traits I like in women little bit quirky, zaney, off the wall, and also the simple fact I love music and any girl who is going to spend any substantial amount of time with me would have to dig it because I play music near constantly either on the stereo or playing myself, the thing is man those types of chicks aren’t that common, and if you do see women like that their not always in situations that are that great for approaching surrounded by 7 dudes, out with their parents etc I know I could go to a alternative bar/club and talk to these women there but thing is I don’t have many friends and the ones I do aren’t into what I’m into and I haven’t got the confidence to go to these places on my own yet so during the day would suit me, but like I said if you see women like that not always presented with the easiest situations. I don’t want to just talk to random chicks for one they aren’t what I want and to we have very little in common and very little chemistry as a result.
Thanks for your question.
What I read from your comment is “I like alternative girls, that look just does it for me. Excuse, excuse, excuse, excuse.” How do other guys meet girls who have that “alternative look”? It is impossible for all guys to meet these very common “alternative” girls?
You’re just making excuses because you think that if you approach a woman and it doesn’t work out, you are failing or have been rejected. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/theres-no-such-thing-as-rejection.html
The answer is simply Jeremy: Go to places or events where those type of women are in abundance and approach them. If you use Modern Man techniques when you approach, then you’ll get phone numbers, kisses, sex, etc. It’s as simple as that.
Going to one of those places this Friday I’ll see what I can pull off better make the most of the opportunity though this is a rare moment that my friends are coming out so I’ll try my best not to blend into the fixtures.
Great to hear that mate!
Please come back and let us know how you went!
I just gotta say that I’m genuinely shocked about the results from the voting – it was the complete opposite of what I expected…!
I always thought that there were differences in men’s female preference, but I still thought that most men desired the same kind of aesthetics on a woman (the same kind of facial-shape, hip-to-waist ratio, stomach-aesthetics, etc.).
Of course, I think most men desire a relatively slim girl (in opposition to a fat/overweight girl), who has a clearly defined timeglass-shaped body; but beyond that basic and relatively universal preference, I’m shocked that men have such an enormous difference in female preferences on a more “detailed level” of aesthetics (like facial-shape, hip-to-waist ratio, stomach-aesthetics, etc.).
Take me for example; the 2 women that were the prettiest to me, were also the 2 women that got the fewest votes. And the woman I found the prettiest of them all, was the woman that got the fewest votes of them all. And that’s just insane to me, when I look at her…!
And in the same way: the girl that just looked “okey” to me – and who I’m not interested in sleeping with, unless I’m really desperate (even though she has a great body); was the girl that got the most votes. This is totally insane in my eyes…!
But I love it! I love getting my perception shaken up and questioned like this, because it means I’m learning something new about reality.
This is the most enlightening survey I’ve come across on The Modern Man-website so far. So please keep making surveys like this – they are really interesting.
Cool – thanks for chiming in and adding some perspective here. I’m sure a lot of guys who read your comment will agree with you.
BTW: I’ll try to include more surveys from now on.
Dan dude you said in your opening vid that some women will not want to be with a guy who is not nice looking etc why is that the case when most will?
Is it they have more options with guys and can be more choosy in that way they’ve been with guys like that before and don’t want to ‘downgrade’, some women are superficial like some men and care what other people think, its just attraction and difficult to explain why most women don’t care and some do lol?
Thanks for your question.
The reason why is that most women have what I call an Open Type. Meaning that they are opening to being with many different types of guys, as long as the guy can make her feel attracted in OTHER ways.
Yes, some women are more superficial and only want a guy who is very good looking, but most are open to being with a guy who is attractive in other ways.
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