I’m often asked if women enjoy sex as much as men. We know that most men love sex and many are ready, willing, and able to enjoy sex with a variety of women. But with women, the answer to the sex question isn’t totally cut and dry.
Yes, while most women enjoy sex very much, getting a woman to the stage of wanting to have sex works differently than it does for men. And that’s what we’re going to explore here.
Men and Women Are ‘Wired’ Differently
Men are biologically hard-wired to procreate and therefore, they not only think about sex regularly and masturbate more often than women, but they are also continually ‘on the hunt’ for almost any desirable woman willing to engage in sex. Women, on the other hand, generally think about the sex act less frequently, masturbate less than men do and are more particular about whom they have sex with.
Men are primarily and very quickly aroused by the physical attractiveness of a woman. From that type of attraction, a man can decide in milliseconds whether or not he wants to have sex with her. However, before a woman can engage in an enjoyable sex act with a man, she usually needs to be emotionally attracted to him.
Generally speaking, women mentally assess their potential sex partners as possible life partners as well. They tend to mentally determine how a man would be as a possible husband and father. Not only are women ‘wired’ that way, but most are often raised with a ‘fairy tale’ mentality where the next guy she meets might be her ‘Prince Charming.’
When meeting an attractive woman, a lot of men instantly think, “You’re hot! I want to have sex with you!” When women meet a guy they like, they think, “You’re funny and charming. I think you might be ‘the one’ so let’s make love and see where this goes.”
A (Somewhat) More Open Society
It’s been socially acceptable for unattached men to go out and have sex and procreate with as many women as possible for hundreds of years in most cultures. However, until the last few decades, any woman who engaged in pre-marital sex was shunned and in some strict cultures could even be murdered for engaging in sex before marriage.
And while for most of the world that mentality has changed dramatically and sexually active women are no longer considered to be ‘sluts’ or other derogatory terms (whore, an easy lay, etc.) if they have sex with a man other than their husband, there is still some social pressure for a woman to be ‘a good girl’ and not to have sex indiscriminately. So some women will still play ‘hard to get’ just so that the man (and her family and friends) don’t lose respect for her.
It’s Also About ‘Chemistry’
Getting to the act of sex involves establishing a critical step in connecting with each other called ‘chemistry,’ which many men fail to realize when trying to attract women for sex or a relationship. In this context, it is about the ‘physical chemistry’ that happens internally in the human’s body with the production of testosterone.
Men and pre-menopausal women (all women between 13 to about 50) both produce testosterone but the amount of testosterone levels in women is considerably lower than men. Testosterone plays a great part in a person’s libido (their sex drive). With so much testosterone running through a man’s body and such a high libido, his need for sex is greater than a woman’s. Since women produce less of this drug, in addition to testosterone and estrogen, they often require other stimulants to get their libido going. And that’s where their emotional chemistry comes into play, which is why a woman will often subconsciously play the “Can he be the one?” game with herself before engaging in sex with a man.
Understanding this reality of the human mating dance will allow you to approach women in a more effective manner, allowing her the opportunity to ‘feel you’ emotionally before trying to escalate to sex.
Orgasm as the ‘Payoff’
More than 75% of men will have an orgasm when having sex. On the other hand, women will achieve an orgasm during sex less than 25% of the time unless special care is taken by the man and woman to increase her chances to climax.
Since she understands that she likely won’t reach an orgasm, when a woman enjoys sex it’s often more about the closeness she may feel by the physical contact and emotional connection with a man she’s mentally and physically attracted to.
But here’s the interesting thing that modern men need to know. Women generally have a great ability to ‘fool’ themselves when determining if a man might be ‘the one’ – her future husband, long-term lover or the like. So if she likes a charming, funny guy she can mentally psych herself up to want to jump into bed with him by fooling herself that he can be a long or short term relationship. Although women refer to men who have this effect as ‘womanizers’ or ‘charmers,’ they certainly do not stop themselves from having sex or falling in love with these men.
The One-Night Stand
So, if a woman thinks that she might not have an orgasm and/or that a man might not be ‘the one’ but she’s still attracted to him, why would she still be open and willing to engage in a one-night stand with him?
There are a couple of reasons for this.
Many women, even beautiful women, often suffer from low self-esteem (Really, it’s true. It is a documented fact that women are twice as likely to experience depression as men.) and are flattered that a man they’re attracted to would want to take them to bed and make love to them. It can be that she’s come off a bad relationship where she was treated poorly or suffered a recent heartbreak and wants to mentally ‘get back’ at the guy who broke her heart.
It also can be as simple as a woman being horny from a lack of recent, satisfying sex and needing sexual release without all of the drama of having a relationship. This is the most common type of woman you’ll encounter when you have one night stands.
Today the majority of women have as many business, home and social obligations as men do and don’t have the time, energy or desire to go out and find a guy for any relationship that lasts longer than breakfast. So they are often ready and eager to find a bedmate that can ‘do the job’ for the night (or the afternoon), so she can get back to her ‘real life.’ And that’s a huge plus for guys who also might be more interested in getting it on, getting off and then getting out without the drama.
These women just want to find guys who can literally charm the panties off of them and who appear to be someone who can give her ‘a good ride’ by being funny, confidently sexy, and slightly aggressive (not pushy). These relationships can last one evening, become a perfect connection for a booty call when one or the other just wants sex or they eventually can turn into a lifetime, committed relationship if the chemistry and compatibility is there between you.
So the answer to the question of “Do women like sex as much as men?” the answer is you may have to work a little harder to get her into bed, but once you and you do it right, she’ll thank you.