When a man's clinginess begins to overshadow the good parts of the relationship, it's only a matter of time before his woman's love starts fading away. Bit by bit, his clingy behavior sucks the happiness, the harmony and carefree feelings out of their relationship and creates an annoying, negative tension that makes it difficult for his woman to be around him. Since women are naturally attracted to confident, emotionally secure men and turned off by insecure, emotionally weak men, she will feel repelled by him on a deep and instinctive level.
When he notices that she is pulling away and losing interest, he will often make the mistake of becoming even more clingy and needy. It's a vicious cycle that usually ends in a break up for most couples. So, if you sincerely want to know how to stop being clingy in your relationships with women, you first need to understand what is causing you to behave in a clingy way. After helping 1,000s of guys overcome their clinginess and become confident, independent men that women respect, admire and remain attracted to in a relationship, I have identified the following common causes of clinginess for men in relationships with women.
|Lack of purpose||If you lack purpose in life, you will often make the mistake of making your girlfriend (fiancé or wife) your purpose in life. Women want a man who loves them, but who is rising through the levels of life and reaching for his true potential that is related to his purpose in life. They don’t want a boy who hides behind his mother from the big, bad world. In other words, they don’t want a guy who hides from the world behind her, the relationship and household responsibilities.|
|Inability to attract other beautiful women||If you got lucky when you met your girlfriend (fiancé or wife) and usually weren’t able to attract most women, then your secret insecurity about this will cause you to cling to her. You will see her as your safety blanket and protection from the world of rejection around you.|
|Lack of confidence about your value to her||If you are worried that every guy who talks to her or who she looks at is going to steal her away from you, then aren't very confident about your value to her. Remember: Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. So, if you are the type of guy who sees other men as your competition, then it will actually turn her off you and make other guys seem more attractive. She will sense that you're not an alpha male and are looking at other guys as being better than you.|
|Loneliness||Guys who’ve experienced a lot of loneliness (e.g. due to not having many friends, not having great relationships with friends, being single for long periods of time, feeling unloved by his parents, etc) will often become sucked into feeling clingy when they find a girl whom they love and want to be with. Since he is so worried about her potentially losing interest and leaving him, a guy who has experienced a lot of loneliness will cling to him woman like glue because he doesn’t want to lose the feeling of togetherness that he has been experiencing.For a relationship to be successful, it has to be a “give love” dynamic rather than a “take love” one. For instance, if you need to take love from her to make yourself feel better and don’t have much love to give to her, then the relationship will destabilize and begin to fall apart.|
|Trust issues||The truth is, you can never really trust a woman to be 100% loyal, honest and loving towards you for life. However, to be successful in a relationship with a woman, you HAVE to give her that trust. You also need to be wise enough as a man to know that you can’t trust another human being 100%, so if she ends up breaking your trust, then it is fine to feel disappointed and upset, but you shouldn’t be so surprised that you let it crush your world.Without giving her your trust all the time in a relationship, you will fall into the trap of being insecure, clingy, protective and mistrusting - all of which will destroy her attraction, respect and love for you as a man. Remember: Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness.|
Being the Strong Man That She Wants and Needs
As a guy, the most important thing you can offer a woman is your strength (and the worst thing is your weakness). When I talk about strength, I'm not referring to your ability to lift heavy weights in the gym; I’m talking about your mental and emotional strength (i.e. confidence, drive, self-belief, self-esteem).
Insecurity (noun): Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.
Confidence (noun): Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
As you can see from the dictionary definitions, confidence is actually the opposite of insecurity. If you are insecure when in a relationship with a woman, it is only natural that you will become clingy, needy and possibly overly-protective of her. However, if you are a confident guy who knows that he can have other women and who also has the right approach to life (i.e. your life purpose is your number one priority and she is a close second), then you will be less likely to ever become clingy.
Why is a Man's Confidence So Important to a Woman?
A man's confidence is important to women because the world we live in is a challenging place and at her core, she is a feminine woman who wants to feel protected by a mentally and emotionally strong man. She wants to be able to stand next to you in this world and feel like she will be okay because you are there with her. Its like the lyrics to the Miley Cyrus song, “Adore You”.
"I'm scared oh, so scared
But when you're near me
I feel like I'm standing with an army of men
Armed with weapons" - Miley Cyrus
Miley Cyrus would NOT be saying that about a clingy guy who was afraid of the world and lacked alpha male traits. The guy she’d be singing about would be a confident man who knows who is, what he wants from life and he will stop at nothing to achieve it. He would be confident in social situations, other guys would respect him and he’d make her feel like a girly woman because of how mentally and emotionally masculine he is (all women want to feel girly around guys, even if they deny it in public situations, such as on a talk show or during an interview). If you want to get to the point where you are the sort of man that makes a woman feel like she is standing with an army of men beside her, then you need to start getting rid of your insecurities and becoming a real man who can make women feel girly in response to your masculinity.
If you’re a clingy guy, then you need to face up to the fact that you are an insecure guy. If you sincerely want to know how to stop being clingy, you have to eliminate your insecurities and become a stronger man (mentally and emotionally) than you are right now. Guys who become clingy in their relationships are those who feel insecure about themselves, their life, their value to women and their value to the world at large. They are confused about what it means to be a man and on a deep and secret level, they doubt themselves and their ability to keep hold of their woman and the relationship. This self-doubt leads to clingy behavior such as wanting to do everything together, constantly needing her to say, “I love you” or hug you and constantly texting or calling her when you’re apart. To a guy who is feeling insecure, all of this feels like the right thing to do because, in his warped emotional state, he believes that his clinginess will demonstrate how much he loves his woman and she’ll feel compelled to stay with him. Yet, that isn’t the way it works. T
It’s Only Natural
Women are naturally attracted to confident men who know who they are, where they’re going in life and why. A real man will stop at nothing to fulfil his purpose in life and reach his true potential as a man, with or without her by his side. He is his own man and plays by his own rules in life, instead of letting society push him around or let bad boy alpha males scare him into submission. This is important to women because, despite the comforts of our modern society, we are still just a hurricane or tornado away from basic survival. We’re not “out of the woods” yet in terms of our mastery over survival, so women still find confident, masculine men the most attractive. It’s just a natural attraction they have and as far back as I’ve been able to research into human history, it has always been that way.
Real men believe in themselves and are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in, even if it means “going it alone” at times. They don’t cling to women or to people in general, they lead. If a woman happens to join him along the way of his path to purpose, then she is welcome to come, but he doesn’t need her. She knows that he is so attractive to women because of his confidence and masculinity, that he can easily replace her with another woman if she treats him badly or doesn’t live up to his standards. Men like this make a woman feel the way she truly wants to feel (i.e. lucky to be his woman, proud of him, safe with him because of how strong he is, etc). Many modern "independent" women won’t admit to this sort of thing when being interviewed on TV or in person, but it is what they really want in a man. They want a man who loves them completely, but is his own man and will continue on with or without her. Under those conditions, she knows that she has to continue trying to impress him and maintain his interest and guess what? That is what she truly wants.
It’s All About Balance
When I talk about you going after your purpose in life with or without her, or making her work hard to impress you, I’m not saying that you should treat her mean to keep her keen because that is not the answer either. To have a successful relationship with a woman, there must be a perfect balance of attention and non-attention, dependence and independence. You have to love her and be there for her, but be able to dump her if she gets out of line. When a woman gets that feeling from you, she will work hard to maintain your interest IF you are a real man. If you're not a real man, then she will eventually get tired of having to impress a lesser man and she will want out of the relationship.
So, it's not about "treating her mean to keep her keen" or not caring about her; it's about balance. You see, there are just as many clingy guys out there as there are guys who are really confident in themselves, but manage to ruin their relationship by not caring enough about their woman. A woman doesn’t want a guy who clings, but she also doesn’t want a guy who takes her for granted either.
Focus on Fixing the Inner You, Not the Outer You
To eliminate clinginess, you need to get rid of your insecurities and develop true self-confidence. That is not going to happen by you spending 100 hours in the gym to build muscle or buying a $100,000 sports car. To get rid of your insecurities, you need to build true confidence in yourself by truly becoming an even stronger man than you are right now. You need to focus on the inner you and then anything else about the outer you (e.g. you have a nice haircut, nice clothes, nice job, etc) will be a welcome bonus to women. However, always remember: What matters the most to a woman is who you are on the inside. You might be able to attract a woman into a relationship with the outer you, but if she gets to know the inner you and discovers that you're an insecure mess, she won't be sticking around for too long.
If you learn from me here at The Modern Man, you will become the sort of man that women refer to as a real man and will never, ever feel clingy with a woman. You will love her and want her in your life, but you won't need her for your emotional security like a clingy guy does. She will respect you as her man and her attraction and love for you will deepen over time, rather than fading away. You will have seen those couples who are still madly in love 30, 40 and even 50 years into a relationship. You can have that too, but it won't happen if you don't fix the inner you by eliminating your insecurities.