As long as you make a woman feel attracted to you (e.g. by being confident, charismatic, making her laugh, flirting with her, having a masculine vibe, being charming, etc), it will be very easy to get to know her.
She will be interested in getting to know you, so it won’t really matter what questions you ask. However, here are some good examples to use when getting to know a woman you like:
- So, tell me…what’s something interesting or weird that has happened to you lately?
- What do you like to do for fun these days?
- Are you still like the girl you were when you were younger, or have you become a completely different person?
- Would you rather eat a chocolate cake or make one for your friends or family?
- Are you a Facebook addict?
- What is your greatest accomplishment this year?
Essentially, as long as you are making her feel attracted to you, it doesn’t matter where you take the conversation. Watch this video by Dan Bacon (founder of The Modern Man) for some examples of what women like to talk about with men…
Don’t Get Too Scripted With Your Conversation Style
At The Modern Man, we sometimes get emails from guys who asking for things like, “Random questions to get to know someone,” or “what to say to women to keep them talking.”
Unfortunately, many guys are usually looking for some kind of prewritten list of “random questions” that they can ask when talking to women. This approach to conversation rarely works because what attracts a woman the most is when she can see that a guy is being his real, confident self and isn’t afraid to say whatever he wants to say.
If a woman gets the sense that a guy feel so intimidated by women that he has to reel off a list of prepared questions, she wonder what other insecurities he has that is hiding from her.
With this in mind, it’s not a scripted list of “random questions” you need. Instead, you need to learn how to talk to women in a way that captures their attention and interest, while also making them feel attracted to you.
Watch this video by Dan Bacon to understand where a lot of guys go wrong when talking to women and what you should do instead…
What Not to Say
Okay, there can be no doubt that asking questions is an important element of getting to know more about someone, and it’s certainly a big part of creating a two-way conversation, but questions alone don’t make a conversation.
A lot of guys who feel shy or anxious when they approach women use questions as a way of taking the pressure off themselves. By asking a question, they don’t have to think of anything else to say for a while.
However, if a guy then just follows one question with another in an effort to avoid any awkward silences when he can’t think of anything else to say, he’s not making conversation, he’s conducting an interview.
Firing questions at a woman isn’t engaging her in conversation, and it’s probably going to make her feel very uncomfortable in your company.
If the questions asked don’t quite fit into the natural flow of things, they’re going to sound stiff and rehearsed, and if you’re too busy trying to check another “random question” off your list, you’re not going to be listening to anything she says in reply … and that’s going to make you appear nervous and anxious at best, and more than a little weird at worst.
For example, let’s say you ask her what kind of music she likes. She tells you all about the great time she had at a music festival the previous weekend and reels off the bands she enjoyed most. But, instead of listening to her reply and finding out about her tastes in music among other things, you busy yourself trying to think of another question to ask.
Then, later on in the conversation, you nervously ask, “So have you seen any bands playing live lately?” She then realises that you either haven’t been listening to her or are so nervous around her that you can’t think straight.
While the nervous, fumbling, nice guy might get the girl in Hollywood movies, in real life, he usually just gets rejected. Why? Women are attracted to the emotional strength of men (e.g. confidence, determination, charisma, etc) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. nervousness, insecurity, anxiety, etc).
Firing questions at her and then not paying attention to anything she says is not engaging her in conversation, and she’s going to see you as an awkward, anxious guy with no social skills … and that’s not attractive.
Likewise, if you ask her questions that you then go on to practically answer yourself because you’re so desperate to avoid silences and to try to hold her attention, you end up coming across as a really insecure guy with no confidence – and that’s not attractive either.
For example: Let’s say you ask her if she likes Italian food and you then go on to list a number of dishes that she must like if she does – but you haven’t actually let her answer! That’s not engaging her in conversation, that’s just “nervous chatter” that’s going to turn her right off.
When a guy lacks confidence, another common mistake he’s likely to make is to fish for compliments or to seek reassurance in the questions he asks. For example, he might say, “Do you like thin guys?” or, “Do you like guys that are into cars?” or words to that effect.
The first question is a good example of a guy feeling insecure about his appearance, but whether or not she likes thin guys is immaterial because she’s not going to like his lack of self-confidence and his need for reassurance.
The second question is a good example of a guy lacking confidence in who he is and what he’s got to offer as a man. He’s using his interest in cars, and probably flashing his car keys, as a way of trying to “impress” her, but women aren’t interested in a guy’s material possessions, they’re interested in his character and who he is as a man.
Improving Your Conversation Skills to Attract Women
Here’s another great video by Dan Bacon, which provides some examples of how to attract women during a conversation…
As you will discover from the video, it’s not about what you say, but how you make women feel when you say things. If what you’re saying and doing is triggering the woman’s feelings of sexual attraction for you, then you’re on the right track.
Relying on scripted questions or a rehearsed approach of any kind is not the way to get to know someone.
Questions are only of value if they’re relevant to the particular situation, and to be part of a natural conversation, they need to be part of a two-way dialogue where her answer provides you with an opportunity to share a little information about yourself before building on her response to find out more about her.
All of this takes good communication skills and an ability to listen as well as to talk. Guys who are great conversationalists are guys who have learned how to feel genuinely confident and relaxed just being themselves.
They’ve learned how to use natural charm and charisma to draw other people towards them and to be able to strike up spontaneous conversations that people want to join in on. As a result, they find it easy and natural to get to know someone new no matter where they meet them…