For a lot of men, confidence remains a complete mystery to them for their entire life.
They never truly get to understand how to be confident around women that they find attractive and as a result, it negatively affects their interactions and relationships with women for their entire life.
So, if confidence has been a mystery for you up until this point, then it’s not going to be anymore.
I’m going to explain what confidence is, how a man can be confident with women and a mistake that some guys make, which causes them to lose more and more confidence with women as they go through life.
What is Confidence?
What comes to mind for you when you hear the word confidence?
What is it?
Maybe not for you, but for other men, they will say things like, “You either have it or you don’t” or, “it’s this thing that you can’t really explain. It’s a sort of feeling, it’s not something that you can put into words” and so on.
Yet, thankfully, those men are wrong.
The definition of confidence is crystal clear.
Now, the thing is though, there are many different definitions of confidence if you look them up in the dictionary, but you can boil it all down to one simple definition.
Belief in yourself and your abilities.
Now, the belief in yourself part of confidence is pretty easy to understand.
You have confidence because you believe in yourself.
Yet, how about the abilities?
What abilities do you need to have to be confident with women?
To be completely confident with an attractive woman from start to finish, you need to have the ability to:
- Start conversations.
- Keep conversations going and keep them interesting.
- Attract her as you talk to her.
- Move in for a kiss.
- Get a phone number.
- Set up a date.
- Initiate sex.
- Start a relationship.
- Keep the relationship together.
- Keep the sexual spark alive between you and her.
- Remain in love for life.
For some guys, if they see a start to finish list like that, they may feel a bit overwhelmed and feel as though it’s too difficult.
Yet another way to look at it is when you pass certain challenges in order to get to the next level in a video game.
If you are confident when playing video games, then you’re usually just going to cruise through levels and enjoy yourself.
Yet, if someone wasn’t very good at playing video games and they kept getting killed in the game, then they would probably see it as being too difficult for them.
In reality, the game isn’t too difficult.
You simply need to know what you’re doing and then do it.
Another example is if a man is putting a recipe together to create a tasty meal.
If he has never cooked it before and he looks at the ingredients, it might seem difficult.
There are a number of ingredients and a number of steps involved, but if he follows the steps and puts the ingredients together, the outcome will then be a tasty meal that he can enjoy.
It’s not too difficult; it’s just a matter of knowing what to do and then doing it.
So, following on with the recipe/cooking example and talking about confidence with women now…
How can a man build confidence with women?
What are the ingredients and what does he need to do, to get to the point where he can enjoy a tasty meal?
Well, the thing is, some men are aware of how to do certain things along the way with a woman.
For example: A man may have 8 out of 10 level confidence when it comes to starting conversations with women, but 3 out of 10 confidence when it comes to keeping conversations going and keeping them interesting.
So, in order for him to feel confident to talk to women, he’s going to need to fix that particular area.
When he improves his ability to keep conversations going and keep them interesting when talking to women and he does that, then he’ll go from a 3 out of 10 confidence, to maybe 8 out of 10, or maybe even 10 out of 10 because he will really get it.
Yet, the recipe isn’t complete, simply being able to talk to women.
For example, some guys are fine with starting to talk to women and keeping conversations going.
Then, when it comes to making a move (r.g. moving in for a kiss or asking for a phone number), that’s where they get stuck.
So, if a guy doesn’t have the type of confidence that he wants with women, then he first needs to identify the areas where he is lacking in ability.
He then simply needs to improve those areas, interact with women, see that he can now do it and then he will have increased belief in his abilities.
Increased belief in his abilities equals increased confidence.
If you remember the definition of confidence, it’s about believing in yourself and your abilities.
To believe in yourself and your abilities with women, you need to be able to handle the different ingredients involved in attracting, picking up and being in a relationship with a woman.
If a man is confident in all of those areas, then he will be truly confident with women.
If a man lacks confidence in his abilities in some of those areas, then he won’t be truly confident with women.
So, now that we’ve talked about what confidence is and how to build it, here is a mistake that some guys make, which causes them to lose more and more confidence with women as they go through life.
The Missing Ingredient in Confidence
A lot of the men who don’t ever truly achieve confidence, will look at other men who are confident around women, or confident in life and they’ll assume that those men have a special quality that they can’t have
Yet, the reality is that confidence is about belief in your abilities.
Truly confident men believe in their ability to effectively handle each situation that they find themselves in with an attractive woman.
As a result, their body language changes, their behavior changes, their vibe changes and the way that they talk changes.
They emanate a different energy than a guy who doubts his abilities because he either doesn’t have the abilities, or he makes this mistake that I’m going to tell you now.
That is, he encounters certain situations with women, is unable to handle it, is unable to remain confident and then he goes away thinking that he can’t be that confident with women, he can’t be as confident with women as other guys are.
Maybe it’s just his fate, maybe it’s just who he is, he can’t be that confident.
He will start to convince himself that he isn’t capable of fixing the problem that he has been experiencing with women, whether that be with pickup or relationships.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize (and this is the missing ingredient) is that he’s just a few areas away, or a few insights away from being able to handle the situation and then believe in his ability to handle the situation and as a result, be confident in that particular situation.
I’ll give you a couple of examples to help you understand how it works.
The first example is with picking up women and the second example is in a relationship or a marriage.
So, with the pickup example, a guy might feel fairly confident around an average looking girl.
He may believe in his ability to attract her and get something going.
Yet, if he talks to a very pretty girl or a very attractive woman, he doubts his ability to make her feel attracted enough to want to be with him.
Additionally, if he encounters a situation where she’s not contributing much to the conversation initially, he may do what most guys do in that situation.
He may assume that he’s being rejected or assume that she doesn’t like him enough to want to talk to him.
He doesn’t have the awareness that I’m going to give you now, which is that many attractive girls will do that (not contribute much to the conversation initially) for the first few minutes to test a guy’s confidence.
Most attractive girls don’t want to get with a guy who feels like he’s not good enough for her and is hoping to get lucky.
He is hoping that she’s going to be nice to him, she’s going to contribute lots to the conversation, she’s going to laugh at all of his jokes.
As a result, he is then going to feel confident enough to ask for her phone number and so on.
Most attractive girls want a guy who can remain confident, regardless of how she is behaving initially.
So, if a guy doesn’t have that awareness and awareness of other things involved in keeping a conversation going and keeping it interesting when talking to an attractive woman, he may assume that it’s not possible for him to attract pretty women because it never seems to go anywhere when he tries.
Yet, he is simply unaware of how to handle that type of recipe, the recipe of an attractive woman, a pretty girl.
He is unaware of what to do to get her to drop her guard, open up and show him her friendly, easy-going side that she doesn’t show to other guys.
If he improved his ability of how to instantly make a pretty woman feel attracted to him and how to keep a conversation going, then he would see that he can now do that and as a result, he would become a lot more confident with pretty women.
Yet, if he doesn’t gain that ability or doesn’t find out that pretty women often don’t contribute a lot to the conversation initially to test a guy’s confidence, then he may walk away thinking that he’s not good enough for an attractive woman.
Whereas, another guy will believe that he is good enough and he will know that he can pick her up because he knows what to do.
So, he will just go ahead and do it.
He will then have himself a pretty girlfriend or pretty wife.
Meanwhile, the guy who lacks confidence with women will look on at other guys and wonder, “Why can they get a pretty girlfriend when I can’t? What is wrong with me?”
What he doesn’t understand is that there’s nothing wrong with him.
He can have a pretty girlfriend or pretty wife (like other guys have done. Guys who look like him, look similar to him or don’t even look as good as him).
He simply needs to have the ability to handle certain situations with an attractive woman.
He needs to know how to put the recipe together, so to speak.
It’s not difficult.
Other guys can do it and he can do it too.
He simply needs to improve the areas that he is lacking in ability.
He doesn’t need to go through his life believing that he’s not good enough for attractive women.
As a result, never feeling confident around attractive women.
He doesn’t need to do that to himself.
Okay, so the next example of how men make this particular mistake is in a relationship.
In a relationship, if a woman throws new ingredients into the mix, such as not being as affectionate as she used to be to see if he becomes insecure, throwing tantrums to see if he gives her more power in the relationship, or not treating him as well as she used to to see if he puts up with it, a man needs to know how to handle that and keep his woman in line so she treats him well.
He needs to know how to ensure that she is loving and respectful towards him.
If a man doesn’t know how to handle the different ingredients that a woman will throw into the mix when in a relationship, it can cause him to lose confidence in his ability to keep the relationship together.
Additionally, it can cause him to start to doubt whether she actually feels attracted to him, or whether she’s actually in love with him or not.
That can cause some guys to go into their shell and just become numb in a relationship, where they put up with being treated like that
Alternatively, a guy may become insecure, jealous and controlling.
Alternatively, a guy might start to treat her badly in return for how she is treating him.
None of those approaches are a recipe for success.
Those approaches (i.e. going into his shell, becoming jealous and controlling, treating her badly to get revenge on her for how she has been making him feel) are a recipe for disaster.
What a guy needs in a situation like that, is more awareness of why a woman behaves in a certain way, so he doesn’t have to take it personally and instead can use it to strengthen the love, respect and attraction that they feel for each other in the relationship.
For example: A lot of men aren’t aware of the fact that one of the main roles of a woman in a man’s life in a relationship is to make him stronger, emotionally.
Women do this because they want to feel safe and protected with a man who can handle himself in the world.
He’s not a man who crumbles and becomes insecure if people are being nice to him and supportive all the time.
Instead, he is able to remain confident and believe in himself regardless of how people are behaving around him.
So, in terms of a woman pulling back some affection and throwing some tantrums to see if the guy is going to give her more power in the relationship to shut her up; that there is an instinctive behavior from women, where they try to make the man more emotionally strong.
They try to make him take on the dominant role in the relationship and not be dominated by her.
If he can get to the point where he doesn’t allow himself to take her tantrums seriously, or lose confidence if she’s pulling back some affection, then he’s the sort of man who can remain confident and believe in himself regardless of how people are behaving around him.
As a result, when a woman can see that a man can handle that, her respect for him increases, her behavior towards him becomes more loving, caring, affectionate and so on.
She looks up to him and respects him as her strong, confident man that she can feel safe with in this world.
So, in terms of a relationship, a lot of guys end up losing confidence in their ability to make that girlfriend or wife feel attracted because of the way that she has been behaving.
She seems to have lost interest.
He can’t seem to get her to treat him the way that she used to.
Yet, he’s just missing bits of awareness and knowledge.
For example: He may not be aware of the fact that regardless of what has happened between him and her in the past, he always has the moment.
In the moment, when he’s interacting with this woman, he can make her feel new sparks of respect, attraction and love for him.
Additionally, if she has been throwing tantrums, being disrespectful towards him, not being affectionate and so on, he can start using a different approach that will bring out better behavior in her.
A different approach that will get her to feel motivated to treat him better and start being more respectful, loving and affectionate in the relationship.
For example: Rather than wasting time and energy trying to be more romantic to hopefully make her happy and bring the spark back, a man can simply start having more balls in the relationship.
Having more balls results in a woman treating you better, wanting you more sexually and showing you the respect that you deserve.
There are many simple, easy and practically effortless things that a man can do to change the dynamic of the relationship and as a result, cause a woman to begin to treat him better and to feel attracted and in love with him again.
He doesn’t have to waste time trying to be romantic, doing household chores, or putting up with being treated badly.
He can simply change the relationship dynamic and bring out the best in his woman, so she treats him the way that he wants to be treated.
The thing is, a lot of guys aren’t aware of how much influence they can have over the dynamic of the relationship by changing their approach to how they react to their woman, or how they approach their woman.
So, the guy ends up thinking that she just doesn’t love him the way that she is used to and she can’t anymore.
She doesn’t feel attracted to him the way that she used to and she can’t feel that level of attraction for him anymore and so on.
He then loses confidence in how much his woman loves him, feels attracted to him and wants to be with him.
Additionally, he can also lose confidence in his ability to keep the relationship together, he doesn’t have that feeling of security that his woman really wants to be with him.
That feeling a man gets when he knows that she doesn’t want to be with any other guy.
To her, getting with another guy would be a total mistake, it would be her loss.
Unfortunately, so many men don’t have the kind of confidence in their relationship with a woman.
Instead, he has self-doubt.
Additionally, he doesn’t believe in his ability to make her feel attracted to him, to feel in love with him and to treat him the way that he deserves to be treated.
Yet, in almost all cases, the guy is just a few areas away or a few insights away from understanding how to create a new relationship dynamic where his woman is respectful towards him, she feels attracted to him and she loves him the way that she did at the start, that spark comes back and it stays for life.
Now some guys don’t think that keeping the spark alive for life is possible, because they ignore the reality out there that millions of couples are happy and remain in love for life.
It is possible.
Of course, it’s also possible to be unhappy in a relationship for life, to be miserable and to have a woman who isn’t treating you the way that you deserve to be treated.
So, whether you are single or in a relationship and you don’t have the type of confidence in your abilities that you want to have, just understand that you CAN change that.
You can be totally confident in every area that is involved in successfully picking up a woman, or having a successful happy, loving relationship that lasts for life.
Want to Learn More?
Okay, I hope you enjoyed this video and learned something from it.
If you’re one of the guys who doesn’t have the type of confidence you want when it comes to picking up women, so you can get laid or get a girlfriend, or if you’ve lost confidence in your relationship or marriage with a woman, then I have two recommendations for you.
The first program is my eBook The Flow which is also available on audio.
The Flow is everything that you need to know to go from hello to sex with a woman that you find attractive.
You will never get stuck at a certain point again with a woman that you find attractive.
You will always know what to say and do at each step of the way and because of that, you will feel confident in your ability to start conversations, keep conversations going make women feel attracted to you connect with women, initiate a kiss, get a phone number, set up a date, initiate sex on the date and so on.
The second program is Make Her Love You For Life and that is available on video or audio.
In that program, you will learn the ultimate relationship dynamic that causes your woman to feel increasingly respectful, attracted and in love with you over time.
She feels motivated to impress you and maintain your interest, to look our best for you and to treat you the way that you want to be treated in a relationship for life.
The techniques in Make Her Love You For Life ensure that you and a woman will remain happy together, feel sexually attracted to each other and be in love for life.
Confidence is Also a Choice
One final point that I want to make for you in this video, is that every man has a choice to make when it comes to his confidence and success with women.
Some men choose to believe that they can never be truly confident with women and as a result, it negatively affects their interactions and relationships with women their entire life (e.g. get friend zoned by girls they like, end up accepting women they’re not truly attracted to because they doubt their ability to get the women they really want, relationships go stale, their woman never feels the kind of respect, attraction and love she would feel for a truly confident man).
The reality is that you can choose to believe that you CAN be truly confident with women from start to finish.
You CAN experience total success with women from start to finish.
You CAN believe in your ability to do that.
Additionally, if you are lacking in particular areas of ability, you CAN improve those areas and then you CAN have justified belief in your abilities.
You CAN successfully attract a woman that you want and go all the way to enjoying an amazing, loving, happy relationship for life.
It really is a choice and how you decide to shape your life with women from today onwards, is totally up to you.
So, while confidence is about belief in yourself, it’s also a choice that you are responsible for making.
You can choose to believe that you can never be truly confident and as a result, you can avoid improving the areas that you struggle with when it comes to women.
Alternatively, you can choose to believe that you can be truly confident and as a result, you can improve on the remaining areas of skill and ability that you need to truly succeed with women.
Both options are available to you.
One option leads to a life of insecurity and unsatisfying experiences with women and the other leads to a life of confidence, self-esteem and amazing experiences with women.
The choice is yours.
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