Despite the billions of other humans on the planet and how easy it is to now connect with people via social media, some guys still find themselves feeling lonely and left out at times.
Recently, a guy contacted The Modern Man to ask, “Why am I always alone?”
He went onto explain, “I’m always the guy who is there for other people. I mean I’d give someone the shirt off my back if they really needed it, but people don’t return that kindness to me.
No matter how nice of a guy I am, I always seem to be alone. Other guys have girlfriends and get invited to parties, but no one really ever invites me to those parties…and I don’t have a girlfriend either.”
So, to help him and other guys like him, I’m going to provide some tips on how to get past your feelings of loneliness and start enjoying your life with women, friends and other people you meet along the way.
Of course, one of the first tips someone would give to a person who always seems to be alone would be to make some new friends. Yet, what if people aren’t that interested in being his friend?
That’s where I come in. Here are some tips on how to be the sort of guy that others actually want to spend time with…
1. Be a good guy, but don’t be a doormat for others to walk all over
Whenever I’ve personally helped a guy to overcome his loneliness (via my phone coaching service), I’ve pretty much always found that he is the sort of guy who is trying to be liked by others for being so nice, generous and giving.
Growing up, a guy like that has been told by parents, teachers and other authority figures to treat people nicely if he wants to be liked.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that the advice is missing a crucial bit of information.
What the advice should be is, “Be nice to people, but make sure that they respect you. Some people will be nice to you no matter what, while others will take advantage of your kindness and use you.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a good guy, but when a guy is way too nice to people because he is hoping that they reward him with respect, love, attention and friendship, then he’s doing it wrong.
As a man, the way to make more people like you is to be a good guy, but have balls. You’ve got to be able to stand up for yourself and get people to respect you.
To have that type of confidence in yourself, you need to start looking at yourself as an equal to other people, rather than assuming that you are beneath them.
If you assume that you are beneath others, some kind hearted people will encourage you and try to lift up your spirits, while others will bring you down and try to take advantage of you.
It might seem like a very noble thing to do to live your life essentially kissing everyone’s ass, but it won’t get you the results you want.
If you want people to like you and want to be around you, it’s important that you take a more balanced approach to life. Be a good guy, but don’t be a complete pushover.
For example: Watch this video to understand why a guy will rejected by most women if he is too nice to them…
As you will discover from the video above, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice, but being way too nice in the hope of being “liked” is when problems begin to occur both with women and with friends.
Some nice guys give so much and are so generous and kind to friends, but then find themselves feeling disappointed that no-one has their back when they need it.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but the reality of life is that some friends will have your back no matter what you do for them, while others will always turn their back on you when you need it most.
Rather than hoping that everyone is as nice, loyal and kind as you are, just come to terms with the fact that you will need to be a bit more selective with friends. Don’t just let anyone be your friend, especially those who you suspect will just use you for your kindness.
Only let people be your friend if they show you the same respect, appreciation and kindness in return. If they don’t, then you need to have the balls to say, “Hey, I really appreciate you as a friend, but I’m disappointed that you…” and explain what you’re disappointed about.
Then say (in an assertive, but friendly manner), “Next time, I want to do to a lot better than that. Tell me now how you will approach the situation differently next time” to make your friend feel accountable for his/her actions.
Some guys are afraid to have that type of conversation with a friend because they are afraid of losing the friendship, but in most cases (expect with people who are just using you) it will bring you and your friend closer together.
Your friend will respect you more and treat you a lot better from then on. He/she may slip back into his/her old pattern of behavior at some point, so you have to be ready to address that if it comes up again to make sure that your friend knows that you are not going to be a pushover anymore.
2. Understand that you are right here with the rest of us
You might feel alone, but the reality is that you are here on planet Earth with the rest of us. Even if you want to feel alone, you’re not because you are surrounded by everyone else. We’re all here together.
This is your world as much as it is mine and everyone else’s. You are welcome here. This is your place. This is where you belong.
You’re not an outsider; you are a part of what is going on here. Don’t expect people to come running up to you on the street and say, “Hey, let’s be friends” or women to wave you over to come and join their group at a bar or party.
That’s not how the world works.
If you want to be included, you have to include yourself. However, you also need to make sure that you are a compatible match for the people you are trying to be included with.
For example: If a guy is trying to get himself a girlfriend, but is a shy, anxious, nervous guy, women aren’t going to be excited if he approaches and includes himself in their conversation.
Why? Women are attracted to the emotional strength of men and turned off by the weakness, so his nervousness is going to make the women feel like they need to reject him to get him to go away.
On the other hand, if a guy approaches in a confident, easy-going and self-assured manner, the women will naturally feel attracted to his emotional strength.
They will most-likely test his confidence (i.e. to see if he is just putting on an act of being confident), but if he remains confident, relaxed and self-assured, they will open up to him and begin to feel an increasing amount of attraction for him.
Watch this video to understand how a woman’s attraction for a man works and how you can use that to get women to want to be with you…
As you will discover from the video above, you won’t be stuck on your own for very long when you are able to trigger feelings of sexual attraction inside of a woman.
Rather than sitting home alone on a Saturday night, you will have a woman cuddled up next to you, kissing you and wanting to spend the weekend with you.
3. Come from a place of emotional fullness, rather than neediness
A lot of the guys who finds themselves asking, “Why am I always alone?” are the type who tend to make people feel drained when around them.
The guy is emotionally needy (i.e. he lacks self-esteem and needs others to constantly lift him up, he is insecure and needs reassurance from people, he constantly tries to talk himself up or impress people rather than just relaxing and knowing that he is good enough), so when people are around him, they are constantly having to deal with his awkward way of interacting with them.
People can’t just relax and have a good time around him because the way that he interacts with them tends to drain their mental and emotional energy.
For example: This tends to happen a lot with guys who suffer from Asperger’s syndrome, because they find it difficult to understand the subtle nuances of social interaction.
It also happens to “normal guys” who are insecure and tend to suffer from social anxiety, because people who are interacting with them can see that the guy is uncomfortable. Most people don’t want to feel responsible for making another person uncomfortable in a social setting, so they will just tend to ignore guys like that.
He will then find himself wondering, “Why am I always left alone?” or “Why do other guys get invited to parties, but I don’t?”
He might assume that it’s because he’s not good looking enough, rich enough or whatever enough, but it usually just comes down to the fact that his lack of confidence makes other people feel uncomfortable around him.
Watch this video for some examples of mistakes that guys make when talking to women, which turn women off in similar ways…
As you will discover from the video above, when a guy comes from an emotionally needy place during a conversation, it will often cause him to behave in ways that are unattractive to women.
When talking to a woman, she wants to be able to see that you are confident, relaxed and completely comfortable being yourself.
You are a good guy, but you’re not putting on an act of being even nicer than you actually are, in the hope that it will impress her. You’re just being real, which is hugely impressive to women because most guys put on an act around women in the hope of being liked.
4. Don’t try too hard to fit in or to be very different than others
You are a unique individual and there are many interesting, likeable things about you.
So, rather than trying really hard to copy everyone else at a party or be extremely different than everyone else, just relax and be your normal, natural self.
When you embrace your true personality and let that come through, you will naturally be seen as a more charismatic and interesting guy. However, if you put on an act to hopefully fit in or be seen as really different than others, people will pick up on the fact that you’re a faker.
Fakers usually end up hanging around other fakers, but since they are all faking their personality and happiness, they all end up feeling miserable, insecure and lonely even when they are around other people.
If you want to be happy in this life and be naturally liked by others, then start by liking yourself first. You’ve got to love who you are because you are somebody in this world and you don’t be you, then who will?
5. Improve your ability to attract women
As a guy, you will never find yourself alone (unless you choose to have some alone time for a while) when are able to make women feel attracted and turned on by how you interact with them.
For example: If a guy interacts with women and is shy, nervous and self-doubting, then women aren’t going to feel attracted and turned on by him. Why?
Women are attracted to the emotional strength of men (e.g. confidence, high self-esteem, assertiveness, determination to succeed) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. insecurity, low self-esteem, timid behavior, fear of failure).
Watch this video to understand the many excuses that guys come up with to explain their lack of success with women, without ever knowing the real reason why…
As you will discover from the video above, the real reason why guys fail with women is that they don’t even know how to attract women and turn them on during an interaction.
Most guys are just hoping to be liked for being a good guy, wearing nice clothes and saying nice things to women. That’s not how it works! You’ve got to trigger a woman’s attraction for you based on how you interact with her.
For example: Attract her with your confidence, attract her by making her laugh, attract her by using your masculinity to make her feel girly in your presence.
The list goes on. I literally teach guys how to attract women in more than 100 different ways. You don’t have to be able to attract women in all of the 100 ways, but if you can at least do 5-10 of them, most women will feel enough attraction for you to want to kiss you and have sex with you.
When you have that level of skill with women, you won’t be sitting around wondering, “Why am I always alone?” because you won’t be alone anymore.
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