There is nothing wrong with complimenting a woman on her appearance or beauty. However, if your objective is to begin a sexual relationship with a woman, there is a general rule that you should follow when giving her a compliment.
General rule: Make a woman feel attracted to you before giving her a compliment about her attractiveness.
You can break that rule if you want to, but to ensure things flow smoothly when you interact with a woman that you intend to have a sexual relationship with, you should always start with making her feel attracted to you first.
For example: If you are interacting with a woman in an unattractive way (e.g. being too nice, feeling nervous or intimidated by her, etc), then your compliment won’t be very important to her.
If she isn’t feeling attracted to you, why should she care that you find her attractive?
A woman wants to be with a guy who she feels attracted to as well. So, if you a compliment a woman before making her feel attracted to you, she will usually assume that you’re only giving her a compliment because you are hoping to impress her and get her to like you.
If she gets that impression from you, it will almost always make her play hard to get from then on. To avoid making a woman play hard to get with you, what you need to do is make her feel attracted to YOU first. Once she feels attracted to you, she will welcome your compliment and look at you as being a charming guy.
Attraction + Compliment = Charming
Charming (adjective): Pleasing, delightful.
Charm (noun): A power of pleasing or attracting through personality or beauty.
When you make a woman feel attracted to you and then give her a compliment on her appearance, she actually sees you as being charming. You are not only making her feel the tingle of sexual attraction, but you’re also a loving guy who isn’t afraid to express his attraction and appreciation of her. To a woman, that is like hitting the dating jackpot.
Yet, if you are only being nice, neutral or friendly to a woman and you then give her a compliment, she will usually just see it as a nice gesture and thank you for it in a friendly way. So, instead of trying to be her friend or be seen as a nice, good man who only wants to talk to her, make sure that you start things off by making her feel sexually attracted to you.
Always remember: Attraction first and everything else after that.
By starting with sexual attraction (i.e. making her feel attracted to your confidence, masculinity, vibe, conversation style, tone of voice, etc) and then giving her a compliment, you allow her to experience what she has been hoping to find in a man (i.e. to meet a man that she is attracted to and who is also a great guy).
Your compliment has so much more meaning and value because she is attracted to you too. She feels lucky that a guy whom she feels attracted to also finds her attractive.
Complimenting Her Without First Making Her Feel Attracted
Most guys in this world have never been taught how to attract women.
In fact, most guys are going through life thinking that the only way to attract women is with looks, money, height and social status. That’s pretty much all we get told by the media and by friends who have also been brainwashed by the media.
Most guys (I used to be one of those guys) aren’t even aware that the most intense types of attraction that a woman can feel, happen when she is interacting with a guy. In other words, the woman feels attracted to his confidence, personality, conversation style and the way he behaves during the interaction.
Guys who don’t know how to attract a woman during an interaction will sometimes try to over-compensate with extra compliments to make up for their lack of ability to get women interested. Since they haven’t been able to make women feel attracted to their looks, they will try to get women to “like” them (not feel sexually attracted to them) for being a nice guy or a really good guy to her.
To be clear…
There is nothing wrong with being a good man. In fact, I recommend it. What I teach here at The Modern Man is about being a good guy alpha male, or what women refer to as a “real man.” So, let it be clear that I am not saying you shouldn’t be good to women.
What I am saying is that being really nice to a woman, laughing at all of her jokes and basically trying to show her that you are good man is NOT what makes her feel sexual attraction.
Being really nice to her might make her like you as a friend and ask you things like, “Why don’t you have a girlfriend? You’re such a nice guy. I’m surprised that you are single!” or say, “Don’t worry…you’ll find a great girl one day and she’ll be lucky to have you.” Yet, you actually like HER and she doesn’t seem to be interested.
When that happens to you, what is missing the key ingredient of sexual attraction.
You are most-likely doing a great job of being a likeable guy and you are probably a good, honest man, but if you haven’t been able to pick up your choice of women, you have simply been forgetting to include the most important thing that needs to happen when you FIRST meet a woman. What is that thing?
…and lots of it.
As a man, you have to to make a woman feel sexually attracted to you and then build on that attraction. The easiest ways to do make a woman feel attracted to you are based on what you SAY and DO when you interact with her. Watch this video for more info…
If you don’t actively trigger feelings of sexual attraction in a woman, she will either lose interest in talking to you within minutes or she may even reject you right away.
Looks can attract women, but most women (not all) place more important on how a guy makes her feel during an interaction. As a man, you can’t rely on your looks, your job or other external things to hold the attraction and interest of a woman.
A woman’s attraction for a man is almost always based on his personality, behavior and communication style. She picks up on those things during an interaction, so don’t expect women to approach you and say, “Wow! Nice shirt. Wanna have sex?” or “Hi…umm…you have nice muscles…can I get your number?”
Most women will look at what you say and do during an interaction. You will either know how to attract her or you won’t. It’s as simple as that.
If you don’t make a woman feel attracted to you when you meet her, then there is no real value in giving her compliments about anything. Sure, she will appreciate them and giving compliments in a nice thing to do, but complimenting her isn’t going to make her think, “You know what? He’s such a great guy. I’ve got to date him!”
To make a woman want to date you or have sex with you, the first thing you need to do is make her feel sexually attracted to you.
Attraction comes first and everything else happens after that.
You Don’t Lose Your Power if You Give a Woman a Compliment
You will find a lot of amateur advice online that suggests you will “lose your power” if you compliment a woman.
Yet, here is my expert advice on that topic…
As a man, you NEVER lose your power unless you decide that you have lost it. That applies when you are talking to women and with anyone else you meet in life.
In terms of complimenting women, what you need to understand is that there is nothing wrong with being a charming, loving guy. In fact, it’s a GOOD thing to be like that. People love and respect confident, charming guys who aren’t afraid to love others.
You can give a woman a compliment on ANYTHING and it does not make you lose any power.
You are still the man.
You are the one who decides who has the power. If you feel like she is more powerful or valuable than you, then YES – she is. However, if you retain your sense of self-respect, you don’t lose any power. That doesn’t mean you need to put her down or think that she is beneath you. Simply love and accept her for who she is and treat her as an equal.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt (Former First Lady of the United States), 1884-1962.
The only time you will “lose your power” in an interaction with a woman (or with anyone for that matter) is when you decide that you’ve lost power.
For example: Imagine that you’re talking to an attractive woman.
You look at her and are struck by her beauty. You feel so attracted to her and immediately want to be with her. As you focus on your attraction for her, you suddenly begin to feel like she is way more valuable than you are. In your mind, you are secretly hoping that you can get her to like you enough to give you a chance with her.
In an attempt to get her to “like” you as a person (rather than making her feel sexually attracted to you), you give her lots of compliments and hope to win her over. Secretly, you feel like you’re not good enough for her and that she has the power in the dynamic between you.
In that case, yes – she will have the power, but it’s only because you decided to give it to her. She doesn’t own the power; you gave it to her. She didn’t take it from you; you automatically offered it to her by looking up to her as being more powerful and valuable than you are.
You did it.
You gave your power and she happily took it as a reward for making you feel attracted. She then sensed that and felt like she probably was too good for you. She then secretly began to hope that she will meet a guy who she feels lucky to be with.
Don’t Be Afraid of Expressing Love and Appreciation
When you can give a woman a compliment in a confident, masculine and fearlessly loving way, it actually impresses her. She looks at you as a valuable guy who believes in himself and has the confidence and courage to love and appreciate her without fear or hesitation.
Many guys are afraid of expressing love out of a fear of it being rejected. They’ve most-likely tried to express love for women before, but have made the mistake of doing so before they even made her feel attracted to them.
After getting rejected by women, some guys end up feeling bitter. They may even begin to believe that women are crazy and only want bad boys who treat them mean. Yet, that’s not how it works. She simply wants to feel attracted to you first.
So, make her feel attracted to you and the fearlessly express your love and appreciation of her. Be strong enough to show her some love and appreciation, without needing to put her down. By complimenting her, you are not giving her your power. You are simply being a confident, charming guy who sees her as a beautiful human being who deserves the compliment.
No-one loses power. No-one gains power. It’s just an exchange of love.
Two Examples of Compliments That I Like to Use
The first type of compliment that I like to give is about a woman’s sex appeal to me. I also add in the fact that I like her, just to make things crystal clear between us.
This is a compliment that you may find difficult to use if you’re not used to being this honest with women, or if you think that women will react negatively to sexual compliments like they do in movies, music videos and TV shows.
Here is how women often react to compliments in movies, TV dramas and music videos to entertain the audience…
Yet, in real life…
As long as you make a woman feel attracted to you FIRST, she will welcome the sexual compliment. However, if you say something sexual while also behaving in an unattractive way (e.g. being nervous around her, feeling intimidated, being extra nice in the hope of impressing her, placing her above you in terms of dominance, etc), then a woman will usually react negatively to it.
To be successful with women, you have to know how to make them feel attracted to you. This applies to picking up women for sex or relationships and it also applies to being in relationships. Keeping the spark alive in a relationship requires you to actually know how to make a woman feel attracted to the way you interact with her.
Without the skill of being able to trigger feelings of sexual attraction inside of a woman, you are basically leaving yourself open to being rejected or dumped. It’s just how it works. You have to know how to make women feel attracted to you. It’s one of the most important, essential, fundamental skills that every man needs to have in life.
Okay, so now that I’ve made that clear, here is the first example of how to compliment a woman…
After you’ve made a woman feel attracted to you at the start of an interaction and have spoken to her for anywhere from 10 seconds to a couple of minutes, smile at her in a confident way and tell her that you find her to be SEXY. Not pretty, not beautiful, but SEXY.
Quick her a quick look up and down in a casual, confident way and then smile and say, “You’re sexy. I like you.”
If you’ve made her feel enough attraction for you at the start of the interaction, she will SMILE and love the compliment. She will appreciate the fact that you are being so upfront and honest with her, rather than pretending to only like her as a friend or pretending to be an innocent nice guy who isn’t interested in sex.
When she knows that you find her to be sexy, she doesn’t have to worry about being rejected by you or waste time trying to work out if you like her. She feels attracted to you and now you’ve made it completely clear that you feel attracted to her.
Once that is clear between you and her, there is no need for games anymore. You can smile at each other and have a private understanding that you will be having sex shortly. Whether it happens that night, on the first date or after a couple of dates, both you and her know that it’s on and it will be happening soon enough.
When you make a woman feel attracted and give her a compliment like that, she actually sees you as a charming guy that she is lucky to be interacting with. She knows that 99% of the guys she meets don’t have the ability to turn her on and make their intentions clear the way you just have.
It’s literally like a breath of fresh air for a woman. It makes the process of meeting you feel so much more real, open and exciting.
The second compliment I like to give is about a woman’s intelligence and beauty.
For example: If you’re talking to an attractive woman and she says that she works as an accountant, you can smile and say, “Oh, wow. So you are smart AND pretty. I’ve hit the jackpot.”
By saying this, you are letting her know that you find her attractive and you are also giving her a compliment about being intelligent.
By the way…
Saying that you’ve “hit the jackpot” does not give her the power, nor does it mean that suggesting you are now going to be trying desperately to pick her up. You are simply being a confident, charming, loving guy and saying how you feel in the moment without any fear.
By giving her such a generous compliment about her beauty and intelligence, it doesn’t mean that you now think you are beneath her or that she is the prize to be won. You are simply being a charming, loving guy. It’s not anything more serious than that…unless you think it is.
Believe me, love isn’t something to be afraid of. As long as you express love and appreciation in an attractive way, women will flock to you. They will appreciate your compliments and see you as a charming guy.
So, from now on…
If anyone tells you that it is wrong to compliment a woman, you now know what the correct answer is. Let them know not to be so afraid of love. Let them know that no-one can take away their power unless they give it to them.
Go ahead and compliment a woman as much as you want, but just make sure that you also make her feel attracted to you. If she doesn’t feel attracted to you, your compliments will usually only be seen as a nice, friendly gesture.