You’ve spotted a beautiful woman and you’ve decided that you’re going to approach her.
However, if you’re not careful about how you handle the next few minutes, the only thing you might score is a negative response from her and the stinging feeling of rejection as you walk away with your tail between your legs.
Here are the top 10 ways to get rejected when approaching women.
10. Show a lack of confidence
If you want to be rejected immediately, approach a woman with your shoulders slumped and a nervous, almost ‘terrified’ expression on your face. She’ll be able to spot your fear and desperation and will immediately lose interest.
On the other hand, if you stand tall, smile and approach her with self-confidence and a casual attitude like you were just going over for an easy-going chat, you’ll instantly make a much more positive first impression.
9. Be way too nice to her
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but if you’re being extra nice and polite as way to impress her, it will usually end up in rejection. Why?
8. Apologize for your appearance
If you just came from your ‘work-up-a-sweat’ job, have been exercising or you generally don’t look your best when you spot a stunning beauty, don’t use that as an excuse not to approach her. Remember, it’s your inner confidence and cheeky charm that a woman will respond to, not your looks and attire.
Whatever you do – never apologize about your appearance when you meet a woman, because you’ll make her start thinking about it.
A woman wants to be positively affected by your personality, rather than have to interact with you like she would with a woman who is concerned with her appearance. If you try to make it about ‘looks’, she’ll probably agree that you don’t look good enough to be with her because 99% of guys are just ordinary-looking guys.
7. Talk softly or mumble
If you walk up to a woman and say something like, “Hi…I’m uh John, and I uh, just want to um say hello because I uh noticed you and I thought umm that maybe if you wanted, you don’t have to, of course, but uh we could maybe umm…”
You get the point. By this time, if she hasn’t already fallen asleep you can be sure that she’s going to ignore you and walk away. Mumbling and speaking softly shows a total lack of confidence and that is going to kill your chances with women. Women are naturally attracted to a man’s confidence, just like we men are naturally attracted to a woman’s physical appearance.
Speak loudly enough to be heard and sound upbeat, self-assured and clear to spark her interest. You have nothing to hide – you’re exactly the type of guy that you are. Be proud of yourself and enjoy being you. When you do that, you will find women who love you for you, rather than for an act you put on from time to time.
6. Unnecessarily invade her space
Unless you’re in a loud environment like a nightclub, you should keep about 1.5 meters between you and the woman to begin with.
Everyone has a personal space that they are comfortable with. If you invade her space by stepping up too closely for no reason when you first meet her, you’ll freak her out. Keep a reasonable distance from her so she doesn’t feel as though you are treating her like some gorgeous supermodel that is being approached by a desperate fan.
If you want to get closer, take her for a spin on the dance floor where touching and closeness is not only ‘legal,’ it’s desirable. Alternatively, use flirting to create sexual tension and she will naturally begin to get closer to you.
5. Compliment her too much
If she’s beautiful, she already knows it. If you repeatedly tell her how sexy and stunning she is when you first meet her, you’re going to come off like every other wannabe pick-up artist she’s met. Treat her like any other average-looking girl.
She’ll assume that you’re used to being around beautiful women and are more interested in her as a person. That will be a turn-on for her and soon she’ll be trying to turn you on.
4. Come across as too eager
Some women like to test a man’s confidence level, so they’ll ask him to run and get drinks for her and her friends or perform some silly task. If you fall for that type of request, she’ll immediately label you needy and desperate and she will either reject you or continue to humiliate you in front of her friends.
You wouldn’t run off to fetch drinks if a guy asked you to do it, so don’t be so eager to please when you first meet a woman.
3. Use a bad pickup line
For some reason, many guys feel they have to come up with a ‘line’ when they meet a woman. A simple, “Hi, how’s it going?” or “Hey, I’m John, I thought I’d come over and say hi…what’s your name?” will usually do the trick as long as you smile with confidence and take a light-hearted approach when starting the conversation.
Canned lines like, “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” will turn her off quicker than a flick of a light switch.
2. Think that it’s all about you
When you first approach a woman, if you start spouting your resume or biography as if you were applying for the position as her boyfriend, you’re not going to get the job.
Instead, simply start a laid-back, light-hearted two-way conversation. Playing tease her a couple of times about stuff she says, make some jokes on the fly, ask her a casual question or two and just talk to her like you would any other person, not as though she is someone ‘super special’ to you.
Trying too hard to impress her makes you look needy and desperate, which will lead to rejection almost 99% of the time.
1. Approach her when you’re drunk
We all know when we are in the process of drinking too much. However, once you get there it’s not as easy to collect your thoughts and realize how drunk you are. So, take it easy.
If your goal is to meet a beautiful woman and get her interested in you, forget the liquid courage – or at least, don’t overdo it. A few drinks throughout the night (to join in on the fun) are fine, but clouding your fears in alcohol so you can talk to women isn’t the solution and won’t ever help you overcome your fears.
Approach women with the mindset of: Having a good night and enjoying some easy-going, fun and light-hearted conversations. That way you can be the interesting, appealing guy that she has been dreaming about and not a sloppy drunk that she wants to distance herself from.
Avoid these top 10 ways to get rejected when you meet an interesting sexy woman and before you know it, you’ll be dialing her for a date.
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The mumblers! I always just give up on the conversation and start walking away if a guy does that. It’s very annoying when you’re trying to talk to someone and you can barely make out a thing they’re saying. Confidence is so crucial for men.
thanxs for the tip Im a guy and i need all help talking to women.
Hey you are so right about this, I hate pushy guys, especially drunk pushy guys that dont know when to quit and that use oldsmobile pick up lines.
I think a huge thing is bad pick up lines. I am more than likely to shut a guy down badly if he cannot be genuine. As for apologizing for appearance… usually that is not so bothersome. It is more bothersome if the guy is obviously not caring for his hygiene or what he wears in public.
I’m not gonna lie, I may have done almost every one of these!! And you can bet it didn’t work out for me… mostly I didn’t show enough confidence.
I lost my 1st gf since i never had confidence to express my feelings..lol..nyway ..great tips given here ..must be spread out to the people like me
Quite immpresive.I compliment women alot,its time to take it easy!
U guys are freakin brilliant!! The article, in my opinion, was spot on. The lessons I’ve learned over the last 10 months have been absolutely priceless! I still however need a few more to round out my game. I thoroughly recommend The Modern Man to evey guy who reads this. These cats know whats up!
tanks man, i think u really got an outstanding tips which is very vital.
Gonna keep these in mind!
Good to get it done with women. Your article is a brave one and its highly recommended.
well, i have been rejected my whole life, which leads me to approaching only ugly girls, but it seems that the reasons for rejection are common for all kinds of girls…
Hay man thank u very much, ive been making some of those mistakes
Very damn true. Cheers for the article Dan. Just a question if I may.
My biggest issue when talking to women in loud nightclubs is the fact that I feel I have to raise my voice and REALLY get my head close to her to hear what she’s saying. I think its fair to say that this is a major turn off for the woman, especially when i’d have to ask her to repeat what she says :). Is there another way I can go around this in nightclubs and beyond?
Thanks for your question.
Here’s the thing…
EVERYONE has to lean in to get their head closer and ask people to repeat themselves in loud clubs. Women don’t get turned off by it because they understand that it is necessary.
Our basic rule for success with women: Don’t worry about anything. Just talk, be confident and move things forward to a kiss, phone number, date, sex and relationship.
Leave all the worrying for the girls.
BTW: If you want to DESTROY all of your fears, anxieties and shyness around women, I recommend you listen to this:
Jared, Dan’s right. Everyone kinda talks loud in clubs but I think what he was saying in the article about talkin’ loud and getting too close was abruptly getting in her face. but the loud thing can also work because you can ask her if she wants to join you someplace more quiet so you can talk or ask her to punch in her digits into your phone so you can call her and talk some time. It works.
Many thanks Dan and Casey. I’ll get that mindset off my mind from here on. Very curious about the Mastery Methods and Mindsets product Dan. I’m greatly interested in the product but will have to work for the money as a student. All in good time. Thanks again guys, you’re awesome.
Thanks for this 🙂
Confidence is the main thing for me so im gonna take this article on board next time and be confident 🙂
Thanks for more great advice. I wish I started learning this stuff 10 years ago when I was 18. I’ve learned so much from you guys.
The “news” seems to be that modern men are not even approaching women since they are fed up with this one-sided arrangement.At least when women approach, you can know that they are interested.
About guys not approaching, listen to this: http://www.themodernman.com/street_talk_with_women.html
If you approach women properly, then don’t reject you. Read The Flow and learn.
what specifically makes guys “naturals” with women? it’s like they have always been this way, or they became a natural right away, it didn’t take them that long, didn’t take much trial and error in order to be successful with women, overall, they either always have known or they learned very fast on how to get a girlfriend easily, they know how to approach and talk to women confidently, easily, specifically know how to guide and lead the woman through a sexual courtship, did their fathers, brothers, uncles, grandparents teach them? or their peers, friends, meanwhile for a lot of us guys, learning and knowing how to talk to women is like a whole new language for us, so, I don’t get it, what is the secret or source of luck and success for the guys who know how to attract and get women?
You would be more of a natural at certain things in life compared to other people. When it comes to women, “Naturals” are guys who are more of a natural at approaching, attracting, picking up and maintaining a great relationship with women compared to other guys.
Guys like Ben and I from The Modern Man have had to learn how to successful with women. After a while, you get to the point where you naturally do all the right things around women. You go through these stages of learning and become a natural at stage 4:
1. Unconscious incompetence: You don’t even know that you’re doing it wrong.
2. Conscious incompetence: You know what you’re doing wrong.
3. Conscious competence: You can do it correctly, but you have to think about it while doing it.
4. Unconscious competence: You can do it correctly without thinking about it.
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