How to make a woman orgasm

Making a woman orgasm is mostly about getting her in the right "frame of mind" and mood by way of your actions, touch and behavior

Great sex is the key to a successful relationship.

If you want to know how to make her orgasm, the first thing you need to know is that her ability to orgasm (or "come") has more to do with her perception of you as a man, how she feels about being penetrated by your masculinity (or lack thereof) and the emotional state you get her into. When you create the right type of relationship dynamic between you and your woman, it will be easy for her to reach orgasm almost every time, without you having to waste time with loads of foreplay or romance. However, if you create the wrong type of relationship dynamic and she then cannot regularly reach orgasm with you, the relationship will begin to suffer on many levels.

Let’s look at 10 ways to help make your girlfriend orgasm quickly and easily.

10. Talk about what you both enjoy sexually

When you're outside of the bedroom in a quiet, safe zone (e.g. a quite night in front of the TV), tell her how much you enjoy when she does certain things to you. Even if you haven't had sex yet, you can tell her how much pleasure she's given you when kissing or playing around. You'll boost her sexual self-esteem with you, which is critical to her psychological ability to reach an orgasm.

She'll think, "Well, if you liked that, wait until you see what I can do to you in bed!" and will be keen to let loose and enjoy the sex with you. Then, ask her if there's something she particularly enjoys. Don't cross-examine her in an overly-serious way, just casually ask. Smile gently and look her in the eyes. After she speaks about what she likes, don’t be surprised if it immediately leads to sex.

9. Keep you and sex on her mind

Unlike us men who are first stimulated visually by a woman, women initially become aroused mentally. So in her mind, make her link you to great sex.

When the relationship has reached the point where you are having sex and are comfortable with each other, pick your moment to call her on her phone a day before a date that you have scheduled together. Get her on the phone and say, "Hey - Listen there's something I want you to think about. My tongue, your clit. See you tomorrow."

Then hang up. She won't be able to concentrate on anything other than that. In fact, it's very possible she's going to want to skip the date and head straight to bed. If you've kissed but haven't had sex before say something like, "I was just thinking about how good you're going to taste. See you soon." Again, hang up. What makes this line work is that she doesn't know exactly where you're going to taste her. It's just enough of a tease to turn her on and make her wait eagerly for your next date.

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8. Turn her on with discreet, public foreplay

Foreplay helps a woman get ready to experience an orgasm by really getting her in the mood. You can engage in foreplay in the bedroom just before you have sex, or in the days leading up to sex when you’re out in public together. A lot of women enjoy discreet, public foreplay. If you’re out at a club for example, take her on the dance floor. You'll be able to stroke her, touch her and hold her in ways that will give her a preview of what's in store once you hit the bedroom.

If you're in a darkened theater, stroke her inner thigh slowly and deliberately going slightly higher with each stroke. Only brush over her vagina every now and then – don’t focus on it – women enjoy the feeling of wanting you to touch it, but having to wait until you decide to do it. Another version of this is the ‘discreet nipple touch’. When you have your arm around her shoulders, stretch your hand down so that one finger lightly tickles her nipple for a couple of seconds, then move your hand away.

7. Set the stage for sensuality...sometimes

There's a reason that you always see romantic scenes in movies set with soft lighting, candles and music. That's because it works for women, who, incidentally also happen to be the main audience for such movies. Add a hot, candle-lit bubble bath for two or a steamy shower with a special rub down and you're all clean for dirty, sweaty sex. Make sure you only do this sometimes though, because it will get boring and lose its ‘orgasmic power’ if you do it too much.

6. Make her feel privileged to be getting sexed by you

This is actually the most important one. If you think it's a little chauvinistic or arrogant, then you've probably been brainwashed by modern TV culture and advertisements that continually portray men as stupid, incompetent, clumsy, nervous, lacking confidence and having to continually try to impress the almighty woman. If you believe the messages from TV, you might start thinking that you are getting the better part of the deal when it comes to sex.

A lot of modern men make the mistake of going out of their way to get in a woman's "good books" and hopefully then, they'll get some action. However, that type of weak, submissive male behavior actually turns women off at a deep level (learn why). Instead, you should set up your relationship dynamic so your woman feels privileged to be sexed by you. It's not about depriving her of sex (do it as often as you desire), but having an approach where you reward her good behavior by turning on your masculinity and "taking her."

By taking her I mean that you do what EVERY woman craves from her man. To be grabbed, led into the bedroom and lovingly ravished. Kiss her passionately, look at her with eyes of deep attraction and add in a little bit of masculine aggression (very important) in the way you touch her and move her around the bed. This puts her in the feminine, submissive role that she craves from the deepest, most genuine part of her being.

Another way of looking at the concept of making her feel privileged to be having sex with you, is to think about her mindset regarding you and sex. A useful state of mind for helping her reach orgasm is when she feels as though she is using you for her sexual pleasure, instead of you using her. Let her go wild as she rides you, encouraging her with your obvious signs of pleasure (e.g. facial expressions, pleasurable groans and words of encouragement such as "Oh, yeah baby - keep going...oh, that's good"). This really gets most women going.

5. Don't rush through kissing

For women, kissing is huge. Many women would rather than make out than make love. To paraphrase a scene out of the movie 'Bull Durham' with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon: Women like long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that go on for three days. You can really turn a woman on with this by taking your time and alternating between soft and hard passionate kisses. This can make a woman melt.

Most importantly: Try to maintain the mood that you create with this kissing, when you switch to sex. Look her in the eyes as you both undress slowly. Don't make the moment of putting on the condom an awkward, disconnected moment. Bring it into the moment by slowly opening the wrapper in front of her and maybe even getting her to put it on for you.

4. Make her come in any position

Due to the position of her clitoris, it's extremely difficult for most women to achieve an orgasm from the standard missionary (man on top) position alone. If you're on top and pumping inside of her, try lightly stimulating her clitoris with a moistened finger at the same time (find out if she prefers to have you play with her clit directly, or from the outside of the hood of her clitoris. Some women are too sensitive down there and it hurts, while others love it) or get her to play with it while you penetrate her with your penis.

One of the easiest ways to make her orgasm is to get her on top, because it will allow her to stimulate her clitoris against your body and control the speed, penetration and length of the strokes to her satisfaction. Her on top is the easiest way for her to orgasm by far, but you need to work out the right rhythm and technique for each woman - not all women are the same.

Some women prefer sex lying side-by-side facing each other (push her head down sometimes to allow her to see you pumping her), doggy style or back to front. Have fun experimenting. She what she responds to, but don't change positions too often and too quickly. She'll lose her concentration and that's a big part of how a woman reaches an orgasm. Let her get caught up in the emotion and delve into the feelings, thoughts and sensations that will drive her to orgasm. Help her along by groaning with enjoyment at times, breathing heavily to express your enjoyment and using your masculine facial expressions to show her how into it you are.

3. Never, ever make it your fault

Never, under any circumstances, apologize for her not reaching an orgasm. The right dynamic is where she is under the impression that you'll pump her however you want and it's up to her to reach her orgasm. Of course, if she likes getting on top, you'll 'let her' do that (remember: Make her feel privileged).

If you create a dynamic where you are striving to get her to reach an orgasm and are apologetic when she doesn't, it will lead to a breakdown in the relationship unless she is a highly-orgasmic woman. Why? Most women will not orgasm often (maybe 30% of the time), so make sure she just sees it as a special thing that she will experience from time to time. Never allow her to become expectant of it, or to get frustrated herself for not experiencing it. Tell her to relax, not think too much and it will come.

When she orgasms, just smile and allow her to enjoy it without you interrupting with questions or comments. You can then ask her, "Nice baby?" or "How was that darling?" while smiling in a relaxed and sexual way. It's good to acknowledge her having the orgasm because you want her to know that you know. She'll likely respond with, "Yes, that was an amazing orgasm" or "Wow, that was good" or something like that. The more she orgasms with you, the more she will be able to orgasm in future because simply by believing that she can orgasm dramatically improves her chances of achieving orgasm the next time. In time, she'll get good at going to "that place" in her body and mind that delivers her to the point of orgasm. Of course, it will be with your skilled and loving assistance!

2. Mix it up

Oral and hand stimulation can often provide her with an even greater chance of success of reaching orgasm. Since the clitoris is the most sensitive spot on a woman's body, it's much better to go with a light touch that isn't too prolonged and then go back to it sporadically. When touching her clitoris, always – I repeat, always – ensure that your finger is lubricated by her juices or your saliva. A dry finger on her clit hurts like hell and is a big turn off. Combine light flicks of your finger or tongue on her clit and long strokes in and out with your fingers. Then, alternate by putting your penis back in and then going back to finger and oral stimulation. You'll both have an explosive sexual experience.

Depending on the woman, sometimes I will not stick any fingers inside of her and instead will focus on licking her clitoris and entire vagina with very light strokes and then repetitive patterns. When I notice that she is getting close to orgasm because of a certain licking pattern I am using, I will stick with that until she orgasms. However, some women require finger stimulation at the same time, so you have to experiment and see what she likes. If you're unsure, just ask her in an easy-going way. Don't stress yourself or her out about it, just ask in a relaxed manner and then get on with what you're doing.

1. Be a man

The most important element in making your woman able to reach orgasms with you is to be a man. From the very first moment a woman meets you and right through the entire relationship, she will constantly be assessing your level of masculinity. Since most of a man's masculinity is found in his behavior, actions and psychology. Learn more.

Sometimes your masculinity is expressed in very subtle ways, while other times it is extremely obvious. A subtle example of masculinity is how you respond to another man when he is being pushy, or trying to undermine you. A woman will look to see if you can remain calm and confident, without losing control of your emotions or getting pushed around. An obvious example of masculinity is the way you hug her, say when you're both lying on the couch together. Do you cuddle up to her, or do get her to cuddle up to you?

Getting a woman to reach an orgasm is both simple and complex. If you can take on your role as a man properly, your woman will find it easy to orgasm (even after only a few minutes of sex). She will not want to leave you because most guys cannot do what you do to her during intercourse.