How can you get the spark back in a relationship that seems to have gone cold or become boring? It is possible to recharge your sexual desire for each other and then build on that from there? The answer is definitely YES.
What You Need to Do
As a man, it is your responsibility to get the spark back in a relationship. Some women will take on the responsibility, but most will simply sit around and wait for you to take the lead. If you don't, then she will begin to lose respect for you, feel less attraction for you and then begin to fall out of love with you.
Essentially, you need to do the following:
- Lead the way to a better sex life: After many years in a relationship, many couples stop trying to keep their sex life enjoyable. You might want to have more sex or plan to have more fun when you actually do have sex, but when the time comes around to do it, you just can't be bothered! If that has been happening in your relationship, then you will need to use your masculinity to lead the way and encourage both of you to do SOMETHING a little different. For example: Shower before getting into bed and then, instead of just getting hard and sliding it in and banging away until you ejaculate, start by getting her pussy wet, then fingering her clitoris and kissing her at the same time. Get her to stroke your penis and just enjoy kissing and stroking each other for a while. Doing that will take you right back to when you first met and began having sex.
- Get her to orgasm more often: Read 10 Ways to Make Her Reach Orgasm.
- Be more of a man for her: If you say that you're going to do something, then be a man of your word and follow through on it. If you have dreams about big things that you could achieve or are currently hiding from your true potential as a man, then start heading towards your goals and dreams with more confidence, determination and passion.
- Laugh and then laugh some more: In a relationship, many couples slip into arguing and bickering on a regular basis until it eventually becomes a habit. After a while, it begins to take all the fun and happiness out of a relationship. As a man, you need to lead the way by adopting a more light-hearted, happy and playful attitude to EVERYTHING. You still need to be serious about succeeding as a man and making her feel protected, but just start laughing and joking around about things more often. After a while, being happy and light-hearted will become a habit for both of you and part of that initial spark will come right back.
The Start of a Relationship is the Easy Part
When you first meet a woman and begin a relationship, it's easy for everything to feel great and go along smoothly because you're so attracted to each other and are enjoying the novelty of being with someone new. The sex is fun and enjoyable, you have so much to talk about and you so many things that you enjoy doing together. You make time for each other, compliment each other and you both couldn’t be happier. Yet, as time passes, other things seem to take on more significance in your life and going to the same old places together begins to feel a little boring. Before you know it, your fantastic relationship goes from sizzling to fizzling and your exciting sex life begins to feel like a distant memory.
So, how do you get the spark back in a relationship when you reach that point? More importantly, how do you maintain the sexual spark and make it grow over time? A lot of guys have written in to me, asking questions like, “How do I get my girlfriend (or wife) to want more sex?” and in almost every case, the guy has simply set up the relationship dynamic incorrectly. Watch the video below for more info...
Common Issues That Modern Couples Face
Here are some common scenarios that take a toll on relationships and drain out the fun and sexual desire out, as well as some tips on how to turn up the heat from fizzle to sizzle.
The Issue: Too Much To Do
Let’s face it, today’s women are often just as busy in their lives as we men are. They can have demanding jobs, a home to take care of and clean up, children to take care of, responsibilities within their community and obligations with extended family. Sleep, rather than sex, is usually what happens in the bedroom of most modern couples and that’s often the beginning of when things start to fall apart.
The Solution: Divide and Conquer
The ideal scenario is where the man is the breadwinner and the woman can take care of all the household chores, grocery shopping and so on. In this type of relationship, she can also be free to spend time on her favorite hobby, artistic endeavor or any other dream she wants to pursue. However, in today's economy, 95% of us men need to share the costs of rent/mortgage, groceries and living costs with our girlfriend or wife. So, let's assume that you fall into the category where both you and your woman are working full time and are both the breadwinners in your relationship.
To avoid feeling overwhelmed and feeling as though you don't have enough time to relax and get into the mood for sex, you should try to balance out any "work around the house" that needs to be done. Make a list of what must be done, what should be done and what you can put on the back-burner for a little while. Then, divide up the tasks so that all of the responsibilities – cleaning, household chores, paying bills, making meals, shopping, vehicle maintenance, childcare, errands, gardening, feeding pets, etc. – doesn’t primarily fall on only one person.
While it would be nice to be perfect at everything and have a perfectly clean home, it's not always possible. A lot of modern couples unintentionally cause serious problems in their relationship by stressing out over tasks that don't really need to be completed immediately. Instead of going crazy at each other over small, unimportant tasks, set aside some time with your girlfriend or wife to make a list of what really needs to be done vs. things that can wait or get done at a slower pace. Once you have that clarity, it will get rid of a lot of stress for both of you, which will then allow you both to naturally feel like you have the time to relax and be in the mood for sex. Naturally, a part of that initial spark you felt for each other will then begin to come back.
While doing "work" around the house, you should also engage in some foreplay every now and then. For instance, if you both happen working around the house at the same time, play some of your favorite music and occasionally stop to dance together if a great song comes on. Take your time and savor the moment together. Give each other that happiness. Smile at laugh with each other and tell her that you love her. Tell her that you love her more and more each day. If you're washing the car together, have some fun by splashing each other with water. Try to be less serious about things (while still getting things done) and your life and relationship will feel so much better.
The Issue: She's Rarely in the Mood For Sex
As I explain in Better Than a Bad Boy, a woman will lose interest in having sex with you if she can't rely on you to be the man in your relationship with her. If she feels mentally and emotionally stronger than you, feels like she has more purpose in life than you do and feels as though she has to mother you, then she will rarely be in the mood for sex. If you're one of the guys who are wondering how you can get your girlfriend or wife to want more sex, then it is simple: Your woman either holds the bulk of the power in your relationship or you treat each other like friends or "partners" rather than man and woman or lovers. If you approach relationships in that way, you will always be wondering how to get the spark back in any relationship you enter into. Set things up correctly and you won't have to worry about that anymore.
The Solution: Create a Relationship Dynamic Where She Chases You For Sex
If you want to know how to get your girlfriend or wife to want more sex from you, watch Better Than a Bad Boy. When you follow the advice in that program, you will amazed at how your girlfriend or wife suddenly changes her tune toward you and wants to please you in every way she can. You will no longer be asking, “How can I make my wife want more sex?” because it will now be her wondering how she can please you better and hopefully get more and more sex from you each week. When most guys start looking into how to get the spark back in a relationship, they envision themselves doing more and more work to please the woman. Yet, the easiest way to do it is to create a relationship dynamic where she feels lucky to be having sex with you and is continually trying to please you and get more sex from you.
The Issue: No Time for Romance
These days, most people have so much to do in their daily lives that sex and romance take a back seat. Yet, no matter how busy you are, you definitely can make time for romance. If you're able to find the time to hang out with friends, play sports, work on a hobby or watch your favorite TV show, then you definitely have some time available. So, why do you feel as though you don't have enough time for sex or romance? Simple: You are avoiding opportunities for "romance" and sex because there is little or no sexual tension left in your relationship.
The Solution: Create an Endless Supply of Sexual Tension in Your Relationship
Amateur relationship advice will suggest that you should "schedule" time for sex at specific times of the day or of the week. That would work if we were robots, but we're not; we're human and life isn't black and white. Things happen, some days are busier and more stressful than others and we aren't always feeling 100% ready to have sex. Scheduling a time for sex will only lead to more boredom and feeling as though you have yet another chore to do, especially if you've already had a busy or week.
TV talk show hosts, radio DJs, people who don't know what they're talking about and people who feel the need to be politically correct, will often tell you that you should do lots of nice things for her to get the spark back. Run her a bath, make a candlelight dinner and go on a picnic. Blah! How about her doing things to get YOU in the mood? How about her giving YOU a massage, cooking YOU a nice dinner and giving YOU the best oral sex she's ever given you?
The fact is, sex comes naturally and easily in a relationship when the right dynamic is established and then maintained between a man and a woman. If you listen to the politically-correct advice pushed by TV and the movies (which tells you that your relationship should be 50/50 and you and your woman should be neutral "partners" or "friends," rather than oppositely-charged masculine and feminine beings) then your sex life will surely die as soon as the initial lust fades away. To keep the spark alive, you need to create and then maintain the right type of relationship dynamic, which is not one where you are being a "good boy" in the hope of getting her in the mood. That confused approach to your relationship will only lead to more relationship problems.
For the spark to remain in a relationship, the sexual tension needs to be continually recharged, unleashed (by having sex) and then recharged once again. It is an endless cycle that leads to the deepening of love and the strengthening of your deep heart connection with each other. Only when you are truly in love and connected on a deep level will your relationship be protected from the temptations of cheating. Instead of wanting to leave the relationship to find someone new, you and your woman will fall deeper and deeper in love and go through the different levels of love all the way. You may have seen couples like that who, after decades of being with each other, are still madly in love.
For sexual desire to be maintained between a man and a woman, there has to be a more masculine person and a more feminine person in the relationship. If the man is the more feminine one in the relationship, the woman will typically withhold sex and will only have sex when she absolutely wants it. Even then, it will be on her terms and if the man doesn't perform in accordance with her instructions, she will become irritated with him and may even deny him. However, if the man is the more masculine one, the woman will be chasing him for sex and he will be the one who decides when she gets it.
Here, at The Modern Man, we believe in the more traditional balance of power in a relationship, where the man is clearly the man and the woman is clearly the woman. From our research and experience, such a dynamic leads to the most happiness, love and sexual desire between a man and a woman. The tested, proven to work advice that we provide creates a relationship dynamic where your woman chases you for sex and goes out of her way to please you all times. This creates an endless source of sexual tension as she tries to please you and you then reward her by giving her your focussed sexual energy when you decide to.
The Issue: She Doesn't Feel Excited About Sex With You Anymore
Romantic relationships fall apart when there is no sexual desire because only being "good friends" usually isn't enough to sustain a relationship in modern society. In the past, couples would stay together unhappily for life, to avoid the shame of a break up or divorce. In today's world, unless both the man and the woman feel satisfied, they are often encouraged (by TV, co-workers and even family) to break up. So, what should you do if your girlfriend or wife doesn't feel excited about having sex with you anymore? How do you save your relationship (or marriage) before it's too late?
The Solution: Make Her Your Woman, Not Your Friend
Unlike the politically-correct advice you will hear on TV, what works in real relationships is a more traditional approach. Don't be fooled by the entertaining scripts of TV sitcoms, movies and TV advertisements. A woman wants to be your woman, not your friend or buddy. Sure, you need to have a companionship (or "friendship") in addition to the sexual relationship, but if you treat her like your buddy, then the sexual charge is guaranteed to die. Why? It's just not what makes a man and a woman want to have sex with each other. What does? Her behaving like a sexy, feminine woman and you behaving like a confident, masculine man. If you approach your relationship as "friends" then you will slip into just being neutral around each other and neither or you will be the clear masculine or feminine person.
One of the keys to creating a relationship dynamic where your girlfriend/wife feels like your woman, is to have a life purpose other than just your relationship with her. When you have a real purpose in your life other than your relationship, your woman will feel special when she gets to spend time with you. However, if your life is pretty much only about you and her "hanging out" all the time and paying bills together, then she may begin to feel smothered, bored, restless and as though she is with a guy who is afraid to be a man and go after his big dreams and goals in life.
In the ideal relationship dynamic, the man is focused on something extremely important to him; his life purpose. When he gives his attention to his woman, she has it completely, but when he is focused on his purpose, she almost becomes invisible. If she interrupts him rarely, he will stop whatever he is doing and pay her full attention. If she interrupts him too often, he will tell her to stop interrupting him and that he will talk to her later. A man of purpose (i.e. what women refer to as a real man) will only pay his woman attention for short periods of time (to recharge the sexual tension by allowing her to try to maintain his attention) and he will then get back to working on or working towards his purpose.
When she is with a man of purpose, a woman will enjoy the lifelong game of continually going out of her way to look sexy for him or do nice things for him, in the hope that it will get her some more of his attention and focused, sexual energy. Compare this relationship dynamic to that of a man who doesn't really know what he's aiming for in life and gives her his vague, slightly-guarded sexually energy and focus. Compare this also to a man who just wants to hang out with his girlfriend/wife like a friend and let life pass him by, without ever stepping up to reach his true potential as a man. Such men almost always find themselves in a situation where their relationship with their woman has lost its spark.
If you want to learn more about creating and maintaining the ultimate relationship dynamic by being what women refer to as a real man, then I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy.
The Issue: Same Sex, Different Day
It’s not necessarily that you’re not having sex with her, but it’s just getting boring. Somehow you can pretty much guess how long the sex is going to take, what you’ll do to each other and, possibly even if you both of you will "get off." When this happens for a long time, it just doesn't feel as exciting as either of you would like it to be.
The Solution: Make Her Feel Like the Sexiest Woman on Earth
There are specific techniques that I teach in The Modern Relationship that will cause a woman to want to continually look and behave in sexier and more seductive ways for you. Then, when you compliment her in the way I suggest and respond in the ways I suggest, she will feel like she is the sexiest woman on Earth. One of the many techniques I teach in The Modern Relationship, is to reward her when she behaves in a sensual way, or presents herself in an erotic way. I won't go into detail on how to do it and what to say (that is revealed in The Modern Relationship), but I will explain why it keeps your sex life exciting, highly desirable and fulfilling.
When a woman feels sexy around you, she feels happy and content in her relationship (Note: This only works if you have set up the right relationship dynamic, where she feels lucky to be having sex with you and where you hold the power). As for how it benefits you; when you are with a woman that you find incredibly sexy, you feel happy and content in your relationship as well. The constant cycle of her trying to look sexier and behaving in suggestive ways makes both of you happier and more satisfied, because you are rewarding her when she "does her thing." So, you benefit by getting a more desirable woman and she benefits by continuing to feel sexy, wanted and loved by her man.
The Issue: You Don't Know What She Really Wants
Some women have a list of fantasies that they would love to play out with you, but most are too shy to explain or own up to them, especially if the fantasy involves you being a bit rough or using a sexual position or move that you may currently perceive as being is "too much" or possibly even "demeaning.”"However, we all have our wild side and the more you try to smother it down and sweep it under the carpet, the more unsatisfied that both of you will secretly feel.
The Solution: Let Her Tell You About Her Fantasies in Other Ways
Almost all women don't actively watch porn on their own because women aren't turned on in the same way as we men are. Women are turned on by other things. (If you don't know what those things are, watch Better Than a Bad Boy). However, most girlfriends/wives are definitely open to watching porn with you, for the purpose of learning new moves and hearing about what you would like her to try. Women love to be instructed about what to do sexually, even if they appear shy or say, "Huh? You want me to do that?" in a shocked way.
While watching a few porn clips, she will also have the opportunity to point out some things that she'd like to receive from you once in a while. Encourage her to tell you by getting her to say what turns her on the most during the "movie." Then, when you are next having sex, you can both have a bit of a laugh as you pull your new moves on each other. Don't take it too seriously (i.e. don't stress out and try to be perfect. Just have fun with it), but be serious about performing any new moves that you are trying and don't laugh too much. Laughing too much ruins the vibe. If possible, don't laugh at all; just smile and let her do the laughing. A few seconds into doing the new move, she will stop laughing and will start moaning.
Another way to discover her true fantasies is to ask what her favorite sexy Hollywood movies are that have turned her on. Ask her about her favorite movie sex scenes and if you're not familiar with the movie, watch it by yourself later on to check out the scenes. Then, try to bring that sort of vibe or sexual experience into your sex or relationship with her. Often, you will find that it is extremely enjoyable for you too, because it will be something you've possibly never done with her or rarely did with other women.
There is Still Hope For Your Relationship!
As you can see from all of the great tips and ideas in this article, there is no need to end a relationship simply because the spark seems to have died. With a few, fundamental changes to your relationship dynamic and by understanding your woman on a deeper level, the dwindling fire of your relationship will soon be white hot once again.