Dating After Divorce

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Dating after divorce

A man will either allow the divorce or break up to destroy him and send him into lonely isolation, or he will learn from the experience and bounce back as a stronger, better man that his ex-wife or girlfriend can once again respect and feel attraction for.

If you’ve ever endured the pain of a breakup of a marriage or long-term relationship, you’ll know that it can be a debilitating, sickening and very hard thing to deal with. However, if you want to move on to the next (and hopefully happier) chapter of your life, you have to be willing to do what is necessary to get there. Unfortunately too many guys refuse to make the transition to a new and better relationship, even though their woman has already happily done so or is out there looking to do so.

Some guys hang onto their desire to make their past relationship work (even though it’s over) because they fear meeting new women or they don’t want to make the effort to learn from what went wrong so they can use that knowledge to make their future relationships happier and longer-lasting. Why a particular relationship ended is going to be different for each couple. However, there are many things that are going to be universal for men who are faced with a divorce or a breakup and that is what we’re going to cover in this piece.

Failing to Change Before it's Too Late

When women start to think about breaking up with their man, they usually struggle for a long time before making a final decision to end the relationship. She is hoping that their man will change and begin behaving in the ways that will recapture her feelings. So, when they were still a couple, she would have given her man numerous hints about why things were not going well between the two of them. She may have even said (or hinted) that if things didn’t change, she was going to leave him or that they would have a difficult time staying together for long.

Of course, most men don't know what else to do other than what they have already been doing in the relationship, so they usually fail to change before it's too late. Most guys will never stumble across this site like you have and find the answers to their relationships problems with women, so they are left on their own to guess, turn to friends for advice (who are not relationship or attraction experts) or worse – make the mistake of trying to learn what to do by watching Hollywood movies (entertainment, not education), listening to the lyrics of pop songs or watching TV sitcoms (again, that is designed as a form of entertainment, not education).

Noticing that she is losing more and more interest in the relationship, a man will usually then make things 10x worse by becoming needy for affection, desperate to make her happy and insecure when she doesn't show him the love he wants to see coming from her. She will feel turned off by his neediness, desperation and insecurity and her respect, attraction and love for him will begin to diminish even more rapidly than before.

“Please...Just Give Me One More Chance. I'll Do Anything!”

Finally, when the woman can’t take it anymore, she will tell her man that she is leaving him and, even though she would've given him numerous signs that she was losing interest before she broke it off, most guys will be totally surprised and in disbelief about why she would want to give up on the relationship and leave. “But, I love you” the man will plead, “I want to be with you. I'll do anything you want, please just give me another chance.”

Yet, by the time a woman has said she wants out, she will have lost most, if not all, of her respect for the guy, won't feel attracted to him anymore and as a result of those two things, she will have fallen out of love with him. Why? A boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife relationship between a man and a woman needs love, sexual attraction and respect to be present, otherwise it just turns into a friendship...and that is not what a woman wants from her man. She wants to feel sexual attraction, she wants to respect him as a man and she wants to continue to fall deeper and deeper in love with him. She doesn't want a sexless relationship (or a relationship with barely any sex) and a man who doesn't understand how to make her feel like a sexy, happy woman. She wants true love, passionate love and a love that deeper and more amazing over time.

So, when a man (who has no idea what else to do to keep his woman happy and doesn't understand how to be the real man that she is looking for) is faced with the “I want a divorce” or "I need some space and time to think" (Read: My Girlfriend Said She Needs Space) conversation, he will usually begin to panic and cling onto the woman for as long as he can. Since most men simply get lucky with women and do not have the skills to attract whichever woman they please, they will become desperate in a situation like this even if they, too, were unhappy in the relationship, because they feel that it is better to have their woman rather than no woman at all. One of his worst fears will suddenly rise to the surface and make him panic even further. That being, the idea of his woman having sex with another man. He knows that if the man is more confident and masculine than he is, his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend is likely going to fall madly in love with him and enjoy the sex so much, mostly because of the contrast feelings she will feel by having sex with a confident man, instead of a desperate, insecure man who has been broken emotionally.

It's a sad time for the guy who has been broken up with, but unfortunately sometimes people need to be put under that type of pressure to grow and change. However, in an effort to return things to “normal,” most guys will beg, cry, make promises or do virtually anything they can to try to “win” her back. This tact may buy a guy a few more days, weeks or months if the woman takes pity on him, but it won't keep the woman around for long because at that point, the woman, who likely struggled for a long time in making her decision to end the relationship, has emotionally moved on. Additionally, because the man’s wimpy and begging behavior shows how weak he is (or has become), she will be further turned off and will feel more assured that she made the correct decision to end it with him. His weak behavior is the proverbial “final nail in the coffin.”

Poor Break-up Communication From the Woman

Unfortunately, when ending their relationship, most women will not make it totally clear to their ex that it’s over and there is absolutely no chance for a reconciliation. They don’t want to hurt the man they once loved, so they break up with him as gently as possible. In reality what she really needs to say to be TOTALLY CLEAR that she doesn't want him back, is something like the following:

“John, I’m sorry but it’s over. We’re through. I’ve moved on and there is no chance we will EVER get back together. I wish you well but I want you to stop calling me or contacting me in any way. We’re done. I want you to understand that I’m totally serious about this. I hope you find someone new and have a happy relationship, but whatever you and I had is over. You are not the man for me and that is final. Goodbye.”

If she had spoken to him like that, he would almost certainly be clear that it was over. However, most women find it difficult to be that direct and honest when breaking up a relationship, so it's no surprise if your woman said something like, “I need some space” or “I need time to think” or “I think we should take a break for a while.” Some men are afraid to be that honest and direct and honest when breaking up with a woman, but women especially avoid doing so out of an instinctive desire to survive. Remember: For 99.9% of human history, a man could kill his wife and get away with it simply by leaving the area and going to live somewhere else. In fact, the act of "uxoricide” (killing of one's wife) still happens fairly regularly today in places where women aren't protected by the rule of law and a society that is closely monitored by the media. So, you can't really blame a woman for not wanting to invoke a potential violent response from her man by “letting him down easily.” It's just a natural, instinctive thing that most women will do.

“She Still Wants Me, I Know it!”

When a woman doesn't give a guy a direct break up speech (most cases) and tell him in no uncertain terms that there is no way she will take him back, many guys will assume that the woman is “playing” with him and that she really wants him back, but he has to “earn” it. These men doubt that she’s really serious about wanting the breakup and instead of believing her actions, they’ll look for “clues” that she wants him back. They will misread her body language, falsely interpret anything she says to him that can (in ANY way) give him the hope that she wants him back, even if it’s something as simple as this innocent telephone exchange.

Man: "Hi, Betty, it’s me."
Woman: "Oh, Bill, hi. How are you? What have you been up to?"
Man: (Thinks to himself) "See! She wants to know how I am and what I've been up to. Maybe she misses hanging out with me!"

Sadly, with that type of thinking, a man will often then put in even more effort to “win” her back. He will write her love notes/e-mails, constantly call her, buy her gifts and do whatever he can to remind her that he is still there, waiting...and waiting...and hoping that she will change her mind. A guy like this will believe that because he is proving how much he loves her and wants her back, she will have to realize that he is serious about changing and will want to give him another chance. However, these tactics rarely, if ever, work because a woman wants to be with a man that she feels sexual attraction for, respects (because he is a strong man, not an insecure, needy, clingy guy) and loves deeply and passionately.

From Bad to Worse

When women are faced with this type of ongoing annoyance from a guy, they eventually realize that he can’t take a hint and trying to be nice and gentle with him didn’t work. Out of frustration and anger, a woman will usually decide to have one final “talk” with him and may even meet up with him in person to do it. The man will think it is his big chance to get her back, while she will be hoping that she can say what she wants to say and have him respond by finally accepting it. When she talks to him this time, instead of being calm and subtle with him that the relationship is over, she will be TOTALLY SPECIFIC with him about why she ended it and why she will not only NEVER get back together with him even if he were the last man on Earth, but she also likely be very forceful when she tells him that she may even considering taking legal action against him if he doesn't leave her alone.

Men who had been using the pleading tactic to get her back (e.g. with gifts, calls, letters, etc.) to get her back, will be shocked at her blunt and harsh reaction. The guy will feel even more confused and heartbroken that she misread his actions and didn’t understand that he was trying to romance her, rather than harass her! For most guys, this type of reaction from the woman they love will cause them to feel betrayed, rejected, unloved and unwanted by her and by women in general.

The Best Tactic to Get Her Back

Since his romantic tactics didn’t work, a guy will usually then begin to wonder how he could make her jealous and want him back. Finally, he will be starting to get onto what may actually work! He will think, “Okay, well if she thinks I'm not good enough for her, I will show her that other beautiful women want me and then she’ll coming running back to me.” Excellent! That is exactly what he needs to do if he wants to get her to begin feeling attraction for him again, or at least selfishly wanting him back for herself for a while. Why will it make her feel attraction for him? When she sees that other beautiful women want him (beautiful women usually don't hook up with guys who do not display confidence, masculinity, etc. – except in the cases where the guy gets lucky and the girl is just temporarily using him until something better comes along), his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend will consider that she may have made a big mistake by breaking up with him.

Unfortunately, since these guys lack the confidence and dating skills necessary to attract ANY woman, much less someone who was “hot” enough to make their ex jealous, this line of thinking isn’t going to work unless the guy is willing to go through a transformation process and actually become a confident, masculine man that other women want. If he refuses to grow as a man and become confident, emotionally secure (instead of insecure) and masculine in his actions, thinking and behavior, his ex will naturally be unable to feel anything more for him than she would for a friend. As for other women, they will treat him how they've always treated him.

When a guy finally realizes that he will be unable to attract new, beautiful women, he really begins to panic and that is usually when he will, once again, go back to his ex and plead with her for another chance and try to get her attention in any way he can. However, since she no longer finds him attractive, it is a complete waste of his energy and effort; she naturally feels nothing for him. In fact, his continued weak behavior will make other guys that she meets seem even more attractive to her, even if they only display a bit more confidence and emotional security than he has been displaying. Understandably, this is a sad time for the guy who has been broken up with. Whether he likes it or not, he is now at a “crossroads moment” in his life. He either going to grow and become stronger as a result of the experience, or he will allow it to destroy him.

Refusing to Get Back Out There and Meet New Women

If a guy is being dumped by a woman for not being enough of a man, he is most likely going to feel reluctant about getting back into the dating scene, much less approaching, attracting and seducing a beautiful woman to make his ex jealous. He most-likely got lucky (Read: Is Getting Lucky the Answer to Easy Success With Women?) by finding his girlfriend or wife and, after experiencing such a painful and confusing breakup, he will have no reason to believe he is going to have any more luck with other women.

In short, a guy like this will want his ex back even though it wasn’t necessarily the greatest relationship, mostly so he doesn’t have to experience the pain and rejection of getting out into the dating scene and realizing that women aren't attracted to him because he just isn't confident enough around them. Therefore, if he is completely honest with himself, he will privately admit that the true reason for wanting his ex back is that it feels like an easier and less painful option than trying to get a new woman to like him.

Since the guy will be clouded by fear and his (understandably) selfish intentions, he will find it difficult to focus on the very important fact that it wasn't a perfect relationship. In fact, he was probably unhappy, he and her probably rarely ever had sex anymore and she woman just didn't love him anymore. Secretly, he understands that with the amount of confidence he lacks around women and the level of insecurity he lives with on a daily basis, he was lucky to have a relationship at all. Even though it wasn’t a perfect match-up, now that he has been left alone to face his problems and is being forced to grow as a man, he feels even more scared, depressed, confused and desperate than ever before.

At this point, some guys will search around online and (hopefully) find us here at The Modern Man, learn from our amazing programs and quickly transform themselves into confident, masculine men that women line up for. From there, they will either recapture the feelings of their ex-wife or girlfriend and get back into a now happy and passionate relationship, or they will enjoy meeting and having sex with many new women before eventually deciding to settle down into a relationship. However, most guys are too afraid to admit that they need help with women; they find it embarrassing because society expects guys to just know this stuff, so admitting that you “need help with the ladies,” can be a tough thing to admit and face up to.

Guys who refuse to learn about where they've been going wrong with women will usually spend most of their spare time missing their ex and feeling sorry for themselves. His confidence spirals down further and he he may even consider that he was destined to be rejected by women and will never experience the love and happiness that others experience so easily. However, this is just “comfort thinking” for guys who are too chicken to face up to reality and admit that maybe, just maybe, they made a lot of mistakes in their relationship and need some advice on what they should do around women instead.

Becoming a Beggar in the Dating Scene

If you go to a restaurant, would you rather rummage around in the dirty garbage bin outside and quickly eat the scraps like a beggar would, or would you instead like to choose the exact meal you want from the menu and then happily eat and enjoy it in comfort? Obviously, most people are going to want to choose a meal that they want rather than having to eat dirty scraps. However, when it comes to women and dating, most guys behave like beggars and try to get whatever scraps they can. When a quality woman notices that a man has this "beggar mentality" about women, she instantly rejects him and he has absolutely no chance with her from then on.

In the case of a guy who has just gone through a horrible divorce or relationship breakup, he will often be in such a low state that he will be willing to accept the scraps because he will notice that attractive women are unable to feel attraction for him due to his lack of confidence around them. So, after months of depression and whining about missing his ex, many guys will turn to a friend, a co-worker or relative to help him out and possibly set him up with a single woman they know.

In every case that I know of personally from hearing stories told by my friends and by clients that I have coached in person, the woman they get set up on a blind date with usually isn not an “A” list woman that other guys are lining up for. In fact, she likely doesn’t get many dates herself because she lacks the qualities that most men find attractive, but the friend goes ahead and fixes them up anyway to see what happens. When the divorcee or "breakupee" meets the new woman, even though she’s not especially pretty or would not appeal to most guys, he will usually feel grateful to have a date and it will feel nice to actually talk to another woman who has even a slight bit of interest in him.

However, here is what will happen in most cases. Either:

a) The woman will not be attractive and it will make the guy miss his ex even more.
b) The woman won't like him because he is behaving nervously or lacks the confidence she needs in a guy. So, she will tell him that they should just be friends instead.

So, even though she was someone he normally wouldn’t be interested in – a “substandard” woman – her rejection, once again, causes him to fall deeper and deeper into despair and miss his ex even more. He'll wonder how he will ever find another woman who could come close to making him feel as much as his ex did AND love him back at the same time. Again, this is a sad time for the guy, but it is a crossroads moment for him and he can either choose to grow and become a better man in response, or allow the experience to destroy him and turn him into a weaker, more isolated and lonely man than ever before.

What Eventually Happens...

Eventually, no matter how bad a guy feels, he will finally get to the point where he wants to at least TRY to meet new women and see how he feels. However, when he finally decides to approach and meet some new women, he will usually find that he just doesn't know what to say to women or how to get them interested and wanting to kiss him, give him their phone number or go on a date with him. Additionally, he will discover that women just don't seem to be interested in him because he lacks confidence. He also doesn't know how to properly flirt with them and doesn't really know what to say to get them interested. It all seems so difficult and thoughts of his ex come flooding back, "Maybe, I should just call her and see what happens?" he thinks, refusing to accept the fact that she just doesn't feel attracted to him anymore, she doesn't respect him and she doesn't want to love him like she used to. In most cases, it is OVER unless the guy can transform himself into the type of man she wants...and fast.

Getting nowhere fast, most guys will try to look for the next "easy" dating option. A man will then make the worst dating-related decision of his life: He will try his hand at online dating. Watch this video to discover why using online dating is almost guaranteed to worsen your problems with women if you are not good with women to begin with.

The fact of the matter is, if you want to be successful with women and get back into the dating scene after a divorce or breakup, you need to do a number of things:

  1. Become confident.
  2. Learn how to talk to and flirt with women.
  3. Learn how to escalate to a phone number, kiss and sex.
  4. Approach women.
  5. Enjoy!

If you try to approach women without first becoming confident, they will reject you because they are naturally turned off by guys who lack confidence. If you try to approach women, but you don't know what to say or how to flirt with women in a sexual way, your conversations will be boring and end very quickly. Likewise, if you don't know how to escalate to a phone number, kiss or sex, you won't get past a conversation. Finally, and most important of all, if you don't approach and talk to women, nothing will happen.

If you'd like to learn how to do all of those things (listed above) right now, I recommend you read my ebook The Flow and get on with enjoying your life with women. You have an opportunity to become a better man as a result of the unfortunate breakup you experienced. You can either grow as a man and draw countless women into your life who would LOVE to be with you, or fade away as a lonely man while your ex happily gets on with her life.

If you want to learn more about relationships, where you went wrong with your ex-wife or girlfriend and, more importantly, the RIGHT way to maintain a woman's love, respect and attraction for you in a relationship, I recommend that you watch The Modern Relationship.

The Modern Relationship: Are You Ready?

Yes, I would like to watch The Modern Relationship!


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Dan_Bacon_author_photo By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. (Personal photos with women)



Relationships

16 Responses to “Dating After Divorce”

  1. james Reply December 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    But what if a man has been having bad relationships his whole life and has been rejected more times than normal? How does one get out of that “well of despair?”

  2. Jithin Reply December 7, 2012 at 8:49 am

    You know a lot about women man.You’re a genius.

  3. Chris Reply December 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Am in long distance relationship with my g.f or even my ex,,but the problem is my g.f’s sista is pushing her to divorce me,but i don kno wat to do nau!!

    • Dan Bacon Reply December 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

      Hi Chris

      Your question makes no sense to me. You’re in a relationship with your girlfriend OR your ex?

      Explain yourself better and write properly. It’s “…but I don’t know what to do now!” not “but i don kno wat to do nau!!” You most likely know that, but have been sucked in to the passing, childish trend of writing like that, which women are NOT impressed by. Women may write like that, but if you want to be taken seriously as a man, write like a man, not like boy or girl.

      Cheers
      Dan

  4. Jonathan Reply December 7, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    HI there. i am been single for about eight nine months. I have had opportunities to have a couple of girlfriends via dating websites but I have not been interested. I am 42 almost and dont have much in the way of money but I do have an ok job that pays average to below average. Any way my last girlfriend was from sri lanka and I was addicted to her like she was a drug. but she became progressively difficult to get the truth from so I struggled to trust her. She also had been in a relationship with a married man for two years and did not have empathy for the wife. So that made me feel uncomfortable. Even so I really liked many aspect about her despite this. she was like a drug. any way despite this I could not trust her because she did not tell the me small truth about how she was feeling and she progressively became more and more distant. Eventually she dumped me and I then went into deep sadness and depression. I still miss her but I have not been able to find someone whom I feel an attraction for since at that level. My head tells me that she was dishonest and she did not have the courage to tell me the truth on small things which meant that i could not trust her. But part of me really still misses her even though the relationship was five months in length and it was not meant to be. I get annoyed at still craving her back even though she now hates me and has and new boyfriend and does not want me back even as a friend. I have a chinese girl whom states she is interested in me but I am not that attracted emotionally. its more physical. She might be using me for Permanent residency status as well. I wonder if you can point me in the right direction.

    • Dan Bacon Reply December 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

      Hi Jonathan

      Thanks for your question.

      Yes, you need to approach women that you’re attracted to and only choose women for a relationship that are suitable for you. Simple, I know, but most guys don’t do it. You are relying on getting lucky. Read: Is Getting Lucky the Answer to Easy Success With Women? and you’ll identify with what I’m saying in the article.

      About your ex-girlfriend who HATES you and doesn’t even want you as a friend: What you need to realize is that the amazing feelings you experienced with her are NORMAL. You will feel that most women that you are incredible attracted to (physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc). However, if you go through life trying to get lucky, you will usually get the scraps of what other guys don’t want or run into women who will just use you until something better comes along, like your ex-girlfriend did.

      If you don’t have much experience walking up and talking to women you find attractive, getting a phone number or escalating to an instant date right there and then, I recommend that you read The Flow. However, if you are already quite used to it and want to learn my mastery level techniques that make women desperately want you, I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy.

      Cheers
      Dan

  5. Brody Reply December 9, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Hey Dan

    What about women being manipulative and always lining up something else before they get rid of their current boyfriend? The old ‘won’t let go of one branch til they’ve got a grip on the other’. Thats happened to me countless times my past girlfriends break up with me and within a month shes in a new relationship actually even quicker than that my previous girlfriend got into a relationship with another guy within 4 days. Then you ask them about and they lie to your face that they only just met them. Why are women like that?

    Thanks
    Brody

  6. tom Reply February 3, 2013 at 6:17 am

    Ugh! I need help Dan.
    I can’t get over my ex gf. I know eventually I will but I will always think to myself I wish it had worked out. Can I still make it work? She broke up with me a month ago due to her losing feelings. I made it worse after the break up because I kept making a fuss out of the break up and telling her I’m sorry when it wasn’t necessary and I would ask the same questions over and over, plus tell her if there is any other guys. I messed up. I realized my mistakes. I just dont know how to approach this situation to get her back. Now she is telling my friend to tell me that she doesn’t want to be my friend. She also already has a boyfriend. Her best friend told me that she doesn’t want to deal with me anymore. She just feels weird by my presence and thinks I’m annoying but that’s strange because I don’t even talk to her. She gave me advice to ignore her completely and shut her out of my world so mmaybe she will comeback but I’m scared she will forget about me. She also said I’m screwing myself over by me talking to her when my ex doesn’t want to but I barely talk to her. I just think that I’m not talking to her properly. I already read most all of your articles so you don’t have to reply with links, just feedback if you may. Thanks Dan!

    • Dan Bacon Reply February 6, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      Hi Tom

      Thanks for your question.

      The reason she now feels weird in your presence is the same reason why you would feel weird in the presence of a very needy person who didn’t understand that you wanted them to stay away from you. You went too far and she now wants you to back off until you change the things that turn her off about you and become a strong man, mentally and emotionally. Ultimately, what you need to do is re-attract her and I am the best guy to teach you how to do that because I’m an expert on attraction. I recommend you read the following articles to learn more about your situation and what to do:

      Is She Still in Love With You?
      My Girlfriend Said She Needs Space
      Can You Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back?

      Cheers
      Dan

  7. Thomas Reply February 23, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    I have loved this woman for 18 years, and we have been together 3 times. We have four kids together last time we were together were together for 7 years, & she convinced me to get a vasectomy by promising me to stay with me forever (my dream) then she spent two weeks seducing me making me feel more confident then. She avolded me later she told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore it has been Almost a year and a half, and she has givin me mixed messages now she doesn’t want me to be anywhere near her, and she has practically made me look like the bad parent I feel like she is trying to impress her mom, & our workers taking credit for everything, & keeping me from taking care of my kids. Sacriced everything for her and my kids now if she won’t be with me I am destined to be alone how do I regain my life, & confidence to move on with my life or get her back

    • Dan Bacon Reply February 23, 2013 at 4:57 pm

      Hey Thomas

      Thanks for sharing your story.

      You’ve made the big mistake that I talk about in Better Than a Bad Boy. That being, you’ve placed the woman in the leadership position and are essentially asking her, “Hey, don’t be a feminine woman. Be stable and rational like a man” and meanwhile, you’ve most-likely been behaving in quite a feminine way around her. A woman doesn’t want to be your “rock,” she wants you to be the man and for her, for you to take the lead and to be able to rely on you.

      A friend of mine also got a vasectomy after he had two children with his wife. She said she’d stick by him forever and was really sweet early on. However, she then became extremely overweight and treated him like garbage. Why do women do that? You will find out in Better Than a Bad Boy. If you watch that program, you’ll also learn how to turn things around so your woman respects you, feels attraction for you again (yes, right now she would feel little to none) and begins falling in love with you once again.

      I also recommend you read these articles to learn more about what to do to fix your problem:

      1. Who Should Wear the Pants in a Relationship?
      2. Should Men Do Housework?
      3. How to Get the Spark Back in a Relationship
      4. Is She Still in Love With You?

      Cheers
      Dan

  8. Rene Reply April 18, 2013 at 4:51 am

    Dan, I read with interest this article, and there are many many aspects true to my situation. I was married for 27 years to someone I realized was very insecure. He was controlling and verbally abusive. When the kids finally reached their 20′s and were out of the house I finally got the nerve to divorce him. It was tough. I wish I had been tougher on him because he took advantage of me again during the divorce. Right after our divorce, he still wanted sex from me. He was a desperate man. What added to his desperation was that 24 years ago, I gave him herpes. We struck a sick deal. I’d have sex with him in return for use of an apartment we used to own in a big city. I didn’t realize that my use had actually not been terminated at the apartment, but he told me it was and I believed him, and I wanted to go there still, and so I agreed to have sex with him, but it did not last long. When I realized I’d made a big mistake agreeing to this scenario, he went balistic on me and I had to get in my car and drive away almost running over him in the process, but he was getting out of control, and my son was home at the time (college break) and I didn’t want him to over hear the sick convo. To shorten this up a bit (it upsets me to think about how stupid I was), he ended up with a girl from high school who always held him in high regard. He was fond of her, his mother was best friends with her mother, so he sort of grew up with her. She, on the other hand, is a social climber. My ex is rich. About 4 months after I stopped the sex stuff, she moved in, basically. They’ve been living together for about 2 or a little more than that years now, and I wonder – can he actually change his ways? Do you think he’s happy? I KNOW he would die if she ever walked out on him because he really IS insecure even though everyone in the community thinks he’s secure and successful businessman. He is the #1 giver to the community as his family has a philanthropic bent big time. I don’t know how they ever got over the herpes thing… but the thing is, he was so insecure, he didn’t know the first thing in having to tell anyone he had it.. he called me up that night asking me how he should go about dating, and having sex because he said he needed sex and wanted quickies from women but didn’t know what to tell them about the herpes or using a condom. I mean, he was like an adolescent boy.. coming to his ex wife asking her what to do for his “needs”. I told him date awhile and after he noticed interest, to tell her right away. He told me “it won’t get that far” – that’s when I told him he’s on his own then… and then he ended up with this “safe” girl. She sold her house a year and a half after shacking up with him, so now she’s really stuck. I think it’s interesting how this insecure man and this girl who thinks the sun rose and set upon him are now together, and seemingly happy. What’s your prediction for how this will turn out? Thanks.

    • Dan Bacon Reply April 22, 2013 at 10:02 am

      Hey Rene

      Thanks for your comment.

      This is a difficult comment for me to respond to though because, before I became the confident, emotionally secure man that I now am, I used to be insecure and hopeless with women like your ex. (Here’s what happened to me: http://www.themodernman.com/why_women_cheat.html). Today, my job is to help men like your ex by guiding them out of insecurity and confusion and into confidence, happiness and clarity.

      So, while I feel empathy for the hell you went through emotionally, I feel bad thinking that you might be happy to see him fail. The truth is, if he doesn’t seek help from a guy like me (someone like your ex needs to watch this: http://store.themodernman.com/products/better_than_a_bad_boy.html), he will likely ruin his current relationship with the new woman. As you very well know, there’s only so much a woman can put up with in terms of a man’s emotional weakness. So, unless this woman plans to stay with him, get married and then rob him for half of his money in a divorce, he might be hearing the, “We have to talk” phrase from her sometime soon.

      Anyway, I wish you the very best of happiness and love from here on in Rene. The same for your ex husband. Unfortunately, most guys are not brought up around men who can serve as a role model for success in a relationship with a woman. Most fathers give the wrong advice and are ineffective role models regarding love and relationships, so a lot of modern men end up being negatively influenced by the fictional reality they see in TV commercial, TV sitcoms and movies. I’ve lost count of the amount of guys I’ve coached who were basing their understanding of women, what it takes to be a man and how to have a successful relationship, from what they’d seen on TV sitcoms and movies.

      All the best to you.

      Cheers
      Dan

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