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I know that you mentioned the people you’ve coached usually leave comments like ‘I’m this and that… and I can’t have her because of this and that’ but I’m curious and I know I’m going to sound like does guys you mentioned but I have the urge to ask, generally when I’m out with family or out and about, people always think I’m between the ages of 13-16 but I’m really 20, if a the ‘hot chick + plays hard to get girl’ and she says ‘uh your to young sorry kid.’ Or something like that… naturally, you’d be defensive, but from watching your videos (I haven’t watched all your videos) I don’t think you would recommend me to be defensive… or snap at her for getting my age wrong. What do I do, I have to admit part of my frustration is that I look young I look like I’m still a fresh/soph in high school.
2nd question: When some girls say I fall in love once in a blue moon, do they really mean it? Would it be worthwhile to pursue her? How do you even a girl like that in the first place?
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you’re right: I wouldn’t ever recommend that you become defensive or snap at the woman. It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of this kind of stuff. I recommend that you simply accept that the particular woman prefers an older looking guy…and then talk to ANOTHER woman. Some women LOVE guys who look young because they find it “cute”, but not all women do…who cares? Some women like black guys, some like European guys, some like guys who make them laugh, etc, etc. Don’t let it mess with your head though – really, there are plenty of women in this world and the main reason guys usually get affected by such comments is that they hardly MEET and properly TALK to any new women. Trust me, meet more women and you won’t be worried that a couple of women said you looked to young for them. Instead, you will simply accept that you’re not compatible with ALL women (no guy is).
A lot of Asian guys often experience a similar thing to you when living in Western countries. I coached an Asian client last year who said that he tried to pick up a white girl one time and “she flat out told me that she would never date an Asian guy” so he then developed an insecurity about it. I said to him, “Dude…how many times have you seen an Asian guy with a white girl? You see it often, right?” …actually, I just remembered – there is a clip from that guy on this page…listen to it: http://www.themodernman.com/lifestyle-course.html (It’s Customer Feedback #2)
About your other question: Yes, sometimes that will be true. One of my current GFs (well, really she’s more of a fck buddy) is a stripper. She said the exact same thing to me when I first hooked up with her and she wasn’t lying. She intentionally blocks off her heart from feeling too much until the relationship gets past a couple of months. Now she loves me and I love her “in a way”, but ours is different sort of relationship anyway…it’s just sex, partying and good times. So, don’t let comments like those from a woman throw you off either – just keep moving things forward and things will unfold naturally. Sure, sometimes it can be disheartening when a woman says something like that, but stay strong by simply UNDERSTANDING that she has her reasons for doing it…usually, it’s not about you as well – it’s about her trying to protect herself from getting hurt.
On the other hand, some women will say that to make you chase them harder so they have more power over you. They’ve done it before and it has worked for them, so they repeat the “relationship habit” to get the same result. See this article http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/why_some_women_play_hard_to_get.html or watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-5.html
I’ve got one question for you.
How can I break free of my false social persona I have?
For example, if I’m at a houseparty… And I dont feel like myself, I am afraid to say something because I don’t know if it will be cool, etc. What should I do at that time to change the mindset quickly? Is there a way?
Thanks a lot 😉
notice: today it happened to me again – I was with my friend (who is a very strong alpha male) and his girlfriend(very attractive). The deal is that while I’m with him alone, I behave in a very confident manner whereas today as she was with him, I was totally shy etc. It was so humiliating… I was just shy and having my false social persona etc. I couldn’t be myself and couldn’t say anything funny. If you can give me some sort of advice or product that may help, I’m in.
So the question stays: What to do in the situation if you are not yourself?
Thanks for your comments and questions.
I recommend you read this free report to learn more about your (very common) condition: http://www.themodernman.com/download_quick_fix_report.html
BTW: You definitely need to listen to Mastery Methods & Mindsets. It is the CURE for all “inner issues” that guys have around women and when socializing with people. It will fix your problem or we will give you your money back: http://store.themodernman.com/products/mastery_methods_and_mindsets.php
Greetings from IOWA 🙂
Ok Dan: How the hell do you put a girl into a submissive role and is it important to do this?
I find that really confident girls are really hard to ‘dominate’ at times they are always throwing more things back at you and are always trying to mess with your confidence. kind of funny 🙂 i find it easy to be the dominant one with shyer or less confident girls because when you flirt or tease them they go into a submissive role straight away but when you flirt with a more confident girl she seems to never back down and its hard to get in the ‘1UP’ position. Will some girls always just be on level terms when it comes to dominance no matter how attractive you are being? Or am i just not being attractive enough for some of these girls right now for that dynamic to happen?
Thanks a Bunch
Hi Landon, I can totally relate with what you are experiencing with these so called “more confident girls”. What I want you to realize is that these types of girls have most probably deal with and experienced a lot more of guys and she is most likely going to be more picky about guys. This means she is going to test you way harder than the shy girls. She really has to be sure that you are for real so every time she seems to come back at you after you tease her just realise that it is her way of testing you. So what do you do? Simple, you keep your dominant frame and keep showing her that you are the man in the interaction. She cannot be more masculine than you no matter who hard she tries.
Nice comments there mate. Sounds like you have a good understanding of all this.
For the benefit of other guys reading along with these comments, one of Tosin’s comments was “She really has to be sure that you are for real” and my expansion on that is: She has to be sure that you’re a real man and not just putting on a front. She needs a guy who is stronger (mentally) than she is otherwise she won’t feel as much attraction, respect or love for the guy. By “mentally stronger” I mean that you need to have more “balls” than her.
Thanks for your question.
You asked, “How the hell do you put a girl into a submissive role and is it important to do this?”
You put her in the submissive role by being the more dominant one in terms of your psychology/strength of mind.
In terms of how important it is, being the more dominant one is critical if you don’t want her to be in control of the relationship and to be in a position where she can use the threat of breaking up with you to control you.
It is either going to be you or her who is in the more submissive role. What would you rather it be?
Women prefer to be in the submissive role because it allows them to relax into their natural femininity and follow your masculine direction. It also allows for the natural masculine/feminine dynamic to exist and create strong sexual attraction.
“Or am i just not being attractive enough for some of these girls right now for that dynamic to happen?”
Good question. No, it’s not about being attractive enough, it is about being strong minded enough. At the moment, those women have more “balls” than you. You need to develop more strength of mind or “balls” by building deep, masculine confidence. Sounds like you might need to learn the confidence building system we teach in Dating Power:
Sometimes I talk to girls and its not like I’m blowin her away with my dominance and shes not chasing me hard but she is interested were kind of equal is that bad?
Thanks for your question.
Can you give me an example or explain more of what you mean? Sounds like you’re asking if having an average interaction is good. Let me know what you’re thinking.
When I’m talking to girls I always feel like I am their EQUAL any relationship I’ve ever been in I’ve been my girlfriends equal. When you talk about having the ‘power’ in a relationship do you mean that the girl thinks that your maybe slightly more valuable than she is? If so I’ve never felt that or got the impression girls are thinking that about me. Is it a bad thing to be a girls equal?
Okay cool, thanks for clarifying.
You can certainly have a relationship were you equally feel as valuable as each other. However, a woman (especially hot women) want to feel like they’re getting a better deal out of the situation, otherwise they will be likely to stray/cheat if something better comes along. Personally, my girlfriends (yes, I have multiple at the moment) go out of their way to please me, hoping that I’ll keep seeing them. I prefer it that way. There’s no way on Earth I would do it the other way around.
The way it works: It not that she is less important than you, less intelligent, less of a person, etc – it’s just that she is more concerned about losing you than you are about her. I’m currently working on a relationship product at the moment to explain how it all works in relationships, because since I fixed my problems with women, developed the “dating power mindset” and started The Modern Man, I have **never** had a girl want to break up with me. In all honesty (I’m not even exaggerating a little bit), my biggest problem with women is that they want to have babies and get married to me within a month or two of being with me. No kidding. That simply doesn’t happen (with every girlfriend) for guys who give their girlfriend the power in the relationship or keep everything equal and neutral.
As you’ve probably heard women say, “I want a man who is a challenge.” Additionally, when something is freely available without effort (e.g. water in the Western world) we don’t value it as much as an expensive bottle of wine for example. If you’re just like water, she’ll soon get bored and will be likely to stray. However, if you’re valuable then she will want to keep hold of you.
P.S. To all the guys reading along – the same applies when you’re approaching women and going on dates. It’s what we refer to as “having the dating power” and you can learn how to make it happen for you in Dating Power. If you’re on a budget, I recommend you read my ebook The Flow and read it with an understanding of the dating power mindset.
Thanks for the answer down below.
Ok thats one of the things I get most concerned about, Is I feel so much pressure to be so damn attractive all the time. I want to give girls what they want but how do you know what they want 24/7? In the back of my mind I’m always thinking ‘is this what is required in this situation’ Like I know you don’t always have to give a girl what she wants 80/20 approach you talk about but its very hard to know if your hitting them numbers so to speak. I could think I’m doing a really good job and the girl is really unsatisfied shes more 60/40 were for the most parts I’m not doing it for her. The difference between me and you is your choosing to not give a women what she wants were as I’m doing it by accident.
Thanks for your comments and question.
If you put too much energy into trying to impress a woman it will backfire because deep down, she doesn’t want you to be doing that for her. She wants to be trying to impress you, which is why women often say, “I want a guy who is a challenge” and why they don’t go for ass-kissing nice guys. Be attractive to her, but don’t get caught up trying to impress her. If you do get caught up trying to be impressive to her, you will end up handing her the “dating power” and will be constantly worrying whether you are good enough or not. That is not how we do it. Watch the part in Dating Power where I explain the difference between you attraction and interest in a woman and how to use that to make her chase you.
BTW: For those reading along, it is not a “trick” to get women chasing you. It is about having standards and making a woman WANT TO live up to those standards to impress you and keep you happy. It is basically what hot, sought after women put men through and we have discovered how to flip things around so YOU have the Dating Power, not the woman. Watch Dating Power to find out how to do it and you’ll soon have women trying to pick you up and then chasing you through the dating process and all the way into the relationship.
P.S. For those on a budget, you should at least read The Flow and learn how to be irresistible to women and start using the 4-step process (The Flow) to go from a simple conversation to sex and into a relationship.
So basically if a girl isn’t chasing you then you haven’t been attractive enough for her is that the indicator? because I don’t know how much more I can do without starting to become unatural.
This will be my last question 🙂
An easier way to understand it is to say that it all comes down to a “value exchange” between you and the woman. If she feels like she is more valuable than you, why should she chase? On the other hand, if she feels like you are the type of guy that any woman would want, she will feel LUCKY to be with you and will be more inclined to chase and work hard to protect what she has found.
Personally, I’m at a level these days where all 3 of my girlfriends are willing to put up with the fact that I am not exclusive with any of them, because they can’t find what they have with me with any other guy they meet. Last week, while one of my girls was over, another one was ringing my phone constantly and sending text messages saying she missed me and wanted to see me. The girl at my apartment offered to leave and get out of the way, but it didn’t destroy our relationship because she understands the deal. I’m not saying that having 3 girlfriends at once is the aim and what we are recommending here at The Modern Man, but it is a demonstration of what can happen when you truly have the “dating power.” Women will literally jump through hoops to be with you and then do whatever they can to keep you.
A perfect contrast of my situation is to think about a really hot woman. Like a 9/10 or 10/10 woman. Most guys will do absolutely anything to be with her and will jump through whatever hoops she holds up. Being extremely attractive to women via your personality, behavior and alpha male psychology means that you literally become a 10/10 in a woman’s eyes and she will do almost anything to be with you.
Compare that to the way that most guys go about their dating life. They try and try and try to impress women, hoping to be chosen. Women then put their guard up, play hard to get and – if they ever give him a chance – they won’t fully love or respect him. Why on Earth would any man want to be treated that way by a woman?
BTW: Feel free to share ways that you have managed to get the woman chasing you, as well as how you have successfully avoided creating the dynamic where she feels more valuable than you. In fact, I challenge you to do that. Don’t ask another question until you have that type of success to share.
I’m really enjoying learning from your products. It’s helping me heaps, I just need to maintain working on my mindsets.
Anyways my question is, how do you bring out the personality of the super hot chicks that also appear to be shy?? There is this girl (tall hot blonde) I met recently who is here on exchange from the Nederlands (we both go to the same uni) and she seems different to all the other overseas students I have met so far. By this I mean most of the international people I have been meeting are really open to having a conversation with new people whereas I have been lucky to get two words out of her; even trying some playful humour on her.
P.S. I have been able to approach gorgeous women more confidently since learning from the Flow however I actually saw myself hesitate a bit around her both because her beauty and her shyness!
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
We cover this in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. It is called, “Acknowledging the Obstacle.” Instead of acting like you haven’t noticed that she isn’t saying much, acknowledge the obstacle directly. The “obstacle” is anything that is preventing you and her from having a proper interaction.
You: Hey Sarah, what’s happenin’…how are you today?
You: Cool…yeh, I just got here now. Was working late last night on that report for class. Did you finish it?
You (this is where you acknowledge the obstacle): Hey – I have to ask: What is with your really short answers? I can never seem to get more than a couple of words out of you. Do you hate me? Did I forget to wear deodorant today?
Important: That last part where you acknowledge the obstacle, make sure you smile and say it in an easy-going way. To hear us demonstrate how to talk to women, listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation: http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_ultimate_guide_to_conversation.php
After you say that last part, she will then explain herself and give you an idea as to why she behaves that way. In most cases, it will be because she is actually a shy girl and she’ll say something like, “Yes…I’m sorry…most people don’t believe me when I say I’m actually pretty shy.”
Hi Dan, quick question. How do you draw a line between talking confident and talking arrogant?
Thanks for your question.
Let’s look at the dictionary definitions to identify some clear contrasts:
Arrogant (adj.): Making claims or pretensions of superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming; insolently proud.
Confident (adj.) Having strong belief or full assurance. Sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one’s own abilities, correctness, etc.
When a person comes across as too arrogant in conversation, they are often trying to prove something or feel superior over others. Being too arrogant stems from insecure thinking and ends up pushing people away by reducing your compatibility with them. When a person comes across as confident in conversation, it is often because they exhibit self-belief and certainty about who they are, their abilities, their opinions, etc. Being confident draws people to you and increases your compatibility with them.
I hope that helps. If you have some more specific questions about confidence vs. arrogance – hit reply and ask further. Alternatively, if you want to learn about the ultimate type of confidence for success with women, listen to Mastery Methods & Mindsets: http://store.themodernman.com/products/mastery_methods_and_mindsets.php
Hi Dan! I really love your program and all that. I’m working with it, and I got a lot of ambitions 😉
So, I got a few questions for you.
I’m getting this with relaxed confidence more and more, and girls are cheking me out more, and haha I’ve been trough some funny situations, like a dentist woman who wanted to have sex with me – she flirted heavely with me when she and 2 other older dentist women took out a tooth. Haha I was spitting blood when she flirted with me! xD
Anyway, I’m only 19 so I know I shouldn’t worry about this, but I haven’t had sex yet, and I’m not used to kissing girls, haven’t really crossed that barrier. (Well I had my first kiss last year, but, haha that was a wierd one, so. . .)
So, I’m feeling this lack of experience with having sex and kissing girls is draining on my confidence and self belief. How can I fix that?
Also, my second and biggest problem is that I’m totally poor, right now I have like 100 swedish kronor (that’s like 10 dollars) on my bank account. My mum and dad are also really poor. I’ve been applying for jobs everywhere, but yet, no luck really. I would love to buy Mastery Methods and Mindset, but it’s impossible for me to afford that anyway, and I can’t afford any activites or anything. . . So, this creates a problem in that I’m having hard meeting new girls and people in general? Do you have any advice how I can expand my social cirkle, or maybe even a good advice to earn more money, so I can develop myself further and buy more of your fantastic stuff! 😉
Thanks for your positive feedback and questions.
About your first question: Don’t let it worry you. The more girls you kiss and the more sex you have, the more your confidence and self-belief will rise. In the meantime, realize that girls aren’t worried about how many women you’ve slept with – they just want to sleep with you. They aren’t thinking about the past and like all humans, they are concerned with how they feel in the moment. So, in other words: In that moment are you making her feel horny? Is she feeling desirable emotions? Does she really want to have sex with you? That is all that matters.
You’ll get “runs on the board” or “notches in your belt” soon. In the meantime, just focus on making women feel sexual attraction and then escalating to sex. If you don’t know how to escalate to sex, watch Dating Power. We explain everything all the way to you taking off her bra in the bedroom – then we leave the rest up to you and her. Check out a huge free sample video here: http://store.themodernman.com/products/dating_power.php …but, I guess you can’t afford that program now anyway! So, just try your best on your own. Kiss her and escalate it without worrying what you might doing right or wrong.
About making more friends and expanding your social circle, read this: http://www.themodernman.com/social/friendship/making_new_friends.html
Thanks Dan for you reply! That was so awesome, since you’re one of my great sources of inspiration. 😀
Anyway, I’ve got Asperger’s Syndrome, which can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I’m grateful I have it anyway, since it makes me into the man I am. And it just makes me love and appreciate art so much. . . xD
Anyway, since I have Aspergers, and this stuff is working for me, it should work for other Aspies too! 🙂
(All though one could never know as all aspies are different 😉 )
Another thing I’ve been pondering on is that one has to learn to crawl before learning to walk. Right now I’m learning my crawling in this area of my life, so I will do the walking. . . and running, later. Lol. 🙂
Thanks for your positive feedback mate.
Yes, it is a good idea to build up to the mastery level in stages. The more you practice using our proven techniques, the faster you will get there. Enjoy the great times ahead with women!
P.S. I recommend you listen to this: http://www.themodernman.com/she_called_him_stupid.html if you haven’t already. The guy had a lisp when he talked and many might assume it would prevent him from succeeding with beautiful women. Yet, when I saw the pics of his hot GF my jaw dropped…she was HOT.
I have a question about how to act during the first sexual interaction with a girl. I was on holiday in Portland (Oregon) recently and approached two good looking women in a park. I chatted with them for a little while, got their numbers and went out with them later that week (Yes I’ve read the flow). That night I went back to one of the girls apartment. We started kissing/ caressing etc. I was quite eager and after a little while she said,
“You havn’t had any in a while have you?”
I don’t know how but she picked up on the fact that I am sexually inexperienced (I am
22 years old and still have not had sex). This must really have turned her off because she then asked me to leave, saying she didn’t want to have sex with me for various reasons:
– I was younger then her
– I was on holiday and just having fun
– I had braces (?!)
– I was short
It was actually a bit ridiculous. I just left and didn’t see her again.
My question is: Do you have any advice for sexually inexperienced guys about what they should/ shouldn’t do during a first sexual encounter with a girl?
Thanks for your question.
Yes, it is just how it works. Those who are sexually experienced can sense when a person isn’t. Personally, I can tell if a girl is desperate in pretty much every way imaginable: Her body language, the way she makes eye contact, how she talks to me, how she responds to my questions, how she kisses, how she behaves after the kiss, etc, etc. Girls are the same – if they’ve had sex with many guys they will be able to notice the differences in how experienced and inexperienced guys act when things are leading to sex.
You said, “I was quite eager” which probably means you were acting a little too excited about the prospect of finally getting laid after a long drought. Next time, just chill and enjoy yourself. If you need step-by-step instructions on how to escalate to sex, make sure you watch Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/products/dating_power.php We explain the start to finish process from approach to sex and into a new relationship and provide practical tips, techniques and strategies for each point along with way. Since you’ve already purchased The Flow, I can give you a discount for Dating Power. I’ll send you an e-mail.
Hey Dan! Update: I’m going to start a Dancing course very soon. 😀 I’m so excited, now I can get more experience and train on this.
Gerry: I don’t know you, but I have exactly the same problem as you. :p I’m 19 and haven’t had sex yet, and haven’t kissed much either. xD You are not the only guy in the world with these problems you know. 🙂 So take confidence in this fact that we are many. . . So you shouldn’t feel alone by your problems. Peace. 🙂
Dance lessons can be a good and bad thing.
Good: You hang out with girls and may meet your next girlfriend there. You learn how to dance, which will help you attract and pick up women in clubs.
Bad: If the main reason you want to take up dance is to try and impress women, you’ve got it all wrong. Learning how to dance is not going to fix the problems that most guys have with women, such as: Approach anxiety, not knowing how to keep a conversation going and keep it interesting, failing to create sexual tension during conversation and interactions, fear of rejection, being too nice, not flirting, etc. There’s nothing wrong with dancing or learning how to dance, but just don’t ever think that it is the solution to success with women.
My advice to you is this: If you’re not a very masculine, alpha guy and women see you as a bit of wuss, girl or wimp, then you should do something that ADDS to your masculinity. Take up martial art like kickboxing or jujitsu and build more of the alpha confidence that women naturally find attractive. If that feels like too much of a stretch for you now, try something like indoor soccer/baseball/ice hockey, etc in a MIXED team (i.e. guys and girls) so you can meet girls at the same time.
BTW: We explain EXACTLY what to do when you join a mixed sports team so you can pick up women AND make new friends in our product 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. Includes what to say, how to organize meet ups with people from the sports club OUTSIDE of the sports club, how to demonstrate good sportsmanship, how to establish yourself as an alpha male, etc.
Thanks Dan. Well, it’s a very funny kind of pairdance where I will get to play the masculine role. 🙂 A few friends of mine want me to try out thaiboxing, so I’m going to check it out, and perhaps a yoga class too :p Hopefully I’m going to have a lot to do and many people to meet 🙂
I’m also thinking of applying for works on bars/clubs and such. What do you think of that idea? 🙂
Sounds pretty good mate. A couple of things:
1. You tend to use a lot of smileys/emoticons in your messages. Girls use a lot of smileys/emoticons when typing stuff online. Don’t copy how girls behave or you will come across like a girl.
To be attractive to women, a man should not include smileys/emoticons in his online messages unless totally necessary (i.e. in a message where you really need to show her that you’re joking or understand her emotional state). Unnecessarily including a lot of smileys/emoticons in your messages makes you come across like a giggly, smiley girl. If you’re interested in attracting women, understand that the feminine is **sexually attracted** to the masculine. If you behave in a feminine way, a woman cannot feel the same level of sexual attraction for you that she will for a masculine man. You need to ADD TO your masculinity as a man…the more masculine you are, the more that the feminine will feel sexual attraction for you. So, drop the unnecessary smileys.
2. Working at a bar or club at your age can be good life experience and an easy way to meet women. However, unless you’re planning on owning and running bars/clubs, just be aware that there isn’t much of a career to made from it.
P.S. The reason I say that what you’re doing “sounds pretty good” is that it would be wrong of me to encourage guys to do too many things other than approaching women and moving things to a phone number, kiss, sex, date and relationship. Unfortunately, most guys are deeply afraid of approaching women and will do whatever they can to sneak into “easy interactions” with women without actually having to approach women that they find attractive. However, the new customers who send me success stories EVERY DAY are the guys who actually use our advice to approach women they find attractive. I hope that you focus on approaching women that you find attractive in addition to all of your “extra curricular activities”…I’d just hate to see a guy waste time on something other than hooking up with women when that’s what really wants. We never want to encourage guys to hide from what they really want with women out of fears that can easily be fixed.
Thanks Dan, had no idea about the smilies. Wiil do that.
You’re welcome mate.
BTW: If you were making that mistake, you might have also been making similar mistakes on Facebook. Check out these two articles:
P.S. Good on you for taking all that action and getting involved in more socially-oriented activities. That is one of the easiest and fastest ways to success with women. For everyone else reading who wants to make more friends, improve their social life and get a girlfriend, I recommend you listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend and COMPLETE THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE that comes with it as a free bonus. You simply cannot fail and will absolutely get results with women when you complete the 30 Day Challenge.
Heh. Dan I tried out the smilie thing with my best friend (who is a girl) and it works. xD
I think I wrote like 1 smilie in out of total 6 messages, and now suddenly she writes on alot about her life and lots of emotions about how she is ill and stuff. Life is wierd.
Anyway, another thing that might be something is that I am very kind. I mean really, I have problems killing insects even. Does kindness affect ones masculinity in a bad way? Or can one be really masculine and really kind on the same time?
Great to hear you experienced an instant change in your results. That is exactly what happens when guys use our techniques.
Regarding your comment about not killing insects: Women are more concerned with how a guy reacts to an insect than whether he kills it or not. You might not want to kill insects for spiritual reasons or whatever. That’s totally fine, as long as you protect your girl from any threatening situations and don’t expect her to kill the insect and protect you. For example: If there is a spider in the room and a guy yelps like a girl and cower away, the woman will lose attraction for him. However, if he reacts calmly and either kills it or captures it and then throws it outside, she will retain her attraction for him and even gain some.
You asked, “Or can one be really masculine and really kind on the same time?” You can definitely be masculine and kind at the same time. The most masculine, alpha guys I know are the nicest guys I know. Now, let me be clear: I don’t mean a “nice guy” who acts like a wimp, but a nice guy who cares about people, has a kind heart and is a genuine, good guy AS WELL AS being a masculine, alpha man. If you’re just “nice” then you will not make women feel attraction. Women aren’t attracted to niceness from wimpy nice guys, but they the melt and swoon when it comes from a masculine man.
You said, “…and now suddenly she writes on alot about her life and lots of emotions about how she is ill and stuff. Life is wierd.” I understand what you mean about it being weird, but the more you know about women the more it make sense. If you act like a girl by posting lots of smileys in your messages as well as loads of “lols” and excessive exclamation marks, girls won’t feel sexual attraction for you because you’ll be “one of the girls” to them instead of a masculine guy they can lust after. When you behave like a real man and not a boy or girly man, women line up to have a chance with you.
P.S. You included another smiley “xD” in your reply to me. Lol…try replacing the urge to put a smiley with an occasional exclamation mark.
It’s not that I’m a Nice Guy. I don’t try to impress girls by being extra nice or anything. It’s just that I am very kind as a person, towards all people, men and women, and even animals. Is kindness compatible with masculinity or should I be more tough and mean?
I just don’t like killing life most of the time since I’m a pacifist. However in my foolishness I use to refer to myself as “a Lamb and a Lion”. I’m brave, charismatic and never gives up no matter what. I don’t have time with the Nice Guy stuff, I’ve been there, and it’s simply NOT fun.
Btw I just started checking out Dating Power yesterday. Great stuff, going to be fun to learn from you.
PS yesterday when I was in a mall i wanted to approach 3 beautiful women, but then I suddenly got scared for some silly reason.
Interesting enough i don’t get scared by approaching girls in bars, resturants or boats. I can “explain it away” with that i had a bad evening, but I definitely need to approach some girls in malls!
Cool. Thanks for explaining.
Hey – you mention wanting to approach women in malls. That is one of the 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend and we explain exactly how to do it, what to say, how to get a number or move things to a date right there and then, etc. The reason we made 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend and explained all the great places that a guy can approach women and get a girlfriend, is that they are all very DIFFERENT and require a unique approach to be successful. Like you have experienced, approaching women in shopping malls is completely different to bars or clubs. To be successful, you need to adjust:
– What you say.
– The volume of your voice.
– How far you stand away from the woman.
– The tone of the conversation.
– How long you talk to the woman before getting a number or escalating to kissing.
– How you escalate to a phone number or kiss.
– The amount of flirting and humor used.
– Your body language.
– Your mindset about approaching in that environment.
To everyone else reading this: If you want to know the specifics of approaching women in 21 different environments, go ahead and listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. It also comes with a 30 Day Challenge that is designed to get you out there doing EASY approaches first and building yourself up to the more advanced approach situations.
man some guys really want to know the details! Even about interactions with insects! hahaha! I wonder the same things too marcus. I also dont like killing the smallest insect. I also end up being more upset when an animal dies in a movie compared to a human. Anydangway! –Dan
I have a question about picking up super hot chicks who play hard to get and act as if they have a lot of confidence ect ect. over facebook! I can really only think of one who lives in my town. I once read in a book by some “pick up gurus” that it is important to have some confrontation or strong disconnection of some sort with hot chicks. I guess its a way to show that I am not a typical “nice guy”. IDK if this is actually true or not. So anyway there was a pic of this girl in my News feed on FB and she was getting nothing but complements from all dudes. So I decided to be different and comment “um, its ok”. And I was being somewhat truthful. It was probably her worst pic out of all of them (and she still looked pretty damn good). she got upset with me and told me to stay out of her pics. I can post the comments between me and her so you can analyze them if you want. But i would like some feedback on my move here. and some advice on how I can get this girl. Thanks again dan.
Be careful – most “pick up gurus” are simply copies of sites like mine. Instead of sincerely wanting to help guys and make an impact on the world, they are interested in making a quick buck. I have friends who know some of the “pick up gurus” and I’m told that they aren’t very good with women in their own life, but have simply put up a website, copied advice from random places and then infected it with their own insecurities.
You said, “I once read in a book by some “pick up gurus” that it is important to have some confrontation or strong disconnection of some sort with hot chicks. I guess its a way to show that I am not a typical “nice guy”. IDK if this is actually true or not.”
How could you think that is true? It is EASY to work out whether it is true or not. Think about it: Are the guys that you’ve seen who are successful with women being rude and creating confrontations with women? No! So, delete that book before it infects you with more of the insecure advice it contains.
The advice from The Modern Man is based on a foundation of true confidence. This is what we went through to develop it: http://www.themodernman.com/the_truth_about_dating_power.html
Just wanted to share a couple of realizations that have really helped me. For so long as a I can remember the world has made to believe that women have the least interest in sex, and that we men are some sort of creeps who have to trick or deceive a woman into having sex with them hence you hear to phrases “I just got lucky” when a guy has sex with a lady.
Want most men would never realize is that women are just as interested in sex as much as men (in fact I personally believe they get more satisfaction from it than we men). The basic difference between us is that while we men just need to see a cute face lying above a pair of perky breasts and we are good to go, a women needs to have a few basic requirements before she does have sex with you. You see the biggest fear of a woman when interacting with a man is that he just wants her for sex and nothing more. Want she wants is to have sex with a man but to later rationalize it to herself as something that JUST HAPPENED.
That is why most of the guys that are really good with women have a keen interest in women. When these guys talk to women you find out that they are really interested in finding out more about what the woman is all about and her interests( while also flirting and communicating attractively). That’s why its very easy for this guys to strike up interesting conversations with random women and get good results. The woman is more comfortable with this because her fear of him being just another guy who wants sex is reduce to the minimal and her guard is let down. And if sex does happen (and it most likely will) she rationalizes it in her mind as something that just happened not something that was planned. That’s why the guy who stills alone with his drink by the bar with signpost on his head that clearly reads “I SO WANNA GET LAID” is creepy to women, that why the guy who walks to women and immediately says “You are the most beautiful woman I have seen” without knowing nothing about her before is creepy, that why the guy that keeps staring at a woman’s cleavage is creepy.
The woman knows that all these guys want is sex and nothing else. They really aren’t interested in women as real people and what they have to offer apart from sex. Hence you hear woman often say “all men want is sex”. And then men start to get the wrong impression that women are just not interested in sex and that they have to do something tricky or even beg her into have sex with them. It’s not that women aren’t interested in sex it’s just that their requirements for sex are just not understood by men and this is really frustrating for women too. When a man is able to lower a woman guard by developing real interests in who she is as a person while displaying attractive traits and just isn’t chastely sex alone, the women becomes really ready to go along for the ride. This my fellow guys is want woman refer to when they say they want ROMANCE or MY FANTASY MAN. So guys develop interests in women and have respect for them because they really are highly intriguing and sexually exciting beings when you really get to know them.
Thanks for your contribution. You raise some interesting points.
BTW: You’re not alone when it comes to being LIED TO by the world about how much women want sex or even want to be approached. I spoke about it on TV. Watch here:
Also, in terms of whether women like sex as much as men, check this out:
Tosin I couldn’t have said it better myself.
This interest in other people comes when you are happy about yourself. When you love yourself, it’s easy to love others.
And just easy to not worry and just enjoy life. Also, one has to decide to either live with your fears, and settle for an unhappy life, or to go get the life you want.
Personally, I’ve decided for the later. I’ve been bullied and stuff, allways felt left out. But I’ve really decided it’s enough of that. So I bought Dating Power, and soon I’m going to start dancing. Your mindsets is your greatest enemy, and your greatest friend. if you want success, you have to develop them to positive mindsets. Allways be kind towards yourself.
Another thing I’ve realised is being honest and vulnerable. Contrary to what everyone belives, being totally honest and vulnerable is strenght, not weakness. But on the same time, once can’t be too vulnerable 😉
Thanks for your contribution.
I’m glad to hear you’ve purchased Dating Power and I look forward to hearing a success story from you. If you want to work on having higher self-esteem and being able to love yourself as you mention, make sure you pay attention to the Confidence Building System I explain in Dating Power. It not only builds confidence, but increases your self-esteem, happiness and love for yourself and others.
About being honest and vulnerable: I agree with the honesty part. The core of what we teach here at The Modern Man is to be REAL. We have always said, “You never need to lie to a woman.” However, vulnerability (if used as a technique) becomes insincere and thus dishonest, so we have never recommended that. If you’re talking about honest vulnerability, maybe a better way of putting it would be to say “be humble and don’t pretend to be perfect.”
Update to Dan: Hi Dan, how are you doing?
I’ts been a while, and lots of stuff have happened. I started dancing, hoping there would be someone there my own age, but there was only people in the ages of 40-55. (And I’m 19, lol). But it’s fun anyway, I’m learning to dance and to take the lead. Also there’s a guy there Named Chris who is reeeally manly. He is giving out massive amounts of manlines. So I’m going to learn from him.
I’m watching Dating Power alot, at least one wideo per day, and I’m really getting better at this. I notice girls are cheking me out almost every day; I dare to see them in a more sexual way, and flirt with them openly (though that can still be hard sometimes) and they flirt back. Instead of thinking “I can never have her” I’m learning to think: “Wow she’s hot. What could I do with her?”
I’ve also noticed girls in my class see me in a more sexual way than before. Recently I was alone with one of them and she asked me if I had seen a show she had participated in when she danced in a sexual way. “Unfortunately not”, I answered with a cheeky smile and she started doing a strip dance with a chair, and then we started talking about the show. We laughed and then all of a sudden she picked up her cellphone from under her bra (what a funny place to keep a cellphone in, haha!) and showed me a pic of her in a really sexy dress. (She looked hot) and I was like “Seexy”. She giggled. And then we started talking about dancing, and she told me how she wanted to dance Tango but couldn’t find anyone to dance with. I told her she could dance with me. She replied that the course have allready started so we would miss alot, maybe in the spring term. So maybe I’ll get to dance with her, haha.
Anyway, I have a question for you: How do you ask a girl out on Facebook? I remember my friend did that once and he ended up having sex with the girl. So how do you do it? There’s a cute girl I want to ask out, and I though of just asking her in a convo in facebook. What do you think of that idea?
Sorry for the very long comment. Take care.
Hey – no need to apologize for the long comment. Reading about your recent SUCCESS using the techniques from Dating Power was awesome! I don’t think I could EVER get tired of reading success stories. Success with women is what this whole site is about! Bring it on!
Great to see that you’re using the bridging mindsets from the confidence building system. To those reading along, sorry I have to keep that technique top secret, but if you read through Marcus’ comment you might be able to see where his mindsets are changing and kind of work out what I’m referring to.
Marcus – Your answer to the girl was PERFECT. Saying, “Unfortunately not” with a cheeky smile is EXACTLY what we’re talking about it. Well done! She obviously likes you now. Make sure you follow that through. Suggestion: In most big cities there are dance lessons that beginners can go to for one off classes. You don’t need to wait for the course to start again. Tell her that you should both go for one night for fun.
About your Facebook question: You need to get her very attracted and interested and THEN transition the Facebook messages to a phone conversation. So, get her on chat or just send flirty and normal messages back and forth over a few days. THEN say, “Hey, what’s your number btw? I’ll give you a call and say hi”
Asking her out in a message will greatly increase the chances of her saying no. However, if you get her on the phone (again – use the phone conversation techniques from Dating Power) and get her laughing and attracted before suggesting a catch up, there’s no way she’ll say no. Make sure you watch ALL of the Dating Power videos before calling her. I want to hear a success story back from you and nothing else!
Hey there Dan, I need your advice on something. I guess I am one of those guys who you could diagnose with that “one-special-girl” syndrome. And yes, you could accuse me of not really going out there to meet women. I know that you recommend just moving on to another girl and I wont have any problems if you tell me that, but before I throw in the towel on this case, I just want to know if there is still hope in attracting this woman. I guess what I really want is peace of mind. And your insight will help me find the truth that I need for that.
and now, before I decide whether or not to move on to the next piece of ass:
You see, I met this girl on facebook around two years ago. This was back in my college years, and I havent even known about the modern man back then. I wont waste your time nor embarass myself by telling everyone how an “amazing” woman she is, so I’ll keep it short and sweet by saying that she’s cute and I felt an instant attraction to her. We went on some dates and Well, let’s just say that I made every mistake in the book. Yes, it’s that worse. I was being a wussy, being needy, not flirting…..oh you guys get the picture. I was probably the worst player in this game. “The boylet from hell” if you would put it. hahaha.
Things got so bad that I just went ahead and deleted her from my friend’s list on facebook.
Anyhoo just last year, I stumbled on your site/ Tried a few stuff from your articles and achieved marginal success. I met a few girls, got some numbers….went on a few dates.
But no one could just hold a candle to miss facebook.
Having a “taste” of the power of the modern man, It was then that I decided to get a copy of your e-book, “the flow”
………….Don’t worry. This STILL ain’t a success story.
Turns out, people like me are very slow learners.
For some dumb reason as if the whole universe was conspiring to poke a finger in my ass, I decided to re-add miss facebook.
She confirmed the friend request. At this point I was bad, but I WAS getting better (Due to “the flow”) She then went on my wall and had a convo like this:
Miss Facebook: “DICK.”
Me: “Missed you too.”
Mss FB: “I can’t believe you deleted me. I HATE YOU.”
Me:”I know, I know. Ily too honey.” >;)
Miss FB: “What’s gotten into you……GAY! XD ”
Me: “What is it with gay men that turn you on so much?”
Miss FB: “Touche! Hahahaha!”
She actually asked me out on a date after this. Stuff happened and it was rescheduled and rescheduled until it was just sort of forgotten away. I assumed that this was another dead end, so I went out and focused on doing other stuff like trying to find a day job and taking martial arts lessons. I just sort of felt that it wasn’t the time for me to be womanizing back then.
Then well, you know, it’s true what you say: “If you’re single and good with women then it’s a nice position to be in. If you’re single and bad with women then it can be annoyingly frustrating.”
….or something along those lines.
Just this past week, I noticed from her facebook account that she finally found a job. It was from a big company in our country too, Oh and yeah, we were both fine arts advertising graduates, oh there goes my confidence. lol. Anyhoo, might as well at least congratulate her on her newfound job so I went ahead and messaged her:
“Good thing your job ain’t making you ugly. Hahahaha”
She replied positively and told me the details. We’ve been messaging each other frequently these past few days, although they’ve been fairly friendly messaging and very little flirting from her side. The other day, she didn’t reply. I didn’t want to sound like a needy wuss bag and I sort of felt that she was giving out another one of those “tests” you were talking about so I just told her: “Darlin’ you can cut the mind games and start replying. You know I DONT love you anymore.
………..and if you got caught off guard with that last statement, you know I’ll be lauging my ass off. Haha! :)) ”
Not really sure if that was good but hey! lol.
Anyhoo, that’s all there is. I hope you read this. Not to kiss your asses but your site rocks, and your e-book…..maybe. Hahahaha kidding. Well actually out of all the stupid self help dating sites out there your advices are the only ones that give me the best results. I hope to get your insight and analysis on this, man. And don’t worry, you can get tough on me on this one. Hahaha.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Dude, it sounded like you were getting her interested again and then you went and made a rookie mistake of BEING NEEDY. She didn’t reply to your message and you reacted like you were sitting around waiting for her message. Why on Earth did you do that? It is totally fine if a girl doesn’t reply for days…heck, she might actually have a life and be busy! Don’t ever worry if there is a delay. Personally, I rarely respond to girls quickly or even on the same day because I honestly have more important things to do (e.g. I have another girl there with me at the time, I’m replying to comments like these, working on new stuff for The Modern Man, catching up with friends, partying, taking a break, seeing family, eating, etc) and I know for SURE that they will wait. In fact, most of my women end up texting me AGAIN to get a response.
You said, “I just sort of felt that it wasn’t the time for me to be womanizing back then” and maybe you were right. It sounds like you needed to do some soul searching/introspecting for a while and get back on track. However, right now you NEED to get out there and start having sex with new women. Trust me, there is no better cure that being up close and personal with a woman who is just as excited to be there as you are. Suddenly, all of your worries and pain about the other woman disappear into thin are. Also, when “Miss Facebook” sees photos of you hanging out with women who are as hot or hotter than her (this is essential BTW. Don’t post up photos of you with women who are less attractive than her) then she will surely start showing interest again. It is so predictable and works like clockwork.
Dan, I’m actually beginning to think that too much soul searching can really make a guy lonely and needy. And this affects my inner game. Maybe what I’m doing is really doing more harm than good to my self-esteem.
Thanks for the advice, man.
Yes, you’re right – too much soul searching and introspection takes you away from what you actually want to be doing.
There’s no better cure for loneliness than to be around people who love you and whom you also love. There’s no better cure for dating neediness than to have your needs fulfilled by actually having sex with women (not looking at porn) and also knowing that you can pretty much attract and pick up any woman you meet.
A guy feels lonely when he separates himself too much from the world. A guy feels needy when he doesn’t feel like he has any control over the supply and availability of women to him. Truly, picking up women is one of the easiest things in life.
P.S. For those reading along who want to meet more women, make more friends and add more fun to their life, try the 30 Day Challenge.
Thanks a lot for your excellent product “21 ways of getting a girl friend” and i am actively putting all the techniques in practice. Recently, i took a week off and went to Czech republic for holiday and have a break of my stressed life. I decided to practice how to get dates with czech strippers. Czech strippers are hot!. and i wanna get to the bottom of this issue. So i went to a stripclub alone. Plenty og stripshows were going on. I just sad in a corner with my non alcoholic coca cola drink. I stripper came to me and sad down and we talked. Usually they ask where u from and how old u are and what u are doing and she started touching me all over and wanted me to go for lapdances with her. I knew she was in transaction mode, so i switched her into interaction mode by asking normal questions about how her day was and so on without touching her at all! I have noticed two obstacles in a stripclub. Firstly, the strippers have a limited time to talk with you and secondly, there is a constant pressure from the waitresses of buying ladydrinks. I know that you warned guys in paying for the stripper because you become a income to her and that will possibly lose her interest in me. Then, i realised that not all men were paying for lapdances despite efforts from the strippers. Most of the men were in teams or even had their own girlfriends with them. However, i was starting to connect with this hot stripper and i knew she would get in trouble for spending too much time with me so i asked her to leave and then talk later. Eventually, other strippers came to me for lapdances, but i rejected them. I also took the time to talk and be social with female bartenders and waitresses working in the stripclub. I that came me a positive experience in which they also hung out with me. So, the stripper i was talking to came back and stood beside me. I bought a drink for my self and for the stripper just to get more time to talk to her but no lapdances. And i offered the stripper some neck massage and she loved it!. and i notices that she was a bit turne don. she also gave me massage in front of the entire female staff. I needed to go early because i had to catch my flight. She told she has a car and i was joking by saying that she could give me a ride to the airport. She asked about flight time and if i stayed long enough she told me she would give me a ride to the airport and we huged and i said goodbye. So finally, i need to know what i need to do next time when i go to stripclubs to get a chance to date a stripper. Have i done anything wrong here? Do i need to bring friends next time? and how do i deal with the pressure of limited time to talk and buying ladydrinks? Thanks alot guys. you are the best of the best. And i am sorry for the lenght of the report. /Zuma
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Nice! It definitely sounds like that stripper REALLY did like you. Also, nice work on correctly following the advice from the section on “strippers” in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend.
When it comes to picking up strippers and making them your girlfriend (BTW: My main GF at the moment is a stripper) you often need to GO BACK to see her again before escalating to a phone number or sex that night. Usually, it takes 2-3 visits to the establishment before she feels comfortable escalating to the next level. Why? Many factors, but one of the main ones is that (and this is a totally weird thing for a stripper to want you to think) she doesn’t want you to think she is too easy or sl*tty. If she escalated to sex with you the first time you met her (it happens, but usually you have to go back again) then what would you think of her continuing to work as a stripper if you started a relationship with her? She doesn’t want you to think she’ll easily hook up with men who visit her strip club, so she plays it a little slow.
Same goes for many situations where the girl is working. One of my fck buddies is a dental nurse. I met her when I went it to get a check up. I used the flirting and conversation techniques we explain in the section on “receptionists” in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend and she loved me instantly. Then, when I came back a week later to get a filling she had a huge smile as I walked in. We started flirting again, I got her number and she came to my apartment for dinner a few days later. However, if I tried to get the number the first time she would have slow played it and possibly said no.
Regarding your questions:
“Have i done anything wrong here?” No, it sounds like you did a good job.
“Do i need to bring friends next time?” It isn’t necessary if you talk to her and the staff like they are friends. If she asks where your friends are, just tell her you’ve come to chill out for an hour or so before getting back to work, or doing something else. However, if you do go with friends, make sure they are aware of the rules we explain for picking up strippers. Dorky friends can sometimes kill your game by acting super keen when a stripper shows interest.
“how do i deal with the pressure of limited time to talk and buying ladydrinks?” Make sure you are the one who tells her to get back to work. For example after 5-10 minutes, point out a guy who looks like he wants a lapdance and say, “Hey, you should go hit him up for a dance. He looks like he’d be up for it” They love that because it shows you’re not needy or feeling attached to her. Instead, you’re pimpin’ her out. As for buying drinks, if she hangs out with you for a long time then it’s fine, but don’t buy a drink if she sits there for a few mins. Only if you’re really hanging out.
Hey Dan, just an update on what’s been happening to me recently, and a few questions as well.
I took your advice and went out to meet some women.It was no walk in the park either—First of all, I considered myself to be very picky around women, even though I didn’t have the confidence to back that up at first, I only considered approaching the hottest of the hot. Also, even if I DID find a suitable girl, it was an epic inner battle with myself as I worked up the courage to approach. It was very, very, frustrating at first.
Until one day, I was walking around the toy store, funnily, I wasn’t expecting to meet someone there—I was there to see if there were newly released games for my game consoles. But there she was, the hottest petite I’ve ever seen,looking up at the toys. Already fed up with my inner wussy, I silenced him in my mind and decided to try your techniques, after all…..there was NOTHING to lose.
“Are those for your kids?”
“Hahaahaha no, no, I have a nephew…..”
What ensued after was slight bantering and flirting with me always having a better comeback at her teasing, I got her e-mail add and number afterwards—-I added her up on facebook and long story short, we were having casual sex at her place a a week later. I eventually found out that she’s a flight attendant in kuwait and that she was here on the philippines for a vacation. She left for kuwait just last week, we still keep in touch, though. I have you to thank for this.
On another note, I still talk to “miss facebook” by the way, and well, things haven’t been going smoothly on that end, in fact, when I texted her last time:
“You should buy me foods and drinks since it’s your birthday!” (I know it sounds weird, but it’s tradition here in the philippines to buy your friends food and drinks when it’s your birthday)
and she replied:
“I’d rather kill myself than go out with you.”
Now, in the past, I would have reacted violently and start cussing words at her. But figuring that would do nothing, I tried to stand up for myself without being too psychotic:
“You know what, You’re charming, witty, and attractive, but I have to be honest here: You’re just too temperamental. And that makes me think twice if you’re really worth it.”
She didn’t reply, and once again, I deleted her from my friend’s list.
Weeks passed, out of curiosity, I decided to visit one of the blog sites she used to update, I thought I would find nothing there—-But I was wrong, there was an update, and the date said it was a day after I deleted her from facebook.
There, I found out that she had been fighting depression since that time, and “Had only activated her defense mechanism” because I was just being too good to be true,(She always was more rational than the other girls)
I know I’ve made the mistake of flirting too much. But Should I just go message her and say “let’s talk” or something like that? This is really complicated. I know now she’s attracted to me, but at the same time, I know she’s frustrated with me too. It’s more like a love-hate relationship. Like Dr. House and Cuddy (lol) I want to give this a try, see if she’s really, really, worth it for the long haul.
Also, another question:
I noticed that I’m only good at approaching women when we’ve already settled in a place and are doing our own thing (Like in a book store, toy store, or a supermarket) But you see, I also see really hot women walking in the streets. And bam! there she goes, just passing me by, and she’s lost forever. Do you know any good conversation starters in those impromptu and fast paced situations?
Thanks in advance, man!
Congratulations on your recent success with the flight attendant you met in the toy store! Nice one.
BTW: Most guys don’t realize, but flight attendants rarely get asked for their number during flights. Guys hit on them, but then assume the woman won’t be interested in meeting up when she’s next in town. Wrong. Lol…
About your questions…
You said, “I know I’ve made the mistake of flirting too much.” ….Ahh, dude – reality check: You haven’t been flirting with her ONE LITTLE BIT according to your comment. Sorry to break it to you man, but the way you replied to her (“You know what, You’re charming, witty, and attractive, but I have to be honest here: You’re just too temperamental. And that makes me think twice if you’re really worth it.”) was immature, rude and feminine. It is clear to me that you don’t understand flirting yet. Have you actually read The Flow? I suspect not because your message to her did not include ANY flirting. It sounds like you have really, really turned this girl off.
Your other question was about approaching women during the day and in shops, bookstores, etc – yes, we made a program specifically about that. It’s called 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. During the 7 hours, you will learn EXACTLY what to say and do to pick up women in 21 different environments.
Actually Dan, I have read the flow and I’ve used the techniques there. It was going well at first but then it dragged on and on and on. I’ve mentioned in an earlier comment that she actually asked me out once. I agreed, but like I’ve said: It just dragged on and on an on and on. In fact, for well over two years now. (It’s a really really long story, there was a point where I got in the friend zone prior to her asking me out so there. Also, it’s not like we see each other on a daily basis, our interactions are mostly through text messaging and facebook) All that time I was interacting with her and flirting. She got annoyed in the long run.
I’ve been seeing other women besides her and likewise she has been seeing other guys besides me as well.I actually said those things NOT to flirt but to end all this because I really WAS getting tired of the whole love-hate pseudo-relationship thing. In fact, it was initially my intention to shut her off from my life forever and see other women.
After reading her blog, however, I am having second thoughts. In her own words:
” He was tremendously liked… and then when he opened his pretty little mouth, flowers came out. And then, he wasn’t liked. Those who speak so charmingly cannot be trusted. ”
(Btw, I’m guessing she thinks that I don’t check that blog site of hers anymore because she hasn’t updated it in like, five months. She was mistaken. lol)
Well, that’s not to say that what I said and did isn’t feminine and immature. But a guy can only take so much before he loses it. Two years of going nowhere? On-and-Off signs of interest the whole time? Asking me out and then moving the sched later and later? Sudden Verbal abuse out of no where? Dear Lord, I am no saint.
So, I’m pretty sure you don’t recommend me seeing her again and taking her back, but if I do, what should I do? I realize that we both made our mistakes but I’m also pretty sure she wont openly admit it. (Although in her blog, she has) Andddd…yeah, I also realize this is more of a relationship question than a dating question, sorry about that.
Thanks for your question.
First off, you don’t need to apologize for your question at all – I fully welcome your comments. I’ve set aside 3 hours today to answer all the pending comments. Regarding your comment being about relationships: I am currently in the middle of recording our biggest video product ever and it’s about relationships, understanding women on a deep level and being the strong, masculine man that women desperately need. Stay tuned for free samples coming in about 2 months, followed by the full version being made available on the site.
Also, you said “But a guy can only take so much before he loses it…” which I had to laugh at. I see the humor in what you’re saying and appreciate what you mean, but the thing is – when you properly understand women they really don’t frustrate you. In time, you’ll see that her reactions to you were justified and were a series of tests that actually made you stronger as a man.
About taking her back: There is a lot of wisdom in her poetic blog post. When a woman hears sweet words from a man that she feels stronger than, it actually turns her off more. Sweet words and niceness is only attractive when it comes from a man who she feels less dominant than. If you want to aim towards getting her back, work on your confidence, masculinity and alpha male thinking. You might find this article useful: http://www.themodernman.com/how_to_become_an_alpha_male.html
Also, I recommend you read this as well: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/is_she_the_right_woman_for_you.html
I think I got a direct hit when I read that article about being an alpha male, Dan. I thought I was being confident, but I was just acting on false bravado each and every time. Also, I easily get frustrated. I should try to be more calm and confident. You see Dan, as I’ve told you before in a previous post, I’m a fresh graduate and I’m still unemployed. I’ve been rejected a couple of times by several companies already, and I believe this is the source of my insecurity and frustration.
Thinking back, the times when I’ve been most successful not only in women but in my whole life in general were the times where I was just relaxed and keeping my cool…. In fact, I remember one time in college where a female classmate once admitted that she liked me. Funny thing was—Since I had no friends in that particular class, I was silent most of the time. I never knew what she saw in me. But I think I’m sort of getting it now.
I guess this proves that you guys really DO know what you’re doing. Thank you for making me realize one of my biggest flaws. Looking forward to that next product of yours, I just hope I can afford it. Hahaha.
Hi Dan it’s me again. I have loads of small sucess stories for you (I’m saving the Big one since I haven’t had sex yet, but i’ll get there).
But yeah, I’m improving alot, and it’s such a fun experience! I feel so positive and happy, walking around with a relaxed confidence, with no negative thoughts in my head at all.
There’s plenty of women in my life now, and plenty of them is attracted to me. Feels great!
Also, I’ve noticed my status in my class have increased alot, and I’m like the cool, funny, gentleman walking around having a good time. Looking back 5 years ago when I was bullied, insecure and frustrated alot have changed.
Another funny thing is that I’m in Drama school, aspiring to be an Actor, and haha i use your stuff in my acting too sometimes.
I’m going to be the new Brad Pitt you know! 😉
It’s such a fun experience to improve with women. My ambition is to reach your level one day. Damn Dan, your life seem so great, I want to get there! 🙂
Thanks Guys, for everything.
Thanks for sharing your success story so far.
I’m sure that you’re an inspiration to other guys reading along who think it is impossible for them to improve their success with women. Also, like you’ve pointed out – improving your confidence with women also helps in other areas of your life. Maybe for you that means being the next leading man of Hollywood. Keep going my friend!
P.S. Get laid soon…lol.
Hi Dan, would like you to talk a bit more about how to develop presence when interacting with girls. I know some basics about it like living in the moment and not in your head( which I do quite well). But I would Like to know more cos I think it is something that will really improve guys’ interaction with the female species.
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you’re right – presence is extremely important and is it the main trait that makes a woman see a man as “sexy.” Why? A woman is most turned on by how she feels around a man (not by his looks). Presence makes her feel extremely feminine because the only men who can be truly present are the confident, alpha males (i.e. masculine men).
How can you develop more presence? It isn’t something that can be faked or fixed with superficial techniques. Presence occurs when your insecurities have been eliminated and replaced by positive, confident mindsets. We talk about presence in Dating Power and Mastery Methods & Mindsets.
Thanks a lot for that clarification. I love the way you break things down to the simplest bits for guys to understand. What you said about how only alpha males can truly be present is sooooo true especially when I aligned that with my definition of confidence. You see I see confidence as simply the lack of insecurities that boggle guys’ minds. So I can see clearly how an alpha male would easily exhibit presence. Wow!!! The benefits of being an alpha male are just enormous. For me its the only state which a mature man should aspire to. Period!!!
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, you’ll find that the more you rid yourself of unnecessary insecurities, the more confident, alpha and present you will be. This then leads to a deep state of power, strength and happiness…which of course, is deeply attractive to women.
Compare that to the life a guy lives when his mind is plagued by insecurities. He feels powerless, weak and unhappy at his core.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
Hi Dan! After reading your stuff it all made a lot of sense and I have become a lot more confident around women. I can tell by the way many girls behave around me that they like me without me even trying to impress anyone. Flirting and approaching women is becoming easier but I still need a lot more experience!
I am also having success in bars. I approach girls and start talking to them and if it goes well I usually end up getting the phone number.
I really think you got the best advise there is to get and I know that with your advise and me taking action and getting more experienced I am only going to improve with women! Thanks and keep up the good work 🙂
Thanks for your positive feedback!
Yes, the more you use our techniques the more success you’ll have with women. It only gets better from where you are now. Enjoy the great times ahead!
does a nice guy persona effect your chances??
Thanks for your question.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but there is something wrong with being TOO nice. When a guys is being TOO nice to a woman, she will usually wonder why he is behaving that way and feel suspicious about what he is really up to.
The thing is…
Women LIKE nice men, but niceness is not what ATTRACTS women to men sexually. If you want to be successful women, don’t try to be LIKED as a friend or a nice person. Instead, display the personality traits that women find sexually ATTRACTIVE, such as:
– Sexual vibe.
– And so on…
If you want to learn about the traits that women find attractive and how to display them in your interactions and conversations, read my ebook The Flow.
Hey Dan, How’s everything? Just bought Dating power a week ago and slowly going over it. I had a movie night planned with this girl. She contacted me by email and told me when I was on my lunch break at work that she couldn’t make it because she had to drop her roommate off at the airport early in the morning. Which was cool with me. I just thought about the mindsets you were talking about in dating power. And “I said no worries, just let me know another time that works best for you.” My question is was putting the ball in her court so soon the right thing to do? If not, what’s the way of going at it?
Congratulations on your success using Dating Power techniques so far.
About your question: You did the right thing. For a man who has the power in the situation (i.e. he is choosing the woman and not desperately hoping to be chosen), it doesn’t matter if he sees her tomorrow, next week or next month. He knows she likes him, is attracted to him and wishes she could be with him.
The “dating power mindset” is something that you become more comfortable with when you continue using our techniques and notice that pretty much all women want to be with you. It is at that point that you become comfortable choosing women rather than hoping to be chosen.
BTW: If she doesn’t come back to you with another time within a week: Start a conversation, attract her, connect and then escalate to another time.
And yes she’s hit me up twice. The first time was the same evening that she canceled movie night. She went to Cantina bar with some of our friends and “dancemates”(We dance for the same company btw.) But by the time she asked me, I was getting ready to meet a friend who I’ve known since high school a a gymnastics gym. The second time was an hour before I had dance rehearsal for a friend’s project. Told her I was free tomorrow evening. There really isn’t enough time in a day when you’re busy.
Awesome mate! Congratulations on experiencing what it’s like to have the “dating power” in your interactions and relationships with women.
As you will see from here on in, it is SO MUCH EASIER to be in the position of power, rather than being the chaser and hoping to be chosen by the woman.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
Hi Dan It’s me again. It’s all going good.
The thing I wanted to ask you about is on woman psychology. Something that makes me wonder, and chuckle a bit since I find it a little cute.
An example: I text my best friend telling her I’m bored, but that I fixed the tv controller.
She replies that she is ugly, loathsome, disgusting, worthless and sucks.
I goes wut?? worry a few minutes since I want her to be happy. After a few minutes I reply: Want to talk about it? 🙂
Then she replies: Rather not, perhaps another time perhaps 🙂
I just shake my head, the thought women are wierd passes trough my head and I text her:
Okay. Hope not something really serious has happened. 😛
End of conversation.
Now, what is going on here Dan? Why do women do these kind of things?
I thought she wanted to see if I really care about her (which I do since she’s my best friend, and like a little sister to me) but not care to much, to the point of being needy. If it is by that reason I find it a little cute actually. . . Or is this some other kind of mind game women are playing?
And why do women by these damn expensive new shoes all the time? xD
I’m not so emotionally attached to these question but please write me a word or 2 and you’ll make me a happy man.
Btw what do you think of asking a girl out to do some christmas shopping? Could that be a fun date with good dynamics?
I’m 18 years old and I have only just recently finished school. I have had no previous experience with girls whatsoever. That is I have never kissed a girl, had sex with a girl or had a girlfriend or gone on a date with a girl. I know pretty much absolutely nothing when it comes to being successful in this area. What I do know is this. I have a very hard time talking to girls I find attractive, I lack confidence, I have a fear of rejection and have no idea how to approach a girl who I find attractive anywhere, anytime and be able to make her attracted to me. I avoided all social events that involved girls during my high school years, mainly as a result of the above, but I vowed to myself that I would fix this area of my life once I finished high school. So, yesterday two weeks after finishing school, I did a Google search on this subject/area and your website appeared. So, I guess what I would like from you is some advice. What would you recommend I do to fix this area of my life, so that I can be confident, so I don’t have a fear of rejection, so that I can talk to women who I find attractive with ease, so that I can see an attractive woman and walk over to her and get her interested in me straight away.
By the way, I had no idea where I should have put this. So I hope here is ok. Its just that I saw this video when I first accessed the site and I saw that other guys had made comments/asked questions and you had responded to them.
Thanks. I hope you’re able to help,
Thanks for your question.
It’s good to see that you’re wanting to work on this now, rather than going through another 5 or 10 years of your life and continuing to miss out on all the love, sex and good times with women. Look at Matt Wiseman’s comments on this page: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-1.html He is now in his 30’s and is STILL in your situation, but has recently decided to take action and fix it. Check out the advice I gave him – the same applies to you.
You asked, “So, I guess what I would like from you is some advice. What would you recommend I do to fix this area of my life?” My advice to you is that there is NO “click your fingers and everything is fixed” technique. Anyone online who tries to tell you that is lying and selling you false hope. To fix your confidence issues and become naturally attractive to women, you have to go through a PROCESS. In Dating Power, I explain the 3 levels you need progress through on your way to mastery in this area. If you don’t go through that process, you won’t ever have natural, easy and consistent success – you will only “get lucky” once in a while.
At The Modern Man, we teach you what you need to know, do and say so you can have CHOICE in your dating life with women. By following our advice properly, you will be able to CHOOSE the women you date, rather than hoping to get chosen and ending up settling for less…or nothing at all like you have been doing.
What you need to do is get started. For you, I recommend that you read The Flow and learn the fundamentals of what we teach. The Flow will teach you how to go from a conversation to a phone number, kiss or sex and into a relationship. In addition to learning many things about yourself, about confidence and about being a man, The Flow will also teach you what turns women on and what turns them off. Then, if you want to learn more, I recommend you watch Dating Power and use our exclusive “3-Step Confidence Building System” to fully overcome all of your fears, nervousness and anxiety associated with women.
Thanks for the reply and the advice. I just wanted to ask a quick question. I just had a quick browse through the rest of your products after I checked out Dating Power and The Flow…and one particular program caught my eye.Its called “21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend” and as you know it teaches you how to be successful with women in different environments. The reason why this program caught my intrest is because it claims to teach you how to approach and be successful with women at Uni and in shopping centres and at the Gym. I’m off to Uni next year to study engineering and I like the idea of having a girlfriend/s at Uni while I study. I also see some seriously good looking women in shopping centres that I would really like to approach, get to know and date. The same goes for when I am at the Gym working out.Not to mention there’s a rather attractive girl who’s in her mid 20’s who works as a receptionist there.Would this be a program that I could listen to and learn from, despite my lack of previous experience and success with women?Would this help solve my conversation and confidence problems overtime? Will I experience success with this product as soon as I start to use it?(I really hope so…because this sounds like a great product!)
Yes, you will start to experience success with it immediately. However, because you have little or no experience with women – make sure you follow the 30 Day Challenge that comes with it. The approaches and interactions start off really EASY and get more advanced as your confidence and skills develop. Just make sure you don’t try to skip ahead and do the advanced pick ups immediately; start with the easy ones.
BTW: All of the 21 ways to get a girlfriend include a personal example of how either Ben, Stu or I have picked up a woman/met a girlfriend in that particular environment, as well as providing you with the step-by-step instructions (i.e. what to say and do) to do it yourself.
Thanks for all your help so far. I just wanted to ask a few more questions. I hope that’s okay with you.
1. As you are aware, I know nothing or very little when it comes to succeeding with women; I lack a lot of confidence around women and are, I suppose, what you would call “shy” type of guy; I have a fear of rejection and have very “poor” conversation skills, when it comes to talking to women . Now, I noticed that each of the different ways, in 21 Great Way to Get a Girlfriend, can be discussed for 20 minutes. As the program covers 21 different ways in 7 hours. I understand that some guys who have had success with women in the past, may only need a basic outline, but given my situation I feel and believe that I need clear and detailed information on how to achieve success in those 21 different ways/scenarios. Does this therefore mean that I will have to purchase different products along with this one if I am to experience success? (For example, the Ultimate Guide to Conversation-which I noticed contains information on becoming confident and getting rid of a fear of rejection as well as talking to women of course!)
2. If I had to purchase two products in order to achieve success in this area, would the information in one product be difficult to incorporate into another product? That is, would the advice given in the Ultimate Guide to Conversation, for instance, concerning obviously conversation techniques and confidence be difficult to use with the advice given in 21 Great Ways?
3. Do you think that 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend the product for me? That is, the one that is going to really help to achieve success in this area? Or would other products, such as The Ultimate Guide to Conversation, be better suited for my personal circumstances (For example, would The Ultimate Guide to Conversation teach me how to approach and talk to women everywhere I go….for example, University and the Gym , for instance?) I don’t think The Flow or Dating Power really suit my circumstances. What do you think? Please give me a definitive answer…I really need your advice/help!!!!
I hope you don’t mind me asking you all these questions Dan, it’s just that I am nervous, anxious and I suppose fearful about improving this area of my life. Because I really do want to experience success in this area and hopefully one day become as good as what you are, but at the moment I just feel stuck; unsure and unable to make a decision because I fear making the wrong one and therefore not experiencing success as a result of it. That’s why I am asking for your advice/guidance concerning this area. I want to get the product/products that suit me and then learn it/them and then succeed and then worry about other areas of my life. Do you understand where I am coming from?
Thanks for your question.
Don’t worry, I truly understand your situation and appreciate that you want to make the best decision for yourself. However, being nervous about improving yourself is something that will pass and soon be a distant memory that you can smile at. Why? You will feel increasingly confident as you improve your skills with women, your understanding of yourself as a man and how the modern dating scene works. It is normal to feel nervous in the beginning because you don’t know any better. To you, the whole area of women and dating seems scary and you’re uncertain whether you can do it. If these guys can do it, anyone can.
The thing is, every Modern Man program ADDS to a guy’s confidence, skills and ability with women. Although each program is completely different and FULL of new techniques, insights and how to examples, all of our programs work seamlessly. You won’t understand why until you begin experiencing it for yourself by learning. As you learn, you will instantly begin to feel more confident and strong. Then, as you learn more, you will feel your power and confidence building further.
There is no question that learning ALL of our advice will be most helpful to a guy. After all, we haven’t created our programs for fun or for “whatever”; they each exist to solve specific problems for guys. However, some people are on a budget and some people only need to learn specific things. So, we have programs that have been designed for specific areas:
The Flow: Contains the fundamentals of everything we teach regarding confidence, approaching, conversation, attraction, flirting and being an alpha male. Includes our exclusive, 4-step process called “The Flow” that allows you to approach a woman, naturally attract her, connect with her and then escalate things to a phone number, kiss or sex.
Dating Power: Everything we teach on our live, 1-on-1 courses that cost up to $5,995 (learn more). Over 8 hours of video training including “how to” examples and demonstrations of all the techniques we use to naturally attract women and go from approach, to conversation, to phone number/kiss or sex and into a relationship. Also includes our exclusive “3-Step Confidence Building System” and the step-by-step techniques for having one night stands (sex on the first night).
Mastery Methods & Mindsets: Techniques for guys who are already getting some results with women, but want to take things to a higher level. Example: Attract more beautiful women, have deeper and more powerful confidence.
The Ultimate Guide to Conversation: How to keep conversations going and keep them interesting. Also includes advice on approaching, overcoming fears and anxieties during conversation and talking to a woman in a way that makes her fall in love with you.
Confessions of a Natural interviews: Candid, raw and uncensored interviews with guys who are naturally good with women. They reveal the secrets that make them successful with women. Generally speaking, this type of information is usually kept private within the “cool crowd” and isn’t shared with guys who aren’t good with women.
21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend: Tested techniques and strategies to approach, naturally attract and pick up women in 21 different environments.
After what you’ve said about your problems with women, I personally think you should start with The Flow. When you finish reading it and are feeling more confident and knowledgeable about this area, you can then decide which program you should get next. Remember, The Flow also includes conversation examples and advice on overcoming fears and nervousness. Or, if you want get every Modern Man product right now at a 39.5% discount, check out Pack 4.
Thanks for the reply.
1. Does The Ultimate Guide to Conversation teach me to how approach, be confident around and with women and talk to and have success with women in different environments, for example; bar, University, the gym, on the street, checkout girl, at a cafe, in a shopping centre? Or is it primarily aimed at a specific environment/scenario e.g. bars/clubs ect. (That is does it teach me how to approach, be confident, talk and have success in one or two specific environments…such as the bar environment? Simply put if I were to use these techinques at Uni would I be successful…If I were to use these techinques while at the checkout would I be successful?
2. 1. As you are aware, I know nothing or very little when it comes to succeeding with women; I lack a lot of confidence around women and are, I suppose, what you would call “shy” type of guy; I have a fear of rejection and have very “poor” conversation skills, when it comes to talking to women . Now, I noticed that each of the different ways, in 21 Great Way to Get a Girlfriend, can be discussed for 20 minutes. As the program covers 21 different ways in 7 hours. I understand that some guys who have had success with women in the past, may only need a basic outline, but given my situation I feel and believe that I need clear and detailed information on how to achieve success in those 21 different ways/scenarios. Does this therefore mean that I will have to purchase different products along with this one if I am to experience success? (For example, the Ultimate Guide to Conversation-which I noticed contains information on becoming confident and getting rid of a fear of rejection as well as talking to women of course!)
P.s thanks for all your advice so far, its great having someone to talk to regarding this area of my life.
You’re welcome mate.
To further answer your questions:
Question 1: In The Ultimate Guide to Conversation, we talk about the strategy to naturally attract the woman and get her phone number/Facebook or e-mail details, but focus more on the conversation. In 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend, we go into detail on the specific strategy to attract a woman, make her want to give you her phone number (or go on a date, or kiss your or have sex) in 21 different environments.
Here are some of the conversation starter scenarios we discuss in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation:
1. Woman is shopping in the fruit & vegetable section of a supermarket.
2. Woman is getting a drink at a bar.
3. Woman has a cocktail in a bar.
4. Woman is standing alone in a bar
5. Two women in a bar. One is talking to a guy. The other is not included in the conversation.
6. Woman makes eye contact with you in a bar and smiles.
7. Women seated in a bar and it’s difficult to talk to them (i.e. it’s loud and there’s too much of a distance between you).
8. Women seated in a bar and it’s easy to talk to them (i.e. you can stand next to them, it’s not too loud, etc).
9.In the line to get tickets for a movie.
10. Woman is reading a book/magazine on public transport or in café.
11. Woman has a musical instrument with her.
12. Woman with a dog in a public place.
13. Woman doing some study or reading a magazine in a café.
14. Woman walks into an elevator. There are multiple people in the elevator and no one is talking.
15. Woman walks into an elevator and it is just you and her.
16. Women hanging around and talking outside a bar
17. Women is wearing headphones and walking past you on the street.
18. Woman wearing bright red shoes.
19. Woman wearing fluffy boots.
We explain the strategy for successfully picking up a woman in each of those situations and also explain the common mistakes that guys make in the particular situation. However, sometimes we don’t spend a lot of time on a particular example because it is simple. You’ll have to listen to it to fully understand why.
Question 2: Yes, the amount of time spent on each area is enough. Picking up women does not need to be complicated. We teach a simple, natural style and that is one of the main reasons why guys have so much success with our advice. Additionally, your reference to needing information on being confident and overcoming your fear of rejection: All of our programs include new, relevant (to the program) information on the topic, because they are two of the many big issues guys struggle with.
Also, don’t forget about the 30 Day Challenge that comes free with 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. We provide additional advice, tips and guidance through each stage of the 30 Day Challenge. You can download a free sample of the 30 Day Challenge here.
P.S. Here’s the discount deal that I will keep open to everyone for the next couple of weeks.
I just wanted to say that I took your advice and tried the 30 day challenge! What a life changer!!!!!!
I have a girlfriend now, but I also had sex with 2 women before meeting her. Thanks for pushing me along to get started; it was the best decision I think I have ever made.
You guys are doing a great job!!!!
The girl I like got hint of me having crush on her before I officially can tell her & now she’s playing so hard to get and limiting contact…any suggestion what to do ??
Thanks for your question.
Yes, it’s not about telling her that you like her. You have to attract her and make her want to be with you. If you tell a woman that you like her BEFORE she is attracted to you, she will do what this woman is doing to you now: She’ll play hard to get and in most cases, reject any of your attempts to escalate. You have to follow the NATURAL flow of a sexual courtship.
Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-8.html
All my life i’ve only ever been able to get the scraps that nobody wants, end up in disaster relationships that make me believe i’m cursed when it comes to women. I’ve started reading the flow and interviews with naturals. Hopefully this will give me a chance to better my chance at getting a women i want to actually be with instead of having to put up with all the crap and rubbish that i pick up.
Thanks for your comment.
You certainly will turn your life around in terms of women Jamie. Just make sure you do ONE thing: Use the advice. The only guys who don’t get results are those who don’t follow through and use the techniques we teach. Things start to happen when you take action and you CAN and WILL be successful with women. Listen to how this guy turned his life around: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html
Also, listen to what this guy discovered about approaching and attracting women when he took a weekend course with me: http://www.themodernman.com/new_ideas_approaching_women.html
Hi Dan, I went out last night for the first time in months. I had a great time, there was very little people there so I chatted with two girls the whole evening. We had a very good time, and one of them was attracted to me, all though she had a boyfriend! :p She said she hoped to see me again someday.
I also found out the guy who took care of my jackets looked very much like you. He looked so much like you that it was scary!
It only cost me 5 dollars to go out so I strongly think about going out every weekend, both friday and saturday, to train and mostly to have fun.
Great to hear of your initial success! You need to keep going now mate – it gets even better from there.
P.S. Lol…no, that wasn’t me taking jackets at the club! Maybe I was there in spirit for you to cheer you on, who knows!
P.P.S. Hope to hear that you get a phone number or sex soon mate. Sounds like you might have gotten there with the recent girl if she didn’t already have a boyfriend.
Let me start by saying that 6 months, I had no idea on how to approach or talk to women. When I would gather the courage to go out, occasionally, I would get the courage to go up and talk to women but I unneccesary qualified myself often without realizing it. Now lets move to the reverse. In an interaction with a girl, I would fear her asking me what I do. At the moment, I work at the front desk of a hotel. Not the most glamorours job. Now, I cant wait for that question to come and its all thanks to the power move. When she asks me, my reply is simply “I check out people” and then I go right into using one of the power moves. It has stopped even the most stunningly beautiful ladies in their tracks, and instantly creates an enormous amount of attraction.
Thanks for your positive feedback and congratulations on your success.
Great variation of the “Power Moves” we talk about in Dating Power.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
This is my case:
I’m interested in this girl, and the attraction is there. It’s just the next step I’m having trouble with, connecting.
One subject I’m afriad to bring up, which unavoidable will come up if I do attempt to connect, is our past relationships.. Thaaat is, because I have never been in a relationship. Will she think bad of me as not being boyfriend material -since I haven’t been in previous relationships- if this comes up?
How do you suggest I put it to her?
Lying? Doesn’t seem like a good idea to me, and it would probably backfire if we ended up dating..
You do agree that discussing previous relationships feels like it has to be done at some point if we’re really going to connect? I feel like this is absolutely necessary, and that it’s probably the next step..
Thanks for your questions.
As we always say at The Modern Man, “You never need to lie to a woman” so no – I definitely don’t recommend that you lie about your lack of relationship experience. The thing is, some women are going to be absolutely fine with it and will see it as a GOOD thing, while others will be a bit turned off if you’re 25+ years old and haven’t had a girlfriend. However, the fact that SOME women may be a little turned off shouldn’t hold you back from getting started. The longer you leave it, the worse it will be.
Above all though, the most important thing to a woman is how she FEELS when she is with you. That’s why you always see average (and below average looking) guys with girlfriends and why men who don’t have a job can still have a girlfriend or have many women lusting after them. You can EITHER choose to get caught up in thinking that you need to be perfect, or you can develop confidence, self-esteem and the skills needed to attract and maintain the interest of women. It’s totally up to you.
You asked, “You do agree that discussing previous relationships feels like it has to be done at some point if we’re really going to connect? I feel like this is absolutely necessary, and that it’s probably the next step..” It is fine to discuss previous relationships if the subject comes up, but no – it is ABSOLUTELY NOT the next step in establishing a relationship. You should not get all deep and meaningful about your feelings for her or your desire to have a relationship with her UNTIL you’ve had sex with her. It’s not the 1920s anymore and women don’t marry the first man they have a relationship with, so don’t behave like a man from the 1920s.
Additionally, when the relationship begins (after you’ve had sex) it should be HER getting all deep and meaningful about that stuff. If you take on the feminine role in the relationship and want to be all “sensitive” about your feelings and intentions before you’ve had sex with her, 9/10 times it will backfire with a modern woman and she will pull back by saying that she’d rather be friends or isn’t interested in anything serious.
Today’s world is different. You need to adapt to be successful. Approaching a courtship like you’re living in the 1920s just doesn’t work anymore with most women.
P.S. You might find this article useful also:
Thanks for your reply, great that you made it so thorough and simple!
”You should not get all deep and meaningful about your feelings for her or your desire to have a relationship with her UNTIL you’ve had sex with her” you said.
I have been studying with this girl for some time, she started feeling attracted to me quite some time ago. The problem lies in her behavior, I often don’t know how to handle it;
She is almost ALWAYS around the other girls (yea, they tend to travel in packs…). And when being around them she gets so extremely… rompish (english isn’t my main language but I believe that’s what you call it – tittuppy seems to be another word). I’ve tried engaging the group in conversations but it’s tough. And she always ends up speaking with others.
Also as i mentioned, this attraction has been there for quite some time, and in the beginning i didn’t know about your products. As a result, when I actually got 1 on 1 moments I often ended up choking, not knowing what to say or what to speak of (also, frankly, she’s pretty rompish when she’s alone with me aswell. I know she hasn’t always had it very easy, she moved to a new town early in her life, got of a bad start, people wasn’t very nice to her. So I’m thinking this might be a defence mechanism of hers) and a few embarassing moments occured.
Because of this she seems to avoid being alone with me. As if she is afraid it will be awkward. And her acting all rompish doesn’t make it any less likely to be awkward. We’re not talking the kind of silly you can constantly just play along with either, not while remaining masculine (I know she isn’t always like this thou, once we were the only two in class and she opened up alot to me).
Even thou she is EXTREMLY physically attractive I think because of her past she might not have had a lot of boys trying to pick her up – this I realized when my C&F (always works great otherwise) attempts seemed to hurt her feeling (which she tried covering up by laughing along). Should I try giving this girl more compliments? I haven’t done a lot of that at all.. Could it be she doesn’t know I’m interested..
In spite of all this weird behavior she keeps eyeing me so hard in class, often doing the typical ”hair fix” routine when she knows I’m watching. When arguments arise among the students in class -which in our class they often tend to do- she is always quick to take my side. If this isn’t her showing interest then I don’t know, BUT, doing this while simultaniously NOT giving me any chances to approach..? -And should my initial goal be to sleep with this girl?
Thanks for your question.
I’m finding it difficult to answer this question because you mention knowing about my products. Which ones have you purchased and studied? For example, you wouldn’t be asking this question if you had watched Dating Power. You’d have slept with her already and wouldn’t be messing around trying to work out what she is thinking.
So, let me know which of our techniques you know and what you have actually tried. At the moment, it appears you’re learning for free on the internet and are mixing in amateur advice in with our professional, tested and proven advice.
Hey again, hope this will make it easier: I have the flow and mastery methods and mindsets.
I used to read amateur advice when I started out but has since stopped. I’ve understood that it doesn’t mix very well with your natural methods. And it does feel better not having to follow certain scripts and what not in interactions.
The flow is great, but I don’t know what and how to apply that stuff to the very special case that is my situation.
Thanks for explaining.
Although you see your case as a “special case” it is actually a very basic and straightforward situation. That being:
– Girl likes guy.
– Guy likes girl.
– Girl shows signals of interest.
– Guy notices, but is too afraid to go to Step 4 of The Flow.
It’s pretty simple K – you need to go to Step 4. However, since you were too afraid to do it when she has given you opportunities, the next time you talk to her – go through all 4 steps of The Flow. Don’t just walk up and try to go to Step 4 without following the full process. Make sure you spend a bit of time (5-10 minutes) in Step 3 because she is already clearly attracted to you.
BTW: Have you added her on Facebook?
Hm, responding to your most recent text doesn’t seem to work right now so I’ll just respond to this again!
Actually she was the one adding me on facebook. She did this quite some time ago, thou recently she proceeded to remove her facebook profile completely, I asked her about it and she said she was scared of having all her info out there.
Anyway, following your advice I decided to go back and read through Step 3 and 4 of the Flow again to refresh my memory. And then it hit me;
I was reading through what you had written on ”Calibration Errors”. The example featuring the Guy ”Tran” trying to slow down a girls (Sally, just coming off of a long relationship, now looking for a one night stand) pace from ”fun, high energy” to ”let’s get to know each other really, really well”. Could this have been my case?
This girl I’ve been talking about did recently (2-3 weeks ago) break up with her boyfriend of at least 1 year, possibly 2. All I know about him is as she once put it when we were sitting in a group having a discussion; That he wasn’t a man, he was rather more like a boy – And that that had been the problem.
I’m thinking this girl might just want to have fun, she’s likely not looking for a new relationship already. And that slowing our interactions dwn to ”Let’s get to know each other really well” is what I have done when I have gotten the chance. (I told you she herself tend to joke around being kind of rompish).
If this is the case (Having read through my previous texts, do you think it is?)how should I then handle this situation? I was looking for a potential relationship with her. Would sleeping with her a this time prevent a relationship later on when she feels ready?
We have been taking classes with each other for half a year now. The holiday just begun so I won’t be seeing her for another 3 weeks. when in 3 weeks I do meet her again I’d like to get off to a fresh new start actually ”going after her” as you’ve told me. What are your thoughts on this whole thing?
Having written all this down I pray to god she doesn’t find this text.. lol.
Excellent observation. Yes, it does sound like you were making the “Calibration” mistake I point out in The Flow.
Additionally, she has already given a HUGE clue about what type of guy she wants in her life. She doesn’t want a guy who acts like a boy (like her ex-boyfriend did), so:
1. Don’t place her on a pedestal when you talk to her.
2. Don’t be tentative or hesitant around her. Do what you want when you want.
3. Take the lead in situations. Watch Dating Power for more examples, although there are many in The Flow.
3. Be a man and move things forward to kissing and sex.
Also, don’t wait 3 weeks until you see her again. Can you get her over to your place to use the technique I talk about in this video? http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-3.html
Whatever you do, don’t keep making that mistake that I explain in The Flow. She doesn’t want you to be a good little boy and spend months courting her. Read this: http://www.themodernman.com/how_to_get_a_girlfriend.html
I am writing from Norway, I got your website through google, I try to find the best way to attract women, I am pretty bad when it comes to women and an average guy. And there is this girl I am interested in her in my work place, she is 22 years old, I did bought the flow and started applying some of the techniques on how to spark attraction ,develop connection and finally move to the next level.
I want to say you are the best when it comes to women so far I have been trying tons of website and spending lots of money on wrong kind of stuff that does not work and so I said I will give the flow a try and it work effectively most at times the girl will come to me and ask me if I am interested in her because she is not sure if I was and I will always denny her and she tells me I am unpredictable.
But with time I ask her out she wanted to know where we going and I said to her it is a surprise and I want let her know but she insisted that she like to know but I said I can’t tell her, so then she said well then she can promise she will come and I said cool. but with time to time I realize I had attracted her enough because she kept asking whether I am interested I said yes of course I am and then she said I like you very much but not romantically. So Dan, what do you think I should do now? she did show lots signs that she was interested always trying to impress me but now I that I had told her she gave me a tricky answer. can you tell what to do?
Thanks for your question and positive feedback about The Flow.
It seems as though you made a beginner mistake with this girl by trying too hard to be unpredictable and challenging. You only need to include that type of thing sparingly, not so strongly and consistently as you did. The irony in this situation is that your unpredictability was predictable. Do you understand? She could anticipate that you would behave in a certain way, which you might have thought was unpredictable.
The key to get it right is to not try to impress women. Just display the 8 personality traits that I explain in The Flow and you will NATURALLY attract women. You don’t have to TRY, it just happens naturally. Also, Being unpredictable is only one of the 8 personality traits that I talk about in The Flow. It’s only a small part of attracting women, not the entire thing. If you do any of them too much it will feel out of balance.
BTW: I am not totally that sure if she was interested in you sexually. Did she ever initiate flirting with you or ever suggest that you and her meet up outside of the workplace? Or was it always you flirting and suggesting that something happen?
First of all, do attractive white women like Hispanic men.Cause I’m Hispanic,I work out, so I’m in good shape.Every time I want to approach an attractive white women,I feel that I will get rejected cause I’m Hispanic.
Am I wrong in thinking that?do attractive white women see attractive Hispanic or Latino men?BTW what to say,and how to dress to attract them?
Thanks for your question.
Of course they are. Don’t deny that YOU see white women with Hispanic men ALL THE TIME. True? Inter-racial relationships happen all over the world. It is normal, natural and widely-accepted.
You said, “Every time I want to approach an attractive white women,I feel that I will get rejected cause I’m Hispanic. Am I wrong in thinking that?” You FEEL like you are going to get rejected, but you haven’t even tried it to see if you are right or wrong. There’s a big difference.
Now, let me point out here: Not ALL white women are attracted to Hispanic men, just like not ALL African men are attracted to Asian women…but, some (usually most) are. You won’t attract and pick up EVERY white woman you approach, but you will pick up most if you use the right techniques.
You also asked, “BTW what to say,and how to dress to attract them?” We cover personal presentation (how to dress and present yourself) in Dating Power, as well as what to say and how to interact (including body language). If you need more help on conversation, we provide advice for that in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation.
If you’re on a budget or just want to try some of our techniques out before purchasing, I recommend that you use the conversation and flirting techniques I provide in this free video with women who work in fast food stores.
Back with some more great stuff. Have you guys ever wonder exactly what you stand to gain by getting this area of your lives handled( I mean been able to attract and have sex with beautiful women any time any day without having to rely on luck). Well am sure a couple of things would come to mind like:
1. It means I would be more confident
2. I would be more comfortable around really
3. I would be d envy of most guys( truth be told at least 95% of guys are clueless when it comes to women – and that’s just been optimistic, that percentage is probably higher)
4. I would finally have the sex life most men only dream about and see in the movies.
Am sure there’s lots more than those above. But I think there is one area that some of you guy’s may not have realised that is perhaps the biggest advantage(at least in my own opinion) to gain from all these.
Let us look at the typical behavior of most guys and how they live there lives. Guys get jobs they don’t really enjoy, try to make more money, take up hobbies they don’t enjoy, are continually distracted from the things they really like and want to pursue in their lives. All the hope of trying to get women and sex, lots of guys start to live lives and do things that they ordinarily would not like to do and enjoy all in hope of impressing women. Most guys have this impression that is ” if I can just work hard enough to get richer, buy fancy cars then getting women would be a given”. At the end of the day, they get so distracted from the real things that give them joy and deep satisfaction.
Now flip the script and imagine a life when you know you can get loads of attractive women just by all the skills and personality traits you have developed over time. Do you still think you would be distracted by all the useless and irrelevant stuff most guys boggle there minds and lives with? Do you realise that you would then really pursue the things in life that give you satisfaction and happiness? Don’t you think that you would pursue things you are passionate about without any distractions because you know for certain that beautiful women are longer a challenge and mystery to you? Basically don’t you believe you would finally find fulfillment? Do you believe that when you get to that level you would even get more beautiful women even without trying at all?
For all you guys out there that are discouraged about the part to mastery with women( yeah i know it can be pretty messed up atimes), just remember this ultimate goal and let that keep encouraging you and motivating you. See you guys at the very top.
I think this particular page would be your most visited page of all. How many comments now, something like 100? lol
Well said mate.
Yes, I often hear back from clients and customers who report that they’ve been promoted at work, are getting better grades at university and have loads more friends. The confidence and social intelligence you gain by fixing your issues with women definitely spills over into other areas of life in a positive way.
Great to hear that you’re enjoying your new found power.
I have been checking this site for a couple of days and i really like it , but i wanna an advice about keeping the conversation on look i am so good to make a woman laugh but after a long chat of jokes and flirting , my words just get empty and no more words to say , so the silence start .. so that’s my problem if you could tell me a good advise about that problem please reply me on my email or here
Yes, you can watch this video for free tips: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/behind_the_scenes_conversation.html
Also, check out the articles listed below it for more help.
Hey again Dan
I’m wondering about the 4-steps of The Flow. In the book you say that in the beginning the 4-steps of the flow should be integrated every time you meet (i.e. first spark attraction, then connect, etc). I’m wondering what happens after the initial dates? Say we end up dating for a long time, we end up in a relationship or we just keep meeting for sex, or if we meet often but she’s not ready for anything yet, do I apply the 4-steps of the flow every time we meet then?
Secondly I’m wondering if I -as the man- should be the one paying for us. If I ask her out, say to a restaurant, a bar, or to go bowling should I then pick up the check since it was me who asked HER out? Or does this make it look too much like I’m trying to ”buy” her?
Thanks for your questions.
1. No. The Flow is designed to naturally and easily get you through the initial sexual courtship. After that, the relationship begins.
2. No, you’re not buying her. If that is your mindset and how you’re approaching it, then she will get the feeling that you ARE trying to buy her. Sounds like you need to watch Dating Power and learn how to switch the frame of the situation so the woman is trying to win YOU over.
About picking up the check/bill: If you don’t want to see her again, split the bill with her. If you do want to see her again, get the bill for the first date and she can chip in for the next or pick it up fully. For more info on going through the dating process, watch Dating Power.
This is a question slightly off topic to this video but still very important to me.
I just finished a martial arts training session with a woman as trainer. Normally, we have to pay particular attention and do what she says. Tonight I had this sudden but brief urge to not care and just do my training at my own CONFIDENT and RELAXED pace. Rather than get told off, I got some giggles from her. I have a copy of Mastery Methods and Mindsets and have listened through the Relaxed Confidence chapter and it just struck me at that moment in the training that relaxed confidence is one major trait I find hard to possess. I’d like to know more as to how I can achieve relaxed confidence. I know lack of this trait is a stepping stone as to why I’m not getting the results I’m looking for. Could you provide any links or any further advice? I’ve already gone through The Flow and Mastery Methods but still seem to need to tweak my rather nervous and un-masculine personality (I am naturally like this everywhere, not just with women) into a more relaxed, confident, and non-arrogant out of insecurity attitude.
P.S. Your video was awesome 😉
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
That is what happens when you use our techniques: You get results! You followed the advice on relaxed confidence and your female martial arts instructor started giggling and flirting with you, instead of being annoyed and telling you off as per normal.
From here, you simply need to *USE* the REST of our techniques from the Mastery Methods & Mindsets program. The more you USE (not just listen to) our advice, the better your results will be and the faster you will achieve the success you want. Don’t wait for magic to happen, make it happen daily by using our techniques.
If you want to learn more about confidence and getting rid of your remaining nervousness, I recommend you watch Dating Power and follow our Confidence Building System. Again, make sure you USE the techniques from Dating Power (not just watch and learn) and you will get results.
P.S. I’m heading off to a Muay Thai training session in 30 mins. While martial arts is not the answer to masculinity or confidence, it certainly adds to it!
Cheers for the reply Dan, what took you so long? >)
This Confidence Building System seems to be just what I’m looking for. Is it included in Dating Power or can I find it as a separate package?
Enjoy your Muay Thai session, don’t give women any hard Savate kicks 😉
Lol, yes I’ve been taking a longer while to reply because I’ve been very busy with women lately (have 3 on the go), as well as working on some new stuff for The Modern Man (…stay tuned!). Yes, kickboxing lesson was great – thanks. Man, if I had my time again I would train in all aspects of MMA and try to get into the UFC. Awesome sport.
About the Confidence Building System – it is in Dating Power. Click on the link within The Flow (it’s at the footer of each page in the book) and you’ll be able to get Dating Power for half price.
Enjoy the great times ahead! I hope to hear another success story from you soon.
Sorry mate, I’m gonna be a pain in the ass. Tell us of the Modern Man’s new material, I’m too curious. 🙂
Lol, no that’s fine mate. I won’t reveal too much now, but I’m putting together a huge video program about relationships, sex and being a masculine man/alpha male. I’ve been living at the mastery level of success for 7 years now, so I have a lot of new stuff to teach.
The program is intended for guys who are already achieving success by using our existing advice to attract and pick up women. It’s high-level stuff and isn’t intended for newbies, so anyone reading along who is thinking, “Hey, maybe I’ll wait for that stuff instead” – go and read The Flow and start picking up women first! Once you get that going by using The Flow techniques you will be ready for the next level and beyond.
I just want to express my appreciation for all the good work you are doing.
Over the past few days, I have been immersed in your website and the information I have found so far has been invaluable. They don’t teach you this stuff at school!
I plan to invest in myself by using your products and just want to encourage you to keep up the good work.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
I’m glad you’re enjoying all the advice on the site. Our products contain all of our very best secrets and most advanced techniques, so if you like what you’ve been learning for free so far – prepare to be AMAZED when you learn from our products.
Hey man. I bought two of your products a year or so ago; The Flow and Mind sets. I used them to get my first real relationship which lasted over a year and now I’m single again I’ve really studied them and put them into practise. I’d just like to take this time to say to you personally, a huge thanks because you should be given some sort of award for this information. Ben and Stu are brilliant too in Mind sets but your book ‘The Flow’ has given me a massive advantage on so many guys when it comes to chatting up women. I finally got out of the bear trap a week or so ago after months of unhappiness, I realised she wasn’t good enough for me! Since then I’ve arranged 3 dates and took a girl on a date last night who I ended up sleeping with! I’m putting the methods and Flow into every interaction I have with girls now and honestly, it’s like having putty in my hand, it’s so easy. I feel on top of the world really, as though like I’m really starting to grasp this
skill which has painstakingly eluded me for most of my life, and it’s down to you guys! It’s funny to note: because I’ve listened and studied Mind sets so many times, when I’m talking to a girl or about to approach, I can hear your voices in my head saying the methods you mention in the videos and it’s a massive confidence reassurance! Keep up the good work, and many thanks.
Awesome success story! Thanks for sharing!
The best thing for you is that is gets even BETTER from where you are now. If girls are falling all over you now, they will soon be asking you to marry them and have babies with them.
Most guys think it is IMPOSSIBLE to have loads of women asking you to marry them or have babies with them, but honestly – it has been happening to me for the past 5 years. In fact, a lot of women have BEGGED me to marry them and have babies with them. It is actually the ONLY reason my relationships have had to end since starting The Modern Man. Pretty much every time the girl goes gaga and asks me to marry her or make her pregnant.
The funny thing is that some guys will reading this comment will think “Bulls**t!” because they simply haven’t experienced what it’s like to use our techniques. Yet, as you know Jamie – it is true and it is EASY to do.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
Hey Dan, guess who made out with a chick 4 days ago. 😉
Haha it felt nice, and she’s a great girl in so many ways, but I don’t know if I’m inlove with her. . . I’m open to kiss her more and so, but if she falls inlove with me and I’m not inlove with her I don’t want to hurt her. Fuck buddie could perhaps work. . . Though I wasn’t like “wow” when I kissed her it felt good, especially for my confidence. Yeah, I could probably have fun with her until I find someone I’m really attracted to and fall inlove with. A GF. I want to kiss this girl and and have fun with her while simultaniously develop a friendship and not hurt her. Have any advice?
PS: Feels really nice kissing. 🙂
Congratulations on your recent success! Awesome to hear that you are continuing to make positive progress.
Want to know why the kiss wasn’t super amazing and didn’t blow your socks off? Because you want to have SEX, not just kiss. The objective isn’t a kiss, it is sex and (for many guys) love and a relationship. Don’t stop at the kiss! Have sex with her.
Here’s the thing…
It’s 1:18am and as I type this reply a chick is sleeping in my room (she has to work in the morning). Great sex, exciting love and warm, affectionate intimacy is what she gives to me and what I give to her. I met her at a club about a month ago. It was an interesting pick up because just as I was about to approach her (and her group of 4 girls) another girl bumped into me and I started chatting to her and the friend she was with.
After a minute or so, I turned around and saw the original girl that I wanted was now looking at me. I gave her a smile and it was returned, so when the girl I was chatting to looked at her friend briefly during the conversation, I reached my hand out and gave the other girl a quick squeeze on the arm. She then turned and smiled at me and began dancing backwards until she was close enough to back her ass up against me. I couldn’t resist (I like sexually confident girls these days), so I left the two girls and joined the other group of girls. An hour later, I was back at my place with the girl I wanted.
Anyway, enough stories! I’ve got to finish all these replies – I’m going to wake her up and give her another one before I go to sleep. Lol…
in the flow you mention how women often tests you by questions such as;
-do you like me?
-have you been thinking about me?
Your tip is then to ignore or to put funny spins on the questions, which you give some good examples of.
my question is, should I always do this or should I sometimes answer seriously like ”I do like you” or give real answers but playfully like ”Yeah, maybe a little” (i.e always answer playfully?)
also i wonder if u have any more tips on how to find a good balance between pushing her away & pulling her towards you. a balance between ignoring/showing interest. i seem to have an easy time getting the girls attraction, but a harder time showing her my own. i tend to walk around somewhat arrogantly, sometimes playfully teasing her, then when i wanna show her my interest it feels odd just switching gears.. :/
-should i incorporate more compliments into my interactions?, i tend NOT to give the girls im interested in many at all.. (as long as they are genuine of course). How do I make it more obvious that I AM interested in her aswell,how do I make it show from the start? it seems pushing her away Im already a master at..
It feels so contradictive to me first neglecting or answering her teasingly then showing my interest!
1. I usually get her interested.
2. She doesn’t get that im interested.
3. she stops being interested.
(4. I go online and ask you for help)
Any thoughts on this?
Great Work with The flow by the way! Probably the best product out there today.
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Good question. Yes, as I explain in The Flow, if you are always acting like that then it will become PREDICTABLE. Understand? You need to adjust your approach depending on the girl and the specific dynamic between you (each girl will be different). Knowing how to adjust correctly will come with experience or by learning from more of our programs.
About showing your interest: One of the main things we talk about at The Modern Man is being real and being honest with women. You’ll find that we never tell you to hide your attraction from a woman. Instead, we advise that you should express your interest via flirting and certain types of compliments and direct conversation.
Based on your comment, it sounds like you should definitely listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. All of the issues you raised are covered in that program and solutions provided.
Hey Dan! This is Sid again with questions to ask and a story to tell. After performing and getting some food and a few drinks, me and a few of my friends wanted to go to Hollywood for bday party at a local bar. Me and my Dancer friend went into her car and discussed what we were going to do. We didn’t want to go home that night. Well,not my place anyway. She didn’t want to go to the party as she felt uninvited. So,she said “well,we can go to my place and have some more drinks.” I said with a light hearted smile. ok, but just to let you know,we’re not having sex tonight so don’t try and make any moves on me.” She laughs and says “whatever.” So we go over to her house and just talked over some drinks and a lot of flirting. We sat down and started watching movies. And it’s at that point where she starts giving me those signals letting me know that I have the “green light.” All I had to do was make a move. And I didn’t (I know right? 200 push-ups) for 2 reasons. Due to the fact that one of my friends was getting at her. And plus she is the best friend of the girl that was seeing(Remember that story about the girl that I had a movie night with? And she canceled on me and rescheduled it? Well, let’s just say when I went over her place that Friday, we didn’t pay any attention to the movie.) We met up at a dance class she says “excuse me for the other night I like to flirt and you had me misunderstood.” when she saw me on new years she I gave her a hug and right then and there I knew she wanted to kiss me. But, I didn’t. Come to find out my friend who was trying to get at her is with someone else. I would like to give it a shot tho I don’t think it’s too late. Been thinking about it over for a few days. And she’s everywhere I am which doesn’t help. So I’ve been keeping some distance. My friends say that I still can get her. It’s a matter of how to do it. I feel the best way is to maintain that high status value with other people. Especially people she knows. what would be the best way of going at it this. Because I know she’ll be a tough one to crack the second time around.
Congrats on your success using our techniques! It’s pretty simple when you know what you’re doing!
About this new girl…
No, unfortunately your idea on how to get her is wrong for one main reason: It doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with Step 4 of The Flow. What you’re suggesting is Step 2 and that’s two steps away from kissing and sex! Organize or orchestrate another opportunity for you and her to be alone for a considerable period of time. Then, escalate to kissing and sex. If you need more info on how to do that, watch Dating Power. Actually, there’s a free example of getting a first kiss in the preview video on this page: http://store.themodernman.com/products/dating_power.php
Hope to hear another success story from you soon!
In the Ultimate guide to Conversations you speak about how to tell stories from a more universal perspective, ie, to avoid the ”And then I did.. After that I went… Then I saw” (all about me, which can make it look like your qualifying) which will prevent people from connecting.
At the same time thou, you emphasize the importance of speaking from your own perspective, letting people know how YOU feel, ie, ”I love that.. I hate that”.
Can you shed some light on this? Does the universal perspective apply only specifically for the Telling stories scenario – Otherwise the ”my perspective” (I like…) approach is a good way?
Another thing I wonder is; what’s your take on swearing? Do you think I should strive to remove those words from my everyday vocabulary? I tend to do it, not explicitly, but to a fair degree. In your experience, does this have a certain effect on women?
Thanks for your questions.
Yes, the two techniques are for two different elements of conversation. Talking from your perspective helps the woman open up and avoiding the “I” in longer stories helps keep her interested in listening.
About swearing: Be your true self and you will attract compatible women.
Dan, my biggest problem in life (except for acting, cause then it’s good) is that I’m too emotional. As a man you’re suposed to be more like a rock in a storm, steady and calm, and I can be. But I often against my will turn more feminine when stuff happens, becommes angry, depressed, sad, is worrying and so on. This is my biggest thing to overcome right now, cause it makes me less motivated and sometimes mess with my confidence. Cause after I’ve been sad, I have to refind myself and my confidence again.
I find it easy to approach girls, easy to talk with them, charm them, flatter them, make them feel great during conversations and so on. My biggest problem is that I’m a bit too emotional and often invest to much too early. Any thoughts?
Great to hear that you are transforming and have overcome the hurdle of approaching and picking up women.
About being more of a man: That will come with time. It’s a deeper change and transformation that will happen over the next 1-2 years. BTW: I will releasing a video program in mid to late 2012 about masculinity and being a man. Stay tuned.
This is not pertaining to this video but i really wanna know the answer. Here it goes…So this one girl and i had been clickin for a while and well we started gaining a stronger bond and was clickin even more. But some where along the line i messed up with her and now she dont even wanna speak with me. Like she’ll be in a good mood and smilin(btw she got an amazing smile) and then she’ll see me and she’ll start frowning and be depressed. Her friends even tell me later on after she see me she cryin or just not talkin at all. But back to the point how do i get her back with me and to forgive me?
Thanks for your question.
Watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-flow-new-edition.html I explain where you and many other guys go wrong. It’s not about getting her to forgive you – she has to be ATTRACTED to you to care again.
How do I know whether I sparked an attraction of a woman towards me?
Remember that half japanese girl I spoke of?
Well she is actually smiling & waving more cheerfully since I changed my behavior towards her & my mindset of how nobody cares. Since I’m reading The Flow at the moment
Is it possible that she may be feel some sort of attraction?
How can I tell if she does or not?
Thanks for your question.
Tip: You are asking me the wrong question. That is NOT how I say you should approach your interactions with women.
Sounds like you need to finish reading The Flow first, especially the section that explains Step 4. Pay attention to the parts where I compare guys who try to get chosen by women instead of choosing women and the instructions I then provide you. Follow the advice properly Amrish – I didn’t write this book for fun or games. The Flow is a tested, proven approach – use it and you won’t have the need to ask me such basic questions.
From now on, I won’t ask you any more basic questions
I never bought the flow for fun & games.
The reason I haven’t finished it is because my course work is keeping me on my toes, I will be free this weekend & I will read it more thoroughly.
Btw I’m made the attempt twice to approach that girl but always end with not knowing what to say.
She ended up laughing when I left her desk but I took it as a positive and not a negative & she is very nervous when around me & avoids eye contact when I talk to her.
I will keep trying until I get it right after get to step 4 🙂
Believe it! 😀
No probs mate.
Finish reading it and pay attention to the section on developing a connection with the girl. I explain exactly how to keep a conversation going and keep it interesting and provide many examples of what to say. I recommend that you do not approach her again until you have finished reading the book. You’re making very basic mistakes and you may end up ruining your chance with her. I also recommend that you focus on making her attracted to you because it sounds like you’ve been killing her attraction by acting weak, unsure and hesitant around her.
I look forward to seeing a success story posted up by you soon. Follow the simple steps of The Flow and you will succeed.
Thanks again Dan
I’ll finish read the whole book but at the same time, I’ll practice with other women who I never met before until I lock down all the techniques & that I’m comfortable approaching women & start a conversation with women & keep them interested in me.
I won’t approach that half Japanese female classmate which I’m attracted to until I have built my confidence up & have better conversation skills right after I finish read the ebook. Since the second attempt I made to approach her, I haven’t made any further attempts & will be on hold until I have fully read The Flow & improved my skills with women
Dear Dan and team,
I just wanted to shout out a big thanks!
When I first found your site I spent a lot of time reading all the comments and your replies and was learning so much just from that. Eventually I worked up the courage to buy your book, which was a big deal for me because I hadn’t ever buy anything online because I’m in my early 40s so I’m a bit behind the times in that respect. I’m glad I bought your book now because I’ve been getting laid like a rockstar as they say. I went out approaching with a buddy of mine on the Saturday night after finishing your book and I got two phone numbers from very attractive women. I was over the moon and couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for a couple of days at least.
After approximately one month I was sleeping with 3 different women because my buddy and I kept going out each weekend to talk to new women. We even approached in bookstores and at cafes which was exciting for me because I had always dreamed of being able to do it. Now after 4 months of sex, fun and partying I have picked my favorite girl and we are in a relationship together. She’s already head over heels in love with me and I feel great.
So thank you to you and your team. Your advice shines through because it is real and based on being natural and real, which I appreciate because I am a nice guy and I didn’t want to have to become a bad boy or become something that I’m not to get what I wanted with women.
I have been teaching my buddy the techniques and he’s been getting great results as well. He was a bit slower to pick it up than me, but he now has two girls on the go. It’s a big contrast for our lives compared to before I found your site because he and I were always the type of guys to just stand around looking at women and wishing we knew what to do.
All the best to you and your team. My thanks and appreciation go out to you.
I hope you get round to reading this because I really do need your help.
I’m 18 going on 19 in July and I recently began studying Law at The University of Melbourne. The first thing I noticed was that there seemed to be a large number of women who attend this university. In as much as,the men are the minority on campus. When I have passed some of these women, I have noticed that a number of them are quiet attractive and they are the types of women that I would like to approach, attract, date, kiss and ultimately have sex with. The problem, however, is I no absolutely nothing when it comes to approaching, talking to , attracting and dating women. Simply put, my skills with women are completely non-exsistent. I put this down to the fact that in my earlier years, I attended an all boys high school that did not put on any social events with other single sex schools and I lost contact over the years with all the girls I attended primary school with. In addition to this, I really made an effort to really focus and dedicate myself to my studies so that I could get into UM to study Law as I hope to one day, become a barrister. And intrestingly enough, most of my friends made similiar committments to their studies to do whatever they hoped to do the following year . To make matters worse none of my friends have come to UM. I am completely on my own. I know absolutley no one and hence, at this stage have no friends at UM .In addition to this, I honestly believe that those women, who I find attractive would not find me attractive, because I don’t think I’m really that good looking. In other words I don’t think women find me attractive. This seems to be supported through the fact that no woman when I’m walking to my car or class or sitting down where ever it may be wants to make eye contact. It seems as though they go out of there way to avoid doing so. They keep there head bowed, they make eye contact then quickly look away or they focus on something in the distance. Moreover, when ever I want to talk to these women, I think to myself “how is she going to react if I just come up to her and say hi…what is she going to think of me…Will she laugh at me….What if she’s a few years older than me….Will she think I’m just some little boy? How do I make the situation less awakard for both of us?” “What if one of her friends come along?” “What if she has a boyfriend and he’s near….How’s he going to react?” “How am I ment to connect with her if I can only speak to her for a few minutes…Is it even possible to pick up at University or is a no go zone?” “Why would someone like her be intrested in a guy like me?She probably has hundreds of guys fawning over her…who are better looking, fitter, faster and stronger than me…..what kind of chance do I have with her?” I will admit to you now that seeing other guys with girlfriends and having interactions with women does make me envious and jealous and makes me feel as though I’m missing out and its simply not fair and I do feel slightly depressed and down about it and I have often asked myself “Is there something wrong with me?”, “I don’t think I can become better looking, so does that mean I’m F****?”, “How are other guys able to talk to and be attractive to women, like its the easiest thing in the world? Why can’t I be like them?”, “Do I just have to quit feeling down and accept the fact I just have to settle and accept what I can get?” I’ve even had doubts about how successful the products and more specifically the techinques contained within those products, will be for me in this particular situation. Thoughts like “These techinques sound great and they seem to work for other guys but, they just won’t work for me. I know it. After I’ve read this or that, hear this or that or watched this or that, the problems, more specifically the fear will still be there and I don’t think I can approach with anxiety and fear building up inside me.
And so Dan, this is where you come in. I need your help, because believe me, I want to succeed in this area and be with these types of women that I find attractive, but I just don’t know anything and I’m crippled by fear and I think that has stemed from seeing nothing but problems ahead. “If I do this….this could go wrong. Ok what about this….no this could go wrong….how can I possibly fix that problem….?? What if I did this and then this…no what if this happens” And on and on it goes. So, what do you think I need to do achieve success in this area of my life?
Your advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks for your question.
This is a classic example of a very intelligent guy over-analyzing a situation to the point where he cripples himself with fear. By now, you are quite used to your intelligence being able to solve most of your problems quickly and easily, so you think that it should be the same with women…but, it’s not.
To put it simply: You just don’t get it. You don’t understand what you need to understand to be successful with women. You’ve got the whole thing mixed up in your head. Some examples:
1. “no woman when I’m walking to my car or class or sitting down where ever it may be wants to make eye contact” Dude, most women will NOT make eye contact or appear interested because they don’t want to look desperate. Do you think all women are confident and have no insecurities? Additionally, they instinctively don’t want to make it easy for nervous, wimpy guys to approach them. Why? They want confident men.
2. “what kind of chance do I have with her?” Have you seen the boyfriends that women have? They are mostly just normal, average (often below average) looking guys. You’ve got it all wrong Ian…you’ve been sucked in by the BS they say on TV advertisements about guys having to have a car, muscles, great job and loads of money to get a girlfriend. Take a look at the boyfriends these girls have…they are just normal, every day guys. Get with the program Ian.
3. “Is it even possible to pick up at University or is a no go zone?” Dude, we explain how to pick up at uni in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. Of course you can; everybody is hooking up in those places.
4. “These techinques sound great and they seem to work for other guys but, they just won’t work for me.” Why? Because you’re stupid? Dude, you’re studying law at uni. You’re obviously very intelligent. You have learned many complex new skills in your life and this is no different. Do you think this guy is better than you and you couldn’t do what he did?
5. [The rant you did at the end] Ian, once you start using the techniques, you’ll be saying what these guys say and you’ll be wondering why you doubted yourself so much. It’s not as difficult as you think.
There’s a girl I use to pass by in the corridors, named Mimmi, and almost always, when our eyes meet, she looks down in the floor and giggle.
What does that mean? That she’s interested or thinks it’s a little bit akward how I look at her?
I recall I may accidentally give her a flirting, sexual glance everytime we see each other, without even contemplating on it. That’s whats happen when I’m acting on instinct.
I noticed allready in the beginning that she checked me out sometimes.
I want to date this girl, but I have to know if she’s interested in me first.
I took her number a few months ago, texted and called once, but she never made a reply. I felt rejected, then thought “whatever, girls are wierd.” Then in school when we met again I behaved like a bad boy, joked around with her and my friends (her classmates are my friends too, though I’m 3 years older) about becomming a bear and living on icecream and just totally ignored her while making fun conversation with her friends. She smiled to me alot and did everything to make eye contact and get my attention.
Anyway, 2 months later or so, when I had nearly forgot her and kissed some other girls, we became friends again. I flat out told her honestly that I thought she was a great girl and that it would be fun to get to know her. She was just chocked for half a second, then she went into this girly, over run by emotions, bubbly, mood and we just hughed. She also said: “Too bad we go with different busses, otherwise I would come with you”, and smiled.
That was 2 months ago. In the mean time, I’ve had some success with some girls, been rejected by 1, learned some about women and alot about myself. Who I am, what I like, what I want to do, those sort of things. Self love. =)
I’ve mainly focused on school. (I’m taking it slow with girls right now cause I have to finish school first)
During this time, Mimmi and I have chatted a bit sometimes, and I’ve noticed she cares about me, cause she allways remembers important and less important things I tell her, she often giggles and watch down in the floor when our eyes meet, sometimes when I’m with my friends joking around she’s trying to get my attention and so on.
When I’ve been rejected, and are in this “whatever, let’s be a bear” mood it’s going great with this girl.
Like last time, when I told Mimmi about the other girl that liked me, flirted with me, wanted to take me out for a coffey, and then when I got her number, never replied. . .
I was irritated over that when I walked into the filmediting room where she sat in another guys knee.
“Hey, why must girls always be so irritating?” I said and just looked at them and smiled. “Women are bloody complicated, it’s easier to learn a pig to fly than to even try to understand a woman. . .” I joked with a laugh. I was totally unserious when I sad that. I love women.
We 2 guys joked around about how wierd women are, laughing, and she smiled and laughed too. Then I told them what happened.
“Oh!” she replied, “I know her! she has a very good boyfriend. They’ve been together for a year.”
Aha, I thought.
“Damn, all good girls are allways unavailable”, I joked. “She was cute, nice, kind and had a hot ass!”
When I said “hot ass” I probably gave her the flirty sexual look again without realising it, cause she looked me in the eyes, smiled and played with her hair.
So, now to the doubt: I’ve allways wondered why Mimmi never replied, and sometimes when we talk, I get some wibe that she thinks I’m bothering her, or that she don’t want to talk to me. This doubting sometimes makes me nerveous when I talk to her, sometimes makes it more difficult for me to be present, and to assume rapport and attraction. . . I want to know if I have chance with this girl or if she’s “just being nice” as they say.
And how to stop being nerveous in those situations, so I can be my true, flirty, funny and loving self around her.
I just want to tell her: “Hey, I liked you. You’re cute, kind, care about me. . . And you’re sexy too.”
I have to get the courrage Dan. Any thoughts?
Sorry for the loong comment!
i really appreciate ur effort to answer all questions. Kudos mate.
Well my problem is that i m friend to a girl since 9 years. We wre in an non sexual affair for a short period but we seperated and got married seperately. She is not satisfied with her husband now and wants to meet me. My wife is pregnant and i want to have sex with her. She has agreed to meet with me in a hotel as we cant meet nywhre else. I casually joked to her what if something happens between us, she casually replied that nothing will happen when it has not happened since past 9 years and also she knows how to control herself.
I have lost chances in past just becoz of cönfusion and dont want to bust this tym. Please suggest.
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Sorry mate, I don’t give advice on infidelity. I’m here to improve lives rather than ruin them. Sorry I can’t be of more help.
I heard you talking about your buddy Mark “the Master” who is a genuinly nice guys and really outgoing.
I’m actually the same way as you described Mark. I’m outgoing, girl like to talk with me and I listen to them and so on.
But that’s about it! I am a kind of emotional tampoon for a girl but no-one she would sleep with.
What does Mark do different that girls like to talk with him about personal stuff but he also gets to have sex with them?
And also I thought girls don’t sleep with nice guys because they want this “Bad-Boy”-type of guy.
Thanks for your question.
What makes Mark different is that he is an alpha male in ADDITION to being nice. If you’re not alpha then you are, by default, a lower ranking male. Women are most attracted to alpha males. I recommend you watch the new Alpha Male Power program: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/4-new-mastery-level-video-programs.html
I got a question.
I’ve never been a guy who was “natural” with women. I had no problems with talking, but when it came to picking up girls I simply wasn’t able to do so, if you know what I mean.
A friend of mine gave me “The Flow” as a birthday present and I did read it immediately. There were many things I thought “that must be way too easy if it would work like that” but also stuff I did think about before.
So here is my situation: I have an attractive friend who I know for like half a year. We got along pretty well and it is just fun hanging around. So when I started using your tips from “The Flow” it got even better. We are messing around more, talk more and all that stuff you actually do.
But till now it didn’t bring me where I’d like to be. I want her as my girlfriend but unfortunately I’m stuck a little. So what can I do to finally make her really fall in love with me?
Like when I simply call her, what to do to create really strong feelings in her?
BTW I really appreciate the work of you guys. It’s great how you help all of us!
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Okay, this sounds pretty simple. You are doing Steps 1, 2 & 3 of The Flow, but stopping at the all important Step 4. Follow the advice in that section and kiss her, then have sex with her. As I say in The Flow, the kiss changes things from being friendly to sexual. Then, when you have sex, the relationship begins. At the moment, you’re in the friend zone, but she is attracted. Go to Step 4 of The Flow.
You asked, “I want her as my girlfriend but unfortunately I’m stuck a little. So what can I do to finally make her really fall in love with me?” Don’t worry about trying to get her to fall in love with you. She probably already does love you a bit anyway. You have to escalate to a kiss and sex. Follow the advice in The Flow properly at get to that point with her. When you have sex she will be your girlfriend. Don’t try to do it backwards or like we are living in 1920 where you have to wait until marriage to have sex. In the modern world, it’s sex first, relationship after that. If you wait too long another guy will come along, have sex with her and have her as a girlfriend.
much respect and love for you dan and everyone in the modernman.com for your great efforts .
there is a girl at my class that i really like so muchs , she so popular , hot and gorgeous , and i want her to be my girlfriend but i’m not sure that she will accept , it looks that she likes me , and she smiles at me all the time , we talk alot , we hang out at school alot , i’ve been approaching her for a long time now even some of my friends though that we have an affair , and she asked me for my phone number first ,
do you think that i should ask her to be my girlfriend ?
i wish you all the best .
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Honestly bro, you sound a little young for my site, so I’m going to keep this simple: You need to read The Flow and learn how to go from a conversation, to kiss, to sex. You don’t ask a girl to be your girlfriend…that’s not how to do it. If you ask a girl to be your girlfriend, she’ll often react like this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/why_some_women_play_hard_to_get.html
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