Watch All 11 Videos
- Part 1: What do you say to a woman after the conversation starter?
- Part 2: How do you overcome the initial fear of rejection when you want to approach a woman or ask her out?
- Part 3: How do you get out of the friend zone with a woman and start dating/having sex with her instead?
- Part 4: Why do women always go for bad boys?
- Part 5: Why do women play hard to get, especially after you’ve shown them that you’re interested?
- Part 6: How do I get the confidence to approach women?
- Part 7: Why does she always talk about other guys who like her?
- Part 8: How do I tell a woman that I have feelings for her?
- Part 9: How do you approach women during the day? (Bookstores, malls, etc)
- Part 10: Can I recover from a bad first impression I made on a woman?
- Part 11: How do you pick up beautiful women who play hard to get?
Learn From My Advanced Training Programs
- The Flow
- The Ultimate Guide to Conversation
- Mastery Methods & Mindsets
- Dating Power
- 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend
- Confessions of a Natural
- Better Than a Bad Boy
- The Modern Relationship
- Coaching Call Breakthroughs
- Alpha Male Power
- Get Your Ex Back: Super System
Share Your Thoughts
If you enjoyed this video, have a question or want to comment on anything – PLEASE DON’T BE SHY. Go ahead and leave a comment below!
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I don’t think these questions are really pertaining to the video but I’ve got two questions:
1) If I’m walking down a hallway and I see a hot girl walking towards my way, do I look at her from all the way down the hall, or do I look at her when she is getting near me? I usually start getting nervous when I can’t make the decision between the two..
2) What if a girl that you want to approach is ‘neutral’ about wanting to be in a relationship or ‘doesn’t want to be in a relationship’ is it okay to approach them and to escalate things further?
Thanks for your questions.
Dude, you worry too much. One of the biggest secrets to being successful with women is to not worry what they are thinking…women change their mood and mind all the time, so you can’t keep up…and you shouldn’t ever try to. Just approach when you want, talk and move things forward. That’s what women want anyway – they don’t want you tip-toeing around them.
BTW: I’ll be making some more videos about confidence (which you obviously need more of) soon. Keep a look out.
I’ve got a question that relates to Mike’s.
When a girl walks your way and you make an eye-contact, how long should that eye-contact last? Just a few seconds and then look away, or wait for her to look away?
Thanks for your question.
As I said though: Don’t worry. A confident guy doesn’t care who breaks eye contact first…he knows that the girl will like him anyway. That’s the mastery level.
Quit worrying and start gettin’ it on with women. It’s much more fun.
Hey Dan, thanks for sharing the video. I have a question for you.
If my friend is too much conservative and not interested even to have sex, how can i convince her?
How old are you and how old is she? Is she doing so for religious reasons?
Hi Dan. One question irrelevant to the video that I hope you can answer :). Are women more attracted to guys older (or at least more older looking) than them? I ask because I’m 21 years old but look much younger and realise your system tends to work easier with more younger girls than the ones I normally aim for. E.g. I’d aim for at least 18 and over but, quite embarassingly to say, unintentionally attract even younger ones.
Thanks for your question.
No, the techniques work no matter how old you are. Read this free report with case studies of guys who’ve read my ebook The Flow and are using the techniques. There are examples from guys as young as 18 and as old as 51:
I have a similar experience and am a little shy sometimes with attractive women which I find restrictive. With your support I hope to embark on the learning process myself !
Great work – Inspirational and timely !
Thanks for your comment and feedback. Much appreciated.
These two videos will help you:
lol i cant wait to buy dating power and the convo guide.i’ve have just been watching these videos and reading newsletters and am already getting waaay better with women.
Thanks for your comment.
I’m glad the free vids are helping you become better with women. Times that by 100 when you learn the advanced techniques in our products!
All the best in the meantime.
btw i have the flow that helps alot too
First of all exuse my english if i made some mistakes. I have a question witch troubles me, and i think lots of guys can identify themselves whit that situation ( at least once in their lives ). EXAMPLE :
You met a girl, and after some time there is some attraction between two of you. You like her and she likes you back (in your had at least like her enough to want to sleep with her )You are seeing her 3-4 times per week (not dates, but she is your colleague, or she works at a caffe you are often visiting etc.etc ), and there is LOTS of flirting between two of you. You know that she is not slut, but there was guys who had her pretty soon after meeting her ( 5-7 days), and of cource you want the same treatment as them – principles if they can i can to. There are lots of signs from her side that she really likes you and want to be with you but when you take some action in direction of having sex with her, suddenly she became „nice“ girl, and she is not kind of a girl who sleeps with a guy „just like that“.She isnt rejecting you, but from her perspective you need to slow things down. WHAT THE F..K NOW ??!!! There was guys with whom she
were not “nice” girl and with you she is. Why that faking? This troubles me because i am definitely not „nice guy“ with girls, and i almost never come to the friend zone ( some would say that i am arrogant ).My line of thinking is that i am not worth any less then those other guys, so i dont deserve her to be nice girl with me and not with others. Question here is:
how do you handle this kind of situation, and get her in your bed? Be open and tell her you like her, but know she is not that „nice“ how she wants to sell herself or what ? ( i know about other guys and really dont judge you, i dont care, but what i do care is that you have one standards or criterion for them and totally other for me )
Please give me advice !
Basically, it will be one of the following things:
1. You’re not escalating in the right way – maybe you’re being too hesitant, asking her out in the wrong way, etc.
2. She might feel intimidated because you come across as too arrogant, so she is pulling back to see how much you really care. When she sees that you panic when she pulls back her interest, she sees that you’re arrogance is a little uncalled for…you’re just another frustrated guy who isn’t getting laid.
3. She knows that you really, really like her and she isn’t that interested…so she is toying with you to have some fun during her work day and to get a self-esteem boost that yet another guy is interested in her.
4. She isn’t actually flirting with you. You may be incorrectly reading her flirting as just being friendly.
5. You are trying too hard. Have you ever noticed that when you’re not trying to pick up woman up it is a lot easier? When you try too hard to pick a woman up she notices and then puts her guard up and plays hard to get. Read this http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/why_some_women_play_hard_to_get.html and watch this video http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-5.html for more info.
6. She might be worried about doing anything because you work with her. In the case that you don’t work with her, but are interacting with her in her work environment, listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend: http://store.themodernman.com/products/21_great_ways_to_get_a_girlfriend.php We explain how to pick up women in their work environments in that…it’s actually one of the greatest ways to get a girlfriend.
Feel free to give me more specific info about the situation you’re encountering with this girl.
Just a general question:
Why is this area of life so hidden from guys?
Whereas women seem to just instinctly ‘get it’, and know how to attract and their role in the dating world. This is supposed to be a natural thing so why are so many guys in the dark. Its amazing to me how such a huge and important area of life is alien to so many guys. From my own experiences it seemed so hidden, confusing, almost unatural i was like ‘how do i not know this’ after i purchased your products.
This is something i have been wondering for quite sometime.
Thanks for your question.
Actually, it’s one of the most interesting questions I’ve ever received. I had to actually stop and think about this one. To answer it in a short way, without “writing (too much of) a novel” in reply, I will ask you some questions:
– Why did the German people follow Hitler? Were they inherently evil people?
– Why do the North Koreans currently follow their dictator?
– Why did most Americans think is was a sin to have sex before marriage circa 1900?
– Why do some cultures passionately believe in one religion, while others think they are stupid and should believe in theirs?
– Why do Westerners wear certain fashions?
Here’s the thing…
The German people weren’t evil, Americans weren’t silly for avoiding pre-marital sex in the past and people aren’t dumb for wearing certain fashions. In all cases, people are just being HUMAN. The fact is, most humans do not think for themselves and simply FOLLOW what others are doing instead of questioning the status quo or going against it. “If everyone else is doing it, it must be right!” It is easier for most to follow that to try to change or go against.
Also, the ENVIRONMENT that each of us is brought up in and currently live in has a BIG influence on how we think and act. I am currently living overseas in a country where it is fine to drink and drive…so people do it and don’t care. Although in my home country of Australia, there has been enough social awareness (and government ads on TV) on the topic to make people look down on those who drink and drive…so people don’t do it. People feel ashamed if they get caught, whereas where I am currently living – people laugh and think it’s cool. Humans are funny…
As for women and dating…
Basically, we men are fed a FALSE REALITY by our parents, TV, teachers and other authority sources as we grow up. They tell us ONE THING and then DO ANOTHER or think another in their mind.
Then, when we listen to what women and girls say – they TOO lie about what they really want. For example: A woman cannot openly say, “I love it when a guy pins me down and f*cks me, pulling the back of my hair and telling me that I love getting f*cked” …so, instead she says, “I want a nice guy…someone who will care about me and listen” and blah, blah. Since we live in a society that is structured under certain values, a woman simply cannot say the former, because we (yes – even you and I) would lose some respect for her and assume she might be a bit of a sl*t. Yet, the truth is women love to be f*cked by guys who will get a little aggressive…not in a hurtful way, but in a loving, sexually-charged way.
For a reference point of this (to the readers who aren’t getting laid right now): See how some of the guys bang the women in porn and how the women react…they love it. I have personally seen some of my most “innocent” girlfriends respond like porn chicks when we get into it. Don’t believe the front that a woman puts on…she wants to get down and dirty as much as you do, but she has to act in a certain way in our current society. Yes, that will change eventually too…just like pre-marital sex in America (and Australia, UK, etc) is now ENCOURAGED by many parents and authority figures. “Have fun first before you settle down” is the common message these days. That would have been totally unacceptable even in the 1950s for most people.
Also, most OLDER men (parents, teachers, uncles, etc) have no idea and simply fumbled their way into the relationship they ended up in. They got lucky. So their advice is based on a small amount of “experience” with women.
Like Neo did in the Matrix, you need to step outside of what is being fed into your brain by the outside world. Analyze it without buying into everything you have been told. This not only applies to women and dating, but in all areas of life. Don’t believe what people tell you. Question it. Most people have no idea what they’re talking about, or are simply repeating what they heard someone else say.
That was a killer answer!
Thank You so much 🙂
You’re welcome mate.
Hi Mr.Bacon (just had to write that)
Great stuff you’re doing here. And reading these replies is very intressting too.
Keep it up! We all need a helping hand now and then.
I’m myself in the friendshipzone. She really really likes me and wants to hang out with me almost every day. Tho it seems she doesnt find me that attractive. But I’m working on it, trying to get more alpha. I keep telling me that I’m alpha. I even started to stop asking questions.
And here’s a tip guys… don’t ask questions!
For example. If you want to go out with this girl you like. Don’t do this.
“Hey, do you want to go to blah blah tomorrow?”
Do it like this!
“Hey, I’m going to blah blah tomorrow, tag along.”
I’m not here to just give tips. I need some advice too. As I was saying, this girls really likes me, but that gives me nowhere.
And I’ve made some errors that got me in the friendzone in the first place. I was passive-aggressive, I was clingy and needy, in my mind I valued her more than me, when it should be the otherway around.
I’ve started a friend with benefits relationship with her but its always on her terms. Only when she feels like it. And that really bugs me. So, I’ve to make myself more attractive to her. Please give some advices.
Thanks for the positive feedback and questions.
About things being on her terms: Don’t be so needy! Make it on your terms. You have to be prepared to GO WITHOUT in order to GET A LOT from women. My women are always texting and calling me – I NEVER send out texts or call girls (that I’ve already slept with) trying to meet up. If they want another ride, they’ll need to follow up. If they don’t, another girl will jump on and enjoy herself. I don’t threaten them with that ultimatum, I just do it…
P.S. Good tip about the questions, except saying “tag along” won’t work on all women because they’ll worry about appearing to have nothing better to do than “tag along.” Better to change it to, “Hey, I’m going to _________ tomorrow, you should come” so it is more of an invite. Or, if you think she is going to be difficult about it, first find out if she isn’t doing anything.
You: Hey, what are you doing tomorrow? Anything special?
Her: No…I don’t know…why?
You: I’m thinking of going to ___________ (it should be somewhere cool or interesting by the way), you should come.
Her: Hmmm…not sure
You: Yeh, it’ll be cool…you can buy me lots of _________ (something that they sell there).
Dude you made jacks question your b*tch!!! Your like the rebel that all the chicks want! I need balls like that! Your the man!
Somewhere I have heard you say that your advice and products can help with women and in other areas of your life. What other areas? I have big HUGE dreams of becoming a pro motocross racer. Im way behind most people in this sport as it is. Can you give some advice on how not to get down and keep fighting for it? thanks
Thanks for your question mate.
Yes, I am almost finished preparations and will soon be ready to start recording our latest video product about being a man and achieving success with women and in life. Probably a couple of months away. Stay tuned.
In the meantime: Take steps in the direction of your dream and it will begin to unfold. Walk the path fearlessly, for it is your path and only yours.
Hi Dan. I have three question for you. Actually first two are mine and third is for my friend who asked me for advice, but i really dont know how to help him.
First question is about this girl i like, we have some mutual friends (actually female friends ) so we hang out together 2-3 times per week.There is some flirting and teasing between us sometime so i think she likes me at least a little bit ( i dont think that i am in friend zone with her ). But sometimes in front of me she speaks with her friends about other guys she likes or guys calling her, and she doesnt know what to do etc.etc. By the tone of these conversations i dont think that she wants to make me jealous, but there are guys ( yes guys – plural ) she is interested in and sadly i am not in that group.I really dont understand flirting with me and afterwards talking about other guys in much more concrete manner. How to handle this type of situation?
Second and third question are a bit similar with diference in girls „type“ lets say.
Second: there is a girl i know for a while, close to a year. This one i really really like, so every advice you have for me would be much appreciated.She is cute,smart, great and i mean GREAT body, and someone i can talk with about everything. She is waitress at this bar 10 meters from my house (also study biology ), so we are seeing each other nearly every day.When we met ( a year ago ) we had a great start ( like we know each other whole life ). There were lots of teasing between us. In one occasion i tease her : „you are cute and sexy, but it would never work out between us, you are too short for me ( she is 160 cm, and i am 186) and i like tall girls“ Her responde was „ i am perfect hight for you, and i can be much taller when i put my high heels on“. Few days afer she starts hitting on me with some childish lines „you are gonna fall in love with me, you could never find a better girlfriend then me“ etc. And that lasted for good three months, but i didnt make a move ( i had a good reason – i was in a relationship she didnt know about ). To be perfectly honest with you, besides all that teasing with her i wasnt that much interested in her till recently ( maybe due to a fact that i was in relationship, maybe something else i dont know).In last two months all that teasing and flirting is gone from her side, not mine, but i can sense things between us become colder and more distance, there arent those cheesy lines any more, and when in some conversation i mention her and me now i get „ you are not my type of a guy“.
Now I am coming to main thing. Yesterday we had conversation about how guys are obsessed with sex.
She was dressed in some tight white shirt and tight jeans, so i told her „ well when you dress the way you do how can you blame us?When i look at you, you seem totally desirable, so sex is something that comes to my mind and i am not ashame of it“
And then she told me something no men should ever hear : „ I told you you are not my type, i could NEVER imagine myself in bed with you“. What do you think about this situation of mine, and from your opinion is there any way i could recover?
Third Q. My best friend met this girl. He likes her, but we live in small town where everybody knows everithing, you would really have to be David Coperfield to hide something out.So we came to knowlege that this girl is „very easy“ to say the least.But that is not problem because if she is not relationship material she can be great fuck buddy.She is 24 years old and she has slept with very wide range of tipes, even some much older 43-44 year old guys.When you look at guys she had sex with you can tell that she has very low criterium ( althought she is very pretty).Not because he is my best friend but he is jack pot for 90 % of her fuck buddies, but somehow he is not good enough for her. There is some heavy flirting between them, some sexual flirting but thats it, things stop on that. When he tries to reach next level she backs off.Whats with that??! She is obviously girl who loves sex and on top of that she is not very picky about guys.Even if she is picky, he is „tall, dark and handsome“ as you say, and he is very intelligent and charismatic guy, who is fun to be around.Any advice?
THANKS in advance!!!
Thanks for your questions.
Question 1: Yes, good question. Watch this video for the answer. Also, it sounds like you don’t feel worthy enough for this girl and are hoping she chooses you…you’ll never pick up hot women thinking like that. Watch Dating Power and learn how to get women trying to pick you up…trying to impress women and hope that they choose you will mean that you only ever get lucky. If you want your choice with women, you need to get them to want you more than you want them. If that switches, they gain the dating power and in most cases, lose interest in you. As women always say, “I want a guy who is a challenge.”
Question 2: Sounds like you made a crucial error somewhere because it seems like she’s lost attraction for you. If you want more info, reply and let me know what mistakes you think you made that might have turned her off and I’ll provide help on how to fix the situation. My guess would be that when you were in a relationship you didn’t come across as desperate and had the type of confidence she found attractive, but now she is getting a different vibe from you and maybe feels that she’s out of your league. Sounds like she has all the “dating power” at the moment.
Question 3: If he is as charismatic as you say he is, she is hesitating because she feels like he is too good for her and is attempting to protect her heart from being broken down the track. When that is the case, you need to tone down the flirting and teasing and instead focus on connecting and escalating to kissing and sex.
I wanted to ask a quick question as I am slightly confused. I have a female friend, who was out at a recent social function with me and the rest of our mates. At the end of the day when everyone went their separate ways she said she wanted to come back to mine as she didn’t have work the following day. She kept re-iterating the point that it was just as a friend and nothing was going to happen. Even though personally, I didn’t think of it in any other way. However if she said it once or twice fair enough, but she said it quite a few times, going over the same point. I teased her and jokingly answered something like “can’t believe you are going to let me down like that, come all the way to my house and just pretend to be friends,” then I said “seriously though Im not that easy, you can’t get me drunk and have your way with me” all in a very joking way.
2 things, I was once told that any sexual communication even if negative shows interest from the women’s side, so long as she is not literally telling you to leave her alone so 1) Was there some sort of sexual interest there on her part and she was disguising it with a negative viewpoint and 2)did I respond in the right sort of way whether she was interested or not? The way you teach in your training.
The only thing I can tell you about our relationship is that I have known her for years, but not as a close friend. She was in a rleationship with one of my friends for a long time, way before I knew him. They split up over two years ago and there has never been any history or interest between us to. I am just asking for your advice to help me read the situation better and not pass up on any opportunities that may be presenting themselves to me.
If you have time to send a quick response that would be much appreciated.
Thanks for your question.
The first big mistake you made with her was in saying, “…can’t believe you are going to let me down like that, come all the way to my house and just pretend to be friends” How is that going to put you in the position of power? You were communicating to her that you were hoping to get somewhere and had your fingers crossed that she’d say yes…and if she didn’t you’d feel let down. No, no, no. Watch the section on making women chase you in Dating Power.
About your question on her showing sexual interest: Yes, she kept talking about sex so it was obviously on her mind. As Ben from The Modern Man has always said, “Pay more attention to what a woman DOES rather than what she SAYS” Why? Sometimes a woman NEEDS to say that she doesn’t want to have sex so she doesn’t look too easy.
You need to get her more interested in you than you are in her (i.e. use the Dating Power approach), but you also need to make sure you are moving things forward to kissing and sex (use the techniques we demonstrate in Dating Power). Initially, things may feel a little awkward between you and her because she was in a relationship with one of your close friends for a long time. This article might also be helpful to you:
However, if you want to improve your success with women using our techniques – you actually need to use the techniques when talking to new women. Challenge yourself and you will grow like these guys have. Hide away in fear and try to hook up with your friends ex-girlfriends and you will probably lose more confidence and become more insecure.
I find myself in an extremely horrendous situation. Help would be VERY much appreciated. I’ll try to keep this brief.
I am a 16 year old 12th grade student at school, and I have an enormous crush on a 15 year old girl in the year below who I met about half a year ago, who lives in the block opposite mine and goes to the same school as I do.
Although we met each other briefly in person at school, we really got to know each other through FACEBOOK CHAT. I would talk to her everyday to every two days for about half an hour, and it would usually be light humored conversation/ mild gossip.
Eventually when we both had exams (year 12 and 11 had exams at the same time), and since we are practically neighbors (she lives in the opposite block), we studied in the study room available in the estate and got to know each other more there (at last there was some face to face conversation, which was awkward initially since we were only used to talking on Facebook).
However eventually, after talking to her EVERYDAY on facebook chat to try to impress her with humour and kindness (nice guy approach), I eventually got her to like me (I was lucky), and we went down together for some ice cream- we both enjoyed it thorougly.
However after returning from holiday, she lost interest in me (which I didn’t realise at the time), and after I asked her out, she said no. However, she DID tell me that she liked me before (which is how I know that she liked me during the previous time period). I was heartbroken, but I took another chance at her nonetheless, since when I asked her if I will ever have a chance with her in the future as her boyfriend, she said ‘I don’t know, I can’t tell the future’.
So then I started my second attempt. It was awkward talking to her right after she rejected me, but eventually it seemed like I was gaining momentum again after a while. I gave her a very cute teddy bear for her birthday, and I genuinely thought that she was into me again.
However after we had lunch together, she told me that she doesn’t like me in that way, and when I asked her if she will ever like me as a crush, she replied ‘I don’t think so’. This of course, was heartbreaking, and I feel HOPELESS.
So now, I’m stuck in a situation. I’ve tried getting over her, but I can’t, even though I temporarily stopped talking to her for about a month. I still like her, and I feel a bit more confident that I can try to win her affection again after looking at some of your videos. I realised that maybe she doesn’t like me that way because I was using the NICE GUY approach ALL THE TIME- so I want to take one more chance with a different approach. We still talk as friends (and I am under no circumstances going to end our friendship simply because I like her), but what do you suggest I do to win her affection (like i did a long time ago)?
I know that she said I have no chance with her, but this was based on my NICE GUY approach I kept using on her. Since I’ve learnt from your videos that this was stupid, I’m willing to try to win her affection again with a better approach.
The problem is, we are in different years, so we never talk at school- only say hi when we walk past each other. Really, our only medium of conversation is SKYPE/FACEBOOK chat, but I guess I could phone her once in a while. Since there is so little opportunity to talk to her in person, how can I win her affection again (so that I can ask her out)? For a start, I know that I should not use the same NICE GUY approach.
Thank you so much for reading this Dan. If you have time, could you please send me some tips on what to do?
Thanks for questions.
Well, you can’t really blame yourself for what has happened. Unfortunately, most guys your age need to learn such lessons the hard way. Why? Only a lucky few men grow up with proper male role models who teach them how to correctly interact with women; most of us grow up getting bad “dating advice” that causes us problems throughout life. Luckily, we now have the internet and I can teach you guys the right way to interact with women.
It sounds like you’ve realized that the nice guy approach doesn’t work, which is great to know at such a young age. What should you do from here?
You need stop trying to “win her affection” or “get another chance with her.” That is just as ineffective as the nice guy approach, except in this case it is called the “needy guy approach.” Neediness never attracts women, so don’t ever do it. The only time neediness is a good thing is when SHE is the one who feels needy to be with you. How do you make her feel that way? Well, you’ll have to read The Flow to find that out – it’s way too much to explain here. I’d have to literally write the whole book in this comment to get you to understand what to do.
I have a bit of a problem! I got your Flow book two months ago although I was only expecting a good read on the assumption that I was getting a bit too old for all this attracting and approaching women stuff. I’m 46.
It would be an understatement to say that I was wrong! During the last month I have slept with one woman who was 24 and the other who was 28 and is now my girlfriend; but I am not sure whether I want to get into a serious relationship now! Originally I would have been happy to get one woman interested in me, but it now seems as though I can seduce any woman, so I am unsure whether I should give up this new power I seem to have.
I met the first one at a friend’s anniversary and the other in the checkout of my local supermarket. Both times I used the lines you gave in the book and both of the women cracked up laughing and were basically all over me.
So I am really confused right now!!
Can you answer this question for me; How much longer do I have before the Flow stops working? Should I stop and find a serious girlfriend before I am 50 years old?
I tip my hat to you Dan. You really do know your stuff!
Thanks for your question and positive feedback.
Lol…this one is funny. No, The Flow won’t stop working – it always works as you have experienced! However, I’d say that it will likely get more difficult to pick up women in their 20’s when you’re in your 70’s…that is, unless scientists work out how to reverse the aging process!
BTW: You remind me of the guy in this free, 21-page report on The Flow. He is 51 and hooking up with women in their 20s.
Enjoy the great times Mike and when you feel ready to choose a woman to have a longer term relationship with, go ahead and do it. Or, do what I’m doing at the moment – I have one main girlfriend and two other women (f/buddies) that I have sex with quite regularly. They all know that I have other women and they’re fine with it. Why? Well, when you use the techniques we teach here at The Modern Man, women see you as a “real man” and women are having a tough time finding real men these days. When they come across a guy who knows how to make them feel like a woman should, they are willing to put up with almost anything to be with him.
Now that I have read the flow I have realized that I somewhat did things out of order with this one woman. I think I have at least some attraction with this woman and I would say some connections. The difficulty is that I mostly just showed signs of friendship in the past. So should it work just to ask her to come have coffee and tell me more about herself, or should I go back, make sure there is definite attraction, and then ask her to come have coffee?
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Firstly, congratulations on getting yourself out of the friend zone by using the techniques from The Flow.
Next, make sure you follow the advice fully. You said, “and then ask her to come have coffee?” No, no, no. Where in The Flow do I say to ask a woman to go out with you? You TELL HER to come. She is not doing you a favor by going on a date with you! Go back and read the part where I explain the wording to use. However, more important than the wording, is the MINDSET behind it. The reason guys enjoy so much success using our advice is that they DON’T try to impress women and pick them up. Instead, they get women so attracted and interested that the WOMAN tries to make something happen. THEN it is up the guy to say “yes” or “no” to the catch up that she eagerly wants to make happen. This is what we call Dating Power.
Also, you said, “So should it work just to ask her to come have coffee and tell me more about herself…” No, no, no! You ALREADY have a good friendship with her according to your comment, so there is no more “connecting” that needs to be done other than PHYSICAL. Stop talking to her and start kissing her and having sex with her. No amount of talking to her will ever come close to kissing her and having sex with her. If you don’t escalate things soon, be prepared to be slammed into the friend zone if another guy comes along who knows what he’s doing. He’ll likely have sex with her on the first night, first date or at least within a couple of dates. Stop being a friend to her and start being a boyfriend.
I have been setting aside some time to go out to strictly approach women on my days off of work. I dont seem to be getting great results when compared to me being out just getting stuff done and I decide to approach. If you were to set aside some time to go out and approach, how would you do it?
Thanks this helped a lot I used went to a football game with her and kept her close to me with a lot of body contact and she seemed to be more attracted to me.
Congratulations on your recent success and thanks for your positive feedback.
Next, you need to escalate to kissing and sex. Watch Dating Power to learn rejection-proof techniques for each step of the way from conversation, to kissing, sex and into a relationship.
First off DATING POWER is some amazing stuff! really! I am really getting into the “being present” thing. Every time I start to get all nervous with my internal dialog I just remember to be present and I can then relax! Its great. I have one question for you. This has happened to me TWICE since watching Dating power.
I invited a girl to my house to “watch a movie”. We were both flirting a lot with each other with a lot of touching and we were very close. Then she initiated some very sexual play. To make a long story short we had sex once. We had time to have sex twice that night. But I denied her the second time. She was literally begging me to have sex with her again. But I didnt do it. My thinking was that if I denied her now she would want to have sex with me again even more the second time around. What do you think of this? Remember I did this with two different girls. Did I make a mistake? Or was this good thinking? Both girls still talk to me and want to see me. Thanks again. Dating power is amazing, I would not be asking this question without it!
Awesome to hear of your recent success using Dating Power techniques! Congratulations – you deserve it!!
However, I am sorry to have to break it to you and let you know that you’ve made a fundamental mistake with the whole “dating power mindset.” We have never, ever said that you should pretend not to be interested or lie to a woman about anything. If you want to reject a woman for anything, you should only ever do it honestly and sincerely. There’s no need to ever pretend or lie. One of the main reasons for that (apart from the obvious reasons of honesty and integrity) is that by lying and pretending, it reveals that you actually don’t feel like you genuinely have the dating power in the first place. Secretly, you feel like she is more valuable than you and you are hoping to trick her into liking you. That is not what Dating Power is about.
As I said in Dating Power, you need to let your interest in her rise and fall based on how she is behaving and if she is living up to your standards. We have never, ever said anything like, “Pretend not to be interested to trick her into thinking you actually have standards.” Additionally, you could have sex with her all night and see her everyday and she STILL would not have the “dating power” over you. Do you understand why?
hmmmm are you saying I could have sex with her all night and see her everyday and she would still not have the “dating power” over me because I would want to be genuinely doing all that stuff with her and because I like her?
Good guess, but no.
When you have the “dating power” it means that:
a) She wants to be with you more than you want to be with her.
You still love her and fully involve yourself in the relationship, but she’s the one chasing.
b) She is more afraid of losing her than you are of losing her.
You still want to be with her, but if it ends you’ll be fine. She won’t be fine because it’s so hard to find a real man these days. When you use our techniques properly, you become the type of man that she’s been dreaming about her whole life.
Understand now? You won’t ever have the dating power if a) and b) are reversed and you are in her situation.
I have a friend of mine, who is single. We have had a few breif sexual encounters with each other in the past, quite a few years back, but due to somebody else in her life (who she still had feelings for) she didn’t want to take it any further. I am sure that there is some interest from her part and she does mean a lot to me.
I saw her on the weekend and she told me how basically I am one of the better guys around and how she thinks of me very highly. She was also asking if I am seeing anyone or have a girlfriend at the moment (which she has been doing more recently, since she has become sinlge), she is flirty with me and very playful and when I was speaking to other women I caught her looking over on a couple of occasions. She even left a note in my draw before( I know this is a bit strange) telling me how much she likes me and how she wants to see me more, but did say she is concerned that it might all go wrong if we were in a relationship together). I really like this girl and to be honest I always have ever since I met her and she has been aware of this a long time ago. I know you say you should never tell them how you feel until you have slept together, but what about if you have already slept together, just a long time ago. Do different rules apply or should i be honest with her, its very hard to find time to spend with her one on one but I do like her. Its also hard to tell if she is genuinely interested or if she is just coming from a friendship point of view. She has made comments in the past before, but this has not amounted to anything. Bit lost on this one and how to approach the situation to find out if she is really interested.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Hi Dan. I need one more word of advice.There is this girl i know. i cant call her a friend, because we are seeing from time to time ( and most of that are unintentionally meetings, very few planed dates). we see each other 2 times per month at the most.I would like to take her to bed, and she is very open to idea of fck buddies, in this moment she has 2 i think ( no relationship, just sex), BUT not with me.To be honest with you i didnt make some concrete move on her like call her to my place, but few days ago i mention that idea to her in some form of “serious” joke.Her reaction was painful to say the least. I didnt show her any reaction but i was very disappointed.She sad: “you and i ??! You? Come on!Pfff no way” And some more things, but the way she sad it, ridicule and irony in her voice, like i am not man, i have no dick to f..k her with!!! Is there any come back from this, and chance to turn things around, or should i give up, and not see her any more?I know its best to leave but i would like to make it EVEN for those things she sad.
Second thing related to first situation. I have this problem of “timing” lets say.I think ( maybe i am wrong) this above !o take her to 3 or 4 dates before make your move, you are wuss who is “joke” in bed.I really dont know how anyone can make that assumption until she has sex with you.Ok, i know every situation is different, but is there some guidelines when to make move forward to sex.With this girl i didnt react on time ( maybe its something else, tell me your opinion), but on the other hand there are girls i lost because i was speeding things by their standards. Here i am talking about call to my place after 2 or 3 dates.In their minds she is nothing more to me than another pussy to f..ck, i dont care about her, just sex bla,bla.
But there was some nice, polite, great girls, where i thought take it easy direction is way to success only to find out that she is fck buddy with some guy whose aproach and line is ” you are cute, i would like to f..k you, come to show you what is real men” And i dont exaggerate, those are some approaches that actually worked !I thought in girls mind if you brag about how good lover you are,how you will rock her world, you are strong only on words, but then some guys with that approach get laid, and thats make me frustrated ! Whats your thoughts, i would really like to know.
Thanks for your question.
So, you’re in Russia by the sound of it right? I was living in Budapest, Hungary last year and the women there are bit like Russian women. They expect a man to have balls and put a lot of pressure on him to show how much of a man he is. However, the irony is that they are more attracted to the men who don’t feel like they need to show off, so don’t ever feel like you need to prove yourself to her. You are a man and she is a woman – she can never be more dominant than you…unless you let her that is.
That leads me to your problem with this woman: She feels like she is more dominant than you. As a result, she doesn’t feel sexual attraction for you.
About your question on how many dates you should have before escalating to sex: It depends on the woman. She is open to having sex on the first night for sure, but other women will want to wait 1-3 dates. Most women don’t wait too long these days, because times have changed. It’s no longer the 1920s where a man had to court a woman for months before she would kiss him. The solution? You need to become more experienced at understanding the different types of women, or you should only go for women who want what you want. If you want a woman who is only after sex, then don’t try to pick up the women who want a relationship and vice versa.
This video has changed the way I look at women, for all these years, I’ve been doing the wrong things & blowing my chances with women.
I’ve never been in a relationship & never understood why I wasn’t successful with women & instead end up with rejection & getting hurt in the process as I had a crush on a particular girl. I always asked myself like most guys would,”What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I get a girl?!”
I always thought women were mostly stuck up but this vid proves that I was wrong to think that.
Plus this vid proves that Women aren’t as mysterious as most men think
Thanks for your positive feedback.
I’m glad I was able to help you. You should also listen to this guy: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html He was experiencing the same problem as you and turned it around to become amazingly successful with women.
there is this girl of whom through a friend of mine i have come know that she really likes me. At first i was unware of such an attraction until that friend of mine told me. Truth be told the closest i have ever gotten to the girl is saying hi. i like her too and i have been pretending like i am unware of such an attraction. now how do i break the ice?, because i do not want her to get the feeling that the only reason i made a move is because i heard it from a friend of mine that she likes me.
Thanks for your question.
How do you know that she didn’t put in a bit of effort to make SURE you found out through a friend that she liked you? Dude, you’re wasting time worrying about things that you simply cannot know. Nothing, besides moving it forward to kissing and sex, matters. We could go around in circles all day with these comments talking about all the “what ifs” and maybes, but Nick – if another guy comes along and escalates to kissing and sex, you’ll be a distant memory.
Also, when you said “…because i do not want her to get the feeling that the only reason i made a move is because i heard it from a friend of mine that she likes me.” Nick – who cares? Stop trying be Mr. Cool when you are actually a little desperate. Just be honest with yourself and move things towards kissing and sex…only THEN will the real relationship begin. At the moment you’re nothing but a crush. Don’t let another guy come along and steal your girl because you’re worried about a trivial detail.
Look, I’ve got a question..
I’ve got a big crush on a girl from my school (we’re both 16).
We use to talk on Facebook’s chat. When We pass each others at the school she smiles and says hi, we got some mutual friends ,
she says I’m cute, cool bla bla bla and she knows I’ve got crush on her.
Ok, here is the thing.
When We are passing each others at the school, I want to have a small talk with her after saying hi, you know.. Say something funny and make her smile.
But every time I try, it ends like this “Hi, what’s cracking. Cool, See ya! ” I do not know what to say, my mind is like black hole. So, what’s your advice Dan? What should I say, and how can I defend my mind from the black hole? 😛
Thanks for your question.
When you’re old enough to purchase a copy of The Flow, you should go ahead and do so. When you read it, you will learn all about approaching and talking to women and escalating to a kiss or date. In the meantime, watch this video and this one to learn more about keeping conversations going.
Need your opinion on something. Listening to my female friends, and analising type of guys they are loosing their heads about, and also hearing some other cases from my male friends stories, i come to some conclusion which i dont understand at all !!! Best way to describe it is on some hypotetical example.
Imagine two twin brothers. They look exactly the same, so you cant tell one is more handsome then the other, their sense of humor and charisma are the same, their skills in bed are the same, so sex would be equally good whith both of them. There is only ONE BIG difference between them. First brother when meet a girl tell her or show that to her by his attitude that she is just a pussy for him and nothing more!
He doesent want to get to know her, he is not interested in her life, her hopes, dreams, ambitions etc. He just want to fuck her and thats it.
Second brother is opposite of first one. While he also wants sex whith this girl, and not hiding it, he wants to get to know her, he wants to connect with her on some level other than just physical. He is far from wuss, but he wants to be there for her if she had some troubles. He wants to be her sex partner, but at the same time someone she enjoys spending time with, with good sex she will also have good friend in him.
Between two of them second one should be a jack pot in every girls eyes, but again somehow that is not the case. Altought no girl will admit that, first brother ( who just want pussy and nothing more, and girl even know that she is only that to him ) is somehow in her eyes much more desirable than the second one, and by my ways of thinking that is faaar from normal !!! Any insights on that would be much appreciated.
Thanks for your question.
It’s just how human nature works when it comes to a sexual courtship. If you already commit to a relationship with a woman before you’ve made her earn it, she will usually make you wait longer for sex. Read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/why_some_women_play_hard_to_get.html However, if she has to have sex with you in order for you to take her seriously (i.e. CONSIDER having a relationship with her), she will want to have sex with you quickly so she can get what she wants. A lot of guys have trouble dealing with that reality because they confuse their sexual feelings for a girl with the necessity to have a relationship. Sure, sometimes you meet a girl and feel sexual attraction for her AND instantly think that want to have a relationship with her too, but that is rarely the case and usually only happens for guys who are desperate for a girlfriend, desperate to feel loved and wanted or who don’t get laid often. When you have sex with new women all the time, you don’t think seriously about having a relationship with her until after you’ve had sex with her. Does that make you a bad boy or jerk? No, it’s just human nature when you have options.
At The Modern Man, we teach guys how to attract and GENUINELY connect with women in a real and honest way. No games, no lying – just your real, honest self and true intentions. When I go out to meet women, the girl I pick up will feel like she is falling in love with me and I will love her too…but, I won’t be thinking “Woo hoo! Committed relationship” I’ll be thinking “Let’s have sex and see where this goes.” As a result, I have sex on the first night or first date with every woman I pick up and I don’t need to go through a long courtship to get somewhere with a woman. The relationship begins immediately after sex because after you’ve had sex, what do you do next? Go on dinner dates to see if you like each other? No! The relationship has already begun, so you just get straight into being boyfriend and girlfriend if you want to. However, if after sex, you don’t really like her that much (it happens a lot when you have many options with women and are loved and appreciated by pretty much all women you interact with) you just leave it at that. It’s a much more efficient and effective way of finding your ideal girl, because you don’t desperately get into a relationship with a woman you’re not truly compatible with just to get some love and attention/affection.
Additionally, we’re not living in 1920 anymore where women go into marriage as a virgin. Things have changed. These days, people have sex first and decide whether to have a relationship after. Well, that’s how the guys who have adapted to the modern environment do it. The guys who are still living like it’s 1920 don’t get much action at all and usually have to go on a bunch of dates before they get anywhere. Worse, by the time they do have sex with the woman, she has made the guy work so hard for it that he has fallen for a girl that he probably wouldn’t have stayed with if he’d had sex with her much sooner.
It’s no coincidence that all of my girlfriends fall madly in love with me and vice versa. I choose truly compatible women to have relationships with and then get to enjoy amazing love, sex and a fulfilling companionship. The only disadvantage with this approach is that every girlfriend wants to marry you and have babies with you…and if you aren’t ready for that, you have to keep breaking up relationships! That’s been my only problem over the last 7 years of being at the mastery level of success with women (watch this video for more info: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/4-new-mastery-level-video-programs.html), but I’m glad I haven’t rushed to settle down with my previous girlfriends. I’m having a great time and I still want to have fun for at least another 5 years before considering starting a family.
Hi dan, I’m just curious. Why did you choose this line of work? Why help other modern man succeed in life? Sorry if that seems to be random and out of the blue, but I can pretty much tell it’s not just about the money you’re after.
Yes, you’re right. I’m glad you can see that I’m not in this to “make a quick buck” as the saying goes. Listen to this to understand why I got into the profession in the first place.
As for why I want to help men succeed. Man, I know how much it SUCKS to not have the success you want with women. It’s painful, lonely, frustrating, you feel left out and nothing that you do or no amount of hobbies you take on can replace the big missing piece in your life that is WOMEN. I hated going through all that. It really brought me down and it just wasn’t a good life to be living. So, I definitely feel empathy for the guys going through it. Additionally, when I started improving my confidence with women, I also became an alpha male and leader in my job in the corporate environment. As I explain in Alpha Male Power, I got promoted three times in six months to the highest level of leadership, just under the CEO of an international company. So, in addition to suddenly becoming successful with women and then beginning to write The Flow, I also learned many valuable lessons as a leader of over 120 employees. I became the type of leader who empowered people and helped them succeed and reach their true potential, compared to the managers (who I rose above because they didn’t understand leadership) who just wanted to get more and more out of people, without actually helping them, empowering them or rewarding them.
When I left my corporate job to start The Modern Man, I knew it was the right decision and I’ve never looked back. I love my new job! 🙂
There are instances when you want to move out of ‘best friend zone’ and take it to the next level. apart from dating other women in between etc, lets take it that your best friend has had her latest breakup .and she comes crying to you..
You dont want to be the psycho therapist ear that she needs ..we all know coz it further kills the chances.
But then you cant be plain rude. whats the way out Dan? I seek your wisdom 😀
Thanks for your question.
There’s nothing wrong with listening to her if she’s going through a hard time, but just don’t sit there putting the other guy down and trying to make yourself look good. If you try to say, “Oh, I’m not like him. He’s so bad, I’m so nice” sort of thing, it will actually make her more attracted to him. If you don’t understand why, read The Flow.
First of all, I have to say thank you for all that you have done with this company. The service you provide is very valuable and very much needed for a lot of modern men, and I praise you for all the hard work you have put in in order to teach people this stuff.
Second of all, I have a question. I am currently a freshman at a university, and I am friends with this girl that I kinda like. Your suggestion on how to take her out of the friend zone includes having her have a couple of drinks, though you say that non-alcoholic alternatives are an option. Similarly, you include bars as one of the places to go and pick up girls, although you do mention that there are plenty of other places that I could pick up girls, which you talk about in 21 Ways to Get a Girlfriend. I am somewhat concerned about both those recommendations. When I had orientation at my university, we had someone do a presentation about consent and sex. I don’t know how it is in Australia, but I was told that under the law here, if a girl has been drinking, she is automatically unable to give consent, no matter if she says yes. I am concerned that if I use alcohol to get out of the friend zone or lose my virginity at a bar I could find myself accused of rape the next morning. What do you think is my best course of action?
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
About your question. That’s like asking, “Dan, what if I drive my car along a two way street, but the other person decides they want to have a head on collision and enters MY lane?” or “What if I eat a sandwich, but it has some sort of bug in it and I get food poisoning?”
Marcus, there are risks involved in almost every area of life. Even walking down the street involves a certain level of risk. If you think like that, you’ll be a virgin for many decades to come. I have NEVER, EVER heard of the horror situation you’re imagining happening to you, actually happening in real life. I checked out your IP address and you’re from America. Marcus, most guys who learn from me are from America and all I get from those guys are success stories and thank you messages.
So, you need to stop worrying and start doing. 99.9% of women aren’t crazy like that and won’t claim “rape” after they’ve had sex with you. I’ve been running The Modern Man for over 7 years now and NO-ONE has EVER brought up this subject at all. That says a lot about how you approach life Marcus. As mentioned above, if you want to think like that, I recommend that you stay at home and lock yourself in a closet with pepper spray, a flashlight, spare batteries and a pack of Aspirin for your headaches that are being brought on by unnecessary worrying! 🙂
If the rest of the world thought like you no-one would have sex!
Towards the end, you mentioned sitting close to her and seeing if she touches you, but earlier, you mentioned putting a pillow on your lap to let her lie down. So who should initiate the physical contact? Should I wait for her to touch me, or should I touch her? I obviously want her to know I’m interested, but at the same time, I don’t want her to think I’m too aggressive or invading her personal space either.
You’re the man, she is the woman. You lead, you decide and she follows. Simple as that.
just wanted to ask some advise for my situation. I know i need to get better than a bad boy for the longest results its just not being able to afford it for atleast another month sadly. But any help you could lend til then would be so useful.
Basically me and this girl have had a big history for nearly 2 years now. and in the start i had all the power and she worshipped me this kinda made me less inclined to follow up with her tbh but we wer always on off it was more because i felt she never really made a stand to really show me so i always left it. but we’d do stuff still now and then on my terms. about 5 months ago now she decided to give up on me and go with another dude who was abit of a dick tbh. and instinctively this made me start to want her so much more so i told her exactly how i felt and all but she stay with the other dude. until he ended up breaking up with her to go have other girls basically. and this had devastated her. but a few weeks later me and her then got together. Sadly this is were i really messed up i gave her all the power emotion and sexual in the relationship and about 3 months later she broke up with me. this was around 5 weeks ago and i was pretty lame at the first 3 weeks telling her how i fetl still and making all those mistakes. its now 5 or 6th week after the break up and shes with another guy. im just looking for any advice i can get before i buy better than a bad boy to win her back in a way or get her looking towards my direction. ive started to stand my own ground really and work towards myself and my confidence is back to high how it used to be and ive got other women who are wanting me but i only want this one.
so is there anything i can do to get her looking this way and think oh maybe i ended things with him to soon. and get things moving towards me. any advise would be so appreciated thanks
Thanks for your question.
Since she has been having sex with new guys and you haven’t been having sex with new women, it’s going to be difficult for you to not give her the power and need her more than she needs you. You mentioned that other women want you, but you only want her. I assume that is because you’re thinking the same thing 1,000s of other guys have told me, “Dan, these other women don’t make me FEEL like she makes me feel” and I have reply each time, “Yes, of course. Look at how long it took you and her to develop such feelings for each other. Feeling the same way for another woman won’t happen overnight, UNLESS you meet women who are BETTER than her.”
i gotta say in the past few days ive kinda just felt i dont need her anymore now and if she really wants me she can work towards it herself theres plenty of other women who can come for me and i think im going to enjoy going out drinking with the guys and trying all ive learnt here.
P.S i still deffinally going to get better than a bad boy soon just to learn as much as i can
thanks alot i feel a completely diffrent man now a real man
You’re welcome mate. Glad I could help out.
Enjoy the great times ahead with women! You will see that is just gets better and better the more you apply what you’ve learnt from us here at The Modern Man. Great times are ahead for you.
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