Dan Bacon - Founder of The Modern Man and author of The Flow

Hey – it’s Dan here and this is my story…

A long time ago, I got lucky and hooked up with a girl at a party.

I was young and didn’t know what I was doing, but because we had both been drinking, we somehow started kissing and that then lead to us getting into a relationship.

A year and a half into the relationship, I had become very insecure, clingy and jealous and it was really turning her off. So, she went out with her sister and some friends, cheated on me and then dumped me over the phone the next day.

I was devastated.

I got dumped back in the time before the internet had people online who were helping each other out, so I was basically on my own.

Dan Bacon - home alone...once again

Everyone in my life was just telling me to move on and that there were “plenty of fish in the sea.”

Yet, the problem was that the other fish in the sea didn’t want me.

Sure, I could get an unattractive woman interested (pretty much any guy can do that), but my ex and any other beautiful women that I was attracted to didn’t want anything to do with me.

I was stuck.

Over the next couple of years, I lost a lot of confidence in myself and began to think that I just wasn’t good enough for attractive women. It was a crappy stage of life to go through as a guy.

Eventually, I got to a point where I was sick and tired of missing out on sex, love and relationships with beautiful women. I’d had enough of being alone and thinking that I wasn’t good enough for women.

I’d see other guys with a beautiful girlfriend or wife on their arm and wonder, “Why can’t I get that? What is wrong with me? Why don’t women like me?”

I knew that I was a good guy and that I deserved better, but hot women just didn’t seem to value the traits that I had to offer.

I usually spent my weekends alone at home or catching up with my one and only friend to talk and hang out. I really wanted to meet women and get myself a girlfriend or at least have some sex, but the idea of approaching and talking to women I didn’t know was something that made me feel nervous.

I had no idea what to say to get beautiful women interested and I also feared being rejected.

I worried that if I approached women and got rejected, I’d lose even more confidence in myself and feel worse.

So, I hid behind my fears and remained alone.

Months and then years of my life wasted away, while everyone else around me was enjoying love, sex and relationships.

I tried to improve how I looked by getting fashionable clothes, expensive shoes and even going to tanning salons, but nothing that I did to myself physically made any real change to my situation with women.

Sure, hot women did begin to notice that I was dressing well, but when I tried to talk to them, the conversation would quickly become boring and I would run out of things to say.

Getting the attention of women isn’t the same as making them feel attracted to you when you interact with them. Nothing changed that fact that I simply didn’t know how to get beautiful women to feel attracted to me, so I eventually began to wonder whether there was actually something wrong with me.

Other guys seemed to be doing it so easily, so what was I missing?

Was I an odd, weird type of guy who simply had to stay alone or accept an unattractive woman?

Back then, I thought that might be true.

No matter how much I tried to fill up my life with other things (e.g. watching TV, going to the gym, talking to my friend, etc), there was always something HUGE missing in my life: A beautiful woman who loved me and wanted to be with me.

Despite working in a fairly good job, wearing good clothes and being a good guy, I had no options with women. They just weren’t interested in me in a sexual way. I couldn’t work it out.

Dan Bacon - lonely days

The women that I knew at work or through coworkers were either unattractive or already in a relationship.

So, what was I going to do? Keep looking at porn for the rest of my life? Die alone like some unwanted loser?

No way.

I had to do something about it.

I had to work out what I was missing.

After years of depressing loneliness and feeling left out, I decided to face up to my fears and go out to bars and nightclubs every weekend to approach women until I worked out how to get beautiful women to feel attracted to me.

I was determined to work out how other normal guys were getting such hot girlfriends.

There had to be a simple secret that I was missing.

Around that time, I was lucky enough to meet a new friend who was willing to come along with me and approach women every weekend so he could learn and improve as well.

After a few weeks, I was able to start a conversation fairly well and get some initial interest for a minute or two, but I would then usually run out of things to say and then leave the interaction without getting a number or any other result.

Eventually (after about 200 approaches), I began to work out simple ways to get women to instantly feel attracted to me.

All of a sudden, hot women wanted to keep talking to me and were helping me to keep the conversation going with them. I also started experimenting with using different types of humor and flirting and that is when things really started to change for me.

Dan Bacon - when it all suddenly changed for me

Now that I’d reached the point where hot women were feeling attracted and were really enjoying interacting with me, I then began to work out how to get a phone number, how to move in for a kiss and how to get sex on the first night.

For the women who weren’t open to having sex on the first night, I worked out what to say and do to get them feeling eager to meet me for a first date and then have sex at the end of it.

I was having so much sex during the week and I had several hot women in my life at once.

It was so amazing that it was almost unreal at times.

I’d finish having sex with a hot woman and see her walk out of my bedroom naked, to go to the bathroom and I’d think, “Wow…I did it. I’m having sex with hotties. This is really happening now…and it’s not luck…it’s happening non stop.”

Dan Bacon - wife

Fast forward 1.5 years later and I’d achieved the type of success with women that most guys only ever dream of.

I was dating and having sex with beautiful women like it was the most natural and easy thing in the world and they were calling ME up and wanting to see me all the time.

The best part about it all was that I was being myself and women were loving me for it. I didn’t have to put on an act, lie to women or use any tacky or weird “seduction” tricks to get women to like me.

I was getting results by simply displaying the personality traits and behaviors that naturally attract women. I was also using a completely different approach to conversation than most guys use with women…and it was working!

It was at this point that I stopped to take a look through all the notes that I’d been keeping at home.

I had pages and pages of notes detailing what I was saying to get women attracted to me, how I was dealing with challenging situations and how I was getting so many women to want to have sex with me.

The notebook that I had been making notes in was packed full of techniques, ideas, perspectives and strategies that most men were unaware of. These techniques were allowing me to stand out from all the other guys and make hot women fall in love with me and want to have sex with me almost immediately.

Over the next year, I cleaned up the notes and put them into the format you can now read in my ebook called The Flow. To make sure that the techniques in The Flow worked just as well for other guys, I gave a draft version of The Flow to some friends (including Ben and Stu who are now a part of The Modern Man) and they were amazed.

My friends who were struggling with women (not Ben and Stu – they were enjoying the same type of success with women as I was at that time) used the techniques and immediately began dating and having sex with new women.

Some of the guys quickly found girlfriends and are still in the same relationship with the same woman today as I write this.

As for Ben and Stu, they were already good with women by that point and had been enjoying the type of success with women that most guys think is impossible.

Dan, Ben and Stu - The Modern Man

I told Ben and Stu about what I’d discovered and how I wanted to share this information with other guys by starting The Modern Man.

They agreed that it needed to be done and The Modern Man mission began.

Since then, we have helped 1,000s of guys to achieve success with women (view 100+ success stories here) and we would be honored to help you too.

Dan, Ben and Stu - Dating Power seminar

If you need help with women, don’t be afraid to learn this stuff. This is the best type of personal development that any man can do.

When you improve your skills with women, you will notice that pretty much all other areas of your life and relationships improve as well. We always hear back from guys who talk about how many friends they have now, how they’ve gotten promoted at work and how much their family and friends now respect them.

When you follow our proven to work advice, you will not only get the type of results with women that you’ve spent most of your life dreaming about, but you will experience massive improvements in other areas of your life as well.

I can’t wait to show you the way to success with women. If you are interested in learning, go ahead and get started now. It will be amongst the best decisions you ever make in life.

Dan Bacon

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  • Tyler  

    Come to Athens, GA, USA and give me a Friday/Saturday lesson.

    Really enjoyed The Flow and The Modern Man Master Methods and Mindsets. Inner game is really the way to do it.

    • Hi Tyler

      Thanks for your comment.

      That’s a great offer mate. I am hoping to be in the USA by late next year and I will be making announcements on the site closer to the date. In the meantime, if you want to learn the techniques that we teach on courses – please watch Dating Power. It is 8 hours of mind-blowing video that includes inner and outer game techniques.

      Listen to this free clip to learn more about the Dating Power techniques and how we developed them.


      • Tony  

        agreed, in terms of dating advice, there is A LOT of junk on the internet in the USA. I was one of the lucky one’s to come across the modern man and discover the best secrets about being a man

      • DeCameron Terrell  

        Please respond asap…I need major advice…my girlfriend whom I truly love and I at in a argument. I am a stand up guy I don’t do too much but go to work. She allowed my to move in with her and I was fine with paying things 50/50. Problem is whenever we get into it she is always quickto put me out. And remind me I have nothing for myself. so I left and went home. But my heart didn’t want to do it and since I left she been saying she’d been begging me to come back but yet I don’t know what to Do. She disrespects me sayin I’m not a man. But I try my hardest to be the man my father wasn’t around to teach me to me.. I’m young but not having a lot of love in my life and finally having a chance at it..I just need help..please email me or respond…please. Thanks Dan.

  • Tyler  

    Hello Dan,

    Better Than a Bad Boy looks like another great product which I will be purchasing very soon. High quality stuff you have here, chaparoo.

    Two questions I will pose to you.

    Do you consider each of your individual products enough for a man to become a natural? Could a guy take, let’s say, just The Flow and work his way toward mastery with just the advice you provide in that one product.

    Also, what movies do you enjoy and recommend watching that have actors which come off as genuine naturals who follow your dating Tao?

    All is well

    • Hey Tyler

      I loved the “all is well” reference from Mastery Methods & Mindsets. Such a calming mindset that one.

      Regarding your questions:

      1. Yes, I receive success stories all the time from guys who have only read The Flow. However, it depends entirely on what the guy needs to improve. Some guys need to improve less things and are closer to being natural than other guys, so they are able to learn The Flow techniques and use them to enjoy mastery level success immediately. Other guys need additional help to improve their conversation skills, confidence and attractiveness to women. BTW: Since you have already purchased Mastery and The Flow, feel free to contact me here and will reply with a private discount link for you. Note: That offer is available to all existing customers. Just contact me and I’ll help you out.

      2. Wow, that’s difficult to answer because the men are acting to a script and there are usually many minor flaws in their dating approach (thanks to the writers of the movie). So, I’ve never felt comfortable recommending any actor in any movie. However, we do wholeheartedly recommend Bill Rancic who is actually a real person, not an actor. That guy is one of very few men in the world who I can say is a role model for me. There are also a lot of cool men out there who have some great traits, such as Joe Rogan and Morgan Freeman to name a couple of guys.

      BTW: Have you tried the “Exaggerated Personality” technique (based on Hollywood actors) that we talked about in Mastery Methods & Mindsets?


  • Tyler  

    Ah, yes, your confidence building techniques were my favorite part of the Mastery Methods program. I had already applied a couple of them in my later teen years and I see how unbelievably effective they are in helping a guy step out of his comfort zone all while having a bit of fun.

    Just a short while ago I was reading an article by Psychology Today on battling low self-esteem. The article mentions a man named Albert Ellis who used the same technique as you and Ben to become a master of interacting with women!

    A quote from the article mentioned above:

    Some are brave enough to try “implosion”—tackling a challenge so intimidating that once you’ve made it through, your original goal no longer fazes you. Legendary psychologist Albert Ellis pioneered the “shame-attacking exercise” in 1933 at age 19, when he decided to approach every woman who sat down alone on a bench at the New York Botanical Garden. “Thirty walked away immediately,” he told the New York Times. “I talked with the other 100, for the first time in my life, no matter how anxious I was. Nobody vomited and ran away. Nobody called the cops.”

    And Ellis learned he wouldn’t die from rejection. Of the first 130 women he went up to, he got only one date, he said, but “with the second 100, I got good and made a few dates”—and, eventually, got to be “one of the best picker-uppers of women in the United States.”

    This, along with the occasional Exaggerated Personality technique (when I’m really in the mood for a good time), will be my strategy for learning to be more social with people, and I send The Modern Man team my deepest thanks for helping guys like me who were once paralyzed with an irrational mindset of fear to become more courageous and confident.


    • Hey Tyler

      Actually, you need to be careful taking advice from psychologists who are not good with women. I coached a client who had been going to a psychologist for 5 years. She had been telling him to go out and use that approach and it made him worse. I only coached him for two nights and he was cured (and getting phone numbers and kisses). His psychologist then asked to meet me. She paid for me to fly to her state (I was coaching that client interstate) and we all met up at her beach house and I explained the following:

      Telling a guy to assume that he will be rejected will not only make him avoid approaching because he doesn’t want to feel such a painful emotion, but it will also make him see the act of approaching as a bad thing. He will think that he will be annoying most women that he approaches, which is absolutely incorrect.

      After years of approaching, we (The Modern Man) discovered that women actually WANT TO BE APPROACHED. If a woman doesn’t get approached by men, she won’t have much of an opportunity to meet compatible men because, traditionally speaking, it is not the woman’s role to approach. Additionally, there is no such thing as being rejected when approaching. Instead, when a man approaches a woman he is giving both of them an OPPORTUNITY to see if they are COMPATIBLE. If they are not compatible with each other, neither has been “rejected.” Instead, they have simply met someone whom they are not compatible with in terms of a sexual/romantic relationship.

      So, by approaching women in any situation, you are doing both of you a favor. It is a good thing and women do welcome it, as long as the guy approaches correctly.

      Be careful who you listen to when it comes to confidence and success with women and dating. Most men are not highly-skilled at attracting and picking up women and instead “fumble” their way into relationships. Additionally, most women will never truly explain what they want in a man because they fear being judged in a negative way. This is why women almost always say, “I want a nice guy who cares” when they are asked what that want in a man. Yet, they then go for men are not so nice at all and barely care about them.


    • craig  

      Hi Me and my wife met online we been very happy she used to show me off have sex regularly etc… lately she don’t Include me goes out with friends all time partying etc.. not with me and she put pics and vids of her on her social media sites of her dressed sexy nd sexy dancing etc will put vids n pics of her frnds etc saying she loves them but never puts me up and if we go out won’t put up pics of our night she don’t kiss me or make love. If we are together shed be on her phone instead of talking to me she don’t seem to b happy or want me anymore she’s more happier with her friends plz help how can I get her to be attracted to me sexually and love being on my company and want to be with me again.. thank you I look forward to your reply

  • Tyler  

    Hey Dan

    You really know what you’re talking about. I’ve purchased The Flow, Dating Power and the Mastery Methods and Mindsets and in the programs you have provided all a man really needs to know to attract and have a good time with women. I’m a bit of a natural and I’ve dated a few beautiful women before taking any advice from anyone, and you put many things that come naturally to me into words which express exactly what’s happening within the chemistry of the girl and me. You have also taken my knowledge of women to the next level and beyond.

    The thing that draws me in to your products the most is the social dynamics of it all. I don’t hang out with a group of cool guys like I use to back in high school and all of my friends right now happen to be girls. So, your coaching is guiding me toward becoming a happy, fulfilled alpha male who isn’t intimidated by other guys in the presence of women. Also, I’ll eventually have the confidence to approach small and large groups of people. But what I’m most excited about is the possibility that I can date a gorgeous girl I’ve been friends with for 5 years now. She says she’s not attracted to me but she always gives off the signals when we’re together so maybe things will get to the next level. =)

    Anyways, one more thing I want to ask. Is there any book or program concerning social dynamics outside of The Modern Man which you will whole-heartedly recommend to the layman interested in becoming more of a social guy with women AND men.

    Viva Modern Man

  • Scott  

    Hey Dan and team.
    Will you’s be conducting more modern man seminars in the next few years in other countries around the world? Especially the UK?
    Would be good to come along to one, i know you’ve held seminars in Australia a few year back, seen some of the excerpts from your site. I already have to date, The flow. 21 greats ways to get a girlfriend. And interview with a natural (Andrew).
    Please keep me posted on seminar dates, thanks.

    • Hi Scott

      Thanks for your question.

      Possibly mate. I’m planning on holidaying in Brazil next year and may then go to California, New York and London to do a seminar tour. I’ll make an announcement if that will be happening. In the meantime, I am currently recording a bunch of new, mastery level video programs to be released this year. [Updated: The new programs are now available]


  • alex  

    Hi Dan,

    Just wanted to say that you really have great confidence and body language. How did you develop this and any recommendations on books, products not just within the context of attracting women? Much appreciated.


    • Hi Alex

      Thanks for the compliment mate – much appreciated.

      Like you, I was thinking the same thing in the early days, “Which books should I read?” I went to a bookstore and found books on body language by Alan Pease, etc. However, none of the books were written by authors who were experts at attracting women…especially that Alan Pease guy – he is no ladies man let me tell you.

      Honestly mate, I practice what I teach here at The Modern Man and that is why I am confident and have great body language. If you want the success I have with women and the confidence I now naturally exude, you need to learn from our programs. All of the answers and solutions are in there.

      BTW: Your body language will naturally take of itself when you are truly confident. To build true confidence, you need to go through a process. We explain it in Dating Power.


  • Rytis  

    Hey Dan, just wanted to say that your material is great, I just starting digging in and learned alot already, now I’m starting to apply it bit by bit, so perhaps I can gain more confidence in my social life.

    I’m currently in a long-distance relationship, and having communication problems with my girl, She used to write me everyday, but now we barely talk, she barely flirts, before that we used to have alot of drama. She sometimes writes me each month to come over visit her, but usually talks cold on phone. Is it my fault that the time gap between talking more often has built?

  • Tom  

    Hey man, i’m very interested in pushing the limits of my game. It’ll be great to be able to go out and sarge with you if you’re availble.

  • Bryan  

    I have a relationship problem.. hope can seek your advice through email..

    • Hi Bryan

      Thanks for your comment.

      Sorry Bryan, I don’t have time for providing advice via personal e-mails. All of my advice is contained in my programs – this avoids me having to repeat myself 1,000s of times.

      I respond to dating advice requests on the site (posted up as comments) after about 2-3 weeks and respond to customer questions about my products within 24 hours. If I opened myself up to personal e-mails, I’d have 100s of people e-mailing me everyday (we have over 60,000 people on our newsletter list so it would likely be 1,000s). Just imagine trying to deal with that AND have a life.

      If you want me to devote time to help you out, please sign up here: http://www.themodernman.com/phone_coaching.html

      If you’d like to ask me which of my programs would fix your relationship, please reply and ask.


  • Frankie  

    Hey, I’m lost and I strongly feel that out of all the authors you can be the only one that can put me at peace. I just need to put myself back together.

    I’ve met this girl 3 years ago in november, I was totally an alpha around her. She was soo submissive and everything. We dated for about two 8 months then I went in a trip for 4 months and broke up with her because of the frustration between us. Eventually we got back together a couple of years ago. I was the best time of both our lives. She used to steal on of my t-shirts just to have me around when I was gone, always texted me and messaged me, she always called me. I was the alpha but I loved her. She said she would be by my side no mather what. The only thing is that I didn’t give the same impression because I didn’t want to think she can have me forever. Then she left for a job in another town. She kep texting me, crying how much she misses me, I used to text her once in a while, she always asked me to go visit her and I said I’m too busy she should come here.
    I loved her but I wanted to dominate her so I would never lose her.

    One day she came back home and broke up with me. Said I’m absent from the relationship and it’s not worth it anymore. Then I found out a guy has been talking to her before she broke up with me, a nice guy apparently that made her see she was valuable, and I know she is excited to be with him now. After 2,5 years how can she just quit so fast in a couple of weeks?

    Where did I go wrong Dan? Did I push the alpha thing too far? How did I make a girl that would do everything for me just leave me like that? And most importantly, I know she is with another guy now in another city, but if there could be some way I could get her back, if I could implant the idea in her head that she needs me. But at the same time I don’t want to look like the wimp that is submissive. We have to meet in a couple of weeks for some business, and I have to pretend to be very chill, I know that’s my chance. What product should I use? What do you think I should do?

    • Hi Frankie

      Thanks for your question.

      I wonder who you’ve been learning from before eventually arriving at my site. Unfortunately, there is a lot of amateur advice out there on the net these days and too many guys surf around trying to find free advice from anyone and then end up getting themselves into more trouble with women.

      Being alpha and not being needy is great, but you also need to have the right balance of love, attention, affection and wanting. That sounds pretty obvious to you now, so I won’t go into any more detail.

      As for getting her back…

      Most rebound relationships don’t work out, so don’t worry – he should be fading out of the picture pretty soon anyway. If he’s a super nice guy that devotes himself to her and becomes too needy, she will eventually lose attraction for him when the initial novelty of being loved and wanted so much wears off and she realizes that he’s a bit of a wimp. In the meantime, you need to become a total man so that in any interaction you have with her from now on (in person, on Facebook, via e-mail, on the phone, etc) will cause her to feel respect and attraction for you again. When she starts to feel that, she will open herself back up to you.

      The program for you is definitely Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89 She won’t know what hit her when you start using the techniques from that program. You’ll notice the changes in how she treats you immediately.


  • Katlego  

    Hie Dan where in South Africa can I get your books.Or is there a shipping option

  • Will  

    Hi Dan,

    I used your advice and products to start a relationship with a wonderful girl. We are going on four months “dating” at this point. I have strong feelings for this girl, but I’m confused about how to go about the “love” aspect of the relationship or who should say “I love you” first. Any thoughts or idea on this would be great. Thanks!


  • Ray  

    Hey Dan, loving your series of films and books that i have purchased. Wasn’t sure how else to contact you so hopefully you can help me here.

    It’s been around six weeks since my girlfriend and i split. Together for 1 year 7 months.She in her early 20’s, me in my late 30’s!! We were very good as a couple but i suffered from depression and had a breakdown. Although she stuck by me, it was too much for her in the end. We work together and she now blanks me. And she is seeing another co-worker, although they both deny it. He was a mate too.

    It’s so difficult to see them together in my face and other co-workers are finding it hard to watch too. I am one of the popular guys at work. Their relationship is obviously a rebound. He is not her type.

    Was shocked and so upset to realise that she left me for him while i was in my depressive bout. Most colleagues, especially women are baffled as to why she has chosen him over me. I begged her tell me what had happened, all the tears and anxiety came out right in front of her. But, I never asked for her back. Just why? Of course, her replies were vague, and lies were easily noticed – ‘I need time for myself and have to be selfish and need space’ etc. Space with him?
    Am following your advice (around a week ago). However, I took her off facebook myself, before I read and watched your stuff in a moment of anger. Have had no contact for around 30 days apart from seeing her at work and i say the occasional ‘Hi’, to which she responds or ignores me.

    I was not spiteful or nasty in any way while we were together and we adored eachother. But I became weak and needy and turned her off and she ended up being more of my best friend and I cut my buddies out of the equation.

    Gone was the talk and sincerity she had with myself and friends and family when she exclaimed that she wanted my children and marriage.

    Any advice, and what should I do about facebook? Your vids and books I purchased have really opened my eyes to whats out there and its helping. Im also in counseling and making myself a stronger and better man, slowly and gradually. Looking forward to things to come. Thanks so much, Dan. Ray U.K.

    • Hi Ray

      Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

      You should definitely add her back on Facebook. The “No Contact Rule” is not a part of my system and is not something that I ever recommend. It is a rule made up by amateurs who are just guessing what to do. Add her back on Facebook and use the method from Step 3 of the system. You really have to put that step into action.

      I just checked out your Facebook (by searching you with the e-mail you provided with the comment) and your Facebook profile and activity looks cool/good, but you are lacking the important elements that I talk about in the system. Put that into action.

      Also, make sure that you are getting her respect and attraction back when you see her at work, by being the attractive guy that I talk about in Step 2 of the system.


      • Ray  

        Thanks so much for the reply, Dan. Wouldn’t it look weak if i asked her to be my facebook friend again, after deleting her? If she hasn’t bothered to add me back and i feel she is not bothered at trying to look at my profile, should I really add her back. Should I message her first?

        And should i give her details of a new phone and number that i have purchased? My sister thought it would make me look weak. The text message I drafted was small, to the point and asking if my ex would like my new number. Along with a ‘Hey, hope you are enjoying this lovely day!!!’ at the beginning. I’ve watched up to step 3 of the system.

        What can I do if she is in a rebound with this guy? Just wait it out? What if she is in love with him? Is she really repressing the feelings we had together? It was like a fairy tale and we got so close.

        She really stood up for me when i had my first bout of depression. But this year, as I got it again for a few weeks, this is when she started consoling in him and they started their hidden relationship, thinking that I didnt love her. I’ve had no contact from her at all. Only at the beginning, when she said we can remain friends. Sitting next to her in the canteen just after we split, i spied what she had been text on her phone from him. A text of a loving nature and I confronted her about what i saw. She denied it was a loving message.

        She passes me at work with her phone in her hand and laughs out loud to show she is getting funny messages from him. He isnt funny though. And why would she do that to me. Spite? I dont deserve that at all.

        Most colleagues and friends tell me that I should just leave her alone and move on. But i feel something can be saved, because there was so much more to do together and how passionate we were together. It feels so out of the blue, all this.

        Any thoughts Dan? By the way, I hope that the facebook page you checked was mine, from the uk and not the guy from Massachusettes!! Thanks again, mate.

        • Hey Ray

          You’re welcome mate.

          “Wouldn’t it look weak if i asked her to be my facebook friend again, after deleting her?” Nothing that an alpha male decides to do is weak. If an alpha male wants something, he does it. That’s strength, conviction and taking action by decision.

          What to do from here:

          1. You need to put the techniques from Step 3 of the system into action.
          2. Stop behaving in a jealous way. That is the opposite of what you should be doing. Example from your comment, “i spied what she had been text on her phone from him. A text of a loving nature and I confronted her about what i saw. She denied it was a loving message.” Remember: You are happy with or without her. If you’re not, then go back to Step 2 and complete the exercises.
          3. Change the photos on Facebook: Just checked out your Facebook again. You’ve been adding photos of you on your own. No, no, no! :) Refer to Step 3 for instructions on what photos to add.


  • José  

    Hola Dan

    I feel very hesitant to move to Step 4. It is been close to 2 month since there have been any minute type of interaction.
    I ALWAYS feel like moving too fast for a meet up after not talking for so long may put too much pressure and repell her. I ALSO feel like using the “to say good bay in a mature way” card puts way too much presure into the improvements I’ve made [I don’t feel like I am all the great I can be and all the impressive I can accomplish over time, althought the mindset part of it is done, and emotionally too, besides not feeling confortable at the phone and getting kind of nerveous as to the previous moments of going on stage to talk for example]. This are my two areas of conflict. Althought your advice makes complete sense and I follow it religiously, I sense it a bit too full on [also we are in distance and it would be an Skype meet up].
    Also because I think I want to start developing a connection over a series or interactions and meet ups [not only one?] over time [she sensing she can talk to me without feeling she has to scape from the situation, which is are my chances to attract her] and so, what would my justification be for that if I told her is one last final meet up-catch up?

    Could you at least answer to me this, because it is my area of conflict. All those particular things. That, and how to take things from the first meet up to a series of meet ups. Once we are more frequently talking again, I think I can do it well and start exhudating all what I’ve learning and being able to apply it in a more relaxed way [not in a PRESSURED 5 min phone call or in a ONE LAST FINAL meet up on Skype]. It just doesn’t feel natural to me so I don’t get calm that I can develope this over time in a cool manner, at the same time that I keep on Step 2 of the System.
    What is all your advice on it?
    I need a final boost help from yours!


    • Hi José

      Thanks for your question.

      If you don’t feel ready to meet up with her, then it’s clear that you fit into the category of about 20% of other guys who go through my system. In your case, you need to use Plan B first.


  • chris  

    Hey dan so my gf of a year and 7 months just broke up with me. I am 25 she is 46 with 13 yr old daughter. We started off hooking up and then it became serious met each other parents and i met her kid. Her ex husband ia still in her life and she works alot. I want her back. She said that she could not give me a kid and that right now she can only give me 50 percent instead of 100. And she said she doesnt want me to resent her. She did this in person. After we had dinner and sex i slept over and she made breakfest. We both cried. Monday i called her in morning and we talked she confuses me. I ask her if she would want to get together saturday she is like we will see. I do not know what to do i have not talked to her since it seems like all the pressure in her life is to much. Do you have any advice ? I feel like she is making a mistake. I want to be with her forever. I love her daughter too. Also i think she is overwhelmed so right now i am giving her space. My mom is having surgery next week and she said she will help me out when my mom is in the hospital. So i dont know what else i can do. Please help i really love her and she loves me just think everything in her life is to much. I only see her once a week and i asked for more time and thats when i feel she felt pressured and she is a distancer and i am a pursuer. Thanks hope to hear from you.

  • scott mueller  

    ive recently met someone over the summer at the pool where I live we both got along but it wasn’t until 2 months ago that I realized I have feelings for her when we first started talking she basically opened up to me about her past and some of her current problems it was like she wanted my advice and that’s not like it for a woman to open up like that especially to a guy she recently met I had my suspicions this past summer that she might like me but before I make my move I want to make sure she feels the same about me from what ive told you do you think she might have feelings for me to

    • Hey Scott

      Thanks for your question.

      Telling her that you have feelings for her is not the process that you should follow. Doing so usually leads to rejection.

      You need to attract her, flirt with her and make sure she is sexually attracted to you before you make a move. Talking to her as a friend doesn’t mean that she wants to begin a sexual relationship with you.

      Watch the video here:


      • scott mueller  

        thanks dan

  • Jon Lowe  

    Hey Dan, I would like some advice. Could you email me at [e-mail removed by Dan] when you have a chance?

    • Hey Jon

      Thanks for your question.

      I can’t do free e-mail advice (imagine 100 guys e-mailing you everyday asking for advice for free), but I can help you via phone coaching. Alternatively, post up your question here and I will reply as soon as I can.


  • Al  

    Hi Dan.

    My brother purchased The Flow and we are reading it together.

    I’ve been intrigued in what you have to say, because it covers a lot of key fears that the other so-called ‘PUAs’ and ‘dating coaches’ failed to bring up.

    For example, fear of being clouted for expressing sexual interest. Or the fear of coming across as ‘sleazy’ or ‘using’. This is particularly important to me since I also have Asperger’s, which makes things even more complicated, so I’ve been rewatching your videos and pouring over ‘The Flow’ over and over again just to make sure it goes into my head.

    Unfortunately, I’m a difficult case because I was a victim of a very traumatic experience in my pre-teen years. I won’t go into it, but it left me very weary and untrusting of women in general, and my previous budding confidence I’d had as a kid was left in ruins.

    Fortunately, I finally came to terms with the experience last year and came to terms with it through therapy, and now that I have accepted that what happened wasn’t my fault, it seems to have made a difference. I’m beginning to trust people more now, and working up more courage to consciously flirt with women.

    The tricky thing is, now I have to build up my experiences 11 or 12 years later than everyone else, including my confidence. On top of that, my life has had some difficulties (one of my parents was seriously ill a few weeks ago), so how would you maintain confidence when you feel that everything in your life is going badly?

    Also, I took an interest in this girl at one point, she kissed me shortly after we first reconnected, and I felt like I’d connected with someone for the first time (or maybe that was just me – she clocked that I was tense). Then I ended up doing the ‘nice guy’ silliness. She showed some affection, desire to have me around longer than I was available for, and a couple of small possible signs of attraction now and then), but ultimately it was a battle that I lost.

    Would I be able to turn such a perception around? It’s been a bit of time since we last talked and I have no idea if she’s spoken for or not now.

    Sorry to ramble on, but I wanted to cover all bases.


    • Hey Al

      Thanks for your question.

      Feeling positive when life is bad: Just accept that life isn’t 100% happy and smooth sailing all the time. Regardless of how much people try to convince themselves that everything will perfect 100% of the time, that isn’t how life works. If things aren’t going well, just know that they will get better soon. Life isn’t good or bad all the time.

      Just keep pushing forward towards your biggest goals and ambitions and ride the bumps along the way. Everything will be fine in the end.

      The girl you kissed: Just follow through and keep going. Many girls are insecure and don’t want to show a lot of very obvious interest, so she will need you to be the courageous one and keep things moving along. Watch this:


  • A  

    Hey Dan, a really quick question: I sent to the girl i like flowers to her office and all she did was send me a text message saying “so sweet!”
    she doesn’t like me a bit, am i right or wrong?
    what would you do ?
    i didnt say anything to her yet cause i dont wanna mess up

    • Hey A

      Who gave you that advice man? Someone from 1940? A black and white movie? :)

      Mate, that’s not the way to court a woman in today’s world. Women hook up with guys who make them feel sexually attracted, not guys who send flowers to show their interest.

      Here’s an article I wrote about guys giving flowers and getting rejected: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/dumped-for-giving-flowers.html Make sure you watch the videos on that page too and it will all make sense for you.


  • Cam  

    What’s up Dan? So I started dating this woman 7 months, she and her ex of 5 years had broken up about a year before her meeting me, she said he was verbally abusive to her, she caught him cheating, not working, etc. Throughout the relationship with me she wanted to take things slow… I never met any of her family, but she was not afraid to say “I love you”, always was affectionate, bought me things, I bought her things, she would spend all her free time with me but her ex still lived in the apartment with her name on the lease and bills also, so she helped with that from time to time to prevent her credit being messed up… It confused me sometimes that she showed all this love to me and treated me great, but she had me closed off to some of her life and it made me kind of pushy to get her to let me in, we began to argue a little more the last month, she said she wanted to be in a relationship with me… four days later she called and said she feels bad for making me wait this long on her and it’s not fair, and that she is not ready for a relationship and she has done some things that she is not proud of… I just told her “okay cool” the next day she text me just to say hi and carried a normal conversation on… What should I do? Was I the rebound guy?

    • Hey Cam

      Yes, you were a rebound in this case.

      To change that, you need to gain a lot more power in the relationship. You can’t be willing to see her and talk to her when you know that she is using you (to make herself feel good while she gets over her ex) like she has been all along.

      I recommend that you go through my program and put the techniques into action. I can promise you that if you follow the system properly, she will call you and try to meet up with you and then apologize for her mistakes. However, you have to follow the steps of the system properly and stand your ground, rather than getting sucked in by her usual seduction methods (i.e. she shows you love, reels you in, but secretly doesn’t feel enough for you to want to truly commit).

      I don’t know enough about the situation between you and her to say for sure, but it sounds like she’s been playing you all along and never intended on committing to you. The only way to change her mindset about that is to make her feel an intense feeling of respect and attraction for you and then gain power in the relationship by approaching it in a new way (i.e. you are the more valuable one).



  • Cam  

    So she came over to give me my key and she said that she swears she doesn’t want to be with her ex or nobody else right now, she just needs time to get over everything that was done to her. I told her I hope things workout for her and maybe we will run into each other, she started crying and said please don’t lose my number, and please don’t throw away any of the things I bought you they mean a lot to me and I do love you… she cried more and just wouldn’t let me go… she said I was definitely not a rebound she just need to do this for herself so she is fully healed. We kissed for about 30 min before she left… I woke up to a missed text telling me not to drink and a missed call from her 30 min later. I text her back about 10 hours later when I woke up… she continues to text and call… I never text or call first… I don’t know if I should tell her to go figure herself out and in the mean time I have to go live my life …. or just continue to respond and see her.

    Also, is It possible after her being in a relationship for 5 years, getting cheated on and humiliated.. she really actually just need time to heal. I don’t want to give up if that’s the case but if she is playing games then I’m not sure If I should pursue

    • Hi Cam

      You shouldn’t be rewarding her with back and forth communication like that. It will simply help her move on without you.

      When a woman feels enough respect, attraction and love for a guy, she will heal when in a relationship with him. Her saying that she needs to be away from you to heal could be true, but it sounds like she’s just stringing you along at the moment to feel better about herself.

      The correct steps to follow are outlined in my system. I can’t teach you everything here in the comments – there are techniques in my program that will get her stop playing games with you and heal while she is with you. If you need my help, I recommend that you get the program and starting watching it right away.



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